I also am unaquainted with adoption but I do know a couple who are white who adopted two multiracial children here in the US. According to the mother, it was a shorter waiting list when race of the child wasn't an issue. If she had wanted a white child the waiting list could have been years but instead it was only months. Also her husband's employer reimbursed part of the adoption expenses. Without the reimbursement she said it would have been too expensive to adopt at all.

I have heard about this issue for years. I knew of one couple who decided not to have another biological child because the wife had had chemo. She didn't want to have an only child and really wanted her first born son to have a sibling. She and her husband went to an adoption agency that was affliated with their faith and within months, thay were called----their was a beautiful baby girl, only a couple of months old, that needed a good home. The baby was perfect and was named for the husband's late mother. She grew up in a great home . But, I have to say that there were detracters in our community that whispered that the husband's very wealthy family had been able to get this adoption soooo quickly and easily. No one should criticize another family's choices. For several years after the adption, the couple lovely worried about any possible inhereted traits that little baby might have had or would have. They would have never given that precious child back. The Mom who paid for a one way ticket for this little Russian boy, should be take out to some Tennesee woods and left to forage for herself for a period of time to get the message that abondoning a child that way was a very brutal thing to do to a child.

I'm so glad that you asked this question. Many people simply make assumptions as to why some people choose international adoption over domestic. The fact is that international and domestic adoption differ in fundamental ways, and each prospective adoptive family must consider all aspects of the various programs and choose the program that will be the best fit for them. I've got a daughter from Korea, and my husband and I made countless careful decisions along the path that brought our family to our daughter.

There are several reasons why adoptive parents look to foreign countries to build their families, just as there are many reasons why adoptive parents seek to adopt a child in the first place. Some people welcome this opportunity to incorporate a different culture into their homes and their families. In addition, many people find that the system of domestic adoption in the U.S. does not meet their needs, so they turn to international adoption instead.

These factors both played a role in my husband's and my decision to adopt internationally. I have been fascinated by other cultures since childhood, and I felt drawn to international adoption both as a logical and emotional extension of that deep interest. Nevertheless, we began the process by looking into both domestic and international adoption.

We quickly determined that the domestic system was not right for us. First, we were not comfortable with the amount of uncertainty that characterizes most domestic adoptions. To adopt in the U.S., we would have had to place our "profiles" in books through which pregnant women and girls might leaf to choose parents for the babies they carried. Someone might pick us in four weeks or in four years; there was no way to know. Timelines in international adoptions were somewhat changeable but still far more predictable than in the domestic context. In addition, we knew that in a domestic adoption, the birthmother might change her mind either at the last minute before terminating all her rights to the baby or even for a legally defined period after that. Although we were aware that the rate of this occurrence was small, the possibility of welcoming a child home as my own and then having to give her up terrified me. I had grieved so after a miscarriage; I couldn't imagine how I would cope with the loss of an adoption as well. It's true that international adoptions also carry with them the possibility of a birthmother's change of heart, but the risk is much smaller.

Our other reason for turning away from the domestic adoption system was the current trend in U.S. adoptions toward as much "openness" as possible. In an open adoption, ongoing contact between the child, the adoptive family and the birthmother and/or birth family is expected. This contact can range from occasional to frequent, but in general—allowing for individual circumstances, of course—a fair amount of contact is considered beneficial for the child and is therefore strongly encouraged. Although my husband and I recognize the value that such open adoptions might hold for the adoptees, we were uncomfortable personally with the prospect of this level of ongoing contact with our child's birth family. Our extended family relationships were already quite complex, and we were not eager to add another set of family members to the mix. In short, while this concern may or may not have been rational, we didn't want to feel like we had to compete with another set of parents. While some birthmother or birth-family contact is possible in international adoptions—and is becoming increasingly more so—it is neither as prevalent or as frequent as the contact preferred in many domestic adoptions.

Our adoption story is only one example, but I cite it here to illustrate the proposition that there are many reasons prospective adoptive parents choose to adopt internationally rather than domestically. It is not simply that parents do not want to adopt the children available for adoption in the U.S.; rather, for many of us, the differences in the two systems pull us in one direction over the other.

A critical factor for any family considering adoption is that it be honest when evaluating all of the options. Pushing oneself into a direction one really doesn't want to go is unlikely to serve anyone well: not the parent(s), the rest of the family, and certainly not the adopted child.

www.UnchartedParent.com

I concur with many of Tracy's comments. I, too, am an adoptive mother; however, our path to adoption was much different than Tracy describes. We began the process with an open heart and mind; and through a series of decisions along the way about what was right for our family, we finally settled on adoption through the foster care system. About a year and a half ago, we finalized the adoption of our three precious daughters (biological sisters). The foster care system worked amazingly well for us; very quick timing, wonderful social workers, easy transition period, financially doable, etc. I think that some families are afraid of the foster care system, because they are fearful of the emotional baggage from early childhood experiences in children that find themselves in the system. It took alot of courage and faith for my husband and I to trust that each child is a beautiful and unique individual who deserves a loving family and an encouraging environment to reach their full potential. Our daughters were a little older when we met them too, and I think some families really yearn for an infant. Each situation is unique, and I agree with Tracy that adoptive families weigh the decisions that feel right for them, and may come to very different paths (e.g. domestic private, domestic foster-care, international). I hope that your readers can be encouraged through my story to not be afraid to consider the foster care system. Our experience was WONDERFUL, and our three beautiful daughters are a constant blessing each and every day - a reminder that each child is a reflection of God's love :) Embrace life!

We adopted internationally for the exact same reasons as Tracy eliquently listed above. Especially because of the openness of domestic adoptions.

I have always wondered why people compare international versus domestic adoptions? Adoption is a wonderful way to build a family. Why does it matter where the chosen child is from? Since when do man-made lines on a map dictate who you should choose to love? You can meet someone from another country, fall in love and marry. No one asks, "why didn't you marry domestically?" Why is it such a big deal?

Again, labeling by race and nationality isn't right. A child is a child.

I completely agree with Jen--a child is a child. My husband and I adopted a boy and girl from South Korea as babies. They are now 18 and 15 and are great kids and as American as apple pie. We looked at avenues to adopt domestically but it it is not easy and is fraught with legal difficulties and potential heartbreak. One Christian adoption agency I contacted to try to adopt a baby from the US would not accept us because we were United Methodists and, therefore, not the "right" kind of Christian. People who criticize adoptions of children born abroad should think before they speak.

Adoption is a wonderful way to build a family, it is how my husband and I created our family. Our son was adopted domestically through an attorney. When our son's birth mother asked us to adopt the child from her next pregnancy, we agreed. After supporting her and her other 2 children who lived with her for almost 9 months as the law in the state where she resides required, she gave birth, did not tell us and decided against placing her child with us. We were devastated, emotionally and financially. We wanted 2 children and couldn't face the prospect of another failed adoption, not after so much heartache from trying to have a biological child. So we decided to adopt from China...Why China? We said why not China. We wanted to make sure we finished the process with a child. Our child. It didn't matter where that child came from.

Since bringing home our daughter we have been asked how much she costs, why we didn't adopt here...your question...why we didn't adopt one of our own and not some foreigner. We get stares, I'm asked who her "real mother" is.

This is my daughter. She doesn't look a thing like me. Our son does, but big deal, so people don't assume he's adopted.

My reality of motherhood has come to me through adoption. It is not for anyone else to criticize me or anyone else who adopts for thier choices and more then its my place to comment on someone elses family choices. It burns me up that this question "Why not adopt domestically rather than internationally?". My response to the questioner would be to go ahead and adopt a child yourself.

what about taking care of our own country and it's population? Why is it that we are always "righting" other countries.....their economy, their poverty, their homelessness, their orphans,etc. etc.

Then we have the high profile people who have made it "fashionable" to adopt and volunteer time and money to foreign lands...I am so tired of it.....

People who travel to Europe and far flung countries to vacation and haven't seen more than a state or two in our own USA..

I could go on and on andon and......

I was adopted out of foster care at the age of 12 and remember wanting a family so badly I didn't care who adopted me (I wish I knew then what I know now!). I knew kids who were adopted from foreign countries living great lifestyles with great parents and it hurt to see Americans choose foreign babies over thousands of kids here who need homes. Maybe it was the blank slate with babies compared to a child who was anything but naive but I urge people to look beyond just adopting babies no matter what country they were born. I just don't think they can truly appreciate the life you would be providing the way an older child would.

For me international adoption was the best option. Domestic adoptions do not make it very easy for single women to adopt - not to mention that as a single you are competing with two parent traditional families. I wanted to have an infant that was healthy and loved by his foster mother, so I chose Guatemala, after looking at many countries including the US, and would do it again. I brought my son home 6 years ago this May from Guatemala. It is has been hard but mostly it has been amazing. In the end, a child that needs love/a family, wherever in the word they are, should be allowed to be loved...no matter where the parents are from.

I'm a mom and have both a biological son and four adopted children. One child was adopted here in the US and the others from China and very recently, Haiti. Children are children and as mentioned earlier, does it really matter where in the world the child is from? We are all citizens of the world. And for the folks who think "designer" families are being built--Come on over here! I have a wonderful family, but it has been a tremendous amount of work, hard work, as well as a lot of love and faith. There have been uncertainties regarding health issues and learning issues, as well as eye surgeries, epilepsy, asthma, hearing loss, hernias, reconstructive surgery,expenses for eye glasses, tutoring...... This is a family built from love, it's certainly not built as a "movie star status symbol".

All children need a family, whether here or abroad. Why make a judgement, as if one path were "better"? Families are built in many ways. I have the children I was meant to be a mom to, and I am so thankful for this. Maybe we are a "status symbol" after all!

To watch the promotions for adoptions and the introductions of adoptable children one would think that all you had to do was step up and say, "I will," and children would be presented to you readily for your choosing.  In fact, the systems in place raise protections against the defects or possible transgressions of the adopting parents, and do so with a vigor that can be very discouraging.  Even well qualified couples (let alone single people willing to adopt) are disqualified by the process.  We started our family late, so we were in our early 30's when our first child was born.  Our second child was as much loved as our first but she died when she was only 18 months old of a congenital illness.  After learning to live with this loss we decided to undertake an adoption to complete our family.  Some may find fault with my suggestion that our family was incomplete, but that is how it felt to me.

My wife and I immediately dismissed consideration of domestic adoption because we were too old.  All of the legitimate adoption agencies or standard channels of adoption considered us to be to old because the spread between our ages and the ages of the child we hoped to adopt were too great for their standards.  We knew that quality agencies that handled foreign adoptions had different standards and we were pleased that this opportunity remained open.  We worked with one of the most respected agencies in our state and went through the strict screening that was required to be approved as adoptive parents.  After this we were offered the chance to adopt a girl from Hong Kong.  She was four years old with a minor, repairable, physical defect. 

We went to Hong Kong to pick her up and fell in love with her right away.  It took her a little longer, but she is now 28 years old and has presented us with the two most wonderful granddaughters we could ever have imagined.  We are very proud of her older sister and her, and we are very much a family.  When we were going through this experience I deliberately refused to keep track of the costs of the project.  I have never wanted to know the dollar figure attached to this experience, since it was never an economic choice we had made.

Perhaps we could have had the same lifelong experience with a domestic adoption, but we were never considered.  I have never regretted our experience, so I have never spent any time regretting that we could not adopt locally.  Nevertheless, in answer to the question, "Why do people undertake foreign adoptions rather than domestic adoptions?" the simplest answer may be that foreign adoptions are the only option open to them.

Tracy, my hat goes off to you. You have very eloquently and concisely talked about something near & dear to my heart.

My husband and I made a very personal decision to build our family through international adoption. We have been blessed with two beautiful siblings, adopted from Russia. They are healthy, happy, active and have adapted to their new home incredibly well.

All adoptive parents make their own personal decisions on which type of adoption works best for them for many different reasons, which should be respected. A child is a child and all unparented children need good loving homes, regardless of where they are born.

While I do not agree with what the Tennessee mom did ('returning' her son to Russia), I think it is unfair to pass judgment without knowing all the facts and specific circumstances. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision for her.

I hope that all those children in need of forever famlies are joined in loving homes.

I work at an adoption agency that does both international & US foster care placements, so we can shed some light from a different perspective.

We have numerous children in the foster care system, but the system overall does not function well at all. The case workers change frequently, the process of terminating parental rights drags on for year and all too often the children are sent back to the same dysfunctional situation time & time again. 50 States with probably 100 different processes.

The selection process varies from state to state, but in some states the process we have to present our family in front of a panel competing with 5 other families. One family gets selected and then 4 others (great families) walk away heartbroken. The families are engaged and hopeful of being the selected ONE. How many times can you put yourself through this? One family applied for over 150 different children and did not get selected. We finally suggested they go international and were place with children immediately.

I have seen the same children listed - for over a year, while we have a great waiting family that for some reason, was not selected.

I could go on & on... We would LOVE to do more foster care placements.
We just cannot get enough state agencies or policy makers to make the needed changes.

Hope & Change?????

I want to say that I admire all of you who have opened your hearts and homes to these lovely children in need of a home and a great family. My husband and I were recently involved with the county trying to get licensed for adoption. They have changed my licensing worker twice and my homestudy worker is never at work. I understand our state's budget has a lot to do with the cutbacks and everything; but it has just made this whole process just a bit more unbearable. Recently, after being in the process for 8 months, they decide to read my autobiography and decide that I need to be evaluated by a shrink due to the fact that I myself was adopted and suffered some abuse as a child. Though, I have received therapy my entire life; I work for a very reputable hospital; have a great education; I have been married for 5 years and unfortunately am not able to conceive. What more do I have to show these people that I'm perfectly fine, and that all I want is to be able to be a parent to a child that does not have one. They are having both my husband and I jump through hoops, that we both believe is unnecessary. So we have decided to give up on the county and start looking to adopt internationally.

I think that if these people actually spent their time investigating and researching the people that are actually abusing and neglecting their children instead of abusing and neglecting those of us prospective hopefully to be adoptive parents, our country would be in a different boat when it comes to adoption.

All my husband have to say, is that we tried; and it didn't work... and good luck to those of you that are thinking of adopting domestic!

I want to say that I admire all of you that have opened your homes and hearts for all these children that are truly in need of families that will love, cherish and appreciate them like they deserve. My husband and I unfortunately have not had luck with the county in adopting; we have not even been able to complete the homestudy process since they believe I need to be evaluated by a shrink because of myself being adopted and suffering abuse as a child. Even though, I am a very respectable and productive young lady of society, I work for a reputable hospital, I am educated and very responsible. I unfortunately am not able to conceive, and I get discriminated for my childhood, and for me having a disease that prevents me from conceiving. And we ask why families decide to adopt abroad vs. domestic. These are the reasons why... because instead of the government looking further into the situations and actually studying the person or people for who they are- they discriminate due to what they see on the surface. What is worst, is that they have you go through all the classes, complete the paper work, get the cpr certification, the physicals, etc. They come to your house to do the initial visit; and they decide to read your autobiography 6months later; and then decide to tell you that you might need to see a shrink just to make sure that you have resolved all your issues you suffered over 25yrs ago. Hmmm.... yeah, if the process was different I think all of our fellow potential adoptive parents would LOVE to adopt from our own country vs. having to deal with another country!

All my husband want to do is provide for a child that deserves the opportunity to LIVE and to be LOVED!