At our house we do "big" birthdays ever other year and then on the other year the kids get to invite one friend to do something fun. I like even numbers and their bff's, so about 6 kids including the birthday child. I have never done a 20 kid birthday. It is too overwhelming for me and the children. When my son was 3 turning 4 he could invite one child from preschool and one from our family friends. Our friends were ok with this, because you can't be invited to everything everytime. I guess if you are in the entertainment industry it is different. But at our house we use the KISS methond, Keep It Simple Stupid....

What is the B list for? It sounds like the B list if for kids that can get bumped up for an invite if someone on the A list cannot attend.

We are in the early planning stages of our son's Bar Mitzvah for this Fall. He presented us with a list of 85 friends. The place we're having the party at only holds 100 people...including the DJ, Caterer... We are going to have him cut his list to at least 20 plus an additonal ten for children of friends and family.

This is always a sticky subject. When our children were younger (pre-k-2nd gr) we invited school friends and family friends. It was quite hectic but it spared a lot of hurt feelings among the children. Things tend to change when they are older. Children become more verbal as to who they would like at their celebrations. As long as they don't exclude persons for malicious reasons, I go with who they suggest. Usually the week of their birthday we send treats to the classroom for everyone but the party outside of school is held for only a few friends. This way everyone gets a chance to partake in the occasion. Your wallet will be able to breathe a little better as well.

When my children are in preschool I really didn't ask them. I would ask their pre-school teacher for a list of 8-10 names of children my child plays w/most during the day. Then I simply take the list & ask my son questions w/out sounding like I am drilling him. He says yes I like.....or no Mom I don't like him because.........This is usually how I make a dicission on whom to invite. I always send invites in the mail so other children are not affended. As far as school age I tell them 8-10 kids or no party. My boys always put thought into it & pick their closest friends. By the time they get to middle school you will notice it starts to be the same kids every year from then till high school.

When my girls were young and in pre-school or grade school for these b'day parties I would ask the teacher or teachers aide who Mary or Johnny hung out with most and advise only a certain # of children could be invited since family children would also be counted in for the 20 max. I would talk with the teachers or send a letter to them. You have to realize who is the parent and who is the child and who is paying for this party. Just because Suzzie or Max found out that that Mary or Johnny have a b'day party coming up that they will most likely be invited because they might not be and those parents of the non-invited children have to talk to their children and try and explain why they were not invited.

Until Kindergarten we sent treats to school....and the outisde party was kids in the neighborhood or friends of mine's kids.

Once in K, we considered the school policy...some schools you have to send invites for everyone, some dont. Since our schools always allow the teacher to stealthrully put invites in the folders, we didnt have to invite 20-30 kids. We always let them choose 1 child per their age. Period. Its too overwhelming for them and my purse if we inivite everyone they know.

Where we live, the schools and pre-schools will allow you to do a little birthday celebrations at the school. We simply plan a time with the teacher that we can bring in cupcakes and punch and provide enough for the whole class to enjoy. At least you have a boy! Wait till you have a 11 yr old girl! That's when it gets really complicated. Girls are so "clickish" anyway. We have a very small slumber party with 6 girls and my daughter actually had other girls that were very upset with her for weeks because they weren't invited. Tough cookies is all I could say! :)

Because birthday parties can be quite expensive when the guest list is large, we've gotten in the habit of teaming up with the parents of another child in my daughter's class whose birthday falls in the same month and co-hosting a party so that we can invite all the children in the class. She's really enjoyed sharing in the party planning with a classmate and my husband and I believe that sharing her party with another child imparts a subtle, but important life lesson.

We also set a no-present rule since it seems unfair to ask parents to buy two presents at one time given the challenging economic times all us are facing. My daughter's birthday is in December. For the parents who really want to buy a gift, we've suggested that they donate a toy to the Salvation Army. This year, a number of parents brought these donations to the party and my daughter was able to deliver the toys to the Salvation Army the next day. She had a great time and asked if we could do the same thing next year.

ok, let's step back and look at this. you are getting all stressed out because your 4 year old is having a birthday and you can't decide who to invite? how do you actually funtion in society? what happens when there is a real decision to be made? he is four, he would rather play with a cardboard box. have some family over and stress out on something important like what kind of toilet paper to buy.

We never started organized birthday parties with friends until our kids started school. And even then we would set a limit as to how many friends they could have. The number was never more than five. Kids that young are not mature enough to handle a big party. There are always melt downs, temper tantrums and such. When our kids were asked at school by an uninvited friend why they were not invited, our kids simply would say that we (mom and dad) only allowed X amount of people. It has never been a problem. In fact my daughter has been told that a few times by other friends and she has never had a problem with it. Quit sweating the small stuff!!! But FYI the rule I have always heard is that the number of guest should be equal to the child's age plus one if needed to make it an even number of kids. So if you child is six, invite seven guests that would give you eight kids including your child.

I always invite everyone in the class. I went through hell with my daughter because a birthday girl in her pre school told her she was going to be invited to her party. When the time came (my daughter knew of the date, but didn't know that you had to have an official invitation) I had to tell her that she did not receive an invitation therefore she would not be attending "Amanda's" party. OMG! The whole thing turned out to be a nightmare. Cry Fest etc the whole nine yards! The same thing happened the next year with "Amanda" verbally inviting my daughter; again no invite. With heavy pressure from my daughter I called the other mom who told me that they only have family party's. Fair enough. That was a good lesson for me so I always invite everyone in the class. They may not always come but no one will be crying to their parent that so and so is going and they were not included. I'm lucky we have an orchard that is nearby that offers hay rides for a fee, live animals and activities that are free. I bring in all of the party goods and food. My children have never had a party where the other children bring a gift. No gifts just a donation to a charity that my child chooses. Everyone wins.

One friend per years old the child is turning. For my daughter's fourth birthday, she had to choose four friends to invite. Period.

People who invite 20+ people are just looking to show off or something...

We take cupcakes to the school and sing Happy Birthday with the class. Then we celebrate as a family at home and on the weekend take "birhday" trip somewhere close by. (Camping, Amusement Park, Something the kids enjoy) My children love it. They get to "celebrate" their birthday's several times. And the money we would have wasted on party expenses (which are often $200+) we put towards the birthday trip and a few extra presents. Everyone wins!

First of all your talking about children: to not invite someone??: you should not invite any! to exclude based on any adult "logical reason" is still a no no!! children don't understand our adult birthday party problems: Keep it simple!! we had a party at school for all my son's Best Friends::: everyone is included!! and then we have a party at home for family and friends. Every school in our area alows for a party as long as plans are gone over w/ the teacher & staff: kids are so simple; so keep it simple; cupcakes can be made healthy now a day's along w/ a juice pouch of some kind: a birthday plate and matching knapkin, and I got permission to play a vegi tales cartoon while they ate?? rule 1: don't exclude::: rule 2: keep it simple::: rule 3: it's a party for goodness sake: have some fun!!