Grocery shopping is not a crime. Except when it is.
I often pick up more than I can carry at the grocery store. With a toddler in tow, I might stick a bottle of Heinz in my pocket, hoping I remember to produce the concealed condiment for the cashier. (That’s a risk I take when I fool myself into thinking I can get in and out with just a hand-held basket.)
However, here in the suburbs of Rogers, Ark., most food shopping involves a cart the size of my first car, which makes accidental theft less likely. Countless times I’ve almost walked out of the Super Center with a case of Diet Coke and a pallet of Charmin, but those are easy to spot on the lower rack of the cart.
City dweller Elissa Drassinower is not so lucky. The 33-year-old mom was accused of shoplifting on the Upper East Side of New York City after neglecting to pay for the milk, beer, and Red Bull (only the essentials) she had stowed in the lower section of her stroller. Her 22-month-old son allegedly acted as accomplice, aiding and abetting the crime by creating a distraction at check out, by being “cranky” and “acting up.” Although Ms. Drassinower paid for $50 on other groceries, including a $15 wedge of Brie (my kind of girl), she failed to pay for the heavy beverages she’d stuck in the stroller.
Though police were not called, Drassinower was banned from her local Fairway for life.
Was this theft intentional, or simply the unfortunate combination of too much on her mind and too great a thirst? I know a lot goes through my mind while I’m walking the aisles: items I need to buy, whether or not I made the car payment, and how to squeeze in an hour this century for a pedicure so the girls in my yoga class will stop calling me Hobbit behind my mat. I am often distracted, whether by email, phone calls, or—under the very worst of circumstances—children.
I tend to believe Drassinower’s explanation that she’d never intended to steal the merchandise, that her basket simply got too heavy and she forgot to pay for the hidden items. However, when I mentioned this story to a friend in retail, she told me women with strollers were considered high risk in terms of loss prevention. Moms, take heed: You are being watched. And not because you’re a MILF.
While I cling to the fundamental honesty of mothers, they do lie. This one probably planned to go home and tell her kid the milk was “vanilla juice.” And what about financial distress? Many New York City moms are struggling in this economy, cutting back on the basics so they don’t fall behind on their debilitating stroller mortgage payments. It’s not inconceivable that some would shoplift in order to stretch the budget.
Disturbing as the alleged theft may be, this story isn’t just about petty larceny in the cooler case. There’s a more pressing issue, a frightening urban trend we must keep out of our gated suburbs: Drinking Red Bull with milk and beer. That’s the real crime here.
What do you think? Are stroller-shopping moms all suspect, or should they be given the benefit of the doubt?
Lela Davidson blogs about marriage, motherhood and keeping the evidence of aging at bay at After The Bubbly. She shares more humorous observations on family life in her new book,"Blacklisted from the PTA."
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