Yes, kids need to be disciplined. But how? A recent survey from Care.com says that only 31% of families have a discipline strategy , yet 55% feel they believe they're on the same page.
 
But are they? And what about the nanny , granny, or daycare center  -- do you know how they handle the same Mom and Dad "no-no situations"? Are kids learning they can get away with something with certain people?
 
When you and your partner don't approach discipline in the same way, it can feel like you're being undermined at every turn. And if you're lucky enough to agree on discipline strategies, there may be other caregivers in your children's lives, like nannies or grandparents, who have their own opinions.
 
And let's talk about spanking. Once the go-to form of household punishment (86% of Care.com respondents were spanked as children), 93% feel there's a stigma against it today, yet 54% admit to spanking a child (while 59% feel it is an appropriate disciplinary measure). 

Personally, I don't recommend spanking. Neither does the American Academy of Pediatrics. It tends to be a highly reactive approach to discipline. Some parents do it when they lose it and don't know what else to do. It shouldn’t be the first -- or even second line of defense. And it may not even be effective. Studies have shown that kids who are hit can internalize poor self esteem and feel depressed. And, children who are spanked are more likely to be depressed and aggressive as adults.

Regardless of your discipline strategy, it is important that you and your spouse -- and all your caregivers -- get on the same page. Here are some tips for syncing up your punishment plan (while hoping it doesn't have to happen too often):

Discuss discipline upfront, and often
Discipline is an issue that can be discussed even before you have kids. Talk with your partner about how you were raised and how you feel about how your parents disciplined you. You should have a similar discussion with your nanny during the hiring process.  Ask her what she would do in different scenarios to make sure you will be comfortable with her discipline philosophy. And keep communicating with all parties as issues come up. If you take away a favorite toy from your daughter in the morning, make sure your nanny doesn't give it back to her as soon as you leave for work.
 
Learn to love the differences
Not everyone in your children's lives will approach discipline in exactly the same way. That's OK. The whole idea behind discipline is to help prepare your child for the world. Kids need to learn that there are different personalities in the world who have different reactions to things. 

For example, my father-in-law disciplines my kids when they play loudly -- which is something I overlook. But when I'm struck by it, I step back and look at the overall picture, which is that he loves my children. He has his way, and that's OK.

Try the mildest interventions first
Create a unified game plan with your partner. When you disagree on strategies for teaching your little one to behave, start with the most benign philosophy first. If your partner believes in spanking, and you don't, then you can say, "What you probably believe is that kids need to have limits set. My thinking is let's try to do that with a time out. If that doesn't work, then we can try your way." 

Take a step back
When dealing with a caregiver, it’s important to communicate your philosophy for discipline.  Explain how you want her to handle different levels of bad behavior. But keep in mind, if you trust and love your nanny, and you really feel that she’s smart and loves your kids, you can let them develop their own style with your children.

This is all very managable, especially when you have the right plan in place.

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