Over-parenting is a huge problem in American Society-- absolutely no doubt about it! I have made this mistake myself with my three daughters: ages 21, 19 and 10. By doing everything for them, coddling them through each and every stage and giving them so much more than they really ever needed, they are so much more insecure and dependent than they should be (esp the older two). They seem to need confirmation and guidance even on simple issues because that is what they have gotten used to their whole lives! As a result, it is making me (their Mom) sick with too much stress as I have a very, very busy hectic career, a husband and three kids and three dogs and three cats to care for!

Although I love my children very much and would do anything for them (yes, indeed the problem), I very much regret coddling, overscheduling and overindulging them as they were growing up and not allowing them to learn more from their own life experiences so that they would now be much more confident, independent young ladies. I have seen this time and time again with so many friends and acquaintances. It is an enormous burden to society overall and has 'damaged' a generation or two unfortunately.

We all need to 'wise up' and stop the ridiculousness. Do we all really want our kids going to college, coming home with Masters and Doctorate degrees, and then moving right back home to live off of Mom and Dad for a few more years because they're still not ready (or willing) to cope with the real world? Parents of America, unite and stop the coddling and over-parenting for the well being of our children and most of all, for your own well being and health!!!!

Doing, doing, doing never ends for far too many children. Based on my thirty-nine years as a child mental health counselor, I agree. The focus is too much on the outside of the child (performance or doing) and not enough on the inside of the child, “who I really am,” the being part. The most important part of a child is being and needs a lot of parenting attention to develop fully.

Here’s an example of what I see happening with parents who are focusing on “who I am on the inside.”

Twelve-year-old Michael runs into the house, just in time for dinner, “Mom, wait till you see what Andrew and I found. It’s a garter snake, and I’ve got it in this sack. Can I put it in our old fish tank?”

Mom gulps, tries to stay calm as she takes the just-baked fish out of the oven. “Sure, but just for overnight. No, I don’t want to hold it.” As she puts the vegetables on Michael’s and Becky’s plates, trying hard to not think about the snake, she reflects: Michael’s so happy since I took him out of that high-powered school with the three hours of homework every night. He’s got time to play … And it sure helps to use the stuff from that class about focusing on what’s inside a child and decreasing what a kid does when it’s too much; I’m seeing who Michael really is. Makes my job easier not to be hassled by all that homework, especially doing all this by myself. Whew, life’s better …

By now Michael’s looking for the tank in the garage, careful not to let the sack open, and his thoughts are racing: This is so much fun. My mom’s always letting me do fun stuff. This is so much more fun than playing soccer every night like I had to last year. So glad I could tell Mom I just didn’t like soccer. Now I can play with my friends more …

That’s being, being, being “who I am” from the inside out. Here’s the resounding, underlying message I’ve heard from over twenty-five hundred children: “I need Mom and Dad to accept me for just who I am instead of just what I do.” This need is life-essential, equal to feeling the need for food.

Here are some possible answers. Media, focus a lot more on examples of parents focus on the inside of their child. And parents, direct your primary parenting attention toward what’s inside your child, and then watch your child blossom. The result: a happy, respectful child—every parent’s dream. Oh, and by the way where are the health initiatives in Washington for child mental health.