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By Anita Tedaldi, contributor to TODAY Moms
No matter what you think of the Duggars, this family of 21 knows how to handle the mundane as well as the extraordinary events that fill their lives.
The first time I spoke with Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar they were in Tennessee helping a family of 17 finishing a building project. The second time we spoke they had just returned from the hospital where they had been spending time with Josie, the youngest addition to the family who was born several weeks premature.
Their sense of humor, kindness and honesty was apparent on both occasions. No matter what life throws their way this family stays together, holds on to their faith, and moves forward with strength and optimism.
Much has been said about this super-sized clan, which has loyal fans and supporters as well as critics. But one thing is for sure: no matter what you think, the Duggars are a tight knit clan with unbelievable experience raising children.
They shared some of their knowledge, like if they always wanted a big family and what they would do if one of their 19 kids rejected their religion, during our interview.
Related links:
For their interview with Meredith Vieira on TODAY, click here.
Michelle Duggar: I would have a 20th child
Did you always want a big family?
Jim Bob Duggar: We didn’t start out wanting a large family, but God changed our minds and we have been open to life ever since.
Has it been tough for Michelle to have so many children?
JBD: We know that we’ve been very fortunate in terms of Michelle’s health because it has always been good, except for feeling like she doesn’t run around after the kids now that she’s 43 as she used to do when she was in her twenties.
What are some of the hardest things about having a large family?
Michelle Duggar: Probably logistical problems. Keeping up with laundry, dishes, cleaning, activities that require lots of organization but we try to come up with some way to do it creatively and get the little guys involved.
How and why did you decide to do the TLC show?
JBD: When we were considering doing the show we prayed about it and decided that it would be OK as long as they would be respectful of our faith. They could tell the story however they wanted to, but they had to leave our beliefs in.
Did you want to show others your way of life?
MD: We don’t know the answers to the many questions that life sends our way, but we do know where our guidance and principles come from and we want to encourage other families.
Is television a big part of your life?
MD: The camera following us around is a part of our lives, but we don’t have cable television. We made this choice after our first year of marriage because we felt that we weren’t communicating the way we should and that the TV was a substitute for our interactions.
What is your parenting philosophy?
MD: We want our children to know that they have a safe place to come to with us. We encourage them to have a pure heart and clear conscience with others and with God. We stress that communication is vital. We don’t allow teasing or putting each other down because it causes hurtful feelings and broken relationships, but we know that we are human and we may offend someone and make mistakes, so we encourage our children to quickly go back humble themselves and make things right.
What are some of the things we don’t know about Jim Bob and Michelle?
MD: Jim Bob doesn’t like pickles!
You are very religious and your faith is strong. What if your children grow up and don’t feel the same way?
MD: Our faith is very strong. We want to share with our children so that they know the relationship with God is a personal one and not a list of rules or things we do. Each person has a different calling in life to love and serve the Lord, so for them it will be different than it is for us.
What if the children reject your beliefs?
MD: There will for certain be a crisis. Each person has to own their faith individually. We’d be shocked if our kids didn’t make mistakes or struggle. They’ll have their moments and we pray that they will find their ways.
What about criticism that your family is too large?
JBD: The number of children we have isn’t based on public opinion, we realize this isn’t for everybody. We know that God has always met our needs. We don’t have government assistance or handout.
Has it been difficult to deal with Josie’s health issues?
MD and JBD: With a preemie it’s a roller coaster. Josie was born early at 1.6 pounds, but came out kicking and screaming. She’s a fighter. One of the scary things about having a tiny premature baby is that sometimes you can’t hold them or help them like you would for a baby born full-term.
New episodes of "19 Kids and Counting" air Tuesday nights at 9/8c on TLC.
Anita Tedaldi is an author and writer whose work has appeared in a variety of publications including The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Huffington Post, CNN, MSNBC, The Guardian, NPR and many others. For more information about Anita go to www.ovolina.com.
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Why would it be hard for her? All of the older children are raising and caring for the younger children, and doing all of the household chores as well. She gives birth, and then her "live-in nannies" do the rest! It's incredibly sad..these children aren't able to live a normal life, and I wish that Michelle and Jim Bob could see that.
Why is it that people think that if a child has responsability at home, chores or helps care for a younger sibling that they aren't leading a normal life? Kids used to do this all the time. Many kids today are spoiled and lazy. I've never seen the Duggers on TV because I don't have TV. I do however have children and they are expected to do chores and help out with all family oriented work. Including housework and care for younger children. By the way we live on a farm. I was raised this way with a very happy childhood and my children are very happy andwell adjusted as well. Give this family a break. God bless them.
Why is it that people today think that if a child is expected to have responsability at home they don't live a normal life? Kids used to do this all the time. Many kids today are spoiled and lazy. I haven't seen the Duggers on TV because I don't have TV but my kids are expected to help with house work, farm work and help care for younger siblings. I was raised this way as well as many other "country kids". I had a very happy childhood and my kids are happy as well, plus they know good work ethics and are very caring towards others. And NO my grown children don't resent me for it. Give this family a break. God bless them.
Vicki...My two children, ages 16 and 7, are not lazy or spoiled. They have tons of chores and responsibilities, (which are written down and kept track of on boards, and they are reprimanded or rewarded per their behavior), and yes, my 16 year old helps out with the 7 year old. And, both of my children excel in school, play sports, etc. HOWEVER, I do not expect my 16 year old to raise my 7 year old..raising my younger child is MY job; not the job of my older child. Since you admitted that you have never seen this show, then maybe you really shouldn't comment, until you have seen the show. I have only watched the show one time, but it was incredibly evident who does the child rearing in this family..it is NOT the parents. Each older child is assigned to a younger child, and that child is their responsibility. And, by the way, I too grew up on a farm/ranch, outside of a town with only 800 people, so I know what it is like being a "country kid"...plus we currently live on an acreage with horses and other animals, and my children have chores involving the animals. So, it is wrong of you to make the assumptions that you did.
Assumptions? Maybe you are wrong to assume these kids are not being raised by the parents, after all you've only seen the show one time. Even though I've never see the show, I am very familiar with this family via their website, book, articles etc. If there is an adult present and supervising and in charge, how are the older children raising the younger? What about kids whose parents work and leave them home alone to be cared for by an older sibling or a young babysitter? Or how about women who have child after child for the welfare money and neglect them, leaving them to fend for themselves. This happens all the time and I don't see the same kind of outrage over those situations that I have seen over the Duggar family who clearly love and care about their kids and are trying to live their convictions. I think it is sad. Also, I did not intend to offend you or insult you in my post. If I did, I appoligize for that. It sound like you have some great kids.
Vicki...You make some good points, and you are right, I did feel insulted because my kids are not lazy or spoiled, so I did take a huge offense to that. So, I appreciate your statement at the end. And, I will say that I also 100% agree with you on the "welfare" moms; that whole situation makes me incredibly angry, and I wish there was more outrage about that as well. (Unfortunately, I have had to deal with generational, life-long "welfare" moms, both on a personal and professional basis, and it is so frustrating!) However, even though I have only seen one episode of the Duggar family, which did cover a few days with the family, I have visited their website as well. And, I will assure you from what was shown in that one episode, the parents were barely at home during that entire time, and the entire episode repeatedly dealt with how each older child was "assigned" a younger child, and all of the responsibilities that older child had concerning the younger child. And, when the parents were at home with the children, there was not much individual interaction with the children. It just seems that the older children are barely allowed to make a move without a younger child in tow. Therefore, how do those older children get to do other activities, like play sports and normal kid "stuff", and most importantly, how could they possibly develop relationships with friends? Their lives just seem very restricted on what they can do, and I will always feel bad for them on that. Even though my older daughter helps out with my younger son, and babysits every so often, she still plays in a tennis league, does other activities at school, etc., and gets to just go "hang out" with her friends for awhile (like go to a movie or something). I do not think that the older Duggar children are ever allowed those opportunities, and that just makes me very sad. I just feel that there is a huge difference between babysitting your sibling some times, and being tied to them non-stop...from what I have witnessed with the Duggar family, it is most definitely the latter. So, I do appreciate your viewpoints, and I guess, that we can just "agree to disagree".
Thanks for your reply and I appreciate the explaination of why you have the opinion you do and I think your points are very valid as well. One thing that I do wonder about this family is if they work out time for the kids to spend time with friends, have sleepovers, etc. That would be pretty hard with that many kids. And no matter what your age, friendships are important and I too think that would be sad. Even considering all of that, I do think the Duggars sincerely love their kids and I know from personal experience that reality TV programs like to exaggerate the negative. So.......Who knows.
I have seen the show numerous times, it has always seemed odd to me that Michelle spends very little time with the children after they are no longer being nursed. She does spend time with them while doing their home school routine, however that seems to be the only time you see her with them. Jim Bob on the other hand seems to spend a lot of time with the children. My big concern about the children, especially the younger ones, is how much "one on one" time to they get with their parents.
Who said they had a live in nanny? If you disagree with their choices then disagree. I admire them for standing up and being true parents and not sitting back and putting all the responsibility on the school systems like some parents do to literally raise their one or two children. These two people rely on their faith in God to raise their children to be responsible contributors to society and I applaud them for it.
Isn't it the responsibility of parents to love their children... and raise good children. You can't watch this show and not see love and good children. Look at the kind-hearted, giving nature of the kids and tell me that you wouldn't be pleased if your kids ended up just like them.
Marie...My response stated that the older children were her "live-in nannies", because I feel that a great deal of the child rearing falls on those older children. I never stated that they had any other type of live-in nanny; you misunderstood my statement.
such christians... making money off there children; A reality show???? Why don't you call kate plus 8? I am a single mom raising one child and working full time; Hey put me on a reality show!!!!
Lili-
The Duggars are WAY better parents than the fame whores Jon & Kate. Jon & Kate were only in it for the money, you can tell it's more than that with the Duggars. If you get that reality show going, maybe I can join you. I am also a single mom, one child, zero support. They can call us the Real Single Mom's of Whatever County!
what is wrong with Christians making money, as long as they "Tithe", like they should and use it for things that are needed there is nothing wrong with it. I know parents who both work and make good money and are always looking for a way to get that government handout. At least this family shows you that you dont have to have one. Maybe the government will see this and cut off some of those parents who use the system. Have you ever asked where the money goes that the Duggars make? If you ask them (nicely, I might add) they will tell you. 19 children need food, electricity, school materials ( and I am sure they get a good homeschool education), college funds, camp, clothes, medicine and insurance. And older siblings looking after younger siblings? HELLO, do you have any siblings? I am the oldest and I looked after my younger sibs, did laundry and other chores plus had to babysit outside the home for my spending money. If this family is this self supportive and they do not come to your home and beg,or do not take assistance what business is it of yours anyway how many children they have and if they have a tv show. Maybe you need to pray and ask God what he might want you to do with your life since you have so much time on your hands to critisize the Duggars. I wouldnt want 20 children because I work with 50 all day long, but if GOD told me to I would do it. Duggars I am inspired to talk with my schoolage children about your family and how your faith keeps you strong. May God continue to Bless you!!!!!!
The Duggars do a lot of great things for the world. They volunteer. They build houses. They work soup kitchens.
Do you know what their finances look like? For all you know, they give it all to charity. Is money inherently evil? People love to watch their show. Surely they get paid something, but that's the way the world works.
Her body, her choice. If they can afford that many children, it's up to them.
I'm not sure that it is an expectation of more responsiblity, I think it is the idea that "babies raising babies" is kind of chilling.
You can't tell me that this woman and her husband can give these children the individual attention that they need, want and deserve.
Where did you come up with the idea of children raising children? Children learn about nurturing from their family life, and they also learn the opposite in their family situation. In a time where you have more children literally raise themselves, and not because they have absent parents, but some parents abdicate their duties to the older siblings. Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar are teaching their children by example as dedicated and faithful parents. The life this family leads is not for everyone, and they are the first ones to admit this truism.
Well said Vicki. Lili, they didn't decide "hey, let's have someone make a reality show about us", someone came to them thinking the public would enjoy it. I would have liked to have a larger family, however, between the expense of government regulations telling me how I'm supposed to take care of my children, the expense of youth activities and school, and outside influences changing family dynamics, I could not afford them. I'm happy for the Duggar's to have the privilege to be able to have such a large family.
V, where do you think children learn to care for others - college? the government?
I don't feel that the Duggar's exploit their children, like Kate plus 8. I watched that show and could have told you that those 2 would split up. The Duggar children respect and love their siblings, however the few times I watched Jon & Kate plus 8 the children were hitting, and fighting, and screaming at each other. Kate is power and money hungry and will make a "— — _" out of herself to make a buck. The Duggars are not like that at all. Do I agree on having all those children? No, but that is my choice. Jim and his older sons earn a living and don't live off the children as Kate does. I feel sorry for Kate's children.
The Duggar family looks like they have everything under control. The children all seem polite and well-adjusted. Having 19 or 20 kids is not for everyone. I know that I always wanted 4 children and 4 is all I had. Sometimes they are lazy and smart-mouthed. They picked up bad habits from their friends at school. But I stayed on them like good parents do and they have all grown into fine adults. I am very proud of them. You can't compare your life to someone elses. Having a big family is what the Duggars chose.
I am genuinely concerned for America. The views posted on this story tells me what is considered normal for American families. The prevailing thought is that our lives are for us to live out for our own enjoyment, and we impose that upon our children. The Dugger family, due to the size, would be considered an extremely difficult situation to deal for most parents on a daily basis. I have read that some feel the Michelle Dugger leaves the raising of the small children to the older children, and fails to spend real quality time with them. I will say that to teach a child that they are responsible for a younger childs well being and call that somehow missing out on life to be very short sided. Is life really about how many activities your child can be involved in? Is it truly about how many friends they get to hang out with? Or is life about giving of yourself to better the life of another? Is say this not to take God out of the loop, because without God changing our hearts and causing our dead spirit to be reborn, then there is nothing of eternal value from our lives that is worth passing on. My opinion is that the Duggers teach their children how to give to another persons need early in life, thus preparing them to live a life focused on others and not just themselves. The TV show can in no way capture everything that happens in a families life. I am very sure that the Dugger parents (like all other parents) make mistakes and will look back and wish they could have done some things a little differently, but I feel that the show reveals an realistic picture of the Dugger home life, and even some of the film crew bring there children over to have them play and interact with the DUgger children because it is a powerfully positive christian home. I am also glad to see a TV show that doesnt portray Christians as stupid, weird, or ignorant.
Terrific!!!!!! Finally, someone really looking at this family and seeing the goodness. They never profess to be perfect, but the always give the glory and honor to God for the well being of their family.
I wouldn't want that many children of my own, but seeing as they take care of them without any handouts from the government or taxpayers, I think that is their choice. I don't watch the show because I think reality TV is a waste of time and an invasion of privacy, but with that being said, at least from what I hear and read, they offer a completely different view point from the disgusting crap that passes for TV now days. At least they hold their ground on their faith and what they believe in, which is more than I can say for a lot of people. Good luck to them and i hope they have a healthy, happy baby!
I admire this family. They show love for God and eachother; I see respect, caring and unity between siblings. How many parents can honestly say that about their families/kids? They aren't a perfect family but I think they try hard as a family to make it work. As for becoming part of a reality show...who wouldn't if the opportunity was offered to you? Blessings come to those who keep the faith and believe in God. For some reason humans beings think mother's are saints without feelings and a never ending supply of stamina. Give Mrs. Duggan a break! She does more than her fair share and I'm happy to see she knows how to delegate responsibilities to avoid a burn-out!
If everyone had as many children as the Duggars, our Planet Earth would end very soon from overpopulation, war, and famine. At 7 Billion, we already have too many people on Earth. I'm sorry Duggars, but you need to become responsible and stop having children. Duggars, I have nothing against you or your children, but please, enough is enough.
I too, feel these parents are providing a loving home. They may have a large family, but it is filled with love, a Christian based value, and these children are learning faith and love. I applaud you and feel God sent you here with a message. You go for it, and may your new child be healthy and happy! And I vote for the name Jeannie! (Just a hunch)
I agree with most folks who feel that the number of kids the Duggars have is no one else's business. They don't rely on state assistance and they take care of their own, and that's what counts. And for my money, it is MORE than worth an hour of TV to see a loving family with Christian values. The garbage that passes for entertainment today (for the most part, it is all garbage) is disgusting.
I think that with regard to time spent with each child on a daily basis, we all have to remember that what we see on the show is a half hour or an hour of an entire day. We don't see everything they do or don't do, and with kids that seem as well-adjusted and happy as these kids are, I don't doubt that Jim bob and Michelle are good parents.
I wanted several kids, but was only blessed with one, but I don't think that makes me any less a mother than Michelle. Now, that said, there is no way I would want 20 kids, but it is their choice and we don't have the right to judge.
Incidentally, if they have another girl, I vote for the name Julie or Julia. For a boy, Jenner. But I know that whatever name they choose, it will be well-thought out and preceded by prayer. God bless you all, Duggars!
I agree with most folks who feel that the number of kids the Duggars have is no one else's business. They don't rely on state assistance and they take care of their own, and that's what counts. And for my money, it is MORE than worth an hour of TV to see a loving family with Christian values. The garbage that passes for entertainment today (for the most part, it is all garbage) is disgusting. I wanted several kids, but God only blessed me with one, but I don't think that makes me any less of a mother than Michelle. I think that with regard to time spent with each child on a daily basis, we all have to remember that what we see on the show is a half hour or an hour of an entire day. We don't see everything they do or don't do, and with kids that seem as well-adjusted and happy as these kids are, I don't doubt that Jim bob and Michelle are good parents.
I wanted several kids, but was only blessed with one, but I don't think that makes me any less a mother than Michelle. Now, that said, there is no way I would want 20 kids, but it is their choice and we don't have the right to judge.
Incidentally, if they have another girl, I vote for the name Julie or Julia. For a boy, Jenner. But I know that whatever name they choose, it will be well-thought out and preceded by prayer. God bless you all, Duggars!
There were only two children in our family, myself and my sister who is 10 1/2 yrs younger than myself. Not out of choice but because our mother had difficulty getting pregnant and retaining a pregnancy. My mother went to work when I was only seven and I took care of myself until my sister came along...mother took 15 months off work and then returned and I took over the child rearing of my sister...often our parents did not return until late at night. The nursery dropped her off after I got home from school. I was also responsible for the general housekeeping including laundry...this continued until I married and relocated to be with my husband who was in the air force...mother got a grandmotherly care provider for my sister for a couple of years and then eventually quit working and became a stay at home Mom. I never thought it was out of the ordinary or any huge hardship...it just was what it was. We needed the extra income and it all worked out just fine. Only years later did I realize it was out of the ordinary but never did I feel put upon. We continue, now that I am 71 and she is soon to turn 61 closely bonded and remain a loving twosome...sisters on the one hand, friends, and also mother/daughter. It is what we both consider a blessing and have a deep sense of appreciation for our close knit relationship. To a certain extent your thoughts, ideas, and regard for your sibs is an individual matter in these situations. No one ever made a big deal out of it and we regarded it as perfectly normal. So in spite of the fact that I know the Duggar children probably don't have a close 1:1 relationship with their parents, I seriously doubt they feel at all deprived...it is a matter of different strokes. I limited my family to three children and likely would have had only two except that the two young just slid in on the coat tails of the one before them...every 15 months a new one arrived! I would likely have ended up with more but health issues mandated a hysterecctomy while I was only in my late 20's. We were a happy group, even though their father left us when the youngest child was only six...I devoted a lot of time to my children and enjoyed them immensely...not as "friends" but as an involved parent. We did many activities together, camping, Girl Scouts, swimming, hiking, fishing, skiing and many other recreational joys...they were incredibly bright and accomplished and we had many enriching experiences with camping trips to distant locationsl and other focused fun times as well as educational. They have all grown up to be women of quality and substance...accomplished and socially adept. I have no regrets and am relatively certain neither will the Duggar's...twenty is well outside my comfort zone , but if it meets with their pleasure, who am I to judge? It does not appear to me that their children lack for anything material that they truly need, they are learning many positive lessons in how to make life a quality experience and rich in a wide spectrum of activities...and learning to live frugally and wisely as concerns material goods...hard work is not a stranger to any of them. So kudos...the only caveat is that they need to pay attention to the physical demands this makes on Michelle's body and the babies that come later. MICHELLE...WITH A HISTORY OF PRE-ECLAMPSIA...YOU NEED TO FOREGO HIGH SODIUM FOODS SUCH AS PICKLES! DO NOT INVITE A REPEAT OF WHAT HAPPENED WITH JOSIE...ONCE YOU HAVE A CLOSE CALL, YOUR RISKS FOR ANOTHER FLIRTATION WITH ECLAMPSIA BECOMES FAR MORE LIKELY...IT CAN BE LIFE THREATENTING TO MOM AND BABE AS YOU WELL FOUND OUT!