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Gary Isaacs
In “Impossible Motherhood: Testimony of an Abortion Addict,” editor and literary agent Irene Vilar shares her controversial story of having had 15 abortions in 15 years. “My story is a perversion of both maternal desire and abortion, framed by a lawful procedure that I abused,” she writes in the book.
Vilar points to several things that led to her “addiction”:
- Her mother’s forced sterilization and subsequent suicide
- Moving from Puerto Rico to New York at the age of 15 after her
mother’s death - Her father’s addiction to alcohol and gambling and her 2 brothers’
addictions to heroin - A controlling, “borderline abusive” relationship that started with her
professor, who was 34 years older than her, when she was a
freshman at Syracuse University
Here, she talks to TODAY Moms about why she had so many abortions and how motherhood eventually saved her.
Q: You say that having 15 abortions was the result of an addiction that you had, specifically, an addiction to mutilating yourself. Can you explain this?
A: The pathology I developed came from a huge problem of distrust. I grew up with a mother who was depressed and self-destructive, after she was sterilized by an American experiment that sent her home with no hormonal treatment and an addiction to valium. She was a woman who modeled lack of control and was married to a man who had total control over her. There was an invisible monster in my house so when I turned 15, I had to leave [Puerto Rico] and go to America. The idea was to rebel like every other teen – but my case became pathological. When a mother kills herself in front of you, what that does to trust and your relationship, your sense of the world is horrific.
[In college] I fell in love with my literature professor. He was a philosopher and self-proclaimed feminist who wanted no children and thought that women should be sterile if they wanted a career and a true life of freedom. So for me, my relationship with my body was a way to defy him and rebel. No one can make an anorexic eat -- that’s how they have control. Similarly, I could get pregnant by “forgetting” to take my birth control. I could bring it on myself and stop it myself with no responsibility. Pregnancy was my high, and abortion and the shame that came with it was the down side.
Q: What do you say to people who say that calling it an addiction is just a way to excuse your behavior, or a way to get attention?
But a lot of people that can’t get past the morality issue say that I should be dead or in jail. It helps that I expected that because I did a lot of research to write this book. In my research I understood very well the ramifications of the abortion subject. What I have come to see from this is that in a way I’m being asked – I’m being told -- that I should remain unborn. In the book I’m trying to look back at the disorder and make sense of it. But some people feel there is no space for spiritual metamorphosis, no space for my rebirth, no space for healing.
My two second-term terminations shook me psychologically. The overall feeling I have about the terminations is a problem of morality which I cannot resolve. I was reckless with my body and the fetuses that I carried. I will live with that everlasting mourning. It’s not a statement that I’m guilty in the religious sense, but more a moral and ethical sense. To be clear, I am pro-choice, but that’s the dilemma and the weight of the accountability that I try to give testimony to.
Q: You now have two daughters, ages 5 and 3 with your second husband. How does your experience impact you as a mother?
A: Motherhood is a validating experience in the most authentic way. I lived a life of servitude and subjugation, I was in an unequal relationship and looked to the wrong alliances for safety and protection. Now I can find that through being a mother. My family sent me mixed messages – there was love and caring – but then abandonment and neglect. I try to avoid that mixed message with my children.
Today, as a mother who has spent most of the last ten years trying to investigate my actions, I read books on psychology and infant development, searching for all the ways I can protect my girls from everything, including me. I’m haunted by visions of them at 15, alone in a foreign city feeling inadequate, unloved, staring at shop windows while sophisticated looking women pass by. I don’t want my daughters to live the anguish of feeling trapped in the wrong body. I don’t want them to ever succumb to the dismembered life of a false self. I don’t want them ever to lie on a stretcher at an abortion clinic. Their fate depends, to a great deal, on me.
Q: Will you explain your story to your children?
A: A time will come when they will be ready to know about this part of their mother’s life—hopefully my testimony will be seen as one of resilience and hope for any difficulties they encounter in life. I hope that through my mothering they will grow up to be tolerant, compassionate human beings.
Q: So what’s next for you?
A: I’m in the process of writing my next book, “Middle of The Night,” about being a mother and the continuous healing I’m engaged with through motherhood. But family is my main profession right now.
Read an excerpt of "Impossible Motherhood"
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Leave a Comment:
I'm not sure how I feel about this. It's highly disturbing and I cannot make myself understand how any person could become addicted to the process of terminating human life. I, myself, am pro-choice, but do not feel that I could personally get an abortion, perhaps that is where my qualms are.
Ultimately I am glad that the author has overcome this terrible addiction and is happy with her life.
I am absolutely disgusted by this story!! I believe every woman should make their own choices, but she even admits to having 2 abortions in her second trimester, for this it makes her a MURDERER.
There have been plenty of us out here who did not have a good childhood, including incest. We did not decide to kill 15 of our children to get through it. I continue to have to look at the man who molested me all those years ago. He is still married to my mother, to this day. My mother would have never believed me if I had told her. It is pretty rough knowing that your mother would have blamed you and for sure have given you a beating for it. All of these things I had to grow up with made me stronger and the person I am today.
I had numerous miscarriages and an Ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me and every minute we went though all of this was painful. The loss, the heartache, and the depression was awful. I was then given a 50% chance of ever conceiving, thankfully I have a handsome 10 year old son, now. I can only imagine what any woman who can not have children is thinking. How could she? If she did not want the children then stop getting pregnant or at least give them a shot at life and give them up for adoption.
As soon as I started reading this story all of the feelings of heartache my husband and I had been through all came flooding back. I can not even consider that having 15 abortions is a sickness. It is MURDER!! She should be ashamed of herself and should have kept this story to herself. I hope that no one buys her book. I just can't get over how much she seems to lack any feeling at all. How does she get up and look at herself in the mirror everyday. This was not a one time thing, it is like she was celebrating every year, but instead of having a birthday she would have an abortion.
DISGUSTING!! APPALLING!!
Angela,
You also have to understand all the heartache in adoption of someone else raising YOUR child. And that's a little unfair to say about having an abortion every year instead of a birthday. Understandable your hurting, but unneccessary to be cold-hearted. And her illness was pregnancy. If you read every bit in the article, her high was being pregnant.
Really???? The heartache of someone else raising your child??? Let's just kill him or her instead. That makes so much more sense! That is probably the most SELFISH defense I have ever heard of.
Whether or not she concocted this tale to become one of the "New Celebrities" [one who is famous not for talent, but for a disturbing, dysfunctional, deviant lifestyle] to bankroll herself by publicizing her Sensationallist book for more sales is unknown.
She askes for our money AND our sympathy for her life choices? See! No tears in my eyes and no money from my bank account!
Regardless, Just because Abortion is legal makes her no less of a Monster.
She gets up and looks at herself in the mirror the same way we all do. She has aspects of her past she is not proud of. She carries the same shame all of us do for the ignominious portions of our own life histories. There is no greater wrong and lesser wrong, there is just wrong, and except for sociopaths, we each know when we've done something wrong. She has acknowledged it in her own life, and she is dealing with it in the most constructive way she can find. I am glad she wrote the book. She seems to have enough insight now to be able recognize the process she went through, and also goes through to heal. Here's the newsflash: she's probably not the only one with her disorder, and wouldn't it be nice if her book spared even one life from the Hell that she, and her never-born children, had to go through???
Abortion as birth control is clearly a choice many women make. I believe this should be illegal & prosecutable. Your "choice"in these cases, is whether or not, to become pregnant. In our present day society it is oh so convenient to label our immorality as an addiction. I am also "pro-choice". Choose to use birth control or choose not to have sex. End of story. And we all know the tired arguments of rape and/or incest are just smoke screens to cover for a selfish agenda of both men and women. As a side note, how many of you know women who were told by their man that it was either abort or the man would walk? Where is the woman's freedom of "choice" in those cases? Abortion is just another way for men to control women. Sad, but true.
You have no idea what you are talking about. how can you say that rape and/or incest are just smoke screens for getting a abortion?? Until you have seen a loved one go through something like that, don't judge!
"grammaKaren"
It's not a birth control, agreed, but you fail to remember the possibility of one getting pregnant even while on birth control. Rape/incest are not smoke screens to cover a selfish agenda that you ass-u-me. Unfortunately, I've been abused and used by every guy out there. I even took it from my step father from ages 14-18. I never told anyone to keep my mom happy in her marriage. I only told after they got divorced. But when I finally told everyone, I had to pull back the charges just so we could still have a house to stay in for the next 2 months. So that's one more offender NOT REGISTERED! So tell me where your assumed selfishness comes in.
I am too, pro-choice, as you are, choose to use birth control or don't have sex. I don't thinks that it should be used as bith contol. I am a 31 year old professional, never married and I have no children. That is my choice.
HOWEVER!!
It is obvious that you are not, have never been, and I hope for your sake never will become a victim of rape or incest, as I have been. If you were, Karen, then you would never call it a "tired argument". As a woman, it is rather disgusting that you cannot understand that side of the coin or even have any compassion for it. I have been the victim of incest and rape, which truly is a way for a man to have control over the woman. As a woman who as obviously put herself on a moral pedestal, your judgment of a situation that you've never had to ENDURE is what is trully oppressing us as females.
I am a 31yr old professional, I have no children and am not married. That is my choice. And I agree with you Gramma, that the choice should be birth control or no sex. I do not believe that abortion should be used as birth control.
HOWEVER!!
It is abundantly obvious that you, Karen, have never been and I hope for your sake, never are a victim of incest and rape, as I have been. If you have ever had to experience what comes along with this you would never dismiss it as "a tired arguement" or a "smoke screen" for anything. As a woman i feel it is disgusting that you can't even muster enough compassion for other women to refrain from making such an ignorant comment. Your judgment, as you sit on your moral pedestal, of a situation that you have never had to ENDURE is far more opressing than any control a man has by telling a woman that he wants her to have an abortion.
When we don't prosocute molesters and rapists we are partially responsible for those they abuse next. I have been abused,and prosocuted,that man served time. I know all aren't capable of handling that,but I feel we should strike back and keep them out of our society. Because when we don't no matter the reasons why,those predators will abuse again and again cause they are sickos and we know their dirty disgusting secret lives they live and are partially to blame when they harm another child or woman.
I'm a person who sits both sides of the fence. Someone close to me had an abortion while in high school, trying to get through sophomore year. It was a choice that was made for the better of the "child" that was pregnant, not of that which was in the womb. My ex-husband told me during my second pregnancy that we "couldn't afford another kid", that was the end of that relationship--I booted him out the door! And gave birth to my daughter, and proudly raise my three children on my own. I'm pro-choice as well, but women that use abortion as a means of birth control should never be allowed to experience the joys of motherhood. And to have had 15 abortions in as many years is just inconceivable to me.
Telling a woman to have an abortion or lose the man is a choice,so I do not understand that argument.Also you would not consider rape or incest a smoke screen if someone you loved was on the receiving end.As to the point about control,I think it is more about escaping resposibility for what you do.The woman ultimately has the final say regardless of what the man wants.
grammaKaren - I was actually in that position of being told, "it's either the abortion or me... I'm behind you 100% as long as you get the abortion". End of story for his part.
My choice - screw the guy, regardless we were in a relationship for 3+ years, and I had the baby. She's now 11, and I don't regret one bit my decision to leave the man I loved with all my heart.
I'm pro-choice, and yes I did for a fleeting minute think that the option was open to me, but it just wasn't for me. I'm glad women have this option, but even tho we women who are pro-choice doesn't mean we condone it for stupid reasons like this.
You just can't give an ultimatum like that to a strong woman, but I understand how this can and does happen with women who are not as strong on the inside. I doubt it will ever end either.
Abortion is just another way for men to control women. Sad, but true.
Once again men are responsible for all the bad things women do, and women get the credit for all the good things they do. I am pro choice, but I have a line in the sand that says unless there are truly good reasons, if you show up for your third abortion, you clearly have abdicated your reproductive rights and submit to sterilization. Men controlling women thru abortion, sure it happens, but not as common as a women saying she will have one, he has no choice, if she says she will not have one he has no choice, so who gets the control? when was the last time you saw a tv commercial that portrayed the woman as a buffoon and the man smart, thats right, never. Where are the womens groups showing the obvious bias in these portrayals, why the silence? Male teacher has sex with 17 year old female student (poor student was manipulated by overbearing man) teacher gets 15 to 20, female teacher has sex with 16 year old student ( student coerced poor teacher) teacher gets 18 months house arrest, book deal and appearance on Oprah. Discrimination is only identified when you are the one feeling the pain, why is it so hard to see it when it works in your favor.
Yes, I agree that abortion is a way men try to control women; but the only reason it works is because we allow it. I don't agree with what this woman did, but I can understand the pressure she was under. I got pregnant from a one night stand when I was a senior in high school. We kept in touch, and I found out about 2 months later that I was pregnant. He was from a very influention family in our town, and told me that he would support me financially while I was pregnant, but when the baby was born he would take it and his parents would raise it. Or, I could have an abortion. Either way, he never gave me the option of us actually trying to raise the baby together, or that we would ever be together period.
Being 18 years old and scared, I'll admit I got as far as calling the abortion clinic. But as I though of this guy, who got kicked out of high school his senior year for drugs, and even though he was now 20 and in college continued his adolescant behavior, I just couldn't let him bully me. I called and told him I got the abortion without his assistance, had the baby, and left town. Not the most honest way to live, I'll admit, but I just couldn't risk this montster's parents raising my baby. Today my son is 4 years old, we live with my boyfriend of 3 years, and we are a happy family. I have had no contact with the biological father since the day I called and told him my lie.
So just becuase a guy gives you an ultimatum, it doesn't mean you can't make your own decision. We can't blame others for the way our lives turned out, it's up to you to decide your fate.
She should be in jail for all the killing she did. Why not prevent pregnancy instead of killing (in her case).
To me she is a criminal who got away and she has great excuses for what she did. I am most susprised that she still was capable of having children after all the destruction she caused.
But in a world where there is no justice it is what it is. the only hope I have is that somehow she will be accountable for her crimes someday .
You are forgetting that abortion is not illegal...no matter what your beliefs are. She did nothing criminal, so there is no justice that needs to be served.
she did not break the law. last time i checked there were no "morality jails". there is obviously a reason beyond our understanding for her having children, as a Christian I believe that she can be and is forgiven by God if she wants and truly asks for forgiveness. it is so easy to judge other people, but that doesn't make it the right thing to do.
It is extremely toxic and dangerous to judge other people with such hatred. I feel sorry for those who make mistakes around you. Her suffering could open someone else's eyes and prevent the same kind of effect. I thank her for writing this story. It can't be easy to display all of your skeletons and to receive ugly comments like these.This comment to the original sender.
What "Great Excuses"?
Vilar, herself, wrote in her book “My story is a perversion of both maternal desire and abortion, framed by a lawful procedure that I abused".
That is confessional.
Wow. I just love the fact that she places all of the blame on things that others did in her life and not on her choices. Ridiculous.
I am in agreement with you Reb. I work in the "rehab" industry. The items she listed are not the reasons she had 15 abortions. The items listed are the causes of her risky behavior. Let me repeat, her behavior not anyone else. If you are pro-choice or pro-life, you have to be responsible for your actions.
I wonder what she will do with the proceeds of her book. One would hope that they are being given to an organization or group that deals with post-abortion grief or motherhood counseling.
Or she can just pocket the money and add it to her list destructive and harmful choices and go on with life.
The book's proceeds are being donated to Sisterhood is Global Initiative, www.sigi.org.
My heart wants to reach out to her and find some logic and understanding in what she did. No matter how hard I try I can't. I cannot understand and fathom this thought process's she went through when she killed all of her babies that she knowingly and purposelyconceived. I guess I am glad that I cannot comprehend this, I would never ever want to know what it is like to create a life and then want it dead over and over and over and over again. This woman really should not be allowed to have children. This kind of mental problem is a severe one and I would be terrified of a relapse, and then she kill her children now. I fear for those babies and I pray she has no more children.
My heart wants to reach out to her and find some logic and understanding in what she did. No matter how hard I try I can't. I cannot understand and fathom this thought process's she went through when she killed all of her babies that she knowingly and purposelyconceived. I guess I am glad that I cannot comprehend this, I would never ever want to know what it is like to create a life and then want it dead over and over and over and over again. This woman really should not be allowed to have children. This kind of mental problem is a severe one and I would be terrified of a relapse, and then she kill her children now. I fear for those babies and I pray she has no more children.
Wow. 15 abortions. Surprising she can still reproduce. I'm pro-choice, but I am not in favor of someone using abortion as a birth-control method.
Several of the posters here have missed the point of the story. She was addicted to self-mutilation, just like someone who has an insatiable need to cut off parts of his/her own body. She apparently has gotten the help she needed, and I hope, for the sake of her children, that she remains healthly. This situation needs to be monitored closely.
I fail to see how this is SELF mutalation. She decided to have these abortions in order to keep her relationship. That might be destructive but it was her choice. And far more mutalating to all of those babies than to her. She may have gotten off on the pain and guilt she felt but she this is NOT self mutalation.
I agree with some of the other posters. Too bad she was able to finally have kids. I sincerely hope that husband #2 is watching closely. Even if she never physically harms them, I'm quite certain this woman is not mentally stable enough to parent.
To Lorry-1117532
It is SELF mutilation. This is my attempt to explain how: People that cut themselves are self-mutilators. But they don't do it to cause themselves pain. They do it because of the pain they already feel. They are giving themselves physical pain to release the emotional pain they’ve been suppressing. Irene’s struggle was different in that: she was continually causing herself pain (she admitted to maternal desire) to allow herself to grieve the repressed pain from her past. Both instances are about substituting one pain for another. It is
Now, I assume you are saying that it isn’t self mutilation because she ended the life of those fetuses. A fetus is not a baby. An aborted fetus is gone before it even has the brain to realize it existed. It’s like a story that doesn’t get published. Known only to its creator, it doesn’t have the chance to affect others. [Go ahead and scream at me for my analogy…] Anyway, she committed no crime; moral or otherwise. All crimes are crimes because society says they are. And, what is immoral? That depends on the morals of society. So, if it was morally a crime than it would be outlawed.
Irene’s mother killed herself in front of her. Don't you think this has some bearing on Irene ending the lives of her unborn children? Irene chose to "forget" birth control. She did it because of the pain she already felt. Her two brothers turned to drugs to cover up their pain.
The addiction was her way of proving to herself that she had control over something (finally), even if it was just her own body.
The relationship she was in was her excuse for the abortions, not the reason. He didn’t have the power to force her to have the abortions.
Do I condone her actions? Hell no! I'm 34 and childless, by choice, without a single abortion. But, I can see the pain, and I understand that desperate people do desperate things.
I'm thankful that she sought help and, after years of therapy, has come out of the hell she was in. She sounds determined to be the mother that she unfortunately didn't have.
that was a very intelligent reply. (8.2)
At first I didn't want to read this after seeing the title and I read the excerpt as well. This "woman" is a total disgrace and I don't even consider her a human being. She is an animal. I am pro-choice and I think this should be a punishable crime. She is a total waste of fertility. I love how she seems to place blame everywhere but on herself. I feel terrible for her children and that they will someday know what a monster their mother is. I am shocked that the Today Show is even doing this segment. She is 100% completely doing this for attention. This is not part of her therapy. SHE should have been sterilized. I would love to know how she found a man to love her and marry her and want to even chance reproduction with her. I am getting angrier and angrier and more sickened and upset that I think about her and what she did. I pray that I never meet this waste of flesh in person. I hope she rots in hell for what she has done and what she is trying to make money off of.
You're a very close-minded and unforgiving person to say that she's a waste of fertility. God forgives and Loves us all. I'm thankful that she has gotten help and God has forgiven her and blessed her with two lovely children and a wonderful husband!
Just because she has been able to bear children does not imply that she has bypassed the consequences of her actions. I am heartbroken for the fifteen children that did not get to be adopted into loving homes and for the fifteen barren women who would have gladly taken care of her attempts to fight her personal demons. It would be a good idea that she is closely monitored for possible future relapses. Mental illness is a horrible trial, more prevalent than many would believe, and I wish her good health. I would not have taken the chance on more innocent lives to test her recovery.
The Christians that pass judgement on others are not true Christians. I think the people who are passing judgement on this women should be the ones going to hell. However, I am not christian and I don't believe in heaven or hell. I think everyone has a right to believe in what they want, but from a Christian stand point I would have to say that you are wrong and that you shouldn't judge, even though that would be a judgement upon you.
I can't believe all the comments to this story. This poor woman is pouring out her heart about her addiction in hopes of helping someone else who might be reading. Obviously, and thank goodness, none of you have ever been a victim or have had issues to deal with. As a child of a Mother who was molested by her father and forced to termiate a pregnancy - your comments are appaling. This woman went thru things unconcievable to most of us. I thank her for her openess and willingness to put it all out there and take this undue critism to help any other person reading.
to Robby-1389497 ...it is sad that you try to demonize christians and speak from a "Christian perspective" when you admittedly know nothing of Christ!! This ladies actions are the "fruit" that we are told in the bible to judge by. I believe that this woman really does need help...she also should stand accountable for her actions....and she will. I do not hate this woman...actually to the contrary...I realize just how much she and apparently, you need Christ in your life. I hate the sin...but love the sinner.
Murders need to be forgiven for their sins but also need to pay for the actions they took! All throughout the bible God even punishes His leaders when they sin....the punishment is to correct wrong actions...the same as parents do for their children!!
Please do not talk about what you have no idea about.
SIMom,
Only God chooses who goes to hell, and for you hoping that, you are going against God and judging. So if you want to think like that, then you would be going to hell. Has anyone even thought that the reason she did it for the man was because she was in love. Love makes people do stupid things, but for her sickness, she did it to not be alone. Believe it or not, from my experience of being molested. You will put up with the worst @!$%# just to be with that person and not be alone. But Love brought her a better man, one that understands where she came from. And God gave her those 2 chances of wonderful children. And I know what she's going through. I was molested at 8, molested by my step father during ages 14-18, date raped at 17, ended up pregnant from it, but I was only 17, I couldn't raise a child doing part time work and high school. I had to get an abortion. However, I then went into a depression, became promiscuous to avoid being alone. However, God and Love brought me my Husband 2 years ago. I feel blessed to have him, someone that understands where I came from and what I've dealt with. So he forgives alot. And I'm glad she found a great man as well. It's the best feeling and you feel like God has made your life better, he only gave you a rough start. God truely loves his children and helps the ones that deserve it and still sees good.
Voiceo'truth:
You obviously have no connection with humanity or feelings for anything or anyone but yourself. But yet, when something will happen to you, you will then want all the attention that Humanity will have to offer. You make no sense
I am not talking about valid reasons for termination (rape, incest, birth defects not compatible with life, unplanned teen pregnancy, etc.) - I am talking about the fact that this nut was "addicted to the process". I said I was pro choice. This takes that way over the line. Was she raped 15 times? Give me a break. I don't care how stupid and poor and inexperienced someone is - you learn your lesson before it gets to the point of insanity. She didn't and thrived off of the drama of her whole sick situation. The clinics she went to that saw her previous history should have referred her to an in-house psychiatric facility. And I agree with a previous poster that said they are shocked, considering the physical internal damage she has done to herself, that she was able to carry a healthy pregnancy.
Do NOT bring God or any form of religion into this. First of all, since when is all that pre marital sex allowed. Give me a break. Forgiveness? Are you kidding me? I am not Catholic or Christian and I can GUARANTEE you that any God will forgive her.
I wonder who is bank rolling her tell all tale.
SIMom,
Maybe I wouldn't of if I wasn't being abused you Dunce!!!! But when does anyone not have pre-marital sex anymore? You define Stupid. You claim pro-choice, yet you're still judging!!!! Don't write if you can't take what people have to say back! You should already know that everyone is a critic and has something to say!!!! Deal With It!!!
To my comment above,
Test drive a car before you buy it!
Dear Achieved: I hate what has happened to you and the emotional scars that you bear. But there has to be consequences for our actions? For those who molested you and raped you they deserve to be held accountable for their actions also? Some actions are punishable through the laws of man and some are not, but all will be held in account before God...unless you accept Christ's love and payment for your sins. I believe in earthly consequences and heavenly ones. Though God may forgive us for our sins we usually still have to pay the earthly price...as should those who hurt you.
This ladies consequences may be that while getting to enjoy the love and life of her two "living" children, she may be tormented by the thought of the love and life she robbed herself and others of.
I am sorry that you feel that I have "no connection with humanity" but I do...I pastor a church and feel deeply for this woman. My connection is with with God foremost along with justice, compassion, love and yes, forgiveness. God does not choose to send us to hell...we choose not to enter into heaven...thereby we condemn ourselves.
God can grant you victory over your pain and hurt!! He can turn your problems into opportunities to be a blessing to others. Look to use your lessons of life to encourage others and help them find God!!
Voiceo'truth,
Funny you say I should pay for my sins. And I've always had faith in God. But I must say that it's ironic that my stepdad is a son of a pastor.
Achieved: I pray that your faith in God equates to being a saved, cleansed by the blood of Jesus, Christian. This would add up to being forgiven and freed from the eternal consequence of hell and it's torment. However I am sure that your choice to have an abortion has left you with emotional regrets and difficulty dealing with all the choices you were forced into making... you have had to endure pain that you should never been subjected to!!
I tell you that I do not profess to be perfect and know all too well how "preacher's kids" can be problem children....i have three children of my own. I have made many mistakes in life...pre-marital sex being one of them...my oldest daughter is the result. While I would not ever dream of life without her, I do realize that my life has been shaped by "my sin". My life has been marked with difficulties and extra responsibilities in part due to my sin...however I have found that the consequences I recieved have been used to make me a better man for it. It has cost me a lot but it has taught me a lot as well. I have now been married to my wife for over 23 years and have 3 beautiful children . With God our mistakes/sins can be useful if we will be taught.
Obviously I became a pastor following my first child, and God has allowed correction for my sin to turn me into a better person, father, and husband.
Undue criticism? She KILLED 15 of her CHILDREN. Just becuase the Supreme Court chose to ignore the constitution & make it legal doesn't make it right.
I'll never understand why bleeding hearts always cry for the murderer & never for their victims.
Fugly1 - THANK YOU!!! People seem to forget that this monster is trying to gain financially from her "addition".
For Achieved - I was not saying that pre-marital sex is wrong and doesn't happen, but as all of these religious comments are coming out, I can't help but laugh that God will be forgiving the "sin" of having 15 abortions. I really believe religion has no part in this story whatsoever. Yes, what happened to her as a CHILD was tragic. But as she grew up and claiming to be so smart that she was in college at 15 years old, she knew right from wrong and the consequences of her actions.
I am still disgusted and getting more and more irritated with her story. I am sure her third book will be her tell all tale of how her husband realized what a monster she was and still is, filed for divorce and got full custody of the 2 children. Then she will complain about how she can't have unsupervised visitation and how great of a mother she is. Her kids will be soooooooo much better off without her in their lives.
I'm sorry, but I'm having trouble reading all of this. I see that she had an abortion every year for 15 years and then see that she has "several things that led" to it. I think she's just making excuses. Trying to make a buck. There are much better ways to not have children than abortion and I am pro-choice. What she did was absolutely horrible.
Where I am pro-choice also and I may not agree to what she has done in her life. There is one thing people who read this must remember. 1) No one has the right to judge her ONLY GOD can do that. She will answer to God for what she has done. Until you have walked the path of metal problems no one really knows what drove her to what she did. It's easy for us to pass judgment on what is right and wrong and to say what we will or wont do in her case but you never really know until you are faced with unmountable problems and no answers. Leave the passing of judgement of what she has done to GOD. The best way to not validate what she has done is to not buy her books or watch her on tv.
You're so right! Thank you for explaining it the way that you did.
very great way of explaining this you are so right
I am pro choice, but believe that Iwould never have an abortion myself. I read this and was saddened by the thought of 15 pregnancies being terminated by one woman. I can't imagine how she could do this. But I understand that I will never know her pain or her mindset. My husband is an addict that has been sober for 18 years, and he tells me when you are an addict, your actions often don't make sense to those who have never been addicted. I believe this is the case here. However, I think she needs more therapy. Until she can admit her part in this and not blame others, she is still in need of help.
And those of you who are pro-choice will have to answer to God as well.
quoted text " and those of you who are pro-choice will have to answer to God as well"
as will you for your judgement of others! judge not lest thou be judged. or those who live in glass houses... you get the gest, right?
Really Sharon H.?
Those of us who are pro-choice will have to answer to God, huh? The comments on this story are astonishing to me! Yes, I am in fact pro-choice. I did, in fact, choose to give birth to my children. That doesn't make it right for me, or anyone else to judge. I get really, really sick of all the religious rhetoric! This woman had a problem. A big, big, big problem. Her mental illness was her actually trying to "abort" herself. Please read the whole story. It still makes me shake my head that everyone has so much compassion for the (unborn) children, but not too many have any compassion for her. What exactly do you think of women who go on to have their children, and then abuse or even kill them? Depending on what you believe, everyone will have to answer to God eventually. Judge not my Dear, judge not........
I don't really want to worship a hateful, spiteful, petty, malevolent god, Sharon H.
I think, should god even exist, I'll be getting a high five at St. Peter's hypothetical gate because I did not put the value of the life of a fetus over the life of it's mother.
And let he without sin cast the first stone. There are no 'degrees' of sin in God's eyes, I have been told though that there is forgiveness.
People, do not be judgemental. She sinned, same as if she had killed one human being. Everyone who has had an abortion 1 or 15 no difference with the size of the sin. Sin is sin, we have all sinned. God will forgive her if she will seek forgiveness and repent of what she did. She is in denial and blaming others, wrong all the way. Her reason for doing it is the same as others who do drugs or whatever. We were born in sin and it is manifested in different ways. Until she realises that she needs to repent and make peace with God, chances are she will do it again, sad, maybe even kill the children she has. Only the almighty can heal her, through the blood of Jesus.
You're judging her. Thanks for being a hypocrite :)
This filth is trying to monopolize from her sin. This has nothing to do with religion. She is a train wreck and a complete disgrace to humans. One abortion, I can understand. Even 2 - you have circumstances and issues, fine. But 15!!!! One a year. She chose to do the same sick and twisted thing over and over again. When will she learn her lesson - after her book makes her some money so she can go write another book on the joys of motherhood? Please - this is not like drug addiction or alcohol addition. She is an insane person who needs to be hospitalized and medicated for the rest of her life.
Everyone is effected positively, or negatively, by their childhoods. In this case, she was definitely effected negatively. The fact that she realized what she was doing was destructive in so many ways shows that she does have a heart. The fact that she chose therapy to remedy her problems shows that she has made the right choice toward bettering herself. She is in a new life after several years of therapy with a loving husband and 2 children.
I have mixed feelings about abortion and it breaks my heart to know that she made this choice so many times, but who am I to judge? I'm just another person who has walked my own path and made my own mistakes in life.
well said. i couldn't agree more.
I read this script with a lot of mixed emotions and other questions. Was there ever a seed of faith ever set for this woman growing up? The impression is here was this young girl coming of age and getting involved with a self centered satanist SOB who used this girl as his puppet and never had to be responsible for his actions. The thought of 'if you want to be with me you have to lose your sense of self worth and think as I do.' This woman needs to be reminded that it was her consious that led her to the realization that this lifestyle and procedures were so wrong. No one is perfect, we just have to live knowing the difference between right and wrong. Each individuals choice.
I am raising 4 little boys alone after a 15 year marriage. I never thought I would have to do this and as hard as it all is, I am all these boys have to teach them the difference between right and wrong. To teach them that a human life is priceless. Irene, those 15 little babies are all your angles you put in heaven to watch over you,your beautiful little girls and their father. I believe you have been forgiven. Not what you did was right, but continue to be counseled and love all your children and spouse as you would want to be loved. I will be praying for you.
Throughout my life I have known two women that have repeatedly used abortion as birth control. Both women repeatedly got pregnant and then got abortions. To their own admittance they didn't use birth control or do anything to prevent the pregnancies and whenever they did get pregnant they would wait till the last minute to have the abortions. They would wait to the point where they were "showing" and they had to have ultrasounds to confirm how far along they were and if it was past the point that they could legally terminate the pregnancy. I believe that abortion should definitely be an option for women. I think that some women abuse the privilege of having the option to abort however. Knowing that this exists and that there are women out there that do this, there should be something set up to require counseling for the woman with repeat abortions. Mental health counseling and also birth control conseling. It shouldn't just be walk in have the abortion and leave. Just like when women have repeat plastic surgery. Women/men that are repeat customers for plastic surgery have their psych evaluations before the surgeon will continue to work with them. Something similar to this should be put in place so that when a women is having repeat abortions, a red flag should be raised, and some education or counseling services should be recommended or required.
Finally, someone with a sane solution! As I read this article and all the posts, I kept coming back to the alcohol analogy. Many people abuse alcohol and are addicted to alcohol but it is legal. We can not stop someone from having 15 drinks in one night if that's what they want. If there was such a law then where would we draw the line? Some people can have 5 drinks and be fine...other can have 2 drinks and can't handle it! What if we drew the line at 2 abortions and someone chose to have an abortion, then had one for medical reasons to save their life, then was raped and now is past her limit of 2?
We have AA and other help out there for people who are addicted and need mental and emotional help for alcoholism. You can't ban or limit abortions for everyone because a few abuse it. It doesn't work. Instead, let us focus on helping the person with the mental problems get better!
I think councelling would be good for anyone who'd had even one abortion, not just people who have multiple terminations. It's not an easy decision, and even if it's the right decision, it can be scarring.
Actually most respectable abortion clinics do offer counseling and will hand out samples of birth control after the procedure is over.
I keep coming back to this story.....with one thought....she used abortions and claim that they "saved her life", who is she to decide that her life was worth killing 15? It is indeed a very selfish way to think.
Just another NO-BODY, trying to make a Buck and be a "Celebrity".
Well said.
When will we women begin to understand that abortion is simply another form of misogyny not a freedom, and that the ones who truly benefit from abortion are men. Abortion is a lie from start to finish and no one will admit to the gruesome irony that a woman can do anything except, apparently, be a mother or a person who carries a child to term.
How, exactly are men benefiting from abortion? By not having to care for their children? WAKE UP!!!!! The main reason women have them is because they are alone and afraid. Not too many women have the resources to go to court for child support, and end up being a single parent. Maybe if we actually enforced the laws and men HAD to, well, man-up and take on part of the responsibility, we would see the instances of abortion decrease. Yes, we can be Mothers. Or choose not to. Thank you Roe v Wade!
I believe that this is no different than a man who repeatedly hits his wife, rapes his wife, etc. When a woman is weak enough to be controlled, it doesn't matter what kind of control it is. She definitely was wrong for having all of these abortions, but who is to say that if she refused to do it she wouldn't have ended up dead?? We don't blame the girl whose husband murdered her for not leaving when he was beating her....
To say that this is no different than a man who abuses his wife is egregious. People have as much control over you as you allow them. No one explicitly blames the woman murdered by an abusive husband, but when something like that happens, it's used to raise awareness that no matter how bad things are, you always have options. The woman is not to blame for being killed, but she is to blame for remaining in an unhealthy relationship.
This particular woman was too selfish and stupid to make any intelligent decisions in her life. She is blaming her "horrible childhood" and a man who said he would not stay with her if she had a child for FIFTEEN ABORTIONS. That is mind-blowing. There are plenty of people who have horrifying childhoods, and go through some pretty rough hardships in their life, and they turn out to be wonderful productive members of society, who are capable of making decent life decisions. This woman is a disgrace, plain and simple, and she has no one to blame but herself. She is playing a sympathy card and using shock value to make a few bucks with her lame book.
This is a sad situation. Obviously she knows what she did was wrong, and a lot of you are missing the point. As someone mentioned earlier it's a form of self mutillation. You don't understand her scenario, you can't feel what she felt. How many of you have watched your own mother kill herself in front of you? Do you know what that does? How about being in a relationship such as her first marriage. I'm pro choice, and I don't agree with having that many abortions, especially since others are also at the expense, but in a way I understand that what she had was a disease and now she feels horrible about it. It will be punishment enough for her to live with the guilt, especially now that she is a mother. I'm glad she was able to find her way out of it, and in a way I'm glad she had the strength to open up about something so appalling to the normal person. I don't think its an attention thing. Generally people who go through tramatic experiences share because they either want to let people know that maybe you aren't the only one (I'm sure she isn't the only one) and to also help themselves. Writing is therapudic, and is a way to almost close a chapter in one's life and leave it behind. I wish her the best of luck with her new life and her new book.
I agree with you :)
Self mutilation - she should have committed suicide instead.
I understand that deep pit of fear and self-loathing she implies by stating that she witnessed her mother's suicide. That one act is horrible enough, but it didn't stand in isolation in her young life. Her growing years were shaped by the absence of love and an increasing denial of the value of Life. Those who damage themselves seldom find the approval they seek, and settle for negative attention. After all, it's better than no attention at all.
In a way, she is not much different from "Octo-Mom", who also conceived without intending to raise her children in a loving, healthy home.
I neither condone nor condemn; I simply feel some of her pain.
My ex wife had 5 abortions from age 15, 19, 2 at 21 and the last at 28. Interesting to note, she would also "forget" to take her pill. I am also pro-choice, but not for retroactive birth control. And heres the thing about my ex and maybe this woman. The abortion at 28, was from a 90day affair she had. She wasn't on any birth control and knew it. Yet she still did it and got rid of it. After claiming child abuse, etc, etc. We went to marriage counseling and she private as well. We went on to have 2 boys years later. Then I find out in 05, she is cheating again and divorce her. It is then, I find out. That she had been cheating non-stop, for 20yrs. And secretly getting IUD's and ultimately Depro Prevera. So I would have to say, she also has some mental illness. Perhaps a sexual addiction, that overrides common sense and responsibility. Do these women never think about STD's, as well as pregnancy? If addiction is perhaps also, one of this womans problems. (mom and dad were.) Important also to note. After alot of tears, etc about her "abuse excuse." It has all come out, that she is really, a pathological and compulsive liar. And to date, she has sought NO counseling or treatment. Again, with addiction. The 1st step, is admitting you have one. So this woman says she has had extensive treatment, etc? Then maybe her husband can understand and forgive, as I once did. Only to see this behaviour manifest itself, once again. Not necessarily the abortions. But the reckless, sexual irresponsibilty, that led to so many pregnancies. Believe me, I have learned from experience. People do not change.
Pvt Snuffy, there are these things called "condoms". If you use them right, they are pretty effective at preventing pregnancy. Maybe you should have given them a try after abortion #1, or #2, or #3...or did you keep leaving it all up to your wife, knowing that she wasn't capable of taking her pills?
Pvt Snuffy, there are these things called "condoms". If you use them right, they are pretty effective at preventing pregnancy. Maybe you should have given them a try after abortion #1, or #2, or #3...or did you keep leaving it all up to your wife, knowing that she wasn't capable of taking her pills?
Also, what are you doing bonking a 15year old without a condom?
I think that you should go back and read Pvt Snuffy's statement. Pvt Snuffy did not say that he was the one who impregnated his ex-wife for abortions 1-4. The 5th abortion that she had came after an extramarital affair (I'm just speculating, but she probably didn't know if the father of her fetus was her husband or her lover). And why would you suggest that his ex-wife was incapable of taking her pills? Most often than not, pregnancy is a choice that is made. If a woman is too forgetful to take a bc pill, then (guess what?) there are patches, shots, patches and the newly invented nuvaring. Reading comprehension is important, especially if you are going to piece together a judgmental response.
He never said he was the one who was with her when she was 15. Those are the ages that he knows about. Geesh!!!
At the point when you use abortion as your birth control, you are out of control. Just because it is legal does NOT make it truly safe. Granted birth control itself can have horrible side effects in a few cases, but abortions are still killing women. Indiana was looking into a measure to force abortion providers to be aligned with a hospital because of the deaths here and in near-by states. Saving your life? NO! Endangering it for your own purposes and with no real notion of the consequences maybe.
I think the people that are saying they are "pro-choice" have their terms mixed up because if you look at the people claiming to be "pro-choice" they are all saying how they wouldn't have an abortion and that this woman is wrong for what she has done. WHO are YOU to judge HER???
I agree, most of these people are confused.
Agreed!
Actually, pro-choice is for the legalization of abortion, but not necessarily for condoning the action. I can say that I am pro-choice, however, I do not believe women should use abortion as a form of birth-control. This is why it is called pro-choice and not pro-abortion because it gives women the choice, and it does not mean we are picketing in front of abortion clinics yelling "Go abortions!"
I also do not think this woman should be "punished." Morally, what she did was wrong. But she admits to being ill. She had a problem and has moved past it; let's just be thankful she did not lose her life in the process.
Her story is interesting and can also help women in similar situations; we should all hope her experience will help someone with the same problem from going through the same thing.
I AM PRO CHOICE
I have had an abortion..I also have a 9 year old beautiful little girl that I have 7 years before my abortion. Everyone has a right to their opinion and I have read her story. I do not agree with what she has done. She admits to NOT taking her birth control pills to prove a point. She should have been sterilized for her actions that SHE chose to do. Everyone blames mental illnesses these days. It's an easy out for the poor me excuse. Nobody has a perfect childhood and for her to use it makes her a weak individual not mentally unstable.
'Everyone blames mental illness' is a gross generalization. Your lack of understanding doesn't prove its falsehood. People are inherently good (in my opinion). 'Mental illness' seems like a logical explanation here.
^ Agreed! Mental illness is not an excuse, and the strong ones are those who choose to get well again. When you have a very traumatic childhood, some reactions, emotionally and physically, become instinctual and it's hard to know how to act like a responsible, moral person. It takes a lot of hard work and motivation to get over your worst fears. It is sad that it took until 15 for her to become well, but it is not something we should judge her for.
I am glad she has overcome what was holding her back, and that she now lives a fulfilling life with her own family.
Toobeit, really? The same people who lead this country have "morals" too. Morals that have killed thousands of soldiers and civilians.
And until you have felt a pain like she has, don't judge and call her a murderer. Whenever you drive your car, that's supporting a murder industry.
Oh, and I bet you're a Christian or something like that too.
Far less have been killed in war than by abortion, so your lies hold no water. Funny hw you intolerant, lying, liberals attack Chrisians, but Muslims and Jews believe the same also. You are hateful hypocrites who have no credibility and no standing and every year, fewer and fewer believe in abortion because it is murder. You are living proof for the study that shows liberalism is a mental illness.
It doesn't matter what your stand on abortion is, this women is clearly in excess of the intention of the law. She recognizes herself that this morality goes beyond a legal issue. And I can't imagine any sane person thinking that she hasn't crossed the border.
She used the words herself, "Cold Blooded." I'll add the rest... Murderer. Plain and simple she chose to have ripped from her body 15 growing children. This is the equivalent of half a kindergarten class. The Columbine massacre was less deadly....
Wow! That's a completely different perspective than what I had...