First of all I had NO idea who this woman was. Attachment parenting isn't anything new---though it is obviously new to her ( and why does she need to tell us this?) However, I was a self righteous attachment parenting nut-case when I had my first child too :)

Darling lady, once you have three or four or five kids---you don't have time to gently take your little two year old blessing aside at the restaurant to talk to them about not calling the waitress fat. AT that point-- they out number you and your spouse. While you are wearing or nursing that sweet baby you need to be able to give the older ones "the look"...which means if you don't get your butt in gear you will face severe consequences at home.

Parenting evolves with the family. I think all these things you think you have just "discovered" will seem silly after a few more kids and a few more miles.

BTW: Attachment parenting can be exhausting without outside help---or a husband that works from home. These children often don't sleep through the night until they are 18-24 months old. just a warning :) I loved every minute of it but it isn't for the weak.

"This is not some fandangled new Hollywood trend. We parent the way people have parented for hundreds of thousands of years. So hang on to your hats and prepare for a view into my household."

Apparently, you read this article with a chip already on your shoulder. Ms. Bialik was simplying giving you a glimps into HER life and how she deals with parenting "her" children. No need to be snarky or condescending. After all, even without 5 children, she still IS more qualified than you.

There's all this discussion about not judging moms who parent the way Mayim does. But those same moms judge mothers who raise kids in a more typical-for-today way.

Let's not judge mothers who get epidurals, or stop breastfeeding at 6 mo, or spank, or kick the kids out of bed by age 3, or say "Say 'Please'!" either. Mind ya business, basically!

Kallie, I'm saddened to hear that you really didn't enjoy your children to the max. Im also Sorry that your husband was not a good parenting partner for you to achieve the success pointed out in this article. But do you really feel you needed to be so rude and ignorant?

I found this article incredibly inspiring.

I cannot imagine, even if the average mom wanted to do this, that she would even have the ability to do so. It must be nice to have the money to be able to stay at home with your kids and do all of these things. Most moms HAVE to work.

I'm glad for Mayim - she is incredibly fortunate to be able to raise her kids the way she feels is best. Good for her. It's good to see how she has turned out and hasn't let the Hollywood fame go to her head.

i work full time and i practice attachment parenting so not sure what you mean.

Disgusted in NY - You do not have to be rich to stay home. I stay home because I think it's important, but also any job I could get would not cover the cost of childcare. Yes, we're broke most of the time, but it's worth every sacrifice to be with my daughter. I think being an attached parent has actually made living on one-income easier. Breastfeeding and cloth diapering alone saved us a fortune! Breastfeeding also saved us in medical bills because my daughter was NEVER sick. We didn't spend a lot on baby equipment either likes cribs and travel systems (when my daughter was older we got a cheap umbrella stroller that she thinks is the coolest thing in the world since strollers are a new thing to her) Our second child is due in June and we will be having a homebirth with a midwife which will be cheaper than the hospital birth we had with our first. We only recently just finished making payments to the hospital! And that was AFTER insurance took care of 80% of it!

During my early childhood education training I read a book (forgive me for not remembering the name or author, as it was more than 20 years ago!) that made a statement that said it the very best - "Labeling is disabling". I have found this to be true regardless of the age of a person.

BREAST FEEDING A 2 1/2 YEAR OLD?!?!? That is obnoxious and that kid should be eating solid foods at this point in his life!!! Does he just grab her anytime he wants to eat and she just whips it out?Seriously, it might work for HER but can't possibly work for the child!

SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED??? That is equally obnoxious and disturbing. Children of their ages should be sleeping in their own rooms. learning to be on their own but knowing that their parents are near by to comfort them if they need it. These kids are never going to know how to deal with their own lives since their parents seem to want to control everything!

Is the older child in school? Do the parents go with him to make sure he is okay??

The whole thing is crazy!!! I am all for parents raising children their own ways but raise your child to be able to stand up for themselves, fend for themselves when they need to and have self confidence to get through their lives. These kids are not going to be able to do any of it!!!!!!!!!

Tina - why don't you do some research on the benefits of extending breastfeeding (the world health organization as well as American Academy of Pediatrics both recommend BF until one and beyond). It has long term benefits for mother and child, including decreased rates of cancer and heart disease for mom, improved immune function, decreased risk of diseases such as diabetes for baby. Not to mention that it is a great way for mom to lose the baby weight basically without dieting!

As for co-sleeping/bed-sharing. Same thing do some research, check out askdrsears.com, but he is not the only one that advocates co-sleeping. Look at research that compares SIDS rates.

And in terms of raising children to be able to stand up for themselves implying that BF and co-sleeping discourages that is ridiculous. My niece and nephew breast feed until they weaned themselves (around 3) and co-slept with their parents until they were teenagers. They are both well-rounded, smart, independent people. They are both very compassionate and loving young adults and the world would be a better place if more people were like them.

My 2 year old daughter is both breastfeeding on demand and co-sleeping with my husband and I. She is one of the most independent, confident toddlers I have ever met.

Hope you are willing to do some research and look at another person's point of view before calling what they are doing obnoxious and disturbing.

Breastfeeding on demand - when they can literally demand it is WRONG.

I breastfed all 3 of my children - in private, thankyouverymuch - but weaning to a cup at 10mos to 1 year is NECESSARY. You can provide breastmilk if you want, but still nursing after they can talk - and after they should be potty taught - is ridiculous. It's the parents with attachment issues, give me a break.

CrazyKat, I am still breastfeeding my 15 month old. Yes, from my *gasp* breast. And trust me, he is the one initiating the breastfeeding. I can't force him to breastfeed. Hence, the breastfeeding on "demand". And I don't feel the need to be shunned to my home and not be able to leave my house because I am doing what my husband and I feel is best for our child. Oh, and my child is very good at drinking from a cup (regular cup, sippy, with a straw, etc.), but he only gets his milk from me. Which has worked out fine, since he has an intolerance to dairy (cow's milk).

Nicole, please do not let others make you feel inferior in your parenting. It is working for you and your child and that is all that matters. I was only able to nurse 2 of my 5 children for health reasons. My middle daughter was not ready to ween herself until 2 years old, however, my youngest daughter weened herself at 10 months. I co slept with those of my children who needed it, be that every night or now and again and do not regret it as I see the adults they have become and marvel at them. While I did not bring them into my bed, I also did not turn them away. I have 2 well adjusted collage students, one of whom exelled at high school and graduated at 16 from PUBLIC school. She is now 17 and in nurseing school. She co slept until age 10 when she quietly began going to bed in her own room. She is a stand alone individual, made it past high school without pregnancy, and has decided, on her own, that she will be ready to date only when she completes her bachelors. To those who insist on judgeing, you may want to include "in my opinions" as opposed to "Can't possiblies" in your responses because, to be frank, you are wrong. There is no one size fits all to parenting. Well adjusted adults develop every day in numerous ways.

Hey, we all parent differently! These blogs can educate and give insight. I parent based on how I was raised. I nurture in my children what I feel I wasn't given as a child and I've learned from my parents "mistakes." It's all pretty much gut intuition and wanting to give your heart and soul to protect and "grow" these little people so one day, they will become happy, well adjusted big people! I also have the luxury of having a great husband who is willing to disagree with me and give his opinions on raising OUR kids...teamwork, exhaustive YES! but we try to do this as a team. In my humble opinion..love them, show them you love them...teach them kindness, empathy and respect and a few glasses of wine once the kids are in bed doesn't hurt either! Peace Out!

CrazyKat - breastfeeding on demand is WRONG says who? Says you? And what qualifications do you have to say that it is WRONG? My daughter will breastfeed on demand until she doesn't want it anymore, because that is what the science (and my instincts) tell me is RIGHT.

And why exactly is it necessary to wean to a cup at 10moths to a year? My daughter drinks cows milk, eats solid food and yes she can use a cup/straw. Again, what qualifies you to say what is NECESSARY. Unless you are a doctor (and even then I would take it with a grain of salt) you have no business telling people what is RIGHT, WRONG or NECESSARY!!

I'm with Mo!

Some people want it both ways.

If you don't like labels, why do you follow your name on the byline with PhD? And, just for the record, you do not know what I or anyone else is thinking.

I had natural childbirth with my son 22 years ago. At that time, we had no choice. Drugs were considered a no-no. My water broke on a Monday. I had him Thursday morning. He broke my pelvis. I ended up with a manual D&C and then was transfused. My daughter was breach from 7 months on. Her rear end was firmly implanted in the birth canal and wouldn't budge. Her head was stuck under my ribcage. Needless to say, I had a c-section. Those who tend to preach about natural childbirth are those with complication free deliveries. If I had not been in a hospital, I would be dead now.

Can totally sympathize with you Kasey8. My 21 year old was very large, and doctors did a special ultrasound to measure her bones. They told me to have a c-section because she would be about 11 pounds and too hard to deliver naturally, as I have a very long, narrow birth canal. She was 10 lbs. 9oz., so they were right on. I didn't have gestational diabetes, just a large baby. She's long and lean now! My thirteen year old had a mild heart problem which they detected in utero, so she was a c-section also. So yes, sometimes c-sections are necessary! Glad you and your kids are okay!

How do children learn to walk? To talk? To use appropiate language?

We model the behavior and they learn it. It is entirely unnecessary to chase a child around going "you must say thank you" "how do you ask for that?". If you say please and thank you. If the adults around them are respectful the children will learn to do the same.

My 6 year old is well mannered and I didn't force manners on her. There are different ways to get the same results from our children. Some of us believe the gentler, less forceful way works well and may be better.

I had the exact same question...

They absolutely learn....if they see it in action. My little boy just turned 3 and says "please", "thank you", "your welcome", and even "bless you" when someone sneezes. We never demanded or even requested he say these things. He doesn't say them every single time, but when he does say "please" or "thank you" it's not because he's required to, it's because he means it. And isn't that what's important?

I totally agree with you. I have one child and she is 22 months and I have been teaching her how to say please, thank you and excuse me, and she says all three now in the appropriate instances, I would say 90% of the time. She is only one and grasp the idea, and her being polite is so cute too!

This is precisely why the generation of young children out there seems to be the most rude and ill-mannered ever. Please, do us all a favor and force manners on your little darlings.

To say that "they absolutely learn" is as ludicrous as saying everyone who plays baseball makes the majors. As with anything, people, and children, are different. Some will learn by absorbing and mimicking what they see around them, and others will need some (varying levels of) assistance. That's the case with language, with manners, and with any other learned behavior. Walking does not qualify, because it is not learned behavior; it is instinctive.

If you're blessed with one of those kids who catches on quickly to their surroundings, and learns their manners from what they see, that's great. If not, you may need to nudge, suggest, cajole, and teach. The fact is, you're trying to raise them to be respectful, contributing members of society, and the only real way to see if your way was the right way for them is to assess them as adults.

I was wondering the same thing! We have instilled proper manners in our little girl since she was old enough to understand, and it is very important to us, well especially me, that she be very polite and considerate. How do they learn that if it goes uncorrected, you don't have to yell and scream, or use time out to correct your child, but ALL children do need to be corrected every now and then.

That's not a fair comparison. One requires a fair amount of talent and years of dedication while the other requires a few words.

Kids that are shown love and respect give love and respect.

In today's society I am so sick and tired of rude, disrespectful, and mean kids (and teenagers, as well as adults). I am 34 years old and have two children - 4.5 girl and 2.5 boy who since day one I've instilled polite/proper manners so that by the time they are old enough to actually speak, it's already "nature" to them. They do not receive their cup of milk until I hear the word please. I do give them the stare down until I hear the words thank you. It works. I have had many people - teachers, friends, neighbors, relatives tell me how polite my children are.

As far as the co-sleeping arrangements - that's up to each parent. I, as well as my husband, have always been against it. There are no benefits from it, really. Don't tell me that children love you more, and it's all nice and cozy to have your children sleep with you in your bed. A couple's bed is for husband and wife. You start adding children to intimate setting, how does a husband and wife continue to be intimate with children in their bed?? You can't tell me that you still have relations with children right next to you...if so I would seriously think your children's future is totally screwed up (no pun intended).

And the nursing your baby/toddler. Again, I have nothing against nursing your baby, but when it comes to a full set of teeth, bring on the solid foods and milk from a cow. Breasts are for babies and husbands. There I said it. And when it comes to nursing in public, again - do so with proper covering of the breast - which brings me back to my earlier statement - breasts are for babies and husbands (and not the public). I nursed both my babies and if I was in a public place I found a discreet place to do so (dressing room, back table/booth, etc.). It's nice to see more "family restrooms" and "nursing rooms" at malls now.

I guess you can say that Ms. Bialik and I would probably not get along all that well. I just wanted to voice my opinions and say that I am in disagreement with the attachment parenting. I love my baby goats and know that they love me too, without having them attached at the hip.

First of all being a woman who has children, get over the OMG the child has a blanket over its head and you couldn't see the boob if you tired hysterics. There should never be a problem with breast feeding in public. BOOBS are for children and especially in public... I get it you have a social issue with what comes natural and yet though we can talk and think for ourselves, you just forget that we are animals. Mom's and Baby's weren't meant for cages so stop treating us like we are ANIMALS.. oh wait we are... What next... Breast feeding zoo's... HEY LOOK MOM THEIR BREST FEEDING... O:) Hey mom did you know that in 21st Century they were still breast feeding... We told watched a video on it while we were at the Museum of Woman and Boob. How did we even coupe as a society back then when we were reduced to not thinking for ourselves..

You have differences... If not we would all be ROBOTS and not have or need the ability to make or choose what the heck we want to do in life, let alone as parents... Deal with it... none of you are right... HAH... They can be loved all they way and still grow up to be the polar opposites of their parents... It doesn't matter... You won't know till you get there... Guess what, surprise ending!!! In really bad grammar no less...

If she wants to co-sleep let her do it. If you don't then don't but do me a FAVOR everybody stop all the self righteous I'm a tree hugger I'm better or I'm a tree killer die die die... because frankly I think society is TIRED in general and wants you all to be quiet aka: still. sssssshhhh we are THINKING!!!

Its a nice insight for those that can do it and have the choice... I for one was a mother who didn't produce enough milk and after 6 months of laboring to feed my child and supplement when I could... I didn't do it anymore... My son was still a booby baby and trust me when he got old enough to realize boobs come in different sizes all while standing in a line with at *gasp* Walmart, you realize he still has tending memories of being one... He's forever a booby baby and what I learned while being a mom is that I had my own self confidence because of it and anything somebody on a blog or in real life who did it different still isn't better than me. ;)

Lovely Article... Might want to hold back a tad on all "hate" you feel about misconceptions about Actors and motherhood.. Most of it comes from of course you get to choose that... Its easy for you to say you have to choice to make that... but I can vouch as a Tech Industry Brat, my boss didn't give a rats (sic) how I was caring for my child and what I need to do in a room while I was caring for my child. If I am a career (big piece of chicken - look it up) kind of girl, those contrast will never work together unless I want to homeless... Be realistic... Not everybody has the choice to be so generous and speaking as a single mom, I take great offense that what I've done for the great good... IE: pay my bills, provide food and all the necessity's is being trivialize and down graded because it could never compare... I think I'd be a hero in a 3rd world country considering my mom's from one and I make more in one month then my cousin does in almost a year's salary.

"love my baby goats" - sex can occur during the daytime and other places than the bed!!

There are MANY benefits to bed-sharing....What are the benefits to crib sleeping ? look up SIDS rates between the two. There are many healthy and psychological benefits as well. I'd be happy to share some info with you.

I am a normal working mom who bed shares. My daughter nurses at night without having to wake up and cry for me. I enjoy feeling her breaths and knowing she's safe with me. I have a great sex life too. Not in the same bed as the baby. I know, who knew sex isn't for the nighttime anymore!

I am sorry you feel that women should hide when nursing. How often do you eat in a dirty bathroom?

what are you against exactly?

I agree with dmar-697781 in that all people are different.

I'm glad that AP parenting has worked for Mayim Bialik. It's great to hear her discuss her parenting style and how well it works for her family. It sounds like she has a couple of well adjusted and happy sons.

With using language like "forcing manners" and her children not being "robots", though, implies that the parents who do encourage their children to use good manners are doing something wrong.

Some children need encouragement to be kind towards one another. I think manners in general are an opportunity to show kindness/consideration. Saying "thank you" is showing that we are grateful for what we have. Not everyone is born with the ability to pick up manners just from seeing a consistent example. For those who are not born with that ability, getting some good etiquette instruction could be pretty helpful in life. It would at least help make this world a kinder/more considerate place to be.

One more quick note. There's a difference between respectful encouragement to have good manners versus berating children for not saying "please" or "thank you". It sounds like we all have the same goal of having considerate children, but we go about our goals in different ways. Example alone never worked for my 6 year old firstborn (yet works for my second child). So, we encourage him to say "thank you" for the things he gets.

Dear Kimberly 770

I breastfed 3 kids for a year each - WITHOUT ever exposing my breasts in public.

Your argument is ludicrous - yeah,yeah, breasts are natural. So is urinating and defecating WE DON'T DO THAT IN PUBLIC, DO WE?

Sex is natural - WE DON'T DO THAT IN PUBLIC, EITHER, DO WE?

Spare me the "natural" argument - your rights ends where mine begin and we have to share public spaces. Keep your breasts under wraps, you can still nurse a child - which I disagree you have a "right" to do anywhere.

Thank you so much! I was thinking the exact same thing. Aside from providing love, security, and a safe and happy home, I believe that our primary job as parents is to teach our children. If we don't teach them what is polite, and what is acceptable. . .how are they going to know?

I'm glad that this system works for her, but it not something that I will be adopting.

Every family is different. Listen to your instincts and stop judging other people who are listening to theirs.

@love my baby goats: Your sex life must be pretty boring if you only do it in your bed!

@crazykat: A much better comparison would be eating in public, since breastfeeding is providing nutrition to a child, while urinating and defecating are disposing of the body's waste products. Breast milk is not the same as urine or feces. So, in that line of argument, I would ask that from now on, you eat your meals in private, because I really don't want to see you stuffing your face in public. It's really disgusting and totally makes me lose my appetite. LOL.

@ Kimberly - I have nothing against mothers who use blankets while nursing in public. I appreciate that they have the decency to do so. I never had the courage to do so fearing that my baby would fling the blanket off, exposing my breast.

@ Eva, yes, I guess you could say I am boring. Sex in the bed and at night only, usually. I hear sex in the kitchen can be a lot of fun...not for me - I like the comfort of a soft bed.

We all have our opinions, entitlements, and what we think is the absolute correct way to raise children. This forum is just a way to express our thoughts in an anonymous way. Who knows, one of you could be in my neighborhood.

The bed isn't the only place babies are made ;)

Do couples only have sexual relations during bedtime? Does sex only happen in beds? Not in our house.

That is a terribly intimate question. I imagine it happened the old fashioned way.

Have you seen Dances with Wolves? There is a scene where Kevin Costner's character has been invited to stay the night at the home (teepee) of one of the leaders of the tribe. He rolls over in the night to find himself face to face with the tribal leader and his wife engaged in intimate sexual activity. Their response is, essentially, "what are you looking at?" Costner rolls back over to the other side again.

The fact is that even now many many cultures not only bed share, but the entire family all sleeps in one room. This has not been a deterrent to conception. They don't attach the same type of privacy and intimacy issues to it that we do in our culture. Perhaps Bialek's family arrangement is similar. After all, its not like a 2 year old really knows what's going on, especially if they are asleep.

True, parents can conceive anywhere in the house...but good luck with that when the kids are old enough to stay up late and there isn't a private place anywhere!

I think bed-sharing is just a idealistic notion that works for people with very small children. I don't think it helps with the VERY important aspect of keeping the marriage special and intimate.

sex isn't just for the night time anymore! Have you heard of sex during the baby napping or while being at grandmas?

I would find it incredibly boring if my husband and I ONLY had sex in the bed or only at night! ;)

I understand that sex can happen elsewhere, but if you're wearing your baby all the time, when else are you supposed to be intimate? Mayim here was wearing or nursing her children it seems 24/7 (im exaggerating, don't bite my head off), and though it may be considered "boring" to have sex in bed, i find it comfortable and comforting to have intimacy with my partner in OUR bed. If it the bed wasn't considered so special and intimate, why did everyone get up in arms about Michael Jackson having his young guests hang out in his bed with him? It's just societies intimacy issues you say? I call shenanigans. Your children deserve to have their own sleeping space when they get older, as do you and your partner.

First of all, cows milk is BREAST milk. How do people forget this? I'd much rather give my child my own breast milk, which is cleaner, I know where it has been and I don't have to worry about all of the junk that comes in cows milk. It still amazes me that people would rather give their child milk from another species and think that it is better!

Second, boobs are for food. Sure they can be for sex, but at the end of the day boobs are for your baby to eat. Look at any farm and you can see any animal nursing their young. It is natural and it is why women have boobs.

Third, I don't ask you to cover yourself when you are drinking your starbucks and eating your donut, why do I have to cover my kid when she is eating?

Fourth, bedsharing is natural. How does it make sense to put your precious baby as far away from you as possible? Read Dr. McKenna's study (
google McKenna and Notre Dame) and you will find that bedsharing, when done safely, reduces the risk of SIDS.

I have three kids. I breastfed each of them as long as I could, and for various reasons, it was as short as two weeks and as long as three months. It doesn't make me a bad parent. My kids slept with me occasionally, but I wanted them to be able to sleep in their own bed and be comfortable - I need my space, too. It doesn't make me a bad parent. I work full time, too. I don't wear my kids, never have. It doesn't make me a bad parent. I teach my kids manners, give them time outs, and even the occasional spanking. Again, it doesn't make me a bad parent. My issue is with the tone of the blog post ... it sounds superior, and I don't like that.

Totally agree. I don't mind the article or how everyone raises their kids but I did not like the superior sound in it. She asks not to be judged but from the tone it's obvious she judges others herself.

What is natural for you may not be natural for someone else. I take issue with that word. It implies there is a right and a wrong way to nurture children in their first few years of life. I don't think that's accurate.

And I know some kids whose parents take the opposite stance from what Mayim (that's her name, btw) and their kids are also unpleasant. Parenting is not one-size-fits-all. For most kids, gentle parenting really does work best, and especially in the infant and toddler years.

And I am sure if you look around you, you will find children who are the same raised by parents who did the opposite.

i know many spoiled children raised the traditional way too!!

I know many children who are raised in the opposite way that behave the same way you so eloquently mentioned. Mistakes can be made within any kind of parenting style. "Forcing" children to "behave", doesn't really teach them "how" to be empathetic. Empathy is what makes people be nice to each other, usually.

You do not understand what it means to not 'force manners'. You do not understand what gentle discipline is. You are misinformed on the parenting philosophies that are being discussed by Mayim.

Please take the time to educate yourself on what is being discussed here first before spewing ignorance and hate.

Respecting our children's autonomy is never a bad thing. They will eventually grow up to be adults that we hope will have consideration for others - even those who do things differently from themselves.

How does this happen? By the adults setting the example. Children do not need to be disparaged and berated, and punished in order to learn how to be good young people and eventually productive, respectful adults.

I don't know why you would classify someone with a PhD in neuroscience an airhead.

Jbird, get rid of the stereotypes. They do no service to anyone. I agree with Sunnygrl, you need to do some research into what Bialek is really talking about because you obviously missed the point.

what children learn is caught not taught

Well, I guess we should all just beat our children into submission, huh? Because, in my opinion, there can be failures in any kind of parenting styles. Especially if the parent doesn't have their child's best interest in mind and chooses their parenting style because it suits them and not their child.

While I agree that you have a point, perhaps infants that die while bed-sharing would have died while in the crib as well. The only difference is that while in the crib it is called SIDS. Safe bed-sharing practices are key. Parents should be educated on the right way for their child to sleep for any sleep situation.

Actually, bed-sharing done safely is NOT dangerous and can actually be protective against SIDS. The majority of "bed-sharing" deaths occur in the presence of alcohol or drugs, and/or on a sleeping surface other than a bed. And virtually 100% of sleep-sharing deaths are associated with bottle-feeding. Breastfeeding is a prerequisite for safe sleep-sharing. If you're actually interested in learning the facts about sleep-sharing, rather than just spouting off tabloid headlines, read some articles by Dr. James McKenna, a leading researcher in mother-baby sleep behaviour. www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/

Again, another stereotype. Bed sharing is neither stupid or thoughtless. Most parents who bed-share are quite thoughtful and careful about it.

I am a nurse in a very busy pediatric emergency room....and I have taken care of MORE than my fair share of children that have been injured and killed due to bed sharing. No parent goes to bed at night intending to harm their child....however, it happens all the time. And often drugs or alcohol are NOT involved. Children are starved of oxygen causing horrible brain injuries or killed. Please dont attempt to tell others that children that die due to bed sharing would have died anyway!! This is NOT the case.

I wont begin to pass judgement regarding anothers parenting. I will, however, offer information that my experience as a nurse has brought to me.

Sleep safe.....

That's not actually what I said. Maybe I could have worded it better. I meant to express that some of those losses could be blamed on bed-sharing when it was not actually the cause.

I really dislike the fear mongering going on here. Should we start citing statistics on crib and bassinette related deaths? No, because it wouldn't be fair and because most of the time parents do what they feel is best for their child.

It saddens me that a woman can't even post about her parenting experiences.

I had both of my children in bed with us from birth until they started sleeping through the night on their own. I never once rolled over on one of them because they slept on a raised surface. There are co-sleepers and other items that can be placed safely next to the bed or, like the one we used, attached to the mattress itself in the middle of the bed. Ours even had a night light that I could switch on when nursing. Please do not assume that because parents share the bed with a child that they are careless or not being safe.

Actually, Dr. Jim McKenna, one of the nation's leading experts on bed-sharing, who has devoted many years of study to sleep-related deaths among babies and children, has said that formula-feeding is the leading cause of sleep-related deaths among infants! He has found throughout his studies that in almost all bed-sharing fatalities, the parents were formula-feeding. This made him study how breastfeeding pairs sleep and he learned that a breastfeeding mother usually slept more lightly and slept curled around her infant in such a way that it made it virtually impossible for her to roll over onto her infant and if anyone else (dad, sibling, etc.) tried to roll onto the child, they would have to roll onto the mother first which would wake her.

Now, this does not include sleeping with intoxicated parents, or sleeping on the couch, or a recliner, etc. Which, no parent should be caring for a child while intoxicated (sleeping or otherwise) and co-sleeping should only take place in a BED while breastfeeding.

Thanks Nicole - CLC for mentioning Dr. McKenna's work! Just what I was going to write about. There is a huge distinction to be made between bed-sharing while breastfeeding and bed-sharing while formula feeding. There are instinctual behaviors observed in mothers who are breastfeeding that protect the baby during sleep -this includes body positioning and even regulation of the infants breathing. I've bed-shared/breastfed my two daughters and found myself doing exactly what Dr. McKenna has observed. Also, as I recollect, in studies that have looked at records of infant deaths in adult beds, there is always an x-factor involved - i.e., alcohol, drugs, unsafe conditions,etc. This is a practice that has occurred in cultures around the world for all of history and continues today. I'm glad to see more and more acceptance for parents who make this choice in our society.

AND my almost 10 year old is not a crazy misbehaved kid because of this, he is kind and gentle, loves kids is artistic, a Tae Kwon Do champ and good student. Does he at times do 10 year old things that are sneaky or get him in trouble? Sure, but he's 10!

@stephanie...SIDS is sudden infant death syndrome. SIDS is when they can not find a cause for death. Swollen adenoids are a cause that can be diagnosed. So to classify your baby as a possible SIDS baby is not correct.

We often slept with our son on our chests. It was the only way he would sleep sometimes. My daughter also slept with us for the most part. I wouldn't change a thing. They are now 12 and 23, and my daughter is expecting my first grandchild.

Sounds to me that you are more worried about getting enough sleep and your space than making sure that your child is sleeping good at night. You can teach and preach to your kids to have manners like saying please and thank you but if you do not model the same manners that you are drilling to your kids... It will not work and they will not do it. Like what they say...Monkey see, monkey do..

In my situation, I often held him as he napped, if I wasn't doing anything else. Other than that, he'd fall asleep either in my arms and i'd bring him in the room or lay with him until he falls asleep then go do what I needed him to.

thanks, interesting. good to hear thoughtful and full descriptions by posters and by bialik of what this lifestyle is really like.

My kids all took normal naps... No different from a kid with a crib or with their own bed. They knew when they were tired and would go crawl into bed... Or, as infants, I would wear them while they slept (while I would get stuff done around the house)... or just lay them down (give my shoulders a break). ;)

my daughter often naps in our arms, on the bed, on the sofa. she knows how to get down by herself but we are always near by for when she wakes. We own a crib and put her in it to nap sometimes but she's not the biggest fan of that. You do what works for you and your baby. they are all individuals and have different needs.

Bed sharing or co-sleeping isn't all or nothing. When my son was an infant, he mostly slept in my arms. Now that he's older (15 months) he starts the night in his crib, then when he wakes I bring him into bed with me. This way he's sleeping safely while I get things done in the evening, and we all get as much sleep as possible. I work full time, so I treasure the closeness of sleeping with my dear boy near me and nursing him whenever he needs it during the night.

This goes for all things Attachment Parenting. You do NOT have to do it ALL one way, or even the same way every day. As a mother you get to pick and choose! I wear my son in a wrap or carrier sometimes, other times I use a stroller depending on where we're going, whether or not we need to carry other things, etc. Sometimes he eats homemade organic food I have prepared just for him, sometimes he eats whatever everyone else is eating. He nurses, and he drinks cows milk too. Use what works for you!

Usually my son fell asleep while we were wearing him or in the car. We were easily able to transition him to our bed for naps. Until he could roll over he slept in a back sleeping thing on the bed. After that we had rails on our queen sized bed so he couldn't fall off. As soon as he was walking, we taught him to slide off the bed on his belly to be safe. There was never a problem with him being in our bed....whether we were there or not! Now he's 3 and when he comes to climb in with us in the middle of the night I'm usually so happy to curl up together!

seriously Eric, you have to be a man.

Midwives specialize ONLY in childbirth and the best well beong of mother AND child

Bed sharing is a way to be closer to your child also. My husband and I cosleep and we believe a babys place is with their parents, they need the closeness to. Our kids in our bed has rarely interfered wiyh our sex life, we go other places

Formula is poison, have you not seen all the recent recalls b/c of the poison they are finding in formula, hello

Seriously Stephanie? Formula poison? I know several formula fed babies and all have turned out just fine...me included :)

Eric..your an idiot.

On Birth: Hospitals and Homebirth with Midwives have the same infant mortality rate. Do your research before speaking out of your ass.

On Bed Sharing: Our child in our bed just means we have to be kinkier. Beds are boring....kitchens are hot.

Stephanie calling formula poison is your opinion - a judgement. My mother, me, and my child were all formula fed and all healthy happy human beings. Good for you that you wanted/could breast feed but don't pass judgement on me because I plain and simply don't want to.

Eric I fully agree with you on birth and bed sharing! My daughter stayed in a craddle until she was ONE month old. I then moved her to her own room. Yes I am a mother but I'm also a wife. Our daughter was an addition to our family not the center of it. Just as I need my own space so does she. I believe in teaching independance in children as young as possible!

We use time outs and *gasp* Spanking! My daughter is almost 2 and if she is running out in the street, trying to grab something off the stove, or throwing an object at her infant cousin heck yeah I swat her but. Do I beat her black and blue no! Just a tap to get her attention. If she is being mean or not listening she goes to time out for 2 min.

As for manners we do enforce please, thank you, and your welcome! We also say Caroline bring me that toy please or thank you for giving me your sippy and your welcome for giving her a snack! We show her the same respect we expect from her!

We don't judge others for their way of raising their children but everytime I turn around we are being judged and normally by the people who don't spank their children and are less strict with their children. I don't care how they raise their children as long as they are being loved don't judge me.

I judge parents who spank. I don't mince words. I feel spanking is simply lazy parenting. Anyone who resorts to violence as a way to teach someone something is low on the totem pole.

Ladies, Leave the man alone.

While I would have loved to have a natural birth, my complications and 2 completely unpreventable emergency c-sections could only have happened in the hospital. All 4 of my pregnancies have been under the care of specialists. So have a home birth IF it's right for you. But 2 of my 3 kiddos would not have survived their births if I'd been at home.

Breast milk is best IF you can. I get that their are issues with formula, but not all infants react well to breast milk either. That being said, I made milk like a cow for my first 2, but a skinny cow. There wasn't enough fat in my milk to keep my babies gaining weight. For my last baby the stress of moving and other issues robbed me of the chance to breast feed her, she was starving. So thank goodness for the "poison" that kept them alive when I couldn't.

As for sleeping with baby, a completely personal issue. And co-sleeping is most often risky. Most parents don't take a crash course in "how to safely co-sleep" and that is a huge risk factor. Personally, neither my babies nor myself slept well in the same room, but we cuddle for a half hour or more in the morning when they get up. It's fun and I wouldn't miss it for the world.

On birth. Hospitals specializing in birthing and child care are the safest for baby and mom.

Untrue. Between 98-99% of babies in the US are born in hospitals. Most of the rest of the developed world uses midwives for normal pregnancies. And yet the US ranks 46th on infant mortality:

Educate yourself. Watch "The Business of Being Born." Read "Gentle Birth Choices" and "A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth."

On bed sharing. Your husband is still important and bed sharing takes intimacy away. Also, you're going to have a heck of a time when it comes time to put them in their own room.

Untrue. Our 2-year-old still bedshares with us. And he doesn't seem one bit disturbed in his deep sleep when my husband and I have sex. And if we're worried we'll wake him, we have sex in the shower. Or in the back bedroom. Or on the couch. Or on the kitchen table. I'll admit it: I'm pretty flexible (both physically and where I'm willing to get down and dirty). In fact, having a baby in our bed has done more for our ability to have creative sex than anything else in our lives. We quite often have the kind of sex that only new couples who've just started dating have. As for getting him into his own bed, everyone who bedshares eventually starts wanting 'their own bed' and as soon as he expresses an interest, you can bet we're going to facilitate that.

On breast milk. Totally agree, but formula isn't poison.

Technically true. Formula ISN'T poison, but it isn't food either.

Did you know formula feeding doubles infant deaths in America?

Are you even aware of the risks of feeding formula to infants?

Not to mention how many recalls of polluted formulas there have been.

On gentle discipline. You have to have the patience of a saint for it to work.

Not technically true. I am anything but patient and there are days I would love to spank my son... but I don't. Because I would never strike my husband for making me angry, and what is spanking but hitting? Just because you hit the bottom does not change the fact that it's hitting.

I try to keep my sense of humor about things, and let go of my expectations for a 'perfectly behaved' child. Or even for a Dennis the Menace child. If you just go with the flow, it's much less stressful.

Educate yourself before telling educated people they're wrong.

I know it isn't a popular opinion or nice to say but at least Im open and honest about it. I've discussed it with friends who do spank and I've learned that my way is not their way BUT they have listened to my side & some have tried to not spank and use logic & love versus spanking and had better results with their children. It isn't easier, it does require more patience but I urge all parents who spank to please give the alternatives a try. You may find that in time they work out better for you.

I was spanked and beaten as a child so I guess Im biased.

ArmyMama

Eric..your an idiot.

Army Mama, when you call someone an idiot please make sure that your use of "your" is correct. You meant to type "you're" as in "you are" an idiot. So really, who's the idiot here?

Sunny I believe that teaching my child right from wrong in "A WAY THAT WORKS FOR US..." is far better than teaching my child to judge and belittle those I don't agree with. Judge me, frankly I do not care - but as many women have stated - we should be uplifting each other not bringing each other down.

I could turn around and state that parents who simply talk to their children and only use time out are coddling their children. But truly I feel that if that is what works for their children then go for it. My child does not resopnd to me just telling her no; and when her life is in danger your can bet your ass I'm gonna give her a swat.

I'm glad that you have found something that works for you.

How many times to you "swat" your daughter before you're sure she understands the danger? After you hit her three times for running into the street, is she then safe to play on the sidewalk by herself? or does it take more than that?

When she ran towards the street the first time and I yelled no and ouch even Hot to get her to stop - none worked. When I finally grabbed her inches from the street with a car coming way to fast for a subdivision street she laughed so hard she dropped to her knees. She was 1. We read books about the dangers we always talked to her about being "safe" around the street on our walks and still 2 months later she is running towards the street still thinking it's hilarious! Finally one day at my wits end I grab her arm and gently swat her butt. She stops grabs her but and looks at me like "what happened?" I say no Ouchie! Next day she starts again towards the street laughing until I grab her arm - she knew what came next. I have never hit my child hard enough to make her cry. By the third day all I had to do was ask if she wanted a spanking when she looked at the street. She said no. We had a nice walk where she stayed on the side walk and I wasn't terrified to let her out of my arms reach! So no I'm not a lazy parent no I don't abuse her. I tried your gentle way - which didn't work after 2 months go ahead and tell me it takes patience but I wasn't about to let what others think of me keep me from teaching my child to stay out of the darn street! 3 days and she understood that it wasn't acceptable to run in the street.

Do you let your 2 year old play on the sidewalk by his/her self? no that's a silly question. She is always with me never outside by herself. We have a small yard and aren't allowed to fence it in in my neighborhood. But I can let my daughter run ahead a few feet and not have to watch her get ran over! Those who spank - some are out of line but it's unfair to group us all together. Just as it is unfair for me to say "oh, you use time outs only - wow. Gosh what a push over."!

Eric, hospitals are not the safest place for babies or their mothers. Infant and mother mortality and morbidity rates are among the highest in the US, even above most 3rd world countries. And yet, most women deliver in hospitals.

Also, why does sex and intimacy have to only take place in the bed and at night??? Oh, and children sleep.

Nicole, so are you suggesting that my husband and I have sex while my 2 year old is awake? Should I pop her a bag of popcorn first? Why not throw sex-ed in with everything else society wants my child to learn before PRESCHOOL!

For most of us the Idea of having sex while our child(ren) are in our bed whether they are asleep or awake is kinda disgusting.

Popcorn is unsafe for two-year-olds.

No, I wasn't suggesting including your child in your sexual activities. That would be absurd. I was only suggesting that there are ways around feeling like your sexual intimacy has to be held hostage by your children (whether you co-sleep or not). My husband and I have had some of our best sex when he comes for lunch and my youngest (who isn't in school yet) is napping (hence, why I said "children sleep"). Not to mention, that we (and many other co-sleepers that I know) find it quite fun to sneak through the house at night (while the kids are asleep) to find an available, private room to do our business. And before you ask, we do have a crib for the one child that co-sleeps/still breastfeeding, so we can transfer him, if we need some privacy in our own bed, but he is back in our bed not too long after and yes, we do leave him alone while sleeping in our bed if we are trekking off to the spare room to be alone, but we have the guards attached and he is perfectly safe and he knows how to get out the bed by himself anyway.

I am so sick of hearing people judge parents who spank their kids! Get over it!

My brother and I were spanked as children. Not often, and only when the offense warranted it - which is what "spanking" is!! If you're smacking your kid's butt for every little thing, that's another story. But I was spanked every once in a great while. And guess what? I am, by all accounts, a very happy, well-adjusted, successful adult; and I was a particularly well-behaved teenager! Was I a good kid because I feared punishment? No! I was good because I loved and respected my parents and their expectations. I have (and have always had) a very close, loving relationship with both of my parents. Is this because I was spanked? No, probably not. But I believe it is because I had GOOD parents who knew how to both praise and discipline me properly for any given situation. And sometimes this "gentle discipline" just doesn't get the message across. Sometimes a quick smack to the rear is the most effective solution.

As an adult, I'm not ashamed to say I spank my kids. It's only been necessary a handful of times (and they're 10 and 12 years old). I will also say that I CHOSE not to breastfeed. Not because I couldn't, but because I just plain didn't want to. My kids have always been perfectly healthy and were fed formula literally from Day 1 - which they spent in the hospital, after I had them while being happily drugged to the gills. They each spent the first few weeks in the room with my husband and me, then it was off to their own rooms where they were allowed to cry for just a few minutes before we rushed in to comfort them. The only time they were ever in our bed was when, as toddlers and small children, they had nightmares and crawled in between us of their own volition. When, with our youngest at around age 4, that became too regular of a situation, we talked it over with him, discovered the root of his fears, and helped him overcome it.

Yes, children the world over are born at home, breastfed, and sleep in their parents' bed. But let's not forget that in many parts of the world, hospitals are not readily accessible, formula isn't even an option, and there isn't a crib or separate room in which to put the child!!! These things aren't done because it's the RIGHT way, they're done because it's the only way to do it there! I'm damn grateful that I live in a society in which modern science has given us other, equally viable, options!

I've done all these terrible unattached things to my kids - as they were done to me - and lo and behold, I have really well-behaved kids and a very close and loving relationship with them. Wow, what horrible parents we are. Can't believe social services hasn't taken the kids away.

Nicely put, ZoeP! :)