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Subscribe to RSSEvery mom wants a little peace and quiet. But some moms are taking drastic measures to get it.
In our TODAY Moms and Parenting.com poll of more than 26,000 mothers, one in five admitted to giving their children medicine such as Benadryl or Dramamine to get through a big event, like a long car ride or plane trip.
Live Poll
Have you ever given your kids allergy/cold/nausea medication to get them to calm down or sleep?
More disturbing: One in 12 moms confessed to regularly dosing their kids with sleep-inducing medication, just to get some peace and quiet on a normal night.
Related: Read more from our Mom Secrets survey
Moms wrote to us anonymously:
“I give my younger daughter Benadryl and Tylenol almost every night – she loves the taste and begs for it.”
“I gave my child Benadryl to go to sleep – years later now, I am still embarrassed to admit it.”
“I gave my child Benadryl when he was mildly congested to guarantee he would fall asleep on time so I could get to bed at a decent hour.”
A hit of Benadryl before a long trip is pretty standard practice, though it may not win you Mother of the Year award (except maybe from your fellow passengers on a cross-country flight).
Top 10 juiciest mom confessions from our new partner, Parenting.com
“I suspect that one in five is low,” said Dr. Nancy Snyderman, NBC’s chief medical editor, who says parents should talk to their pediatricians about proper dosage. (She adds that every doctor she knows who’s also a parent has tried this trick at some point, so don’t feel shy about telling your doctor.)
“The biggest risk is overdose or an adverse reaction,” Snyderman said.
Of course, there are other dangers: “Not all kids get drowsy on Benadryl,” Snyderman noted. “My kids used to get hyper on it. So it can backfire.”
But turning to medication just to get your kid to sleep indicates a deeper problem. “Every day is not OK. Drugs are never an OK substitute for parenting,” Snyderman said. “If a mother is drugging a kid that much, it’s a parenting issue.”
Join TODAY Moms editor Rebecca Dube for a Facebook chat about our secrets survey on Thursday.
So, what’s going on here? For the most part, it’s desperation, not malice. Moms are so starved for a little downtime that they’re resorting to extreme and maybe even unsafe measures at the end of a long day. Elsewhere in our survey, moms told us how they crave peace and quiet:
- 23 percent miss alone time more than anything else from their pre-baby life; 14 percent miss sleep the most.
- 53 percent would rather have a night of uninterrupted sleep rather than a night of mind-blowing sex.
- 30 percent use their jobs to avoid child care (not that work is peaceful or quiet – but sometimes it feels that way, compared to a house full of kids).
And the pressures of modern motherhood may be driving moms to extreme measures, says Wendy Mogel, TODAY Moms contributor and the author of “The Blessings of a Skinned Knee.”
“Moms are so nervous – what if she doesn’t get to sleep, then she’ll be tired and she has a math test tomorrow and then after the math test we have to go right to soccer practice…” Mogel told TODAY.com, her voice trailing off to indicate the never-ending to-do list that lives in every mom’s mind. “We’re taking shortcuts because parents are desperate.”
Related post: Wendy Mogel’s 12-step program for helicopter parents
Besides the health concerns, Mogel said, the problem is that by medicating kids to sleep, moms are depriving them of the chance to learn how to calm down and put themselves to sleep.
Related: Even the TODAY Moms editor has secrets
“We’re not giving them a chance to learn how to manage themselves,” Mogel said. Ironically, that just escalates the stress cycle for the moms, because when your 8-year-old can’t fall asleep on his own, whose problem is that? You guessed it, mom to the rescue. Moms feel overwhelmed because they areoverwhelmed -- they’re doing more for their kids than they should be, Mogel said, and medicating them to sleep is just one example.
How about you? Have you resorted to Benadryl (or similar medication)? Do you get enough peace and quiet – and if so, how do you do it?
"Like" TODAY Moms on Facebook, and follow us @TodayMoms
Leave a Comment:
It is time women became women instead of liberated. My niece's husband is making a very nice 6 figure net income and wants her to stay home with the boys ages 2 and 4. She refuses and the last time we attended a family reunion she told me about how she medicates the boys when going on car trips or camping trips.
Her sons are so desperate for time with Mama, they actually want to talk to her on a car trip or a camping trip. She would have plenty of time for her children if she wasn't working full time and actually cared about her children as much as her precious career.
She also refused to breast feed the boys. It would harm her precious career if she didn't go back to work without the hassle of pumping milk.
To all women in the year 2011. Your responsibility is to your children, not your @#$% careers or your personal happiness. If your husband doesn't make enough money so you can stay home and be a real mother to your children then do the world a favor and do not have children.
I actually talked to my nieces sons after the sedative wore off and I found then to be delightful young boys. Starved for adult attention and affection they followed me around like puppies and enjoyed every minute of their conversations with an adult women.
Where was my stress out career woman niece. She was sucking down the wine so she could relax. She managed to stay drunk for 4 days. I suggested to her husband that D I V O R C E would be a good idea. That way my niece could have her precious career and be a liberated woman and he could find a real wife and mother for his children.
Maybe one who doesn't have to medicate her children to get some PEACE AND QUIET. Have you ever heard of a bed time routine and a story. Works just as well as meds.
Where are the women who are real women and not working moms more concerned with their precious careers instead of their kids.
First of all, anybody drugging their kids is wrong. Secondly, it doesn't seem like your nephew-in-law cares. He's complicit. Third, you don't mention having kids. How would you know that bedtime routine and story works for every kid. Have you tried it on every kid? Finally,you sexist ignoramus, why should the woman stay home? Why not the man? In this scenario, your nephew-in-law makes more. But what of the wife makes more? It happens, ya know. If we're doing the world favors right now, how about you just stop posting.
Whoa Mike, Put your d-ck back in your pants. My daughter has 4 children ages 9 mos to 9 yrs. She is a stay at home mom and most days loves it!! Unfortunately, her husband does not make 6 figures. They struggle every month but feel they should raise their children instead of a day care facility. I think the message you responded to was just trying to say the mom DID NOT have to work so why not stay home. If you don't want to interact with your children DO NOT have them, and if you can't stay home make the most of the time you do have with them. Go back to your cave Mike.
How dare you suggest divorce. That is way overstepping your boundaries. This is one of those situations that you keep your opinion to yourself, and support the marriage wether you agree with it or not. If she ever found out that you suggested that to him, you would never see those children again, and there's one less role model in their life. But from the sounds of it, they might be better off. Do you suffer from Foot-in-Mouth syndrome?
How dare you suggest divorce. That is way over-stepping your boundaries. This is one of those situations that you should have kept your opinion to yourself. Whether they get divorced or not is a very personal decision and should never be swayed by a "friend's" opinion or advice.
Sounds like your niece has more than just a 'woman' problem...I don't think she wants to be a mom. Where is her 6-figure husband in this? Being a parent is an EQUAL responsibility; she is giving them the wrong medicine, so to speak, in making them take medicine at night. Tell her to get her tubes tied and then she won't have to worry about her 'precious career'. Many women have kids and work also; but they need to spend time with their kids too. Those poor kids are attention-deprived from both parents, as it sounds. I went to college and had my children and I graduated...it is possible. I am choosing to raise my kids until kindergarten so I can go back to work and we can afford to buy a home (and pay back student loans). Although going back to work would be great, my first priority is being a mom/teaching them. Drugging them and providing them for their food and clothing isn't really taking care of the children...they need love and affection. And if going back to work comes to be a problem, then I will give it up temporarily for my children. After all, they will not be young for long, nor will they always want you in their lives. Better enjoy it while you got it.
I find it disturbing that you would come on here and say that a woman who needs to work should not have children. I myself am a working mother and manage to balance that with my home life. In today's economy most families cannot survive on one income, does that really mean they should be denied the joys of being parents. I believe that you need an education in manners and humility, your opinion is one from the dark ages and you should keep it to yourself.
I find it disturbing that he assumes the woman should be the woman to stay home and dump a career. Why shouldn't big daddy? Money? Isn't that prioritizing the big bucks over the little tykes?
I find the attitude old fashioned and sexist.
Dee, No, that was not the message I was responding to. This is: "To all women in the year 2011. Your responsibility is to your children, not your @#$% careers or your personal happiness. If your husband doesn't make enough money so you can stay home and be a real mother to your children then do the world a favor and do not have children." and this "Where are the women who are real women and not working moms more concerned with their precious careers instead of their kids." Fathers should have equal responsibilities and make equal sacrifices for their children. If neither parent wants a child, then why have one? If one does and one doesn't, then the one who does should take care of it. It's not a man vs. woman thing.
Mike: too many people want what they want regardless of the consequences. It's pervasive throughout our society, from Wall street to Main street (and even back alleys). On the other hand, we are all allowed to be jerks (within limits) but remember to pay your own bill when it comes due.
My first wife & I worked different shifts to care for our kids. It was tough, as I also took classes on weekends. We needed both incomes at the time. I probably changed 3x the diapers she did, mostly because of her work hours.
My second wife wanted to be a stay at home mom. Her choice, but by them I made enough for her to do so.
dude you are totally clueless! first of all not every womans husband makes enough money to have a stay at home mom career! So when you say ALL WOMEN get your facts straight! Second of all i would LOVE more time with my child but guess what money does NOT grow on trees & we both are working parents so are you trying to say we are bad parents? sounds to me like your a pig & if you are married im sure you have a meek & weak wife!
Blah blah blah Mike. Same old woman hating garbage, that luckily, fewer and fewer people take seriously.
I'm a woman, and I fully agree with Mike. Why are the children the woman's responsibility? Why can't the man step up to the plate? It sounds to me as though this poor woman is trying her best to be the independent woman she wants to be and her chauvinistic husband wont let her. Granted, the drugging is wrong, but I understand her drinking. And how do any of you know that she isn't just trying to save up as much money as she can for their futures? Leave her alone! My husband and I have already agreed that if we have children, he will be the stay at home dad! Hows that for progressive parenting, you ignorant fools?!
If the men don't make enough money to keep women home barefoot and pregnant, they should tie a knot in it and minimize the population.
David - Perhaps there is no pre- or post-nuptual agreement?
With a divorce rate of 50% in the country, a woman who has a lot of resources and sacrifices into a career puts herself at great lifetime financial risk if she gives up working full-time for a lengthy period. Her skills become dated/obsolete, and she'll pick up where she left off only if she's a rare lucky one. Regardless, her lifetime earnings potential is permanently suppressed.
No, the husband here has to put some skin ($) in the game. I'd need to know I'd land on my feet if he abused me or cheated on me, or initiated divorce, during this childrearing phase.
My only criticism of your niece has nothing to do with childrearing, but the economy. I am single, 44 and unemployed. There are a lot of people out there who don't need jobs (or FT ones) but hang on to them anyhow, even though money isn't needed or they have already reached the age to collect a pension & SS. This seems selfish to those of us who truly need jobs or are young and want to get their careers started.
As for drugging kids, it's wrong to do it at home for your own benefit, but good in public places were your kids will be loud for a long period (e.g., airplane).
WE don't make enough money to do it, but I was just plain worn out from work to tend to my kids and meet the demands of work so I did just that. QUIT work. Yeah we are BROKE 99% of the time and living on the $700 a month after deductions that is brought into the house by my husband, but my kids' behavior has improved 180% according to all their teachers (I have 4), and since we now qualify for help we still have health insurance, WIC, food stamps and a roof over our head. My husband works 12 hours a night (yeah a night...night shift), and I am with the kids after school and in the morning. The house that we stay in is government provided and I keep it spotless. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, none of us do. I am there in the morning to feed my kids, then I clean the house while they are away. Take an online class to get a degree so I can go back to work once the birds leave the nest, and then have dinner ready when they come back. It's also amazing what you find you can live without when you don't have the $$, and what free things you can do as a family. I don't drug my kids to sleep, and I spend time each night with them before they go to bed. I could not have done any of this had I been working. Normally when I was working I would not have even made them breakfast, I would not have been home yet when they got home from school, and I would have been too tired to make them dinner. Sure they would have had the fancy clothes and toys, but it would not have been the same. We are a much closer family now. Daddy does sleep all day, but we at least get Fridays together. To each thier own though. This might work for me, but I know how to do without, some people cannot. I shop at thrift stores and consignment shops for clothes, and the food stamps are a meager $425 a month for a family of 6 (that includes 4 kids and 2 adults), so I clip coupons and bargain shop to stretch that dollar the best way I can, there is no eating out on my $$ and McDonald's is only with Grandma as a treat. Grandma and Grandma are Santa every year. The special treat from mom and dad are new shoes for christmas! I know it sounds lean, but it's the way we make it.
hey David Burkhouse listen here u !@#! sniffer my mom has to work hard because shes trying to run a family u !@#!head. You should shut up ur a guy and u know what im an 11 yr old but my mom doesnt medicate me but you saying if you cant keep up with the family just dont have one is bull!@$!. In my mom's eyes im the first and last thing she wants to see not her husband ME HER 11 YEAR OLD SON! So how u like dem apples?
For Tina...living off government money and assistance voluntarily simply because you want to be a stay-at-home mom is ridiculous, especially if all of your children go to school and you could work at least part-time while they are away. Perhaps you should have planned your life differently if you wanted to have the option to stay home.
For me, and I am NOT judging those women who choose to work, but for my family it is important for me to stay home during the day while my husband works a full-time day job, then we have dinner together, and while he spends time with them in the evening and puts them to bed, I work a part-time job. Though my job is not glamorous or a "career", I get to both be home with my children and contribute to the household budget. We are definitely not living the high life, but it works out wonderfully because I get some down-time away from home and the kids get plenty of daddy time. We are both college graduates and I could get a well-paid full-time job during the day, but my children come first and I am incredibly fortunate to have the option.
Bottom line...children require love, quality attention, and lots of time with you...drugging a child to get him to "calm" down is NEVER acceptable, even for travel...and yes, I have done numerous trans-continental flights with a baby and he was never drugged.
Hey David,
Sounds like you need to mind your own business. It is HER life, not YOURS. Imagine a world were everything was done how you thought it should be. I'm guessing jealousy from her 6 figure salary is your motive for writing that. You never earned the education to supply like she can.
And remember, David, you have been allowed to have YOUR OWN opinion for many years no matter how wrong you have been.
Sometimes our 4 year old son has trouble going to sleep and we will give him melatonin. We try everything first (our normal routine, then laying with him, rubbing his back, lights off) and if after 1 hour he is struggling, we will give him a small dose. If we don't do this in the past he has been up for hours even after we go to bed. Our other three have no trouble going to sleep, we have never given them anything, this is just with our oldest son. We hope eventually he will learn tools and techniques to get himself to sleep never having to use the medicine.
Is your oldest getting enough exercise or stimulation (i.e. video games, riding bikes, playing, etc.)? My oldest was having problems sleeping because we have intense winters but when we exercise (i.e. dancing to music, watching an interactive show, playing in the snow), he has no problems. If getting him more active doesn't work, have you thought talking to a doctor about it? I wouldn't give him medicine, for he needs to learn how to sleep. You may get him dependent on the drug...and no parent wants that.
Please have your child checked for Bipolar or some other brain chemical imbalance. My oldest at 7-years of age had severe insomnia. I took her to the doctor to check for some sort of issue, and HE told me to give her Tylenol PM. I refused and tried melatonin, chamomile tea, kava kava, massage, reflexology, soothing music, etc. Nothing worked. I told her to draw, read, etc., if she couldn't sleep, but do not wake the rest of the family unless it's an emergency. She remained an insomniac, and other issues started to rear their ugly head. She is now 18 and finally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder with borderline psychosis. If only that doctor 11-years ago had taken the time to explore my concerns we might not have had some of the many, many heartbreaking challenges that we had with her. I wish you luck.
You, sir, are very unkind. I am a very good mother, I do not medicate my child unnessarily. I love spending as much time as possible with her. I adore her and she adores me. However, since we do need a house and transportation I work as my husband does. I am glad you have enough but some of us don't. It should not be just the rich that can have children. Happy Thanksgiving.
In case it is not clear, my previous post was in response to Burkhouse. Mike Duh, thank you.
Mrs. Burkhouse, you are entitled to your opinion, and I actually don't disagree with it, but suggesting divorce to anyone is way over-stepping your boundaries. It is a huge and very personal decision and should never be made based on any friend's opinion or advice. You should be supportive of whatever your neice's husband decides (without your input) wether you agree with it or not. If she ever found out that you suggested that to him, you would probably never see those kids again.
omg...that is horrible! If you don't want kids, then DON'T HAVE THEM! I know my husband and I jokingly have thrown the idea of nyquil popsicles to help them sleep, but we NEVER DID IT nor do we intend to. A child needs to learn how to get to sleep on THEIR OWN. How are they going to be able to do that? Also, have they ever heard of a babysitter if they want some peace and quiet? Put on a movie in another room and enjoy one with your partner (I do that with my kids and watch a movie with my husband). Get your tubes tied or get snipped if you don't want to have kids...c'mon! No wonder kids abuse drugs in school...look what their parents are doing to them. As for us, we will NEVER do this (they may still abuse drugs due to peer pressure, but at least I know I gave it my best in teaching them right from wrong).
Melatonin, from what I understand is the substance our bodies produce to make us sleep. I am not a physician and do not know how safe it is. It seems it would be safer than say benedryl or tylenol pm. But before giving any sleep aid to a child, I believe you should consult your pedetrician as to the safety of it and dosing information. It is better to listen to a medical professional, than anyone else on this matter. In this economy most families have to have both parents working and it would be really hard to do that if your child could not get to sleep at a decent hour. But please whatever you do consult your childs Doctor first.
When my daughter was little I would only use Benadryl if she had a cold, but I must admit that hearing her start to sniffle did not make me entirely unhappy. However, when my niece was a toddler she would scream all night, every night until the neighbors called the cops, and her parents had no choice but to use Benadryl while they worked with the doctor to identify the underlying problem. Once they took her off dairy the screaming stopped, and so did the medication.
I like David Burkhouse's approach, nude and crude - to an extent. He almost sounds like a womanizer - for lack of better term, when voicing his opinion about modern women and their careers. Every woman has the right to chose having a career, regardless of how much money her spouse makes. It is - for many of us women, a matter of accomplishment, personal satisfaction, confidence in ourselves much more than it is about money.
Having said that - it is stupefying how these same women resort to medicating their children. For whatever reason. Makes me wonder just how your drive for success interferes with your motherhood and ultimately, your respect for a human being - defenseless, I might add.
To these women, that in my classification are the fine line between smart and plain stupid, I say get a grip.
Think about you chose to have a child - there is no way back. So take charge of your responsibility as a mother. If your boss frowns on your being late over a hard night, so be it. Your child's safety and happiness are something that no money will buy.
WHAT!!!! Are you kidding me? Some self-indugent MOTHERS are giving their kids OTC drugs to elicit some sleep when they are not ill. Come on. Maybe dad needs some quiet time from MOM. Let me drug her so I can do what I want. If you're not ready to parent and be a parent then don't have them stupid! If sleep is your main objective having children is not a good way to get that.
In my experience, what works best is a bedtime routine, and a consistant time for bed. Young children NEED routine in their lives! They need to develop a natural habit for when and how to go to sleep. I see so many people dragging their tired, whiney children around at all hours. I know it's hard for some people who are working to get grocery shopping, etc. done before evening, but try to find a sitter or a relative to watch the kids when you need to be out at night.
My son went to bed at 8 p.m. every night, even in summer, and his babysitters loved him because he was ready for bed by the time they came to sit. It was nice for me and the hubby, too. I have heard some people say they keep the babies up at night because they work all day and that's the only time they get to see them. Well, it's about QUALITY time, not quantity! And one more thing: an over-tired child will fight sleep. Trust me, I know!
Start these routines early, and you won't need the benadryl!
Additionally, I just had a hard night myself. My 14 month-old son woke up at 1h30 this morning, cried, vomited, cried, cried, cried. When it was all said and done, it was past 4am. My husband came to the rescue and I finally went to bed.
I am self-employed and have a career in the translation/interpretation/voiceover industry. My work requires great amounts of reading and concentration.
I also have a 7 year-old daughter. Make a long story short, the only time when I can have total silence and be productive is when the kids go to bed, around 8h30 every night. Then, I get hard at work - but I do not medicate my children to meet a deadline. I am yet to miss one. Whatever explanation a mother gives as to why she is medicating her child is nothing but a poor excuse for not doing the number job, being a mother!
How come I've never heard someone suggest that a man who works is selfish?? It's "necessary" for men to work and a poor decision for women? I didn't think time travel was possible but a lot of people are living in 1950. Hey Ward stop being so hard on the beaver!
Agreed Marielle. I tried to point that out in my comment, but some people didn't understand.
To all you Moms out there: PLEASE I BEG YOU, PLEASE give your kid some Benadryl or Dramamine or something to knock him or her out BEFORE you get on the plane and sit next to me! Over the years, I've been peed on, vomited on, had an infant plunked in my lap by a woman who said "I gotta pee" and disappeared, repeatedly had children's shoes wiped on my clothes when the kids won't sit still, had migraines from the screaming/yelling/crying nonstop, been subjected to the ABC song and such ENDLESSLY for a trip where I am TRAPPED WITH NOWHERE TO GO TO ESCAPE. If you can't choose to live your life without bringing young children onto aircraft (and I KNOW it is possible to do as I have done it and my parents did it despite our living a 17 hour drive from grandparents), at least drug them so the rest of us don't have to suffer something we never chose to endure.
May I suggest some noise canceling headphones. a sleep mask, and maybe proper traveling clothes that you aren't so worried about getting dirty. To drug a child just to spare you from a little discomfort is crazy!!! I understand traveling with little ones is no fun for most parents and innocent bystanders alike. But again going to those extremes isn't nesessary and is dangerous.
I gave my kids some beer once in awhile, but never over the counter medicine. My Dad used to give us hot toddies to make us sleep. Every parent raises their children different, so everyone has their own way to deal with kids that are sick or just don't sleep.
BEER? Last time I checked alcohol was poison to children! I once turned a parent into Children and Youth services because her child had gotten into an open can of beer and drank part of it; she was a toddler.
My kids pediatrician prescribed some medication to get my oldest to sleep. That was when he was so ill he hadn't slept in several days. It was also just before that particular med was removed. Too many kids and babies were dying by their mother's overdosing them so the moms could get some peace and quiet.
I am absolutely appauled and discusted at the percentages of parents doing this! I have known several and heard tales. And I CANNOT fathem it! I take back the use of the word "parents" when referencing these absolute LOOSERS for doing such a thing. These people should be put to sleep with cyanide!
In the article a mother said she gave her child tylenol and benadryl; little does she know regular use of tylenol will destroy the liver, eventually her child will need a transplant. Thanks Mom!!!
Never mind the kids...lets medicate the "snorring" husbands!!!
Wonder what these loving mothers did befor drugs...whack them in the head with a hammer? This Country is going to the dogs.
You people are ridiculous! My own mother (single parent, by the way) would give me a half tab of benadryl when I was younger and couldn't fall asleep. She never forced me, she always asked me if I thought I would sleep better with "a pink pill". She told me that if I did this too often, I would not be able to sleep without them. Having been warned of the this, I would request one only when my mother and I had tried absolutely everything and I still could not sleep. I turned out just fine and I sleep a solid 8 hours every night....WITHOUT MEDICINE!
Really people, stop sticking your noses into others parenting styles! If you have an issue with how some one chooses to raise their child, make the adult decision to raise yours differently!