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Subscribe to RSSHave you been offered a glass of wine during playgroup or been tempted to crack open a beer during pizza night with your kids and their friends?
Or when that joyous of times arrives - bedtime - and it’s finally time to unwind, is the cocktail shaker the first thing you reach for?
The issue of mothers and alcohol has been percolating for several years, with stories about parents bringing babies to bars or serving wine alongside juice boxes during playdates.
One of the most tragic results of drinking while parenting came in 2009, when a New York mother crashed her minivan while driving drunk in the wrong direction on a highway, killing herself, four children in her van and three men in another car. How could she do this, many wondered.
The question of drinking on the job of motherhood arises again in the Missouri mystery of a missing 10-month-old girl, Lisa Irwin. She vanished from her home two weeks ago on a night when her mother, Deborah Bradley, said she got drunk and may have blacked out after Lisa was in bed, and her two half-brothers were lying down to watch a movie.
When her husband returned home from work early the next day, he found the front door unlocked, several lights on and a tampered window screen. Lisa was gone.
Bradley, who denies any wrongdoing, defended her actions by saying she drinks only after her kids are in bed.
"I don't see the problem in me having my grown-up time," Bradley told Fox News Channel on Monday. "I take good care of my kids. I keep my house clean. I do their laundry. I kiss their boo-boos. I fix them food. I'm involved in their school stuff. I mean, to me, there's nothing wrong doing with me doing what I want to do after dark."
She said she "probably" had more than 5 glasses of wine but fewer than 10 on the night her daughter vanished.
We’ve all had those days when we think, to use the old, un-PC expression, “My kids are driving me to drink.” And while grown-up time is crucial for our sanity, is it anything goes after dark?
Though you may accustomed to having a few drinks after the nursery lights go down, the answer, according to two experts, is no.
Susan Foster, a vice president at the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, said parents shouldn’t drink when they’re actively taking care of their kids.
“To be safe, don’t drink while you’re on duty, while you’re actively caring for your child,” Foster said. After dark, she said one drink should be OK. “Once everything’s done and the child is asleep and you’re having a drink, I don’t see that for most women that would be a problem.”
She urges parents to follow the federal dietary guidelines, which call for women to have no more than a drink a day; two for men.
Another expert, Dr. Jean Cirillo, a New York psychologist who specializes in women and alcohol and drug abuse, says not even a single drink should be consumed if you’re the only parent at home.
“It’s a full-time job, even if you put the child to bed,” she says, equating Bradley’s behavior to leaving her kids alone for several hours. “You have to be prepared 24 hours a day to be at your best. You have a responsibility that could become critical at any time.”
Parents who want to drink, she says, should find an alternate caregiver, another responsible adult in the house who could, let’s say, drive a child to the hospital in the event of an emergency.
“There’s a reason why pilots have that rule of no alcohol for 12 hours,” Cirillo says.
What do you think, and where do you draw the line on drinking while parenting?
Lisa A. Flam is a news and lifestyles reporter who lives in New York with her husband and two children.
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Very nice artical, alot of people don't realize it takes one mistake to ruin your own life, You might do something careless 100"s of time and nothing ever happen and then your so comfortable feeling that what your doing is ok and you begin to believe your an expert and can handle the carlessness and one day something happens and then there is casualties and you end up the rest of your life in jail or dead. It's very important to be careful in life.
I'm sorry but I do not agree with this baby Lisa's mother, just because my kids are asleep and I am the only adult in the house, I have the "right" to have 5 glasses of wine or more. If I want to have one glass with dinner or to unwind, fine, it will not impair my judgment. But 5? and pass out?? And your husband is not home??? Come on, what were you thinking? Those kids depend on you 24/7. God knows what happened in that house, she was passed out, she can't remember a thing. I am sorry, I just think it is very irresponsible. I feel terrible about this little girl and only God knows where she is and what happened to her.
Exactly. AND, not only did she drink such a quantity which caused her to PASS OUT (no offense, but she is not a lightweight), BUT she is also on anti-anxiety medication which should never ever be taken with alcohol. So, hmmm, let's get this straight: husband is working overnight shift first time ever, she goes out and buys a BOX of wine, somehow puts a 10mo old - 6yr old AND 8 yr old to bed (now we 'know' at 6:40, like a 6 or 8 yr old would go to bed at this hour ... it's still daytime!), doesn't forget to take her doses of anti-anxiety medication and then gets liquored-up enough to PASS OUT. This is much different than a responsible parent having a glass of wine in the evening. Yikes! She is much too young and irresponsible to care for 3 children. Pray that baby Lisa was not harmed and is found alive.
Yep Nusha, much agreed with you!!
I agree, my wife and I never drink together with the kids in our responsability (sometimes they're with the grandparents, things like that.) One of us has to stay sober. What happens if a kid gets hurt, has an unexpected medical problems (our son had a random seizure one day for example) or anything else. Someone has to be able to drive or talk to a 911 operator. Yes it is your "right" to drink...that doesn't mean you should.
I have been known to have ONE drink after my children are in bed asleep. I do not see anything wrong with that. Regardless of whether another parent/caregiver is in the house, though, I would NEVER have more than that! For starters, if you are the only responsible one in the house, it is extremely dangerous. You never know when a kid might wake up in the middle of the night needing something. Secondly, even if someone else responsible is there, what kind of example are you setting when your child wakes up and sees you drunk?! That is certainly not the type of example I want to be for my children.
Getting drunk while home alone with the kids is a definite no no. When you can't remember how many drinks you had, that's definitely too many. I see nothing wrong with having a glass of wine or beer with dinner and another on later in the evening. Just because you have kids in the house does not mean that you need to permanently abstain. By responsibly drinking you are setting a good example for your child that alcohol can be enjoyed in moderation and is not something you need to 'hide' or treat it as a forbidden fruit that will only lead to bad drinking decisions once your child is out of your sight.
Baby Lisa's mom was binge drinking. Definitely not smart. Like PP said, not only can't you care for your kids, but it's a horrible example to set for them. I feel sorry for her husband and I pray this sweet little girl is okay, but how many times has someone who is impaired by drugs or drink accidentally killed their child? Far too many.
Studies have shown that having one glass of wine or one beer per day can actually be beneficial to one's health, so if an adult chooses to have one with dinner or to "unwind" after the kids go to bed, I see no harm in that. "Binge drinking", however, is irresponsible at any age and especially when there are dependant and impressionable children under one's care.
well put. and very sensible... :)
I am a mother of three I have had a couple of drinks when my children gave gone to bed but I am a mother first and would never become so drunk to the point of passing out not even if my husband was home as a mother I know my limits I have three children that need me at any time she made a terrible desicion I think she's lying and coming up with a situation to give her self time to come up with a story I hope this sweet child is found safe and sound
Lisa won't be found because Mom and Dad sold her. That is the reason why mom is claiming to have been "drunk" (blacked out, saw nothing) and Dad worked his first ever night shift on the night the little girl disappeared (wasn't there, saw nothing). That is also the reason why they won't let the older boys talk to the investigators anymore, for fear that they may know more than they're supposed to. Supporting a family of five on one income is a hard thing to do and sometimes people will do desperate things in order to change their situation. I'm willing to bet that the person offering the $100,000 reward for Lisa's return is also the person who has her. If that's the case, that money will never have to be paid...
I remember having my ex watch my daughter and him drinking to the point of passing out.I would be at work, and my daughter was 6 or 7 months old. He did not understand why I did not want him to drink while watching our daughter. And he frankly did not see the reason for my protests. Well Alcohol effects your judgement. I have a beer or a drink while my daughter is awake and sorry thats it!! The guilt that something would happen and I was passed out or worse yet stinking drunk, if I had to take her to the dr, and then what would happen.I can just see what the dr's staff would say if I came reeking of booze. I think drinking is fine as long as you have another adult there ready to help out just in case. I feel sorry for this child but this story is a tad fishy to me. I think a second look @ the mother needs to be made.
Maybe 1 or 2 drinks max!!! than maybe again thats too many??? Babies comes first specially when they are infants cant talk or walk! I'm always worried somthing will happen and i wont be able to care for my babies if theres an emergency! wait til kids are grown or have them spend the night at nana n papas house if you need to get drunk! C'mon now we are adults!!
To drink till you pass out denotes a whole new set of problems that need to be addressed. when my daughter was very young i'd have a drink or two after she'd gone to bed or if we were out i'd have a mixed drink at a restaurant as long as i wasn't driving and wasn't the only care giver in the house. now that she's 14 and understands the dangers of drinking to excess and the few times when she was offered a drink such as a holiday or wedding toast; she hated the flavor and wondered why people drank it at all. I see nothing wrong with having a beer with my dinner or a shot of rum with a friend even when my child is around- show your children how to be responsible with alcohol and how to practice moderation. they learn through their parents how to behave.
I guess she was not breast feeding
There is a clear difference between a single normal serving size alcohol drink and let's say in this lady's case almost 2 bottles of wine. Drinking to get drunk or blackout or whatever is not ok when you are the responsible adult looking after children (yours or anyone elses). Driving drunk is yet whole other situation altogether and just should not be done EVER.
Being responsible is the actual issue and the lady that killed herself, her kids and the other innocent victims was irresponsible. This 10 month old's mother who blacked out while being the only adult at home was irresponsible.
Having a drink and not getting drunk whether or not your children are with you is responsible. Not driving after drinking (no matter how much you think you did not have) is being responsible. Making sure that there is a sober and responsible adult in charge when and if you do chose to indulge and cross the line into buzzed or drunk or whatever you tell yourself it is being responsible. All of the above is the right things to do if you are going to drink at all. If you can't handle it then DO NOT DRINK.
Set a good example and raise your children right and they too will be responsible. They will make sure they have designated drivers later on in life, they hopefully will not be compelled to frequently binge drink.
I think the younger they are, the less a Mom should have to drink, even when they are asleep. We as Moms know, that a 4 month old being sleep for 20 minutes, means little! We know how quickly that can change. We need to be ready and alert, PERIOD!
And really, I don't think, kids seeing Mom "drunk" is good at any age! Not a good look!
Unfortunately, in Ms. Bradley's case, she is defending her choices that night, still.... Missing child and all. Everything is the fault of something else. I wonder what she'll shortly be blaming on the alcohol??
We know where this case is headed, and that's sad.