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Subscribe to RSSFed up with her teen's lack of effort, one mom makes her son stand on a busy corner wearing a sign advertising his 1.22 GPA. Tough love, or bad parenting?
By Jennifer Langston
When a Tampa mother found no consequences were strong enough to compel her son to do schoolwork, she took the fight to the street. She wrote his grade point average (1.22) on a posterboard, strung it around his neck and forced him to stand on a busy corner for four hours.
“Honk if I need education,” the sign said, according to the St. Petersburg Times. “People honked,” the paper reported. “Lots of people.”
How did her eighth grader react? He said it made him feel crazy and embarrassed. On the other hand, he admitted he should have been working harder in school.
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What do you think of the "honk if I need education" sign?
It’s tempting to dismiss this as just another footnote in the annals of horrible parenting (like the mom who sold her tearful sons’ toys on eBay because they ruined her bathtub). But in this example, the mom isn’t angry at a toddler for crayoning up the furniture or some minor indiscretion.
She seems genuinely scared for her child, and apparently feels like she has no other options, which makes it a different kind of story.
Ronda Holder, a hair stylist and mother of six, never finished high school. She clearly recognizes the importance of an education. Yet her son James Mond III refused to do homework, failed to apply himself in history and math and couldn’t be bothered to pass gym. To her, the equivalent of sticking a dunce cap on her kid and forcing him to wear it in traffic was a tough-love alternative to the kind of life he’d lead without an education or basic skills.
"I don't want any of my kids to stand by the side of the road asking for change," Holder told a reporter.
Shaming a child into changing their behavior is generally considered a poor parenting strategy, rattling around in the bottom of the barrel with bribing and throwing things. The public display of ill-considered parenting raised the eyebrows of Florida child welfare advocates. Fortunately, it also got the attention of school officials, who signed the 15-year-old up for tutoring.
Holder felt drastic measures were required to jolt her son out of his academic stupor. Maybe it’ll work, or maybe he’ll just wind up hating her for it. What do you think?
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This individual got what he deserved.
Better he stand on the corner with a sign around his neck than in a police station with a number around his neck because he didn't listen to his mother and do his homework and become somebody.
A very interesting parenting tack. I feel a better one would have been to just switch teachers or schools, and get very involved in her child's education if she's not doing that already. I have what some might term a problem child, and we did that with him, and now he's learning just fine.
I feel alot of these so called professionals that claim to have all the right answers concerning how to raise kids, Are truly a big part of the problem with kids today. Seems theirs always someone defending children's actions today. Kids today pick up on that real quick & that's why they challenge their parents all the time. Ive heard so many kids tell their parents they will call the cops on them for whatever the child didn't care for at the time, What is worse than the child threatening to call the cops is i also watched alot of these same parents actually back down. Our dad told us if we ever said we were going to call the law & we didn't follow through we would be calling a ambulance. To be humiliated as this young man was & where that girl Hanna was when dad read her post out to the world & then shot up the laptop is a small price to pay for what the lesson these kids will get from their parents lesson. Now here's two kids that will head towards college knowing mom & dad are their for me if needed, but their not their for my own greedy needs. Every child needs tough love sometimes to remind them who the parents are & who they are. Billboard where i was raised off I-55 IN IL Read: EVERY CHILD NEEDS LSD IN EQUAL AMOUNTS. LOVE,SECURITY & DISCIPLINE.Parents wake up, because the govt can"t wait to raise your kids.
YES! amazing how so many experts can defend the feelings of , minors .( who's brains they claim are not fully developed) ,. Yet don't give a 'Damn" , no repect for the grown ups that are responsible for that child. Where is the 'love' when they go from ' Student ; to DEtainee in the newest Private PRISON!!! This lady has lived it , she did the right thing , Better to have been Shamed than Shammed by the system !!!
Whatever happened to accountability? It wasn't like she beat him within an inch of his life...and she had his best interests at heart. It's better he gets shamed now then later, when it's way too late. Tough love never hurt anyone but those that didn't get it.
And I take what these "experts" say with a HUGE grain of salt. Do they have kids? What makes them uberparents? If they don't have anything constructive to offer, then they should respectively butt out!
LOL! The kid earned that fireball GPA and, since he and his friends think it is cool to be stupid, he should be proud to wear a sign showing his accomplishment. She could have made it worse and made him wear his cap sideways to show that he is also too stupid to wear a hat.
Damn right. If he's proud of his sorry grades, he should wear that sign proud as if it were a nice piece of bling.
Sure, humiliating the kid might work, might inspire him to graduate high school. It worked for me, i graduated high school after a ritual of humiliation and degradation. As soon as I did, i separated myself from my parents, and no longer have anything to do with them. it's not desperation, it's irresponsibility on mom's or dad's behalf. They need to dig deeper than that. The kid is struggling with a greater issue than "he's just lazy and needs to be humiliated" there's the very real possibility that the kid may just commit suicide before he graduates high school. Humiliation doesn't work. it's not tough love, it's abuse. Let's not get the two intertwined. the whole "tough love' thing is a validation for abusive behavior.
I am sorry to hear that you have turned your back on the people who provided for you in your youth. I am sure they humiliated you with the intent of having you abandon your family later in life. What a fine specimen you turned out to be! As far as the greater issue, pray tell what is that issue since you seem to have an insight into this young mans psyche?? I hope that you seek counseling to prevent you from attempting suicide as you suggest. As far as abuse I am sure that the state child protective services have been notified and are investigating the matter. By the way how many kids do you have? And what do you suggest for alternative punishments in child rearing?
You passed high school right? Gee, who helped u realize the error of your ways and puts on a More successful path? It's you who should be shamed now because you severed the thing that helped you the MOST. It's called tough love. Unfortunately , u aren't mature enough to realize that.
Your parents may miss you but they are better off without you. No one need a ungrateful, self centered, lazy, disrespectful kid or adult aged child ruining their lives for them. Children DO NOT have the right to do that. Jeez that little b@stard was failing GYM class. Too lazy/stupid to play dodgball and basketball?Yea she should be spending the next twenty years bailing him out of juvy, county jail, putting his @ss into rehab mutiple times and raising his demon spawn when he becomes a baby daddy to a couple of women.
Sometimes humiliation is the right way, not all the time, to teach kids lessons. Sometimes that's the only way. I've done humiliation a couple times and got some results, sometimes you don't . It just depends on the child and issue at hand.
wow, you said: "The kid is struggling with a greater issue than "he's just lazy and needs to be humiliated" there's the very real possibility that the kid may just commit suicide before he graduates high school."
Since you know so much about this child and what his thoughts are, why are you just sitting there! Get off your ass and make a change! Your clueless, absolutley clueless. It's time we had GOOD PARENTS make their children ACCOUNTABLE, and if it takes humiliation, then so be it.
It looks like the mom is the one who needs to get an education, along with all the idiots who honked. Forced schooling is the greatest crime against children and the surest way to destroy the natural desire to learn. Leave the poor boy alone!
1.22 GAA where is this natural love of learning in this kid? .22 above a "F" average. A "F" AVERAGE!!!!!!
truley Charlene, you are an idiot.
Let's not make children accountable for their actions. let's blame the "system", teachers, and other outside factors, and teach our young that it's OK to not take ownership of your problems. Get real.
School is prison.
The only difference I can think of is that to get into prison you have to commit a crime, but they put you in school just because of your age. In other respects school and prison are the same. In both places you are stripped of your freedom and dignity. You are told exactly what you must do, and you are punished for failing to comply. Actually, in school you must spend more time doing exactly what you are told to do than is true in adult prisons, so in that sense school is worse than prison.
I learn enough on my own. I mean maintaining a 3.0 GPA based only off of tests is not the most efficient way of keeping a grade, but it works.
Much of my free time is spent researching random pages on Wikipedia, and then clicking the source pages. I passed the test on circuits, Ohm's law, and charges with flying colors without studying, because I had researched on my own a year before.
You CAN learn on your own! In my own opinion, school past 10th grade is un-justified, because most people do not ever need to recall the periodic table, learn about fission, or chemistry for most jobs. Any answer you need for that particular time is on the internet. Most people have access to at least a calculator, and most people in the United States have access to the internet, be it at a coffee shop, library, cellular phone, or home wired connection.
I understand everyone here is stating she is doing everything she needs to do to make sure he graduates, but in all honesty, what is the point, other than to fit into the rest of society that pointlessly does excessive work just to forget how to do it later. I can't name the 50 states' capitols. I can not remember some of the periodic table.
I am sure I will find a decent paying job at a computer shop, as computers are a part of me. I can easily build a PC out of parts that I know will be compatible, and have been for a while to re-sell. I also can code in C#, and know basic HTML. I can research more into HTML later in life if that is a career path I want to take.
A friend of mine gets straight A's, all through every class. He is not good at logic, nor is he good at common sense. He works hard, and is very diligent. By spending all his time absorbing the text to regurgitate later during a test, he gets these grades. This does not necessarily mean he understands the reasoning behind them. I notice if I ask a question that involves logic, such as riddles, or even something simple, like asking him how to solve a simple puzzle, he is un-able to do so. I am un-able to tell you anything about his mental views, because I am not him. I won't even try.
If you are going to respond, please do so in a respectful way. Being rude will not help me, nor will it help you. It will make YOU look bad.
@emcinnes. I wonder what will happen to you if your parent didn't do what they did to ensure you graduated. you won't have the job you are having now, probably you will still live with your parent because they can provide you foods and shelter. i think you should thank your parents for their actions. of course they knew that their kids will hate them, but they still did it anyway because they just wanted the best for their kids.
How did people born before the age of "everybody's a winner" ever survive to adulthood? I see no problem with the boy's being made to hold the sign. Good for mom. I've worked with high school kids for nearly 30 years and I've seen parents come in and rip teachers and administrators because their child was failing or got caught smoking weed or bullying another child. The accountability starts at home and is the responsibility of the parent and child. Teachers provide students with information. It's up to the student to process that information and apply it appropriately. If this boy's self-esteem was bruised by having to publicly announce his failure to take responsibility, he'll get over it. His mom has my support. By the way, way back when, if kids acted up or broke rules at the public pool near where I lived, they were made to walk a few laps around the pool carrying a sign that said "I'm a Pool Pest". You usually only carried it once. After that, you learned your lesson or got booted. None of us who carried the sign grew up to be ax murderers.
We don't know all the facts here so we shouldn't rush to judgment. If the kid has a learning disability and needs professional help, this isn't going to help.
However, let's assume the kid's poor grades were due to him avoiding doing his work out of laziness or boredom and the mother had repeatedly warned him about how his grades would suffer if he didn't do his work. At some point, her repeated words were falling on deaf ears and she realized this was the only way to get him to listen. The easy answer is to just let him flounder and continue to do poorly because he wants to play on the computer all day. Sometimes people need drastic action to get them to change.
Maybe the experts would say it's good parenting to let him flounder, but what does that teach him in the long run? How long can he hold a job if he decides to display a poor work ethic? A few months ago, a barista posted a video complaining about how much he hated his job. I had a similar job and hated it as well. Rather than complaining about it, I decided to outwork my colleagues and received a promotion. Many kids today feel as if the world is owed to them and they don't have to work to get anything. I see it all the time with our new hires. It's always a rude awakening for these kids when they realized life isn't going to baby them anymore.
As a parent, my role is to make sure my daughter is able to become a fully functioning member of society when she is done with high school. Part of that entails teaching her that the actions she does or doesn't take will affect her in the future and at times there are consequences for her actions. Though she may be too young to fully understand that now, it's my job to keep her on the right track and help her understand what's best for until she's old enough to make decisions.
I have known several people who were rejected from jobs and colleges because they didn't learn basic skills while in school. Their biggest complaint was that they wish they didn't screw off in high school. I will agree that doing well in school doesn't guarantee future success and there have been many cases where people have made millions without getting a college degree. However, all of those people are determined and motivated people, which doesn't seem to be the case here.
If the kid wants to do nothing with his life after he's an adult, it's his choice, but all of us will be complaining about how that type of person is a drag on society. I commend the mother for trying to take action early on in his life so he has a chance to see the consequences of his actions and correct them now.
When I was 10 years old and my mom erroneously suspected that I had been doing drugs, she stripped me naked and beat me with the tail of a horse. The result was blisters all over my back and in other places I shouldn't mention. To this day, I still haven't forgiven her and I never will. What this lady is doing is an act of mercy compared to what my mom did. Today, she's the proud mother of a medical student. As far as I'm concerned, she's the devil. Don't let her niceties fool you.
10 years old & beat you like that with a horse tail, in places you shouldn't mention? That is w/o a doubt child abuse. I hope that you've recovered well, and there was no long term collateral damage (other than the relationship) done.
I also agree with you that this teen's mom's actions were an act of mercy. No child should be beaten, for any reason. I grew up in a abusive home myself, not knowing from one minute to the next when I was going to get a beating, and not with a belt, or horsetail, but fists & feet. From as far back as the 1st grade, to the best of my memory. And to think, my dad was a police officer, a sergeant on the force at that. And like you, I never have forgiven him, nor my mom who allowed/put up with it.
But there are times when some form of discipline is necessary. Sometimes, more often than many thinks, grounding & loss of privileges isn't enough. The parent has to be more creative. I feel that this act of discipline is in order for the situation. I mean, she has to do something to steer her child in the right direction.
I'd take holding a sign over being beaten any day as a choice of punishment.
Cat
I work for a high school. And I have nieces at home who I help take care of. Even I impose tough love on them, if they fit over something, they both lose it. If they don't do hw, they don't get to play. If they bad mouth me just before dinner, it's bedtime right there and then. As parents, they have a right to discipline their kids. Smack their mouths when they cuss. Shoot the computer when they trash talk you on Facebook. Make them smoke a whole pack of cigarettes in front of you if they are ever caught, while looking at photos of people who turned ugly because of smoking. Take them to the morgue too. Spank them if they do anything wrong.
As a kid, i was more scared of my dads belt than a reprimand and I'd never do anything bad again. Now I'd do the same thing!
Unfortunately too many stuck up parents who thing talking is the way out. When their kids go to jail, they get raped harshly, and it's because their parents refused to belt them just once.
It's time to stand up to your kids, and do so with diligence. U have the power to smack them to teach them a lesson. It's not abuse, and it's even allowed in society.
Also, have you noticed that the smartest, and the best of all people get smacked to learn a lesson? Most children who end up in jail are the ones that are either babied or abused. they aren't babies, and they need to learn the hard way. It's either the hard way a few times or even just once with a Belt or a ruler or the hard way in jail when the other inmates stick things up their anuses?
Take your pick, and decide what's best for your kid... But make sure they actually learn their lessons.
Wow, got a violence problem? When something goes wrong, if behavior isnt to your standards just start smacking people. Great way to teach kids how to cope and manage their frustrations. With a little thought and effort a parent can accomplish everything you mentioned without resorting to violence. And don't bother sugar coating it, hitting, smacking is a violent act. There is too much violence in our society and you are perpetuating it.
Brian - totally agree. what's wrong with a little fear and intimidation? And yes, a little smacking can go along way. Maybe if more parents paid attention, you wouldn't have repeat Columbines........... Eighth grade people, really? Paramed - violence problem? Yep, going to have a violence problem if you don't teach those little brats responsility, respect, and manners. Even if smacking them around is the way to do it. But hence - my other posts - never once have I hit my kids. Don't need to. They see the look in mom's eyes and say "Holy crap - she's pissed" - and the situation is over. But it is fun to then watch them clean my house and bring me my ferrets. It's really simple - when mom's unhappy, EVERYONE is unhappy. Teach your children this early and then everything will be fine.
Paramed. Let's say u see a kid who just stabbed your kid in the hand or shoulder cuz that kid liked what he saw on tv. Mommy comes by and says 'no!'. And they walk away...
But I'm sure I'd like to slap that kid? Or are u gonna say 'don't do that' and find someone's shoulder to cry?
I had a friend in high school who had the exact same thing done to her... she hated and still hates her parents (20 years later) for doing it. I have since learned it wasn't just this but a string of other "consequences". I wonder if it was only this issue (the sign about her gpa) if she'd really hate them now, or if it was the culmination of all the other "tools" they used.
However, as a mother of a middle schooler who currently couldn't care about her work ethic in school and her grades, I understand the frustration that could drive a parent to this.
Due to my friend's experience, I am not sure I could take the risk and do this with my child though. I prefer the natural consequences, if she doesn't get her act together... she'll fail... and knowing her, she is not going to want to be back in middle school while all of her friends move on to high school.
Diva10 - I understand your thoughts, but seriously, we are talking about a child in 8th grade. That's the problem nowadays. Society/Laws/Govn't has made us parents so afraid. We go to jail for yelling at our children. We have CPS called on us for our kids telling their teacher "mom and dad yelled at me last night". It's so damn ridiculous. Little bit of embarrassement never hurt anyone. And really, you piss of my dad, he would have beaten you like a dog. Yet me, MY EIGHTH grader has a 3.8 GPA and plays football and I came home last Wed to find him vacuuming my house. His excuse, "mom, I was bored and finished all my homework and didn't want to watch tv - plus i know it makes you happy to come home to a clean house after work" - and believe it or not, NEVER ONCE HAVE I HIT MY CHILDREN. It's called parenting. Your kids, and your way. The 20 yrs later thing, that's just a woman with some issues of her own.
Moms are moms and for us good moms out there, we do our best. Although some may not agree with her decision on how she reprimanded her son - I actually applaud her for even paying attention and making it a point of teaching him how important education is. That kid, when he's 30 with his own children, better go to his mom and thank her!
Whats wrong with shame? On a subtle, sometimes overt, level society uses shame to keep unhealthy and anti-social behavior in check. Unless this child has a learning disability he should be ashamed of those grades. He didn't seem to care so mom created a situation that forced him to THINK about the outcome of his apathy. I also applaud the mom for caring enough to keep her son from heading down a path of failure.
Whoever these "professionals" are,they need to learn what abuse is exactly.
What this woman made her son do is NOT ABUSE!!!!
It is somewhat of an original idea. If the mother kept allowing her son to fail in school like he was,he probably would be standing on a corner with a different sign one that says"Will work for food",or dealing drugs which is more abusive than what his mom did.
I salute this woman...she loves her kid enough to embarass him now and hope he learns.
And to all the people who call this abuse...GTFO and raise your own kids and leave others to raise theirs,unless you see some REAL abuse.
THANK YOU. This is so not abuse--- it was a mother who had exhausted all other measures and did not know how else to communicate to her son that slacking off in school is not a good thing. People look down on you, they laugh at you-- you're not cool. This was an exercise showing him what it's like.
It's not like she makes him stand on the street corner every time he forgets to wash the dishes or wear clean socks. And "honk if you think I need an education" isn't the same as "honk if you think I'm stupid."
Education is a racket. We spend more money per student now than at any time in history only to see success rates of students falling. Just follow the money and ask yourself who profits, The so-called professionals who for the last 40+ years have used our children as lab rats in the social engineering expreriment that is education in america, the tachers union leaders who have portrayed their downtrodden membership as victims (wish i was the kind of victim who had a job for life and then a pension), the over-paid adminstrators who whine about how they can't achieve anything because the parents don't parent.
The million $ question is, why did it take the mother putting her son on the corner to get this kid some tutoring help? More parents should be doing this and shaming thier schools into doing their jobs.
This is not an indictiment of parenting it is an indictment of the education system from the board of education, to the superindentent, the principal and every teacher that came in contact with this kid.
I just think that some teachers should be out there holding the sign " Not doing my Job"
Now days teachers just dont have what it takes to teach our children
Here's a crazy question: The school placed him in tutoring. But was she (his mother) trying to assist him with his work?
If it worked for the kid, great, but if this were me, I'd consider school a hell and drop out completely. Maybe try online schooling.
HOORAY FOR THIS MOM!!!! I ditched classes and stopped trying, my mom came to school with me!!! That was MUCH worse having to have my peers see me with my mom in class and at lunch! But guess what? I stopped ditching and graduated with everyone else. Thanks mommy!!
To all of you out there that think "shame" is an inappropriate behavioral correction response, how many times have you looked at a person getting pulled over and thought, "gee, I'm glad I'm not them right now! How humiliating!" You SHOULD feel shame when you do something wrong! Personally, I think that is the problem most people nowadays, we have removed the shame associated with doing something wrong or irresponsible. Bully a kid at school? It's not shameful, the kids need to work it out for themselves, teaches problem solving! Get pregnant out of wedlock by 3 different guys? No shame, it's ok to spread your legs for every guy that comes along, the state will pay for it! Don't want to look for a job? No shame, you can just rely on the system to pay for your needs!
Whatever happened to personal responsibility and effort??? Apparently it's not completely dead, or we wouldn't be seeing an up rise of creative parenting (since spanking will get you thrown in jail anymore!) Parents, take responsibility for your kids and stop relying on the schools, the daycare centers, or whoever else is "raising" your kids!! I'm only 30 yrs old and I am so blessed to have had parents that humiliated me and used scare tactics to get me to wake up! You don't kiss your kids butts to get them to behave, it's the other way around, you kick their butts!!