Does parenting make you dumb?

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Has being a stay-at-home parent affected your intellect?

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    Yes
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    No
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When your workday is composed of long hours watching “Teletubbies,” speaking baby talk and cleaning crusted snot, what impact does that have on your ability to think and converse like an intelligent adult?

Stay-at-home dad Aaron Traister shares his revelations in his Salon.com article, “Is My Kids Making Me Not Smart?”

I don't know if parenting makes you chronically stupid or just temporarily slow, but after nearly four years of child rearing, most of them spent as a stay-at-home dad, my intellect has been dulled to a nub. Women have known this for generations. Maybe that's why the "stay at home vs. get out and work" debate is so contentious. Of course, I've never heard anyone talk about it. But maybe I just wasn't paying attention until now. All I know is, while my wit may never have cut with the precision of a Ginsu blade, my mind was a bit sharper than the rusty pair of kindergarten safety scissors I'm working with these days.

And you know that judgmental look you get from childless friends who make no effort to hide being bored out of their minds by your hilarious stories about the kids. They just don’t get it. In parents’ defense, Traister explains that parents who talk endlessly about their children are not being narcissistic:

The common misconception of childless, alcohol-imbibing party guests and cyber-ether baby-haters alike is that parents blabber constantly out of some arrogance or indulgent desire to show off their great kids and their perfect parenthood. Nothing could be further from the truth. We parents have so little now; the children have taken so much. We just have nothing left to say. We sometimes hear ourselves and know how we must sound to others, and we feel great shame. Our children have broken us and turned us into single-subject simpletons. They've accomplished this feat in what is supposed to be the prime of our intellectual life.

Has raising children impacted you intellectually? Do you have advice on how to stay a sane, intelligent adult when the kids are the center of your world? Share your thoughts!

Read the full article on Salon.com

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I have to say I agree with Aaron when it comes to the first few years of raising children, my brain was not functioning to it's fullest. I found the less sleep I had the more my brain went to mush. "The mommy brain" as most moms I know call it, would get better as my kids starting sleeping through the night. Having two children 15 months a part was hard work but now that they are 4 and 5, i feel it is so easy and fun. But I'm glad I have the opportunity to be home with them to help them build a solid foundation of our families values and goals.

As for ways to keep my mind challenged I seek out organizations such as the "Moms Club" and I get involved. Holding positions such as Secretary and Party Planner keeps me on my toes. I also joined a book club and do some consulting work (I have a degree in IT in Business) so I utilize my skills and try to keep up to date with technology the best I can. Sometimes I feel the thought of going back to work may be intimidating at first but I'm confident that being involved and keeping a social life will ensure all the skills I had before will come back to me. Hopefully my "mommy brain" will slowly fade away.

    Reply#1 - Mon Dec 7, 2009 8:20 PM EST

    OMG, Aaron thanks for this article. So, so true!!

    I guess my only advice would be to pick up a newspaper or read a good book and then join a group of friends with like minded interests. But when you're home raising kids who has time for that!? Duh.

    The only thing that's worked for me the past couple of years is to make sure I make monthly meet-ups with my child-less friends. It forces me to not focus on the kids and talk about other things. It's not always easy but it works for me.

      Reply#2 - Tue Dec 8, 2009 2:25 AM EST

      OMG!!!! I so relate to this....

      My Sanity Keepers are quilting, reading or riding my horse (this one not nearly often enough)

        Reply#3 - Tue Dec 8, 2009 9:56 AM EST

        Thank you, thank you, thank you for helping me to not feel as if I'm losing my mind! About two weeks ago I was lamenting to my husband that I felt "intellectually slow". Since I began staying home with my children 2 1/2 years ago I've noticed that my vocabulary has shrunk, my processing speed has slowed, and my impeccable memory resembles Swiss cheese. As a former school teacher I find it especially frustrating that I’m struggling to hold normal adult conversations. With our oldest son I continued teaching until he was 3 ½ years old. During those first few years with our oldest there were times when I’d be stressed or sleep deprived and would struggle some, however I did not feel the diminished brain capacity I do now. Through my personal experience, I believe that the more stay at home moms and dads can do to stay part of the adult the better!! My involvement with the school PTSA has given me a lot of hope to regain some “intelligence”. I’m hoping to find other similar groups and organizations to keep my mind stimulated.

          Reply#4 - Tue Dec 8, 2009 10:51 PM EST
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