Moms with cancer: If Elizabeth couldn't beat this, how can we?

The news of Elizabeth Edwards' death hit especially hard for mothers fighting cancer. Susan Niebur founded the Mothers with Cancer blog and also blogs at Toddler Planet. A mother of two children, 3 and 6, she decided to stop her own chemotherapy on the same day she learned of Edwards' decision to do the same. Niebur's prognosis is hopeful -- after a break from chemo to give her body a chance to heal, she plans to restart medical treatments to fight the recurrence of her inflammatory breast cancer.

By Susan Niebur

Elizabeth.  Oh, Elizabeth.

Just yesterday, we heard that Elizabeth Edwards had made the decision to stop chemo.  Just yesterday, we - my family - made the same decision to stop chemo. To stop the treatment that may be saving my life because it was taking too much of a toll on my body.  For fifteen weeks, I've been faithfully taking a chemo pill designed to sweep my body clean of any stray cancer cells left after this spring's surgery and this summer's radiation treatments. We had hoped to finish the treatment with three more weeks, but it was not to be.  I'm too tired.  I'm in too much pain.  My body isn't getting a break, and it isn't getting a chance to heal.

Susan Niebur

Like Elizabeth, I have two young children.  Mine are 3 and 6, about the same age as hers were when she was first diagnosed, but mine are veterans of the cancer treatment dance after more than three years of treatment, remission, and recurrence.  My children come to the hospital with me for checkups and blood draws.  They wait patiently during physical therapy appointments, playing with Matchbox cars as the scar tissue is ripped off my chest and I work to regain function in my arms.  They help me pull my lymphedema sleeves on in the morning, settle for quiet playdates instead of park and museum adventures, and have adjusted to quiet, easy pets like fish instead of boisterous puppies as we had planned.  They cuddle with me in the afternoons when I have no energy, and happily share their Legos and Play-Doh when I do.  They are my constant companions, my joy, my loves, and my reasons for living.

And when the little one woke me in the dark of night worried about monsters outside his window, I held him and comforted him and sobbed and sobbed, as I thought about Elizabeth's children - and my own - and how no child should ever have his mother taken from him because of cancer.

Not hers.  Not mine.  Not the women that we've lost this year or the women we'll lose next year. Cancer is a thief that separates mothers from children and tears our world apart, one mother, one child at a time.  The grief that we feel at losing Elizabeth Edwards, mother, daughter, advocate, and friend, is real, even if we never met her, because she has showed us the depth of a mother's love for her children, a love that keeps them close and touches us with its strength - and yet, she was taken from them anyway.  If she couldn't triumph over cancer, how can we?

Susan Niebur is the founder of Mothers With Cancer, a group of twenty women writing their truth online.  To help find the cause and the cures, please join the Army of Women participating in research studies.  If you need help, please call the American Cancer Society at 1-800-227-2345.  No one has to face cancer alone.

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Discuss this post

So proud of you Susan. You write and live beautifully.

    Reply#1 - Wed Dec 8, 2010 2:09 PM EST

    Susan, I follow you on Twitter and just want to share my support to you and the many other moms who do not deserve to go through this. I know your decision yesterday was incredibly difficult. But you do deserve comfort. I'm so glad you have the cuddles and the playdoh. Your children are so lucky for your love, support and incredible drive to support so many other moms out there. Thank you for being you. And I'm so sorry.

      Reply#2 - Wed Dec 8, 2010 2:09 PM EST

      Susan:

      I was thinking of you today but had not read your latest update to stop chemo until I saw this tweet and post. I know that you have had to make these tough decisions all year long. I know stopping might feel like you are going against everything that says keep fighting, but I do think it's possible to rest, recover, and come back even stronger.

      I'm so happy that hopefully this means you'll have strength to enjoy the holidays!

      I'm praying that find peace and serenity with the decision to take a break.

      I'm honored to know you personally and learn from you every single day.

        Reply#3 - Wed Dec 8, 2010 4:03 PM EST

        Thank you for this post and for being brave. I am holding you in the light right now.

        Karen

          Reply#4 - Wed Dec 8, 2010 6:44 PM EST

          Six years ago I was diagnosed with melanoma on the top of my foot, it went to my lymph nodes. After 3 surgeries and more than 9 months of Interferon, I elected to end my treatment 3 months early for reasons just like yours, Susan. My husband and four children, then ages 10, 12, 15, and 17 were loving, supportive, prayerful, and hopeful, yet they needed me back. My reason for taking the drug was the same as my reason for stopping it - to live for them! It didn't take long to "feel better" and praise God, after 6 years it has not come back! I believe my 'footsteps' were ordered by the Lord and I'll believe the same for you too!

            Reply#5 - Wed Dec 8, 2010 7:34 PM EST

            You know your body better than anyone else and will give it what it needs to heal. God Bless Elizabeth and her dear sweet children. God Bless you and your children, Susan. God Bless all mothers who are fighting the fight. Peace and love~

              Reply#6 - Wed Dec 8, 2010 10:33 PM EST

              I just heard that you were going to read a letter she wrote to her children. I can't believe anyone would go that far. To put that up for the world to hear. Something so personal. Not for all of us, but for her children. I will never watch your show again.

                Reply#7 - Thu Dec 9, 2010 8:27 AM EST

                Dear Laura, Elizabeth herself made the writing of that letter public as a cancer advocate. I would think that she expected its contents to be publicized. I think that perhaps she thought we all could learn something from it. And also...that keeps her with us..don't you think? ~Heather

                  #7.1 - Thu Dec 9, 2010 9:07 AM EST
                  Reply

                  I know exactly how you feel. I am a 49 yr. old colon cancer survivor.(Please get a colonoscopy as soon as your doctor tells you to) My surgery was 2 & 1/2 years ago. My chemo finished this time two years ago.
                  Elizabeth's story has made me quite depressed and feeling somewhat guilty for surviving her. Why does my daughter get a happy ending(so far) and hers did not? No child should go without a mother.
                  Will my cancer return? I quietly worry about that daily.
                  Sending you all the support that I have to give. Good luck to you and I wish you a very happy & healthy holiday season with your family.

                    Reply#8 - Thu Dec 9, 2010 9:04 AM EST
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