Hi Jumpstart1234567

I completely agree with you.

You explained it perfectly!  I couldn't agree more.

i believe that spanking make a better person. kids learn that actions get reactions. i have a daughter that is 20 today. she will even tell you that she is a better person due to the spanking that she received( which wasn't that many). if we are out some where and she sees a child acting out she will say they need a spanking. i was at a restaurant the other day and there was a lady and a child waiting to be seated. the child was winning and clawing at the she ask them to stop but the child keep on so she spanked them. then the lady immediately turned around to see if anyone say her. i wanted to say good for you!

I am 25 and thank God I was spanked as a child. It is not child abuse-to those of you irresponsible, overdramtic people who say that is- keep on trying your "time out" or "1....2....if I get to 3 you're going to be in trouble" it DOESN'T WORK. Raise your children the right way! Spankings are portable, if your child misbehaves in public, you can swat them on the butt immediatley and the lesson will be learned. I am so tired of having screaming kids ruin my shopping or dining experience because the inconsiderate parents say "When we get home you are going to go in time out" Guess what? By the time you get home, you have either forgotten to put the child in time out OR you do put them in time, but do you know what has already happened? The child has already misbehaved and gotten away with it for the time being because the parent made an idle threat of "time out" and then continued the shopping trip or meal. Time out doesn't work! Get over it already and be considerate of other people. We pay the same money that you do and we deserve to enjoy our experience with having your child screaming, yelling, throwing things, running around like crazy, knocking into our knees etc. Stop trying to be a friend to your child, kids need PARENTS, not a friend.

There is a nothing even close that resembles child abuse when a child is spanked. A guarantee you the child has more respect for the parent and actually learns the lesson that was trying to be taught. Don't be afraid to raise your child the right way!

Jumpstart1234567, you are 100% correct! I honestly believe that the theory of "don't spank" is the reason that so many of today's youth are on the wrong path and walk around like they have some "sense of entitlement".

As acceptability of spanking declined, I told my father that you can not spank kids any longer as the state will impose consequences. My dad said, "Well let the State take care of them then". That was 30 or so years ago.

Let's get real and be honest. The grown ups are the source of the problem with today's children. Of course the world is completely different than it was (let's say fifty years ago); however, the principles are and should be the same. We need to allow children to be children, not force them to grow up too fast. We should not burden our children with too much -- too soon. And, of course, we should discipline our children (that is SPANK) when it is necessary. However, we should still raise our children and with that said, show our kids love and understanding but at the same time -- show our love with discipline, spend constructive time with them; i.e., cook dinner and sat at the dinner table and talk about what went on in their world today over a good dinner, take them to church on Sundays and bible study on Wednesdays (to name a few). Teach them values (by showing them values); husbands and wives (parents) show each other love in front of your children (by showing respect to one another). When the children act up, both parents support each other and don't use one another against each other (children feed off this) and use it to their advantage. When the children go astray, then the adults wonder why; go figure! Let's get real, children are exposed to "too" much, "too" soon. Take a good look; let's say twenty years ago -- you did not see on televison; two people of the same sex in suggestive roles together. Now today it is normal viewing; so what are we teaching our children? I think values should be taken into consideration above monetary gain; and in this age (EVERYTHING) is placed on the backburner and MONETARY GAIN is placed above everything else. I believe that what two "consenting" adults do in the privacy of their own world, is their business; but do not force it on anyone else and especially, do not flaunt it in the faces of young and impressionable children. Parents take control of your children, if it includes spanking, go for it-- children need boundaries; it won't kill them or hurt them; it will only make them better. During my childhood, all my Mother had to do was give us the "look" and you knew what was coming next if you did not stop doing what you had no business doing!

you have said it all.. I am a mom of a 23 week premie. who has a lot of developmental issues. so i know how it is to be at that point. I was also a child of Abuse in all forms. so yes there are limits. but huge differences between beating and a spanking.

I am curious if anyone else is doing what I am to combat issues with kids. I have five kids ranging from 8 to 13 and I have found a few tactics that are very effective for our household. #1 everyone has one chore to do daily if they do a bad job they get to do it again the next day along with that day's chore (other kids love this!) so they do a good job the first time. #2 Fighting, hitting, etc. gets rewarded with chores-- we have a fairly severe punishment 3 days of horrible chores which involve cleaning crevices, dog poo duty, cleaning out the car etc. I hardly have this problem since I have started this punishment. Any whining moaning or complaining about chores is considered "requesting for more chores" and will be rewarded as such :) lol. If everyone gets their chores done during the week then Friday is "Junk Nite" where we get to have all those tasty forbidden treats such as soda, pizza, chips or whatever the kids vote on. They also get movies and games. So the point to our discipline is really yucky and undesirable consequences and really positive treats. They decide how much fun they have based on their desire to follow the rules which are few. Don't fight or hit/call names, make a mess clean it up and do your chores/homework. Then Let's HAVE FUN!!! it works well in our mixed and very hormonally challenged brood. I hope this helps others because I was at my wits end with grounding or taking away electronics (the electronics only get taken away when they get grades below a C with missing homework.)

I assume by your comment that either you dont have children or they never misbehave, oh and you don't spank them. Let's be honest, children will always misbehave, spanking is a very useful tool when it comes to teaching children. I don't know when spanking your kids and child abuse turned into the same thing, but it's just silly. Whether you spank you kids or not they will misbehave at some point, if people would just provide discipline insome form, our children will be fine as age and maturity are gained. But we need to stay out of our neighbors business, just because you don't agree with there form of correction. If it's just a spanking as correction for bad behavior, and not something completely different like hitting, just mind your own business. Hands down abuse, that's a ridiculous statement.

I spank my children. But I have done time outs, grounding, taking toys away, taking video games away, no snacks, no nothing. It doesn't work. This day in time, children get away with too much. I am 31 and I never heard anything about children taking guns to school or shooting other kids when i was a child myself. That is all over the news now. What do u think we should do? Let our children take control and run over us and kill us? I don't think so. That is just my opinion, though. That is the problem when you spank a child, dfacs comes into your life and takes over your household. What happened to our constitution and our rights as an American? Is there real true Americans anymore? We have to stand up for what we believe.

I believe that spanking is necessary if you are trying to teach your child the difference between right and wrong. If there negative actions do not have any consequences then how are they to know what they are doing is wrong or not. I have a 9 year old child who my wife and I did spank as he was growing up. Which wasn't often! We have never had any problems out of him in any way. The key is to make sure after you spank them that you talk to them to let your child know why he/she received the spanking. I can't even remember the last time we spanked our son. I am so proud of the way he has turned out and it just proves that real parents are the one's who love their children enough to do so. Being scared of what society thinks is not the answer to a well rounded child. If you leave it up to society you have those children who do not listen to their parents and will act out every chance they get, which is very often. I was at the store the other day and their was a woman with here son, and he was screaming the entire time that they were in the store. And the only thing that the mother said to her son was "we are leaving". Another shopper and I started talking and we both agreed that that was just sad. We need to wake up America!!!!

Yes Mary Frances....and it is people exactly like you that are the PRIMARY reason so many people today have NO morals, engage in all types of crime, and are totally disrespectful of anyone in authority. You are the type of person who also voted Obama, takes from workers and gives to people who do NOT work, and believes illegal immigrants are not illegal. The country is going to Hades in a hand basket and people like you are the reason.

WOW, RSSJR! Are you serious? Even though I do agree with your reply to Maryfrances. I'm not sure as to what that has to do with Obama. That's the other reason why this country is so divided. We point the blame at the person we don't like because thats the way are brought up. Thats just stupid. Our current president has nothing to do with our discussion here. Lets keep it where it belongs!

A swat on the butt is NOT abuse, and to say that it is, is just ignorant. When children are young, sometimes the only thing to get their attention is a swat on the butt. All the people I know that DON'T "believe" in spanking have disrespectful, bratty children that are out of control whenever they don't get their way.

I have no problem with the idea of spanking as a last-resort punishment, particularly where infractions putting life-safety at risk are concerned. I've just never had to do it, and my kids, 5 and 8, are doing just great (i.e. VERY well-behaved, always top of their class - we get compliments on their behavior ALL the time). Permissible? Sure, if that's your thing. Necessary? I'm still waiting for the day it is. And sorry, 2.3: my unspanked children have a very solid grasp of right and wrong (gained also without church, which I suspect has helped immensely).

That said, people spewing insults about other people's opinions on the subject (e.g. 2.6) need to acknowledge the validity of other people's opinions, and recognize that perhaps they live in more of a glass house than they realize.

I have kids. I discipline them without spanking. They are not bratty, disrespectful or out of control. They also understand that hitting others is wrong and it's not okay for grown-ups to hit kids just because they are grown-ups. It hasn't been that difficult to come up with alternative, effective methods and punishments. The Love and Logic methodology works great.

There is a difference between spanking done right as discipline and a beating. I did spank my son, and he did turn out wonderfully. I also quit spanking him when I realized I was angry with him. The definition of disciopline does not include being mad.

Maybe they are spanking for different problems. There is a difference between spanking and abuse.

And I didn't realize that rockets needed surgery.

She has a wooden spoon. I've seen it in action.

Rocket Surgery.  A quote from Kat Von D.  Get a sense of humor.

Maryfrances. It's so funny that so many people don't even understand that if "spanking worked" you wouldn't have to do it all the time!

So AJ - Does this include time-outs too? Apparently they aren't very effective either if a parent had to constantly use it, right?

Time-outs don't "work" either but they 'work' as well as spanking and don't inflict physical pain on a child, so I'd much rather use them. I never had to "constantly" use time outs. Instead, I used my power as a parent to let my children know what was expected of them. They misbehaved occasionally but not "all the time." By the time, they were seven or eight they almost never misbehaved. Yet they were never spanked. They were better behaved, much much better, then the kids I know who are spanked.

Maryfrances. I'm guessing that your neighbor is obviously doing it wrong. Spanking is so much more than "just spanking". You have to always let your child know exactly what it is they are doing to receive their spanking. And to let them know the consequences of their actions. If not, you will have a child who doesn't fully understand what the reason for their spanking is. I cannot agree with your comment on spanking is abuse. If you know what you are doing then it is very effective and necessary.

I looked up Kat Von D and  now I know why she says the phrase incorrectly.  The real phrase is supposed to be about "Rocket science." She's confusing rocket science with brain surgery.  Probably all of the ink has gone to her head.

Thank you, Beth for succinctly summing up the drawbacks of physical punishment better than I ever could! Are you in behavior modification?

Do you even have children, why don't we all sit down and get logical with our 5 year olds, when they smack their siblings in the face because they took a toy. Everything you typed sounds really great and intellectual to bad it doesn't work like that all the time. A responsible parent who spanks their child is only going to use spanking as one of a whole tool box full of techniques to discipline their child. Yes, sometimes I talk camly and explain alternative methods of behavior, and yet somethings what my children have done require instant attention and action on my part, aka a spanking to get the point home instantly that this behavior will not be tolerated. And yes my children do fear a spanking, which is a good thing that's a few less spankings I have to give. However, my children do not fear me in anyway so your theory is bogus. I am the father, I remove monsters from under the bed, and whip butts when my children are on the floor at wall mart crying over the latest toy they have to get today. Spanking has been a customary from of correction for thousands of years, if it isn't broke don't try and fix it.

Fear of a parent comes from abuse, not a spank.

I wonder why your kids are smacking eachother. Where would they learn that???

My kids have never smacked each other in the face, EVER. Maybe it's because I never hit them. Hmmm . . .I see a pattern here

Shelley and Irene, you can't be serious. So a child that throws a toy has watched Mom and Dad throw toys? If a young child steals, they have watched Mom and Dad steal? If a teen shoots up a school, they have watched Mom and Dad shoot up a school? Children act out their anger in different ways, even when Mom and Dad haven't practiced that behavior.

If your children have never struck another child in any way what-so-ever, you either have saints or you're not being honest.

Well said Doralee!!

One or two swats is not abuse. It is a swift form of discipline designed to get the child's immediate attention.

I spanked my kids, I was spanked, my parents were spanked, my grandparents were spanked....

We all turned out to be wonderful human beings. All this PC bull is just a bunch of hooey.

I don't think a little bit of fear is a bad thing for children to have where their parents are concerned. I believe just a smidge of apprehension keeps kids from doing things that trully may harm them. As I was raising my now nineteen-year-old daughter, I was taking a psych class. The text book from the class suggested that corporal punishmentg should be used rarely but effectively for behavioral modification. My daughter had a total of five spankings before the age of seven; these were not done in a fit of rage or frustration. I used them as the tools they can be. My perspective was and is that two or three sharp smacks on the behind would hurt her much less than the world would. Most of the time I was a very democratic parent: she was encouraged to share her thoughts with me whether they were in disagreement with mine or not. However, I believe that little bit of fear combined with the love and respect I showed her and built with her, kept her from doing drugs, coming home drunk, speaking disrespectfully to me and so on. Now I'm not saying that spanking alone accomplished this. I used many tools such as discussion, time outs, natural consequences, and taking things away, which have helped my daughter grow into an independent, opinionated, safe, drug and alcohol free, intelligent young woman. She attends college and is a leader and comforter among her peers. I'm proud of the human being she is and believe I've had a lot to do with this.

As Josh said, everything you wrote was very intellectual and follows what all the "experts" say in all the psychology books. However, in the senario given by the author (first paragraph) petty arguing and spilling juice is not something that warrants a spanking, so her example was not helpful. Timeouts, stern "talking-tos", or priveliges taken away would be appropriate for her childrens' behavior in that example. Spanking would come in as a last resort, and IMO are to be used sparingly and accompanied by a calm demeanor and discussion afterward. Yes, the child will have fear....of the spanking. That's why it is a deterent. But a parent who uses spanking judiciously and balances it with other methods of disciplline will find that their child understands boundaries and limits. Differnet behaviors warrant different corrections, and the child will learn where the limits are for those behaviors.

My parents spanked my siblings and I in the manner I've described. I can count on one hand the number of spankings I received, and my siblings can say the same. I never feared my parents or resented them because of spanking. That's ridiculous. And my two teenagers have a very affectionate and loving relationship with their father, whom they also respect by the way, despite the few spankings they received when they were younger.

Yes BETH....and it is people exactly like you that are the PRIMARY reason so many people today have NO morals, engage in all types of crime, and are totally disrespectful of anyone in authority. You are the type of person who also voted Obama, takes from workers and gives to people who do NOT work, and believes illegal immigrants are not illegal. The country is going to Hades in a hand basket and people like you are the reason.

Beth. I believe that one of the other problems in America is that there are too many parents who believe that they are their kids friend before being their parent. You are your kids parent 1st and friend 2nd. I spanked my son growing up and he did not require many spankings. He is 9 now and he hasn't recieved a spanking in years. Do you want to know why? Because he understands the difference between right and wrong. That is the ultimate key to spanking. Not to put in you but to put fear in their negative actions. I've seen children who were never spanked before and how they act. My son will look at them and say what is wrong with them daddy. I will tell him that its the parents fault for not disciplining them. And he will say to me "I would never act like that". I smile and go about my way, proud of the young man that my wife and I are raising. Now don't get me wrong, spanking is not the answer for everything. It is up to us as good parents to understand when a child deserves a spanking or just talking to. If you teach them right early you won't have all of those days with the constant headaches. Lets teach our children right and stop being stupid before this country raises a bunch of bad kids who have no respect for anyone.

Doralee, all children are physical before they learn to communicate with words. My children grabbed toys from each other and yes, they hit. But NEVER in the face, that is an aggressive learned behavior. A child will push another child or hit their hands away from a toy as a toddler. My job is to teach them that it is not an acceptable means of behavior. I did not teach them this by hitting them as well. Where is the message there??

I worked hard at teaching my children the proper communication skills to resolve conflict. I taught them by communicating with them.

I am heartbroken at how many parents believe that hitting is okay. And to use your own logic against you . . . if there is such a problem with children today (every generation has said this back to Plato!) and 82% of you think spanking is okay, logic will dictate that the problem might come from spanking? Or it will dictate that obviously spanking does NOT work.

My daughter is 8 months old and of course hasn't been spanked yet she will push you away if you're doing something that irritates her or smack at your hand to shoo it away. I'd be curious to know how she learned that without it being done to her.

My parents only had to spank me once when I was little. That was all it took lol. It is amazing and a little sad how many people do not understand the difference between spanking and abuse. The culture of being your child's friend has been a disaster yet there are still plenty of people clinging to the ideology.

RSSJR, quite with the judgment, quit blaming Obama for everything, and, most of all, quit posting the exact same paragraph over and over to different people.

In short, grow up.

I agree. I have a four year old that is a very good kid, but also have a four year old neice that is horrible. My husband and I started at a very young age teaching our daughter right from wrong, and this included smacking hands if she as told more than once or twice not to touch something. My neice on the other hand was taught different. They tried to ol' "I don't spank method"and guess what it got them. They now have a four year old that is as big as an eight year old and keeps the mother in tears because she doesn't listen. There is a right and wrong way to punish a kid. Unfortnantley I did not get the chance to have time with my second child because she was a stillborn, but rest assured she would have been raised the same as my oldest. I am very proud of my daughtershe has perfect manners, she tells us thank you, asks for what she wants and not demand it, and excuses herself when it is needed....

I agree, kids today for the most part are out of the control of the parents and in turn seem to have taken the control. I feel that is because we have too many people telling the parents what they cannot do to disipline their children and the children know this and us it as a weapon against their parents.. i.e. if you do this or that I wall call DSS on you. I do believe that spanking (when necessary) is a good punishment. I have 3 kids all of which are grown now, but I did spank them for bad behavior when other means of punishment didnt work. I believe too that you have to gear the punishment for the child. I have learned that spanking for one child may be what gets the message across where as to another child taking something away or simply talking to the child works. I do not think that spanking is abuse, abuse is leaving bruises or worst. To "redden" a child's bottom for something like running out into the road or being very distructive is a worthwhile and effective punishment.

the main point of discipline is to correct a behavior, it is acceptable to spank, but, i agree that the discipline should be appropriate to the child and the particular behavior. it is not always neccessary, and should not be done to relieve the parents' frustration, it should be done to help the child correct their behavior (and have a reminder the next time they consider behaving that way) oh and yes i do have children, two well adjusted teenage boys, who were both spanked at some point :)

There is a major difference between giving discipline and spanking. Parents take the easy way and just spank. Stop and think about what your hand does. Did it fix the problem? I'm betting no. I was more scared of losing my parents' respect and having them upset with me than to have been spanked.

Let's remember all children are different, just because you were easily disciplined because of your mild manner as a child doesn't mean every child will. Growing up myself I was rarely spanked I was quiet and calm as a kid, my older brother was a wild one, and he got several more spankings than I did. Spanking is a form of discipline, your own ideas can't change the fact that it has been for a very long time. The problem I have is that people like you , judge people like me when you see me spank my children. I don't care if you think it's discipline or not, and if I see your children acting up and you don't spank them, I don't run over and say, your a bad parent, you didn't spank your kid. So why am I labelled because I do, a good parent will go only as far with their children as is necessary, if you don't need to spank your kids, Don't. But don't consider me a bad parent because I do.

I'm not afraid to discipline. My kids wouldn't run around a Dr's office ever. They know that it's not allowed. That if they did, I would be unhappy with them. That they'd get a "Come here. Stop that right now. It is wrong to run around here like that. You are bothering other people." I guarantee you that saying that works as well if not better than spanking. If you don't think words like that alone will make kids behave and you have kids than you have, in my opinion, lost your way. You have failed to understand the power you have over your children just by the fact that you are their parent. When you fail to understand that authority, when you feel you don't have it, kids pick up on that and are actually less likely to behave.

i agree with you when we where young we got a spanking and nothings wrong with us. in those days i remember the bus driver having a ruler. now a days its like the kids are in control because any time you say i'm gonna spank you they say and i'm gonna call the police on you. i could see if we were beating our kids black and blue, but were not just one little spanken so they understand who is in control.

Children aren't adults. It's a proven fact that teens feel they know everything and can not make rational decisions since they have a false sense of invincablity. You can't treat children like adults.

So they aren't able to make rational decisions even as teens? But, according to you, they are able to rationalize that you can hit me because you are bigger but I can't hit someone just because they are smaller.

Learn self control and parenting--what you are doing is not either.

That's right...teens can't make rational decisions. That's why legally they can't vote, enter into legal contracts, decide to drink or smoke and drive a car.

My point is they must learn to RESPECT their elders. Not because adults are bigger, but because they are older and smarter (more life experience).

I think that is a crock, Shelly. It is not my responsibility to raise an adult. If that person's parent screwed up, there is nothing I can do about it. I kiss, hug, and cuddle my child; however, I wouldn't necassarily do that with a co-worker. What I do with my child does not and should not always equate with what I do in society. If my co-worker runs out into the street without looking, I would not spank her. The very thought of that is ridiculous because that person is an adult who should have already learned how to cross the street. If she has not, she will suffer the consequences.

No sense arguing with you--I can't possibly understand without a good spank. And you don't understand reason.

I think personally insulting someone by saying they don't understand reason shows a lack of reason. That appears to be a response of frustration.

For the record, when I was a kid I was never confused about the difference between a spanking from my parents and hittling other kids/people. I did however know quite clearly the latter could lead to the former. My parents never punched me or hit me so why would I think that was okay to do to others? My guess is just a simple lack of understanding of what a "spanking" really is.

Sending a child to their room with access to TV and internet is not time out or "mumbo jumbo".  Your children  crave your attention and are constantly stimulated by numerous distractions.  Time out is eliminating all stimulous and most importantly YOUR attention for negative behavior.

Structure, guidance, respect, boundaries, all can obtained without hitting.  Learn to communicate cognitvely.

Well I guess I was wrong. I did time outs over the dinner table and in the evening, by reducing all those numerous distractions and talking to my kid. And I also spanked after "communicating cognitively" to a 3 year old that if the behavior didn't stop, there would be consequences. And lo and behold, he would cognitively process that that some behavior results in discomfort, while others don't.

There is a huge spectrum between spanking and "no, no honey". this isn't even a valid argument. Because one doesn't hit doesn't mean that the next step is "no, no honey".

If you don't know what a parent is supposed to do, I feel sorry for you. I don't say "No no honey" like some whimpy parent who is afraid of their kid, who has no confidence in their power as a parent. I say "Do NOT throw that on the ground (while taking the delicate object away from them). It could break and there is no reason to treat it like that. Do not do that again." Saying that WITH AUTHORITY does work. It works as well as spanking. Maybe better. And what if it doesn't work, you say? Well first, what if spanking does not work? Let' face it if spanking always resulted in a child not engaging the behavior again, no one who spanks would have to do it more than once or twice. Second, there are other things you can "do". You've already removed the means of misbehavior, you can also send your child to his/her room for some cooling down. It works. I have two amazingly well behaved kids who were never ever spanked.

You are a piece of work. Proud & boastful of your caveman ideas about children. I'm sorry for any teenager or child that must live with your Father=God attitude. You only care about maintaining control with fear tactics & threat of a whoopin'. FEAR is not RESPECT.

Shelley said it well: " "Andrew--it's amazing to me that these small beings who, in your opinion, aren't able to understand reason are able to manipulate in devious ways. I think you should pick a side: are kids dumb mindless blobs that need to be hit to understand or are they thinking, creative beings who could use their brains to understand consequences far more intelligent than physical violence?"

Maybe YOUR teens can't make rational decisions, but I'm sure you never allowed them to try. If they can think, you lose control. You don't value kids as individuals, you demand respect & quiet obedience because you're bigger & smarter. They should not express an idependent thought because that's disrespectful backtalk.

You are a BULLY. Really that says it all.

Well they are able to manipulate in devious ways. I don't think that it's after "cognitively processing" their options. I agree with Andrew that they do not understand "reason" :

–noun

1. a basis or cause, as for some belief, action, fact, event, etc.: the reason for declaring war.

2. a statement presented in justification or explanation of a belief or action.

3. the mental powers concerned with forming conclusions, judgments, or inferences.

4. sound judgment; good sense.

5. normal or sound powers of mind; sanity.

6. Logic. a premise of an argument.

7. Philosophy.

a. the faculty or power of acquiring intellectual knowledge, either by direct understanding of first principles or by argument.

b. the power of intelligent and dispassionate thought, or of conduct influenced by such thought.

c. Kantianism. the faculty by which the ideas of pure reason are created.
–verb (used without object)

8. to think or argue in a logical manner.

9. to form conclusions, judgments, or inferences from facts or premises.

10. to urge reasons which should determine belief or action.
–verb (used with object)

11. to think through logically, as a problem (often fol. by out).

12. to conclude or infer.

13. to convince, persuade, etc., by reasoning.

14. to support with reasons.

Some of these may apply depending on the age of the child, put generally not at the age where you would be using a spanking in your array of disciplinary actions.
I demanded respect from my son because I was older (and you should respect your elders), and I was his parent. It was my job to teach him to respect people and other peoples things, time and space. If he could give value to other people as individuals he would receive it back. AND he did and does. Yes I demanded obedience too. If I tell you not to go out into the street because you could get hit by a car. I want you to not run out into the street. No negotiation on that. If I tell you not to put that fork into the light socket. I really don't want you to do it. Stuff happens in the blink of an eye. If they will respond to your "No" from a distance they might just live long enough to make you crazy as a teenager!
That does not result in a cowered child that can't express an opinion of their own. Added layers of action can, but just teaching respect and levels of obediance do not.

I have tried the time out thing and for some kids it simply doesnt work . I have 3 kids and time out only works on 1 of them.

Good for you Monica. I completely agree you. Patience, redirection, and cognitive consequences teach your children how to function in a society.

If a kid knows that spanking is not an option, they will take advatange of that.

Andrew--it's amazing to me that these small beings who, in your opinion, aren't able to understand reason are able to manipulate in devious ways.

I think you should pick a side: are kids dumb mindless blobs that need to be hit to understand or are they thinking, creative beings who could use their brains to understand consequences far more intelligent than physical violence?

Teens are BOTH. They will test a parent to the ultimate limits to see what they can get away with...they are smart enough to do that. However, you can't trust a teen to drive a car in a safe manor, for example. They refuse to believe an accident can happen to them.

That's why you can never back down and let them think they call the shots.

You keep saying "teens". Are you spanking your 16 year old?

No, Scott. I'm saying if you don't bring your kids up right to begin with, you get out of control teens.

And another thing, i grew up just fine. Im alive and well. I do not believe in beating cause that is crossing the line, but a good spanking on the butt, enough to feel it is ok. They will thank you when they grow up. I still thank my parents for doing what they did because if they didnt, there is no telling where i'd be today.

I totally agree with you. I was spanked when i was growing up and so was my brother. We do not do drugs and do bad things. We both knew better. My dad put the fear of god in us as well. There is nothing wrong with spanking children. Again the world would be a better place if more parents would do it and not baby then and let them get away with stuff all the time. Cause then they think it is ok to do.

So...."My dad was an alcoholic and drug addict and I turned out okay and even got my Masters Degree. Therefore I think being a drucnken drug addict is an acceptable form of parenting." The logic just isn't there.

Parents who spank have lower IQs and produce kids with lower IQs--FACT!

Parents who spank have lower IQs and produce kids with lower IQs--FACT!

Wow, how incredibly DUMB!!

Want to back up this statement with some proof-like a link, instead of a rant, Shelley?

Do your own homework--or else you won't learn!

So Shelly, you couldn't find the data to back up your lie, no surprise there!

Apparently people who DON"T get spanked are dumber that a box of rocks.*laughter*

I've heard of the so-called "fact" that Shelley mentions! I thought it might also indicated that "intellectuals" also spoil their kids rotten instead of teaching them right from wrong! :.)