I love this article! Thank you I needed this & yes we do need a time out. I agree with the fact that it is a cruel world. I want my daughter to know that when the world gets tough because it will there is always security at home & with family but even at home the world doesn't revolve around her.

Thank you for this article. I almost have it figured out for myself! After the birth of my second child, I was a wreck. Finally after months of being exhausted and irritable and just a plain pill, I took some time to myself. I read a book that I had been wanting to read. I took a nap if I felt tired. It was very liberating to just step back and do something completly selfish! Now I finally understand why women lock themselves in the bathroom- peace and quiet!!

This article is so true! It describes exactly how I feel at times!

I totally agree and this weekend I did just that. I went to New york City by myself for the weekend. I stayed with friends but also did my own thing. Today I am going home and I must say i miss them so much. But I had such a great time in the city and I totally needed that. So thatnk you for this story becasue I feel especially other mother who think I am selfish that I do things I want to do. Like go out with my single friends on a Friday night( hello Ia m a single mother and alot ogf them arent) I am involved with different charities and projects. I always say Just because I have kids does not mean that I am dead. I want my kids to see me happy and that means still being me. So thank you!!!

I'm a 42 y.o. married stay at home mom of two boys age 10 and 13 and live the good life!!!. At 40 I realized the importance of being selfish with my time and couldn't be more happy!!!!! I have no guilt!!!! It's incredibly healthy to have alone time sometime during the day. I love to curl up and nap during the day when I'm feeling tired. That way I feel rested and energized for my boys and husband when they return home from school and work. I discovered the art of saying "no" or "we'll see" to future invites and commitments. That way my days are completely mine and open to taking advantage of opportunities that often come my way during the daytime. I'm often asked, what's my secret to happiness. I always reply........taking time out for myself during the day. I find it bizarre and sad that an overwhelming number of women I have spoken to regarding this matter say that they feel a great sense of guilt by taking time out for themselves. So they don't do it often. I think you need to focus on the "guilt" factor as a reason why woman are not more selfish with taking time out for themselves.

Happy Columbus Day!!!!

Tracy M.

While I myself find it difficult to be "selfish" and I find myself carrying a good bit of unnecessary guilt when taking "me" time, I also feel that many kids today are over-coddled and spoiled because we mothers are convinced we still have to butter bread for our child who is 8 years old and could easily do it himself... if he were only shown how and we quit doing it for him. Same goes for lazy teenagers who refuse to help with household chores and think their social life takes precedence over basic responsibilities and obligations to family. Our generation has really produced a great deal of self-centered, lazy, and obnoxious children, because we have forgotten the hard-line approach our mothers and grandmothers had with us... we are convinced our kids will hate us or that we are terrible mothers. What our generation has failed to comprehend is that teaching our children responsibility and accountability from an early age, rather than tending to their every wimper, is only going to give us Mothers more time for ourselves, and more respect from our children.

I have 3 boys (8, 9 & 16) in football and my husband coaches the flag team. I see 9 year-old boys that scream at coaches for making them work hard in practice. My 9 yr old's in his first year of tackle football and has come home twice this season wanting to quit, crying and throwing fits like a 2 year old. His reason? "They work us too hard." Although it's very hard to see your child genuinely cry because he is exhausted and frustrated, I refuse to allow him to quit. I struggled terribly to put the "awwww, poor baby" feeling away, and explain to him why football is good for him. I also demanded that if he really wanted to quit, he get his gear on, go to practice, and tell his coaches himself that he's quitting. Well guess what? BOTH times this occurred, he went to practice, made it through and was glad he didn't quit afterwards.

I can't profess that I alway stick to my guns this way, but if we moms continue to NOT be selfish sometimes and don't start to demand hard work, self-sufficiency, and RESPECT from our children, they really aren't going to make it in today's world full of harsh critics. Taking Mom time and demanding that our children learn how to fend for themselves when it is NOT necessary for us to do so is essential to their successful futures AND our own sanity!

I wish it was that easy for me!! I just turned 40 this year and now I'm raising my grandson! I hoped that I would of been done raising my kids by now but now I'm raising my 2nd generation just like so many other Grandparents these days!

Would LOVE to have more ME time and do everything I want to do for a change rather than what everyone else wants or needs me too!

Love the article though! Gives me something to really dig deep and think about! Thank you!

MM

for my ME time, i forget to make that quick stop after work for milk/ bread/ whatever. I get the kids to bed and then make a production of "do you need anything at the store" and take off to the grocery store for the next morning's needs. Often i end up driving around our small town listening to the radio for a while in addition to my quick grocery stop.

Yes you are selfish and way off base. You only get a short amount of time with your kids and you can find joy in being their mom. It is all about attitude. God blessed you with children, it is our responsibilty to put our selfish wants aside to be there for them. In body, thought and spirit. Yes, my kids do walk home from the bus by themselves but when I can I am there. Too me it is more than just a simple act of setting aside my own cares and showing my kids, telling them with actions that I missed them so much, love them so much I had to meet them at the bus just to see them that much sooner. Of course I'd love to sit down and read a book or magazine, watch what ever I want on TV or just go goof off but these are my kids. Precious gifts from God that 95% of the time need me to show my interest in their lives. I steal my moments when they are immensed in their own task or at school but when I am with them, I want them to know I am listening care about what we are doing together and enjoy my time with them. I also am a daycare provider and I think that our world is full of truly selfish parents. Taking a break from reality to enjoy a cup of coffee it not really what has caused our children so much turmoil in this life.

I'm a new mom with a 4 m.o. boy. My husband is a full-time student in a very demanding program. Our families don't live nearby and I'm constantly struggling to find a way to have some time for just me... I'm no good at it. I know I need me time, but it's not so easy to come by.

It's soooo hard for new moms!

The problem is that once the kids start growing up, we as moms have become so accustomed to sacrificing for their sakes, that it's hard to get back to ourselves. But it couldn't be more important! We interviewed more than 500 moms for our book and over 90% said they rarely or never take time for themselves. In the next breath, the majority told us that they were freuquently stressed, angry, bored and felt invisible. It really doesn't have to be that way!

Start by taking small steps, every day. It will work!

Katrin

Katrin Schumann, Author Mothers Need Time Outs, Too

Do not you think that it is not about having children and being busy in taking care of them? It is understandable that you are human beings and you have desires and feelings too. Rather you have too much of it and you are nothing but slave of those things. I feel that it is your nature to find something wrong in every situation and demands of the situation and tendency in those situations to find comfort and personal satisfaction. You have to ask yourself this question that do I do this in every situation and only solution I find is to go out and have fun for myself? I do not think it is too much work that makes you have fun. But, It is the desire to have fun in first place, which makes you think you are supressed and victimized. Many of the women wrote here that they do not want their kids to feel " I am so victim". But, do not you think that is what you are thinking here about yourself? Who are you kidding? The answer is yourself. FOr gods sakes, accept the reality and adjust your life accodingly once for all. Let me say it one more time, adjusting does not mean just having fun. There is more to it.

I enjoyed reading the above article and comments as well. I am a young SAHM, in my late 20s and my daughter is almost 15 months old. My husband wants more kids, but I am not sure I do for the fear of many things, one of them being, being completely taken over with "wants" and "needs" of everyone else but me. It's very hard to keep a healthy balance of everything, but I think I'm doing an ok job. I even started a Mommy's Morning Out program at my church (for myself) and others like me who have no family members in town to take the baby so I can have "me" time. Twice a month, for two hours, we can drop the kids off at church nursery to be watched while we can do our own thing. Stuff like this is a life saver for sure! But reading about the struggles some of the more seasoned moms with 16 year olds makes me shudder with what's to come. It's tricky, isn't it, trying to maintain a balance with everything you have on your plate! Thanks for this info!

I love this article!  It's not just about taking the time a woman needs for herself, but about telling your kids the truth they need to know.  The world doesn't revolve around your child, sometimes you have to be patient, and alot of times you dont' get what you want when you want it.  Kids that are taught these valuable truths seem to live happier, more successful lives.  Just knowing that you might have to work or wait to get what you want sometimes is half the struggle.  Good mom's teach this to their children.  I mean think about the kids who's mom's do EVERYTHING for their kids at the exact moment the kids demand it, not the most enjoyable children in my experience. Life is give an take, the sooner you understand that the better.

Although I agree with much of what this article says, I have to say that when the world doesn't care about my baby, doesn't give her it's undivided attention, tells her her ideas are bad and lets her stumble when she falls, as the article put it, she will know where to turn. She will know that she has a mother whose world does revolve around her, who will hold her and kiss the owies no matter how big she gets.

The world is a tough place and she will quickly learn that without my help. I don't want to give her tough love at home. I want to be the soft place for her to fall.

How can one possibly aggrandize child neglect?

Yes yes yes!!! I couldn't agree more! I took me a long time to get to this point, but I'm a better mom and happier person for it. Here's my strategy: My daily, 5-minute goals (practicing piano, studying a forgiegn language and meditating) are accomplished BEFORE doing the dishes, the laundry, cleaning the house, etc. The dishes eventually get done! You are fighting a loosing battle if you wait until "everything else" is done before you take care of yourself.

What a great and true article! I realized some years ago that I had lost sight of me...I was K and E's mama, someone's wife, a daughter, a sister, an employee, a boss, the list goes on and on. That's an easy trap to fall in to. After a divorce and a later job change, I realized that I had spent so much time being everything to everyone that I was no longer my own person and needed to find out where that girl/woman went and who she was. Best thing for me and my children that I could've ever done.

I personally believe that good parenting is turning out children that become good, moral, independent adults. I prefer to lead by example and have a life that doesn't always include them. I love my children dearly, am nearly always available to them in person or by phone as needed, but they haven't been the center of my universe 24/7. Now at age 16 and 21, they are certainly not perfect, but have the tools to make decisions about right and wrong, understand the consequences of a bad decision or failure and function more or less as adults. They can cook, clean, handle money, know first aid, have a good work ethic, sign up for their own classes and I'm comfortable with the knowledge that I'm sending them off into the world with the ability to make decisions on their own.

I agree with Laura...I see too many people that do absolutely everything for their kids and then wonder why, as the kids get older, that they can't make decisions on their own and often fail to launch. We all know people that have grown children living at home, or unable to keep a job or need money every month to "make end meet." These parents have created a cycle of dependency that started at a young age and is hard to break. And they need to learn how to say "NO," whether it's time or money.

I can remember standing on a chair at age 7 doing dishes every night and not being able to leave the house on a Saturday morning until my chores were done. If things weren't done correctly, I had to do them over until they were right. We learned that for every win, there were one or more losers and sometimes you were it. We lived very comfortably but both my parents worked hard and we learned that hard work and effort made good living possible. And both my parents always had outside interests...clubs, sports, activities, friends...that we weren't always a part of but made them who they are. They were, and still are, available to me and my siblings and I'm proud to call them friends now but I would've never called them selfish. I would, however, like to thank them. And I wouldn't call myself selfish for making the decision to not let my world revolve around my kids and taking some time to be my own person.

Sutler, I appreciate where you're coming from, but you realize that you put your daughter at a disadvantage when she grows up and has to compete with other people whose parents taught them that they're not the center of the world. Those kids are better prepared to meet life's challenges successfully, in their personal and professional lives. As a supervisor at a major company, I see it all the time, and it's a no brainer when it comes to hiring and firing decisions. Nobody wants a spoiled brat on their team, and it doesn't help them when their parents tell them that they deserve everything just because of who they are (and not what they actually accomplish.)

I TOTALLY agree with this! my daughter, now a grown woman and mother of her own 2 boys, always grumped when I would ask her to get herself dressed for school in the morning when she was 7. Now she sees WHY I needed her help. The same reason that she needs her 7 year old's help getting hiomself dressed in the morning - so that she can get showered, dressed, make breakfast and get him off to school on time. And now that I am a grandma with 2 grown kids, I still have no qualms about saying no to babysitting, even if it's just because I want to spend a quiet night at home alone with a good book and the dog:) I think more moms would be less burned out and there might be less child abuse if all moms realize their right to take time for themselves.

As a college professor, I agree with the sentiment that our children need to grow into their responsibilities and consequences of their actions. When it hits all at once as young adults, many do not cope well. Calls from moms and dads about their 20 to 22 year old babies, asking that I help them out have definitely affected how I parent my own children. At 11 and 5, they do most of their own laundry, are responsible for initiating their own homework, and can feed themselves a healthy meal in a pinch. Last week, I got a nice surprise when they did a load of my laundry as well. And, yes, as a result, I get to read the occasional bestseller the week it comes out.

FYI, its not just women out there who raise their kids full time.