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From Melissa Gerstein of MomsAndTheCity.net
Once upon a time I used to wake up and have sex in the morning. My boyfriend and I would stroll hand and hand without a care in the world. And we could talk and talk for hours.
But that was before my boyfriend became my husband. Ten years and three children later things are not what they used to be. I miss the days where I was his full attention and focus. I miss how we went anywhere at any time. I miss how he used to look at me. Now with three little ones I'm competing for his time.
Don’t get me wrong I love my children. But, I find myself fighting over who gets to talk to Daddy first, especially when it comes to my 4-year-old-little girl. She will curl up in his lap and I will watch her hold his face with her little hands. I think to myself how precious, but I also remember how that used to be me on his lap.
But it’s not even the one-on-one time I long for. It is that my state of mind has changed. It is just not the same now since I have had children. I often wonder, why can’t we, as husband and wife, assume the roles of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” again? Is there a way? Is it once you get married and have kids your relationship as a couple is never the same?
It’s not just about the intimacy either, or being able to do whatever whenever. It’s that life as we know it now as husband and wife and being Mom and Dad is so busy it’s hard to remain each other’s firsts. There are so many other things in the mix now, like schools, bills, meals, errands, everyone’s health and trying to be good parents.
So, how do I get my boyfriend back? Will it take 18 years until all the children move out? I posed this question to my own mother and mother-in-law recently and in unison and without pause, they answered a collective, “yes!”
Amber Valletta is an actress and model. She currently stars in the new film, "The Spy Next Door," and she recently answered some questions from Moms and The City on this topic:
What is the biggest change in your marriage since you have had a child?
Be careful of where and when to sex. We are pretty lucky our son goes to bed and does not come out of bed. That is the biggest thing with a couple especially when you have been together a long time.
What do you do to keep the sparks alive in your marriage?
We try to go out once a week, but usually that is not feasible. Keeping up the romance and going on dates is really important. We definitely try to be affectionate with each other and stay connected.
Do you ever miss your "boyfriend"/"girlfriend" time?
No, I miss that first six months when you are all crazy about each other when it’s all new, fresh and exciting and you have butterflies. But that dissipates with anyone. It does not matter who you are with, you could be with your fantasy man. People are real and they do what all us humans do like fart.
Do you ever feel you are competing with your children for your husband's time?
No, I don’t look at it like that. I hope my son is number one to my husband and I know my husband loves me and feels differently about me.
Read more from Moms And The City's Melissa Gerstein, Denise Albert and Raina Gittlin on MomsAndTheCity.net. Story courtesy of Metro.
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Discuss: Do you think it's possible to get your 'boyfriend' back?
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7 comments, including:
wonderful comments by Amber Valleta! I found Melissa Gerstein's comments on the other hand disturbing. What woman gets jealous of her kids?! Grow up. It's not about you, it's the next generation's turn.