My daughter and my son slept at least part of the night with us until they decided they didn't want to. They were somewhere around 10 to 12 years old. My son is a sucessful father of 5 children and my daughter put herself through college and grad school. at 26 years old she is running a program for drug and alcohol addicted youth and supervises three other clinicians who are older than she is. She is successful and happy and well adjusted. And they were both potty trained, weened and and stopped sucking a pacifier or thumb long before high school. Rela enjoy your children they will be on their own for most of their lives.

I truly wish I had gone with my gut and let our babies sleep with us when they were small. The older one always came into our room during the night anyway. This co-sleeping was the norm for many parents for many years until some "professional" said it wasn't healthy.

Always go with your gut.

My children have always slept in my bed (I have 3). My daughter is now 11, and prefers to sleep in her own bed, but her younger brothers, who are 4 and 5, still sleep with me. They have their own beds, they prefer to be with me. That's fine. Even my 11 year old prefers some cuddle time with me before she goes to bed. When I come home from school at night, and her brothers are already asleep, she'll sit next to me on the couch and we cuddle and talk while I do my homework or check my email. After about half and hour, she decides she's ready for bed, kisses me goodnight and off she goes. I honestly think that there are many, many co-sleepers and bed-sharers in the US that are afraid to "come out of the closet" so to speak, because of something Dr. Spock or whoever said in 1950-something. As a mother you very quickly learn to follow your gut and do what's right for your children.

As the wife of a former homocide investigator, I can't tell you the amount of times he was called out in the middle of the night to make reports for dead babies. Dr. Bialik is well-educated and probably raising lovely children, and it feels right for her family; however, the sector of the community that the those TV ads were directed at would be the complete opposite of her socio-economical circumstances.

Being from South Korea where the standard of living was low back in the late 60's and early 70's this was very accepted way of sleeping. I think it was also a cultural standard for the kids to to sleep in the same room and with moms and dads (most could not afford beds). Asia, for the most part, is a nuclear family culture where everyone is supposed to take care of each other, and I believe, family sleeping together builds a long lasting bond that carries into adulthood where no member of a family is "left behind" and all are expected to take care of each other till the end.

This farce that pediatricians have helped, albeit many unknowingly, all started with the crib industry. What better way than to convince parents to buy a crib for each child than to scare the crap out of those parents by stating that sleeping with an infant is deadly. SHAME on the Milwaukee Health Department for continuing to misinform parents. Makes me wonder if Milwaukee is just stupid, or if they're getting a kickback from the crib manufacturers.

Many children have actually been saved because of co-sleeping. The link the author gave above is something all parents should read. I've known this for years, Dr. Sears confirmed it, though, and his webpage has even kept DCS from taking my youngest child once.

well said Mayim! I applaud your bravery. I think people are so confused on so many issues of parenting today because of the interference of so many "experts." Do what feels right. I co slept with my children and got better sleep and so did my babies! They fussed less at night and it was a wonderful bonding experience. I think accidents can happen at anytime. Many babies have died in cribs and yet cribs are not demonized.

What a wonderful mother you are Mayim!! I can remember crawling into my dads bed at night, when I was scared. I also remember him telling me that at 5 yrs old I was "too old" to sleep with him any longer, I was so bummed out, I can remember crying over it. I know this came about b/c he was raised in a very strict and religeous family and you "just didn't sleep with your kids, it was creepy".

He now knows that I was not "too old" at five to stop sleeping with Daddy, and it wasn't "creepy", and I am not a cold person either because I couldn't sleep with Daddy anymore!

I love to have my babies in my bed and my grandbabies too! They are warm and cuddley and nothing smells better than a freshly bathed baby/toddler/child in warm snuggy jammies! That is the best!

To each his/her own.

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Such a sweet column, Mayim, and such a short time our children are our "babies", so why not enjoy each precious second with them we can? My 2 little boys were a year and a half apart, and both still needed their mama at night, so I slept between them happily and safely for the first 3 or 4 years of their lives, until they needed more leg room than was comfortable to share, and then they slept with each other, tumbled together like 2 little puppies for a couple more years. They were happy, well adjusted, very intelligent kids, and never sick when younger. My older son was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, a childhood bone cancer, that randomly strikes growing kids, at age 13, and we fought for him for 3 years, before loosing him last year. Wouldn't want to give back one second of those precious nights we spent dreaming together...missing him so much.

I do feel sorry for those "experts" and their children who miss out on one of the best joys of early childhood.

My husband and I have four kids—two boys and two girls. I have slept and breastfed each one until the age of two (at least). A few of them even remained in the bed until the next one was born. When the kids were newborns, my husband slept in a different room, leaving me the vast space of our king size bed which has the hardest mattress you can buy. I used one small pillow (if I used one at all) and only one blanket. Besides, a kid in the bed is often the best kind of birth control, especially if your husband is sleeping somewhere else!

I believe the family bed unifies the family. It is time spent with my children that I would not have otherwise because I work full-time while they are in daycare or school. Bed sharing provides my children with a sense of security and unconditional love while giving me the comfort of connecting with them. Each is confident and caring. They are all well-adjusted and self-sufficient. My baby will be 2 tomorrow, and while the other children are all in their own rooms wielding very distinct senses of independence, I still nurse him and sleep with him at night.

“Bed sharing is bad” is one of the many cultural taboos we have in the United States. What is commonplace in other countries (like sleeping with your babies so you can nurse and nurture them) is deemed unthinkable here because we hear about the horror stories. Of course, my heart goes out to any parent who has lost a baby either sleeping with him or her or when the baby was in a crib. It goes out to any parent who has lost a child, period.

In my case however, when I have slept with an infant, I have always remained “aware” of his or her presence because we were nursing throughout the night. When sleeping with a baby, I have never gone to bed after drinking alcohol or taking a medication that would make me tired—obviously! I’m breastfeeding! Yes, my sleep is not as good as it could be, but it would be non-existent if I exited the bed multiple times a night to breastfeed an infant in the cold comfort of a rocking chair in a dark room. By the time my husband is back in the bed with us, the baby is old enough to kick him and tell him to “move over” if he gets too close.

I do not judge people who are more comfortable putting their babies to bed in cribs. But in exchange, I would like not to be judged for sleeping with mine.

My 7 month old loves cuddling during the daytime, and especially during feeding, but if I put her in the bed, she fusses and is restless all night, she sleeps better in the crib where she can spread out and move anywhere she wants. Every child is different, every parenting situation is different. I think that as parents, we need to realize this and stop judging others so harshly for not doing things exactly the way we do them. I think it says more about the people who call you "weird" for parenting your kids the way you see fit, than it does about you.

I don't get it Julie-Spouse: what does ones financial and educational status have to do with making it more or less dangerous for children to sleep with their parents? Are you saying that because she is well educated and in a well-enough financial situation that her children are at less of a danger? If that is the case then what of the myriads other cultures that it is the norm for children to sleep with the parents? Or does the cultural differences allow for safety for their poor that we are not adorned with due to some cosmic force? Having to go draw up a report on dead children is not a positive thing. I am not mocking you for having to go through that, I just don't get your point. What is the difference between those that experienced harming children while in the same bed, and those that thrive due to it? It isn't education and/or wealth. Drugs, alcohol, and other such things lend a hand in it. Though, aren't children put at risk, no matter the sleeping situation, when parents are involved in at risk behavior?

Just in case the question occurs: I have two little girls (4 year old twins) that I let sleep with us when they wish. Sometimes they sleep with us, sometimes they sleep in their own bed.

Hi,

I'm a pathologist and medical examiner. I've seen my fair share of cases of positional asphyxia, that is people killed because they can't breath due to being pinned under or wrapped in something. This can happen in adults as well as children.

We see it more often infants than any other age group. Most of the time it is associated with co-sleeping arranggements. We often see other cofactors, such as the parent being intoxicated or exhausted, excess bedclothes or sleeping on a couch.

Is it always unsafe to sleep with your child? No, but it is also not always safe to sleep with them. Use your good judgement. Make sure that your child is safe. As Dr. Bialik noted they made sure there was ample room in their bed for everyone to sleep.

I had 4 kids and they all started out sleeping in a cradle at the foot of our bed. At about 4 months, the oldest went to her own crib in her own room. When child #2 was about 6 months old, she went to her own bed in her sister's room. Child #3 was about 9 months old when she moved to her own room. My son was about 5 months old when he moved into his sister's room. I wasn't afraid of rolling over on them. It just seemed like the right way to do it.

My kids are relatively well adjusted grown ups. Two of them have kids of their own. All 3 grandkids started out sleeping in their parents' beds, but in order for the family to get restful sleep, it didn't last more than a few weeks. My oldest's little boy got his own room when his dad's snoring kept waking the poor kid. The other mom has 2 kids (ages 1 & 3) and unless they are sick, they sleep in the kids' bedroom.

I couldn't agree more!! This article was well written and clearly made a positive statement for co-bedding. I also agree that you should parent with your gut. Your instincts as a parent are going to be whats best for you and your family. You are not your mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, neighbor....etc. Everyone is going to have an opinion about how to "properly" raise a child and deal with bedtime behavior. I have two children, 5 and 3. It has been such a positive experience for all of us, including my husband. To this day, my husband says he doesn't care where the kids sleep, as long as they sleep and they are happy. They have never had to cry waiting for someone to come. I truly believe it has helped them to be more confident and outgoing. It is so wonderful to snuggle up with your babies, snuggling their little necks smelling that unique baby smell. It brings peace and comfort to me and my husband. I have strong, connected relationships with my kids and I believe that co-bedding has allowed my husband to develop a better bond with our kids as well! Being a mom is very different than being a dad....especially in the early years when the kids are solely dependent on mom. It enabled my husband to move away from the feeling of being excluded to being enveloped into the loving little circle of mom & babe. My husband has been more hands on and involved in parenting than anyone I know and I am forever grateful and love my husband more for it! My children are confident and wonderfully inspired! I cherish the times they cuddle up with me knowing that it wont last forever. I believe that I am creating a bond with my children and my family that will carry on into their adulthood and that they will be wonderful, strong adults that I will be forever proud of!!

(i know i am wordy! thanks for reading though!)

Mayim, now I love you even more. Nursed and co-slept with both of my babies (one until 3 1/2, one until 3). Both (ages 10 and almost-15) are smart, independent and well-adjusted. One of my son's doctors said that he believed that my son has Asperger's Syndrome instead of lower-functioning autism because I nursed him for so long.

Thanks for your article.

Mayim, thank you for such a beautifully sweet column. My children have always been with me. My daughter came first and went from bassinet to crib in my room then into my bed when she was 1 year when my son was born. My daughter stayed in my king size bed with us while my son joined us when he was 1. They outgrew our bed and our room at about ages 6 and 7. They are very well adjusted, very secure, confident and caring kids at ages 13 and 14 now. Now my youngest is still with us at 6 1/2. He doesn't suffer from nightmares and sleeps very peacefully. He still cuddles his mom and smiles as he drifts off to sleep.

We have so little time with them and even less time to be close before they start pulling away from us. So why not make that time longer? We have never dealt with making kids go back to bed after nightmares, never dealt with monsters in the closet. Never dealt with forcing security upon them when it just came naturally because they were secure going to sleep. I always had an issue with the philosophy of letting your baby cry itself to sleep during the "sleep in their own room phase" For us, that seemed so cruel because you are showing them that there are times that you won't be there to care for them (Hence, "Mad About You" for those of you who remember that show) How does that benefit anyone? My son has his own bed, in his own room when he is ready to sleep there, he will let us know. My belief, I know won't be for everyone, but, co-sleeping has been so wonderful and peaceful for all of us.

I let my daughter sleep with me and her dad, and she is okay. She got her own bed when she turned 5.

Although my children sleep in their own beds, we do enjoy cuddling every morning in my bed after they wake. Those are some of the most precious times! They also slept in a bassinet next to our bed for the first six weeks of life until they began sleeping through the night and didn't need to nurse every three hours. I loved the closeness.

With all that said, I think we need to remember to cultivate the relationship with our husbands and carve out time and space with just him, without interruptions from our children. Our bedroom is a space for my husband and I to reconnect before we drift off to sleep. It may be another room for some, but for us, we find that the bed and bedroom is our little haven. The relationship between husband and wife is so important, and if not maintained, the relationships between parent and child will suffer.

Although my son's crib was right next to my bed, I often fell asleep with him while lying in the bed to nurse him. It was a nice cuddley time, but he slept in his crib most of the time. Back then, we were strongly discouraged from letting children sleep with parents, but I don't see anything wrong with it, really.

Now we have two cats who snuggle with us every night (son is grown and married). There's never been any danger of rolling over on the cats. I'm sure I would know if I did roll on one! Bites and scratches, LOL! Same thing with a baby; I am sure it would scream and kick. You would have to be out cold to lay on a baby long enough to hurt it. So I suppose it's a matter of what you are comfortable with.

I am a single parent and my sons slept with me until they decided that they didn't want to. They are now great teenagers (19 & 16) and we are closer than most kids who have two parents at home. They tell me many things that they don't tell their best friends. This closeness is heaven. It just makes sense to sllep with your children. Rolling over on them-lol. That's funny. Mayim's right. I always knew if they were sick or upset or having nightmares. I was right there with them. I totally agree with Mayim.

I so agree with Mayim. It is so refreshing to hear another point of view that is not the constant judging and ridiculing of parents that let their kids sleep with them. I agree with Stephanie L. Mitchell. I have always had to work full time. I have a son that is 11 and two girls, ages 7 and 4. When my son was small and I let him sleep with us on occasion, I felt guilty that it was the wrong thing to do and had to listen to co-workers, family and even friends preach about how bad it was for my son and my husband and mines relationship. But, I felt this time I had with my son at night helped to make up for all the time I lost with him during the day when I had to work (which I never wanted to when having kids at home, but had to help support our family). Now, my son is 11 and I wish I had let him sleep with us more. My 7 year old hardly ever was able to sleep with us. She did pretty well in her crib and enjoyed stretching out. But, now, being the 38 year old that I am and have lived through more than a handful of life experiences (and not caring so much what other people think, now!), my 4 year old has slept with me since she was an infant and she still does today! Nah-na-na-nah-na!!!!! And I wouldn't change it for the world! At times, I have all three kids in bed with me and later deposit my son and older daughter in my son's bed. This works for us for the time being and that is all that matters!

Before we all start patting Dr. Bialik on the back for her child rearing expertise have a look at some of her other theories.

Here's one and I quote her, "We do not force manners on our children… Our children are not perfect, nor are they robots.”

Give me a break. That's all this world needs is more people with less manners.

What in the world is wrong with teaching simple things like please and thank you?

Thank you, Mayim, for teaching something important in an approachable manner.

I am a 43 year old mom of one 2 year old daughter. I was one of those of those single women who looked at moms breastfeeding for more than a year or using a family bed or not very interested in leaving their babies with babysitters as odd.

But everything changed when my hubby and I had our girl. I had a crib and 2 bassinets...and I am so glad that she refused to sleep in either from day one! I was really scared at first with her next to me, but I could see nothing would happen to her--I woke whenever she stirred! We both just slept better together. Now she just turned 2, and we still bed share and breastfeed, and she is so well adjusted.

For those afraid of bed sharing, I know they have some products you can lie the baby inside of in the middle or side of your bed that would keep you from rolling over onto him or her. Can't remember the name. And those co-sleepers that attach to the side of the bed are excellent, too. But I will say from experience that I would NOT feel comfortable having my baby sleeping all night in another room where I can't sense everything going on with her!