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From Mika Brzezinski, MSNBC anchor and author of "All Things At Once"
I was fired at the pinnacle of my career, on my 39th birthday. And in the year that followed, I learned some of the most important "life lessons" and parenting skills.
For me, the bad news came soon after I had signed the dream contract of any television journalist’s career. I had been working as a reporter or anchor for almost 20 years, many of which were spent at CBS News or the local affiliate. I had married and had two children as I rose through the ranks with CBS. My identity was defined by the perfect balance I had so luckily struck, being able to intertwine marriage, children, and fascinating career.
By 38, I had made it to the top with a new contract as the anchor of the Sunday evening broadcast; a correspondent spot on "60 Minutes Wednesday"; and the possibility of co-hosting the "CBS Evening News." It was great fun, and a massive ego boost.
My two girls were especially proud. We had been on this journey together, with mommy flying all over the country to report on news stories for a decade. Carlie came with me to a shoot on "Sesame Street." Emilie liked to hide under the desk as I anchored the Sunday Evening News. They felt at home at CBS.
My colleagues knew them by name and they loved coming to work with mommy.
But then, the perfect balance of it all collapsed.
With Dan Rather’s departure came the elimination of the managers above him — the very same managers who hired me. Suddenly I went from being the network’s "It Girl" to What’s-her-name?
I was about to turn 40, sitting alone at my desk, phones silent, inbox empty. It happened overnight. I knew it was over; it was just a matter of how and when it would all go down. It wasn’t long afterward that I was negotiating my very public and very painful exit from CBS. I was devastated. I hated leaving. I loved the job, but mostly I loved the people there. And it felt like family because I had blended my work and home life so much over the years.
My untimely departure led to some strange reactive behavior on my part as I struggled to come to terms with what had happened. To some, I acted happy — free! But that didn’t feel right. To others, I expressed complete devastation, but that seemed a bit off balance too. When it came to my kids, I jumped into "protective mother" mode. I acted like I was giving them a gift. Somehow, I felt it was my duty to protect them from the pain I was feeling. In other words, i lied about how it felt and what it meant. Big mistake.
I fed them a speech explaining how great this would be for all of us because we would have MUCH more time together. I spun it as "good news", even though I was dying inside.
The very next day after I broke the news to my girls, the school called: Eight-year-old Carlie was upset, and the teacher asked if I could come in. Could I come in? Of course! This was the new me! The "stay at home mom"! This was my opportunity to show the kids the benefit of an unemployed mom! Yes, for the first time in their lives, I could be there at the drop of a hat!
I raced to the school.
I found Carlie outside her classroom in the fetal position, her teacher crouched over with her hand on Carlie’s shoulder. My child was clearly upset; the teacher looked uncomfortable and said in a low voice, "Carlie tells me you’re leaving your job, and she’s very upset."
I turned to Carlie and said, "That’s a good thing, right? It’s a good thing because we’ll get time together. No more rushing. No more missing your events. No more job!" She pulled her head up, and, with two big blue eyes pooling with tears, said, "But Mommy, you love it so much! I don’t want you to have to leave your job."
That moment was the first time I truly cried about what had happened to me, to us. I realized that it was a huge mistake to "protect" my children from the truth. They are smarter than that and deserve the truth, even when it is not easy. I realized it would be OK to mourn together, to be angry together, to be discouraged together, and to be honest with each other. Carlie’s sheer honesty and concern for me broke my heart. At that moment, I cried about my job loss, no OUR job loss. From that moment on, I sugarcoated nothing. When I was nervous about an interview, I told them. When I botched an interview, I told them. When someone wouldn’t even bother to meet with me, I told them.
They needed to be part of the process, whether I was up or down. It was a humbling yet enriching experience for all of us. A fundamental lesson of being fired: There’s no need to lie about it.
People will know what you’re saying is a cover-up for how you really feel — embarrassed, discouraged, and afraid. It’s best to simply be true to those feelings and work from them. Kids are a great place to start with that. They, too, will face challenges in life, and job loss is an opportunity to show them what you are made of.
It has been a long road for us as a family. We have witnessed some serious highs, and lows together and are all stronger for it. Our collective experience has made us closer, and tougher. Failure can be the most important thing to confront in life. Failures are huge teachable moments and our children can learn many lessons from ours. Mainly, how to forge on through tough times, and maybe, even end up better for it.
Related stories:
More on Mika's book, "All Things at Once."
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172 comments, including:
I have to say, I'm with Sodium. The entire article could have been condensed down into those two sentences.