• Co-nursing conundrum: Are four breasts better than two?

    Angela and Dorea Vierling-Claass

    Angela Vierling-Claassen, left, and her wife Dorea Vierling-Claassen successfully co-nursed their baby son – but they don't think they'd do it again.

    Did you ever wish, during those bleary nighttime feedings, for an extra set of boobs to shoulder the burden? Dorea Vierling-Claassen got that wish, when her wife, Angela Vierling-Claassen, agreed to co-nurse.

    Co-nursing is exactly what it sounds like: two moms breast-feeding their baby, be it biological or adopted. Thanks to the Newman-Golfarb Protocols for Induced Lactation, women who’ve never been pregnant can successfully breast-feed. But are four breasts better than two?

    Not necessarily, said Angela, 40, who lives in Cambridge, Mass., with her wife, her 5-year-old daughter Margaret, and her 2-year-old son, Jacob. Among the benefits: she’s certain it enhanced her bond with Jacob, who she was first to breast-feed.

    “After he was born, Dorea had to go get stitched up, so I was the first person who nursed Jacob,” Angela recalled. “It was really lovely.”

    And, she was able to help with the nighttime nursing, which had been a point of tension with their first child. Angela had carried that baby, and the couple had decided against co-nursing while she was pregnant. Too hard, too many chances for hurt feelings.

    “When you’re a new lesbian mom and you’ve got one of you pregnant and one of you not, you’ve already got enough issues to wrestle with,” said Angela.

    When Dorea, 34, was carrying Jacob, though, she lobbied hard in favor of co-nursing. “I like a challenge, and here was this opportunity unique to our family situation,” she said.

    Save for a few blogs, though, there’s not a lot of resources for women who want to co-nurse. Donna Norris, a registered nurse and lactation consultant in Newton, Mass., has worked with lots of lesbian couples, but has seen only a few that attempt to co-nurse.

    “If (the couple) has looked into it all, they’ll see that it’s really hard to do. To induce lactation, you have to start way before the baby’s born, do medication, hormones and pump,” said Norris, who works at Newton Wesley Hospital.  “In the end you get some milk, but you often don’t get a full milk supply.”

    Angela did all of the above to induce lactation, including lots and lots of pumping. Adopted moms who nurse have the baby at the breast as often as possible, which stimulates milk production.

    “In a two-mom family, we were trying to make sure that we protected my full supply,” said Dorea. “Anytime Angela nursed, I needed to pump. And every time I nursed, she needed to pump.”

    Angela also took birth control pills to simulate pregnancy, and domperidone, a gastrointestinal drug with a side effect of milk secretion. She also took blessed thistle and fenugreek, two herbs known to increase milk supply. “I got tired of taking 25 pills a day,” she said.

    So after six months of co-nursing, Angela hung up her breast pump for good. “It was very successful, and very hard,” she said, adding that she wouldn’t necessarily recommend co-nursing, and definitely not for couples having their first baby: “That would have felt impossible to me.”

    “I’m completely thrilled that we did it, and I felt very good about the way that all three of us navigated it, “ said Angela. “And I was completely thrilled to be done with it.”

    More great stories from TODAY Moms:

    Teen calls cops to report mom having loud sex

    More adoptive moms learn to breast-feed their babies

    Breast milk shortage hits milk banks

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  • How do you celebrate Valentine's Day, after kids?

    How do you celebrate Valentine's Day?

    Tell us: Take our Valentine's Day survey with Parenting.com

    It's one of those questions that often gets a BK-AK answer: Before Kids, and After Kids.

    Before kids, maybe there was a fancy dinner involved, wine, candlelight, roses.... After kids, the definition of "fancy dinner" expands to include anything that doesn't involve microwaving fish sticks. And romantically dimmed lighting may just induce sleep in chronically tired parents.

    Still, some parents spring for a baby-sitter and make a special effort on Feb. 14, because it's important to take those opportunities to connect as a couple, especially after you have kids.

    And while moms may miss out on some of the fancy trappings of the Valentine's Day industry, we get other benefits: Nothing can melt your heart faster than a misspelled, gluey "Be My Valentine" card from your little one.

    Sound off in our survey about your Valentine's celebrations, or lack thereof. And while you're at it, check out Parenting.com's "What is Love?" project. They're asking parents to send in videos of their kids answering the question, "what is love?" for a compilation video. Sounds pretty darn cute. Check it out here, and send your video to askkidswhatislove@gmail.com if you're interested.  

    We asked TODAY Moms readers on our Facebook page how they plan to celebrate this "romantic" holiday.

    Some create their own traditions as a couple:

    Lauren Williams: My husband and I celebrate every year by cooking dinner together and watching zombie movies all night.

    Amy Jo Syfert Schilling: We get each other cards, sometimes, we buy the kids little boxes of chocolates and cards, sometimes I get flowers, sometimes I get chocolates, sometimes I find a cute pair of boxers or something for my husband. It's just a silly holiday.

    Kim Davenport Ross: My husband is on his 3rd deployment. I'm shipping out his valentine's care package this week from the kids and I. Hopefully I'll get to say "Happy Valentine's Day" on Skype while he opens his box in the early afternoon. After that it'll just be another Tuesday.

    Some skip the whole Hallmark holiday thing, or just make it a fun day for the kids:

    Nikki Cousinaw: Valentine's Day = Hallmark Holiday. I don't need a holiday to remind me to love my significant other.

    Christine Anderson Horn: My husband hates Valentine's Day so we ignore it and he just brings home a box of chocolates for the kids.

    And for some, Valentine's Day is extra-special:

    Wendy Coleman Godwin: Valentines Day is even more special for us as our son, Bradley was born on Valentines Day last year. So, we will be celebrating his first birthday :) I couldn't ask for anything better!

    Sara Arevalo-Thompson: Last year we spent it in the hospital due to the birth of our little girl. This year it has definitely become more important and we hope to celebrate with a little bit of alone time.

    What about you? Take our survey and tell us your thoughts!

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  • Home births rise nearly 30 percent

    Jessica Wilcox thinks her in-laws still view her ideas about childbirth as kind of out there, but it’s hard to argue with success: In the last five years or so, Wilcox has given birth to two boys and two girls -- each weighing more than 10 pounds -- at her northern Virginia home. And she hopes to do it again one or two more times.

    Wilcox is part of a small but growing trend. While home births are still rare in the United States, they've posted a surprising climb in recent years, according to a government report out Thursday.

    Courtesy Julia Chemotti

    Jessica Wilcox has given birth to her two sons and two daughters at their northern Virginia home.

    After declining from 1990 to 2004, the percentage of U.S. births that occurred at home jumped 29 percent from 2004 to 2009, when it hit the highest level since researchers began collecting data 20 years earlier.

    Non-Hispanic white women were most likely to give birth at home in 2009, with one in every 90 births, or about 1.1 percent, in that group taking place at home. That represents an increase of 36 percent over 2004.

    Still, Wilcox’s children represent only a tiny minority. In 2009, 29,650 U.S. births, or .72 percent of total births, occurred at home. Compare that to, say, 1940, when 40 percent of births took place at home.  

    Home births today tend to be more common among women 35 and older and among women with several previous children, according to the new report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Health Statistics. They're most common in states with renegade reputations, such as Montana, which had the highest percentage of home births, nearly 2.6 percent, followed by Oregon and Vermont, with nearly 2 percent each.

    “It’s women who are consciously rejecting the system,” says coauthor Eugene Declercq, professor of community health sciences at Boston University.

    Although she's not older, that would describe Wilcox. Now 30, she delivered a baby in a hospital when she was 17 and gave him up for adoption. “It was a great hospital, but it was not a positive birth experience,” Wilcox says.

    She didn’t like getting an epidural or an IV. She didn’t like all the poking and prodding by the nurses. And she didn’t like the fact she never saw the same doctor twice for her prenatal care. “I really wanted that personalized care that a midwife provides,” Wilcox says.

    Her husband, Jeremy, 34, needed some convincing that it was safe to give birth at home, she says. “He was raised the same way I was: You get pregnant, you go to the hospital to have the baby.”

    But now her husband likes to point out that he’s in good company: The son of Super Bowl-bound Tom Brady, New England Patriots’ quarterback, and his wife Gisele Bunchen, was born at home in 2010.

    While the risk of death for a baby in a planned home birth is low, the scientific literature suggests it is two or three times higher than that for a newborn in a planned hospital birth, notes an opinion paper published last year by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists’ Committee on Obstetric Practice.

    Home births actually had a lower risk profile than hospital births in 2009, though, according to Declercq and his coauthors. Hospital births were twice as likely to be low birth weight or preterm babies as home births. And just under 1 percent of home births involved more than one baby, compared with 3.5 percent of hospital births. In addition, women who opt for home births are less likely to be teenagers or unmarried. This all suggests that midwives who attend home births select low-risk women as candidates, the authors write.

    “Home birth isn’t for anybody who walks in the door,” says Marsha Jackson, the certified nurse midwife who attended Wilcox’s first home birth. For example, Jackson says, her practice rarely accepts women who want to have a vaginal birth after a C-section, or VBAC, at home because of their elevated risk of a uterine tear.

    Jackson cofounded BirthCare, a certified nurse midwife practice, back in 1987. Today, Jackson says, the group’s six midwives attend 25 to 30 births a month. About 60 percent are home births, while the rest are in BirthCare’s freestanding birth center in Alexandria, Va.

    “The babies that we caught are now having babies with us,” she says. “That is wonderful. When we opened our practice, we never imagined that.”

    Do you think home births are dangerous? Would you do it? Share with us on Facebook

  • Crib notes: Can most dads handle a few days of solo parenting?

    The best in parenting news and blogs from around the Web.

    For one dad, the thought of being left home alone with his kids for a week instilled pure, unadulterated fear. He worried about everything from what he would feed the kids, since he can only cook four things, and how he would do his daughters' hair. In short, he didn't want his wife to leave town. Not because he didn't want to spend more time with his kids, but because his wife was an "amazing mother," who kept everything running so smoothly. How would he cope without her? While there are those out there who likely have sympathy for his plight (mainly dads, we're guessing), others have called him to task for his fretting about solo parenting. They believe that in this day and age, dads should be able to pull their parenting weight and be every bit as capable of taking care of the kids as a mom. What's it like your household? Is childcare split 50/50 or would your husband also be terrified of flying solo for a couple of days?

    Does your sitter record their shows on your DVR?
    Today's digital age raises a whole new set of etiquette questions. For instance, is it rude for a babysitter to record a show on your DVR? Assume it's a Saturday night and they'll be in your house for a couple of hours after they put the kids to bed. Chances are, they'll watch TV during that time. Does granting them access to the TV also grant them access to your DVR recordings? While one commenter said yes, if they've been told they can watch TV, there should be no problem with them recording their shows, as long as they don't record an entire season of something. However, another commenter disagreed, saying it was rude and an invasion of privacy. If someone records something, they have to look at all of your recorded shows in order to watch it. What if you don't want your sitter to know you've recorded certain shows? She says that people often have personal things stored on electronics and that for someone to tap into a DVR is an invasion of privacy.

    Should "obedient" children be our goal?
    We often equate obedient with well-behaved. And, we equate well-behaved children with good parenting. But, should we really be applauding parents whose children are simply compliant and obedient? Some say that while we appreciate children who do what they're told without question, that's not such a good trait when it comes to adults. Adults who do that are called pushovers and doormats. If we train our children to blindly do what they're told, are we just setting them up for problems later in life? Are those compliant, obedient kids more likely to cave to peer pressure? Some even say that the kids who push boundaries are the kids who are most secure in their attachment with their parents, that those kids feel safe questioning things and making their voice heard. Should we be less concerned with obedience or is that just an excuse for bad behavior?

    Pregnant lady porn
    Let's face it, our fantasies change a bit when we become moms. We go from dreaming of a man who will wine and dine us, talking late into the night, to praying for a man that will just let us dream all night, as we blissfully wink away eight-plus hours of sleep. Got you excited, didn't we? Eight hours of sleep, all at once... But, what about the pregnant gals? What do they fantasize about? The ever-hilarious Pregnant Chicken had some great suggestions for "Porn for Pregnant Ladies." From images of Ryan Gosling declaring, "I didn't think it was possible, but you're even more beautiful when you compare car seat safety features," to a shirtless Mark Wahlberg saying "Hell yeah, let's cut the tags off the baby clothes and sort them into stages tonight," the post is guaranteed to give you a good laugh. What would your pregnant lady porn consist of?

    DWB: Driving while birthing.
    Many pregnant women fear giving birth on the side of the road. However, one fast-pushing mama gave birth while on the road, as her husband continued to drive (and film). While we're impressed by dad's ability to be a labor coach, chauffeur and videographer all at the same time, we're blown away by how this gal handled the situation. While riding shotgun, this mom calmly reached down, caught her baby girl and unwrapped the umbilical cord from the baby's neck. Then, she nonchalantly put her little girl to her chest, grabbed her cell phone and shared their big news.

    Dana Macario is a TODAY Moms contributor and Seattle mom to two sleep-depriving toddlers. She is currently developing an alarm clock that will start an IV coffee drip 10 minutes prior to wake-up time. Once properly caffeinated, she also blogs at www.18years2life.com.

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  • Cringe and cover! Moms share 'caught in the act' stories

    Our story about the teen girl who called the cops on her mom for having loud sex stirred up some passion among TODAY Moms readers.

    Readers were split on whether the teen overreacted (she wanted police to take her to a local shelter; in the end she stayed at home), but a good many could relate to the cringe-worthy predicament. More than 30,000 people voted in our poll asking whether their kids have ever walked in on them during sex: 45 percent said yes.

    Regardless of how you voted, most agreed on one fact: getting busted by the kids while getting busy in the sack is downright EMBARRASSING.

    We asked our Facebook readers to share their best/worst “caught in the act” anecdotes, and tell us how they dealt with the aftermath.

    Live Poll

    When you're caught in the act by your kids, how do you respond:

    View Results
    • 174454
      Deny: "Nothing to see here! Go back to bed/go watch SpongeBob!"
      49%
    • 174455
      Lie: "We were doing very special wrestling that's only for Mommies and Daddies."
      24%
    • 174456
      Confess: "Yep, we're totally doing it. Deal!"
      28%

    VoteTotal Votes: 138

    Some parents simply let their kids come to their own conclusions.

    Kristen Ferguson Tellier writes:

    My 10-yr-old heard the headboard hit the wall and she asked us the next day if we were doing construction in our room last night? LOL!

    Tara Kennedy-Kline adds:

    I was leaving on a business trip recently and my husband and I had just finished our "goodbyes." Still in the afterglow, my 7-year-old jumps up from beside the bed and yells "BOO...hahhahahahhahaha! You guys were kissin'!" Yeah...we were kissin'...

    Marissa Casper says she and her husband were advised pre-marriage to invest in a lock or move the dresser over to the door.

    Our kids are still in their cribs so all we get is "mommy!?!?? (Yelling) Are you o.k.?" 

    Ann Marie Mason Morrison says:

    We tried to time it one Sat morning before they were up. At breakfast, the 6-yr-old yells "I saw Daddy's hairy butt!" My son says "Why were you doing that to Mommy?" We were sooo busted!

    Other parents get creative with their explanations.

    Jacqueline Simkaitis says her oldest child couldn’t sleep one night and walked into mom and dad’s bedroom. The next day he asked: Why was daddy laying on mommy?

    Says Simkaitis:

    We just looked at each other in horror!! And said Mommy was really cold – lol -- he was 4 at the time. We bought a lock and it has not happened again.

    Jill Suddendorff writes:

    In the middle of all the action we heard a tiny voice from our 4-year-old son saying "Whatcha doin'?" I was too freaked out to answer but my quick-thinking husband blurted out "We're just wrestling, now go back to bed." Crisis averted???? Not so much. His response: "Wrestling?? I wanna wrestle!!!" -- and he proceeded to jump on top of us. Oh yeah, that's how that fiasco went down. Thank GOD we were covered up!

    Many readers believe responding with honesty is the best policy.

    Rebekah Nares Johnsonn writes:

    With a 20-, 19- and a 15-yr-old... yeah it has happened. Now the running joke in the house when my husband and I may share a playful kiss or two, maybe even three..."get a room you two" :) Our kids understand this is a normal and healthy part of marriage. Of course, they may not always enjoy our displays of affection, but at least they know we love each other.

    And sometimes mortifying moments can lead to a larger revelation. LaVon Shearer Ihrig says the embarrassment factor of her kids walking in on her and her husband -- twice -- nearly ruined their sex life for a while. She got so self-conscious about making noise that it actually put a strain on her marriage. Something had to give. She writes:

    I finally had to get to the place where I realized that SEX is a healthy part to our relationship and NOTHING I should be embarrassed about. Now, this does not mean that my husband and I are making the house our sexual romping grounds, but I did make a decision that I was no longer going to wait until my kids are out of the house before I finally get to enjoy sex with the man that I have committed my life to.

    So LaVon had a frank talk with her teenage daughter. Awkward? You bet. But worth it, she says:

    In a nutshell I told my daughter, "Sex is natural and important in our marriage. I am sorry you sometimes can hear us, the bed squeaks, or that it may make you uncomfortable, but we will not apologize for the fact that your parents love each other. We will do what we can... but sometimes you may hear us. Turn on your radio, leave your room, plug in your earphones, whatever, but I can not and WILL NOT end my sexual relationship just because you may hear us on occasion."

    That's a different kind of "sex talk" -- and a bold move by LaVon! She says it paid off, which is why she wanted to share her story with other moms:

    The romance has come back in my marraige and the guilt and embarrassment that plagued me has decreased quite a bit. Anyways, long story, but worth sharing just in case there is another woman out there who is "suffering" through the same thing. Life is too short to wait until your children are out of the house to finally enjoy sex with your husband!!!!!

    Amen, sister. Thanks for sharing your story. Maybe you'll inspire more moms to get busy with their husbands?

    More TODAY Moms stories:  
    Are tattoos a parenting 'do' or 'don't'?
    Have you lied to your kids today?
    What's your deepest, darkest Mom confession?

    

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  • 7 tricks to help stressed moms chill out

    Stressed? You're not alone. Apparently 70 percent of U.S. moms say mothering is “incredibly stressful.” And 96 percent also feel that we are far more stressed than our own mothers were.

    So what’s triggering Mommy Angst, circa 2012? (How much time do you have?) It's everything from financial insecurities, a more intensive parenting style and  higher expectations for our kids’ success to a lack of support, time famine, relationship demands, and concern that the world is more perilous for kid raising.

    But more significant than the cause is the way unchecked stress can hurt our health and our family’s well-being. Chronically stressed moms  tend to be more insensitive to kids. Studies also show that a parent’s ability to manage stress is a strong predictor of the quality of her relationship with her children and how happy her children are.

    Quick mom stress tests
    How do you know if your stress is harming your kids? Here are two quick tests to find out. (Be honest!)

    The home climate test: Is your home a place where you and your kids can de-stress? Are there laughs and time to enjoy each other’s company in a relaxed mode?

    Live Poll

    How stressed are you?

    View Results
    • 174451
      Pretty mellow: I roll with the punches.
      5%
    • 174452
      Medium-stressed: I have my freak-out moments sometimes.
      73%
    • 174453
      OMG SO STRESSED I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M EVEN TAKING TIME TO VOTE IN THIS POLL!
      22%

    VoteTotal Votes: 378

    The mother memory test: If you asked your kids to describe you, would they say you are usually calm, take time to listen and are enjoyable to be around? Or running around, tense and stressed out?

    If your home climate is on-edge and your kids would describe you as usually “tense, wiped-out and irritable,” it’s time to get your stress in check.  Here are seven mom de-stressors you can do right now. Find just one strategy that fits your needs.

    The best news is that you can try these tricks with your kids, which means everyone benefits by learning to manage stress. 

    1. Learn your stress signs
    Learning to identify how you react to stress will help you curb your overload mode. Common stress signs include: Rising blood pressure or spiked heart rate (which can make you feel a little dizzy). Speaking louder or yelling. Irritability, more impatient or experiencing lapses in judgment. Imagine how those behaviors affect your kids! Tune in to your body until you identify your warning signs.

    2. Take a break
    You may not be able to avoid all the stress, but you can get away for just a few minutes to feel less overwhelmed. Giving yourself permission to take a brief “stress break” is often enough to decompress or just give a new perspective. This can include:

    Taking a Mommy time out: Put up a "do not disturb" sign on your bedroom door. Listen to relaxing music or plant a picture in your mind of a soothing place. Take five minutes to decompress.

    Give permission to “take ten”: Let everyone in your family know it’s OK to walk away until they can get back in control. Some families create a family signal such as using an umpire “Time Out” hand gesture that means that the person needs to decompress.

    3. Create solutions for your “hot” times
    Stress mounts for moms at predictable times, such as in the morning when everyone is dashing to get out the door or at that dinner time witching hour. Identify when you are most  irritable, and find a simple way to curb the friction during that “hot” time. For instance: If mornings are stressful because your kid can’t decide (or find) what to wear: lay clothes out the night before. If your car pool is frantic because you can’t find your keys, make an extra set.

    4. Learn deep breathing or meditation
    Deep abdominal breathing, meditation, and prayer are proven to help moderate stress and help the body relax. Best yet, you can also teach the tension-relieving strategies to your kids! How to start:

    Use slow, deep breaths. Inhale slowly to a count of five, pause for two counts, and then slowly breathe out the same way, again counting to five. Repeating the sequence creates maximum relaxation. (Using bubble blowers or pinwheels helps younger kids learn to take slow deep breaths to blow “meanies” away.)

    Try elevator breathing. Close your eyes, slowly breathe out three times, then imagine you’re in an elevator on the top of a very tall building. Press the button for the first floor and watch the buttons for each level slowly light up as the elevator goes down. As the elevator descends, your stress fades away.

    5. Exercise together
    The research is growing that exercise keeps stress at bay whether it’s walking, bike riding, swimming, playing basketball or something else. The trick is finding the type you enjoy. Best yet, find a strategy to do with your kids so everyone benefits.

    Just walk: Walk alone, with your kids or find one other mom to join for a short walk each day.

    Ride off the tension: There is nothing like riding bikes with your kids.

    Dance stress away: A ten-minute spontaneous dance session with your kids is a great tension reliever whether the music is a nursery rhyme or Coldplay.

    6. Take time to laugh
    The American Psychological Association reports that stressed people often hold a lot of stress in their faces. Laughs, smiles and giggles can help relieve some of that tension. So when is the last time you belted out a good, long belly laugh with your kids? Find ways to bring a little more fun into your life to curb stress and create fun family memories.

    Be spontaneous: Celebrate the dog’s birthday by baking him a cake. Eat dinner in reverse. Tape a dollar bill to the garbage can (and don't say anything about it) to see who will take out the trash. Just have fun!

    7. Find a support group
    The truth is we devote so much time to our families, we forget to take time for our social needs, whether it's our significant other or our girlfriends. Relationships help reduce our stress and restore balance.

    Find a Mommy coach: Don’t stress alone about your kids. Share your concerns with another mom and vow you’ll be one another's cheerleader. Talking about your stress with someone who cares can reduce anxieties. Or join a social network with a mom chat room. (Ed.'s note: And don't forget about the TODAY Moms Facebook page!

    Schedule date nights: The date doesn’t have to cost anything -- a walk, going to the park, watching a rented movie, or sitting in the car in your driveway with wine and cheese. It’s just time alone with your significant other.

    There’s a reason flight attendants remind us to put on our oxygen masks first, then on the kids. We can’t take care of our families unless we take time for ourselves, and Moms are notorious at putting ourselves on the backburner. Take time for yourself. Make sure to check your stress. After all, a happy, less-stressed mom makes happier, less-stressed kids. Always has. Always will.

    What are your secrets for de-stressing?

    Dr. Michele Borba is a TODAY contributor and author of "The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries." Follow her on twitter @micheleborba.

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  • Dad's view: Jay-Z missed his chance to Dad-up

    I recently wrote that I like the name Blue Ivy, given to the new daughter Beyoncé and Jay-Z welcomed to the world on Jan. 7, but I was so focused on baby names that larger issues were ignored. And since I am taking the reins as this blog’s Jay-Z beat reporter, let me add that the unique moniker is about the only thing I like about the entire episode.

    Live Poll

    Should Jay-Z (and other dads) ditch the word bitch?

    View Results
    • 174375
      Yes
      85%
    • 174376
      No
      15%

    VoteTotal Votes: 549

    I first was turned off by reports that the power duo spent $1.3 million to rent a luxury suite at the Lenox Hill Hospital for the birth, allegedly inconveniencing other families giving birth at the same time. Eventually I made an executive decision to stop thinking about this because it was just celebrity gossip and I have more important things to worry about. (NFL playoffs, the Superbowl, etc.)

    Then, a juicier nugget cropped up that fascinated me – Jay-Z allegedly wrote a poem to his daughter and vowed to stop using the word “bitch.”  In particular, the poem said:

    "Before I got in the game, made a change, and got rich

    I didn’t think hard about using the word bitch

    I rapped, I flipped it, I sold it, I lived it

    Now with my daughter in this world I curse those that give it."

    Bob Trott

    Bob Trott and daughter NJ

    Nice, right? This, I thought, is a positive step, Jay-Z. Nice going, man! My perspective changed when I had a daughter, too – everything seems more … what? Precious? Vital? Serious? Real? All of the above. It’s a cliché to say that having a child makes you see the world differently, but hey – it’s a cliché for a reason.

    My next thought was: Really, Jay-Z? You’re 42 years old, been around women all your life, have a mother and a wife and have known and worked with countless women, and only now, with a daughter in your arms, do you decide it’s time to start respecting them? Still: Better late than never.

    Except that it is, apparently, never after all – the poem was written by blogger Renee Gardner and was attributed to the rapper. Jay-Z does not, in fact, have plans to de-bitchify his vocabulary and song lyrics. The “bitch” epiphany didn’t happen.

    Which is too bad. It would have been a nice new-dad gesture.

    But how could he, really? He’d have to rewrite almost half his tracks. New York magazine ran the numbers,  and it turns out he’s said “bitch” an average of 1.2 times per song. That’s amazing!

    Now, I’m not against bad language per se – just ask my mother, who still cringes whenever I say “butt” or “crap” – although of course I do what I can to keep them from my 2-year-old’s ears. And popular music has had more than its share of raunch and sex ever since Elvis Presley first figured out that he could move a little bit while he sang instead of standing still. For crying out loud, my favorite band is the Rolling Stones, and Mick and Keith have had plenty of off-color things to say about women over the years. But not 1.2 times per song.

    It’s certainly not Jay-Z’s fault that this poem hit the Web and was attributed to him, and obviously he can say whatever he wants in whatever language he wants. I just hope that at some point, he tells Blue Ivy that “bitch” isn’t just another word for “woman.” Sure, Beyoncé could tell her that, but it really should come from him.

    More TODAY Moms stories (about Dads):

     Delivery room rap: New dad freestyles to the fetal monitor
    Why I've got a celeb dad crush on Louis C.K.
    Getting baby to kick the bottle takes fairy magic

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  • Homeless dad's message of hope: 'Never give up'

    How do you encourage your children to follow their dreams, even when you've fallen on hard times as a parent? Leo Garvey knows a lot about that. His daughter, Samantha, was named a semi-finalist in the prestigious Intel Science Talent Search for her marine biology research, even as their family was being forced into homelessness.

    TODAY

    The Garvey family motto: Stick together. From left: 13-year-old Kenny, dad Leo, 13-year-old Erika (Kenny's twin), 18-year-old Samantha, and mom Olga.

    Samantha's story has propelled her into the national spotlight. On Tuesday, she attended the State of the Union speech, and on Wednesday she appeared on TODAY, with her proud papa watching from the wings.

    "Sometimes it brings tears to my eyes to see her," Leo Garvey told TODAY Moms in a green-room interview. "I'm just so happy they are reaching their goals."

    He and his family were evicted from their Long Island, NY home on New Year's Eve after falling behind on rent. They had to leave most of their possessions, and give up their dog to the pound. Samantha's mother, a nurse's assistant, was out of work for eight months after being injured in a car accident in February, and Leo couldn't make ends meet despite working 100-hour weeks as a cab driver. The family is now living in a homeless shelter as they wait for rent-subsidized county housing to become available. (A kind stranger stepped forward to take care of their dog until they can be reunited.)

    Even as their finances got desperate, Leo says he and his wife always encouraged their children to study hard and pursue their goals.

    "I was a high-school dropout, and I tell them, 'You don't want to end up like me, with a nowhere job,'" Leo said gruffly. "I like to see them do better, have better."

    More inspiring stories from TODAY Moms:
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    Samantha told TODAY that her scientific research helped get her through the hard times; and she remembered her parents' message to her. "My parents, they always said, "Keep your head up. If you look down and you just mope, nothing's gonna come out of it.' And I always took that to heart. And I just kept a positive mentality."

    Samantha has learned that she's not actually a finalist for the Intel competition, but just being a semi-finalist has expanded her horizons. She appeared on the "Ellen" show, where she received a $50,000 college scholarship from host Ellen Degeneres. On Wednesday's TODAY show, she proudly held on to her State of the Union speech copy autographed by President Obama.

    But no one could be prouder than her dad, who says anyone who's ridden in his cab in the past 18 years has heard all about Samantha and his two other children, 13-year-old twins. Many more offers of financial help have come forward, but Leo says he has turned them down, saying all his family really needs is a house: "A lot of other people out there have it a lot harder. At least we're both still working. And we have each other, as a family."

    After watching his daughter win national acclaim for her smarts and persistence, Leo is now looking forward to seeing her off to college -- well, maybe with some mixed feelings. To him, she'll always be his miracle baby: She was a 2-pound, 14-ounce preemie at birth.

    "I remember the first day she got on the school bus to go to school," he said. "I started to tear up, and she turned around and said, 'Don't cry, daddy, I know karate.'"

    For all the parents out there who are struggling to keep their heads above water and stay positive for their children, Leo has a message: "Never give up. Stay together as a family. It's tough sometimes, you're at each other because of all the financial stress, but stick together and keep encouraging your children. It does get better. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it will, but it does." 

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  • Olympics' baby-seat policy prompts wails of protest

    Your flights are booked, itinerary organized, and every few weeks you sneak a peek at those nearly impossible-to-get tickets to the  Olympics. Then you realize that your new baby, who wasn’t even conceived when you made your plans, needs its own ticket – a ticket that could be just as difficult to get as yours was, and that could cost another small fortune. Some parents were gobsmacked this week to learn that babes-in-arms would be required to have their own tickets for Olympic events.

    After a public outcry from moms, dads and parents-to-be, Games organizers said in a statement on Tuesday that they may change their policy, and “will look at what we can do [for parents in this situation] when the remaining tickets go on sale in April.”

    Live Poll

    Would you take your baby to a major sporting event?

    View Results
    • 174314
      Yes. Go team!
      11%
    • 174315
      No. That's what big-screen TVs are for.
      89%

    VoteTotal Votes: 2908

     

    It was welcome news to many moms who say that they need to bring their babies to breast-feed, or because they have no other childcare options. Babies in a front-carrier or sling don't exactly take up more room or require their own seat (they can barely hold their heads up, let alone sit down,) although organizers have said the extra ticket is to ensure that Olympic venues don't exceed capacity.

    Related stories:
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    Kid-free flights and restaurants: Where do we sign up?

    The Equality and Human rights Commission even told one complainant that she may have a case for “indirect sex discrimination,” the Guardian reported.

    But should parents really be bringing a baby to the Olympics in the first place? Long security lines, crowded stadiums and the need to take public transport to many Olympic events are just some of the obstacles -- and germ fests -- that parents and their babies will face this summer.

    Plus, London in July and August isn’t exactly like Beijing and Athens, homes of the last two Olympics. Summer in England can be downright chilly, never mind the rain. It's enough to persuade any parent to find a reliable sitter.

    Would you take your baby to the Olympics? Tell us in the comments section below.

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  • Crib notes: Nine-year-old girl escapes kidnapper

    The best in parenting news and blogs from around the Web.

    Nine-year-old girl kidnapped on her way home from school. Those are words that make every mother sick to her stomach. Luckily, in the case of Calysta Cordova, everything ended well. The girl's father knew something was wrong when she was a mere nine minutes late and an Amber Alert was immediately issued. Not only is her father observant and appropriately cautious, but it seems he also taught his daughter to be a survivor. Calysta's kidnapper was taking her in his truck, when he got a flat tire. The two then hitchhiked to a Circle K store. It was there, that this smart and resourceful girl took action. She asked to use the phone and immediately called 911. When her captor tried to coax her out of the store, she reportedly said, "No. I ain’t going nowhere. I’m waiting right here for my momma." Her kidnapper fled but was caught shortly afterwards. This spunky girl credits her dad for her skills, saying that he taught her to stand up for herself. Clearly, she'd received some good coaching, which helped her in her time of need. How do you teach your kids to stick up for themselves and protect themselves without terrifying them?

    Welcome Dragon babies
    Obstetricians in Asia are preparing themselves for a very busy year. This week, we usher in the Chinese Lunar New Year, and all signs are pointing to the Year of the Dragonbeing the year of the dragon baby boom. Chinese believe that babies born in the Year of the Dragon are gifted with good luck and strength, and this go-round, everyone's wanting their offspring to get in on some of that good fortune. While many Asian countries typically have low birth rates, right now everyone seems to be caught up in dragon-baby fever. According to polls, up to 70 percent of couples in many Asian countries say they want a baby born under the dragon sign. In related news, we suspect that condom manufacturers in the region are bracing for a dismal sales year.

    Please, don't breastfeed while driving
    Okay moms, we know you're the masters of multi-tasking. But, there are times when even the most nimble of juggling moms really needs to pare it down a bit. For instance, when you're driving -- that's not a good time to take on other tasks like texting or... breastfeeding. A mom in Sweden is under investigation after she got into a car crash because she was driving while nursing. Luckily, no one was seriously injured (she's also lucky that her baby hadn't started teething yet -- ouch!). Also ladies, while we're at it -- don't pump while driving either. We've seen it and it looked dangerous.

    Teaching sportsmanship
    Kids' sports today get competitive at an early age. Kids are vying for spots on elite leagues while still in elementary school. With all of that competition, it's unsurprising that we witness some unsportsmanlike behavior. However, there are a number of ways that parents can encourage kids to be good sports and not sore losers. Some say that by adding cooperative games into the mix can help. Parents can also create rituals, like high-fives after every game, regardless of the outcome. And remember, they're always watching you, so you have to set a good example, even when you're watching your favorite team. If your goal is simply for your child to have fun and learn new skills, make sure you seek out leagues and coaches who are also on the same playing field as you, so to speak.

    Rock-climbing while pregnant?
    Recently, pregnant Victoria's Secret model, Alessandra Ambrosio, raised some eyebrows when she rocked the catwalk in some serious stilettos. For those who thought she was taking a risk by walking in sky-high shoes, we bring you an expectant mom who may not be rocking stilettos, but is actually going sky-high by rock climbing. At 34 weeks into her pregnancy, she says she has no immediate plans to stay closer to the ground. An active climber for 14 years, she says it gives her a chance to forget how big and uncomfortable she is and credits her pregnancy hormones for giving her extra flexibility. While this gal's not the only woman climbing for two, many doubt it's a safe activity for expectant moms. What do you think -- are extreme sports for pregnant women inspiring or irresponsible?

    Dana Macario is a TODAY Moms contributor and Seattle mom to two sleep-depriving toddlers. She is currently developing an alarm clock that will start an IV coffee drip 10 minutes prior to wake-up time. Once properly caffeinated, she also blogs at www.18years2life.com.

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  • Teenage girl calls cops to report mom having loud sex

    What's your most embarrassing "caught in the act" story? Whatever it is, one Florida mom can probably top it.

    Live Poll

    Fess up. Have your kids ever walked in on you having sex?

    View Results
    • 174164
      Yes.
      45%
    • 174165
      No.
      55%

    VoteTotal Votes: 30472

    A 15-year-old girl called 911 to report she could hear her mom having sex, according to a police report obtained by The Smoking Gun. The website reports:

    The girl, 15, told an officer that she wanted to go to a local shelter “because she heard her mother having sex” and “felt disrespected” by her 35-year-old parent’s actions. The teen acknowledged that “there was no form of abuse or neglect in the house.”

    The mother explained to police that she had invited her boyfriend over and “sometime during the visit, her daughter heard them having sex and became upset.” The woman added that “their bedrooms are next to each other and she didn’t intend to wake her daughter up.”

    Though it may have been a crime of passion, no one was arrested. The daughter eventually decided that she'd rather live at home, despite the cringe-worthy noise, than go to a local teen shelter. One can only imagine the awkward silence around the breakfast table the next morning. 

    Parents, have your kids ever walked in on you having sex, or overheard? How did you deal with it?

    Oh yes, we went there. More from TODAY Moms:
    Should you tattle on a bad babysitter?
    Pop rap: New dad freestyles to delivery-room monitor
    Star baby: Red-carpet tot cozies up with celebs

    "Like" TODAY Moms on Facebook, and follow us @TodayMoms

  • Top 10 states to raise your child

    Sure, New Jersey has lately had its share of headache-inducing cultural ambassadors, from Snooki to the Situation.

    But it turns out that if you want a great place to raise kids, the Garden State ranks tops.

    So says the Foundation for Child Development, which put out its annual Child Well Being Index (CWI), a state-by-state comparison of quality of life for kids.

    The index uses 28 indicators across seven categories -- family economic well-being, health, safe/risky behavior, education attainment, community engagement, social relationships and emotional/spiritual well-being -- to calculate overall child well-being.

    Ranking No. 1 over all, New Jersey was in the top 10 in five categories and was No. 1  for social relationships. (Insert Real Housewives joke here.)

    Massachusetts came in second place overall, and was in the top 10 in five categories, and first for both education attainment and community engagement.

    New Hampshire, Utah, and Connecticut rounded out the top five. New Hampshire was in the top 10 in six domains, yet it ranked 45th in the emotional/spiritual well-being category. Utah was No. 1 for safe/risky behavior, while Connecticut was No. 2 in the family economic well-being domain.

    The rest of the top 10: Minnesota, Iowa, North Dakota, Maryland and New York.

    For the most part, the report shows that states in the Northeast and upper Midwest perform well in most categories, while states in the South and the Southwest generally do poorer.

    Getting the dubious honor of being in the bottom 10: Tennessee, Kentucky, Alaska, Oklahoma, Alabama, Arizon, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi. And New Mexico ranked the absolute lowest.

    And what about the west coast? Washington ranked 22nd while California and Oregon came in at 30 and 31, respectively.

    Researchers found a link between high tax rates and public investments in kids (like education and Medicaid) and higher child well-being scores.

    Find the full report here.

    Class it up with more TODAY Moms posts:
    Please and thank you are NOT optional
    Give up and give in to the mommy guilt already
    Teen daughter ready to date? Let her watch this movie first

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