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Moms with colored lights have more fun.
Holiday decorations say a lot about a mom.
Today, the day so many of us start hanging lights and arranging garlands, is a day of Mommy reckoning – a day when it becomes crystal clear which moms are relaxed and laid back (read: fun) and which ones are uptight and neurotic (read: not-so-fun).
Just take a look at her Christmas tree. And front lawn. And cookies.
Exhibit A: A tree with colored lights, hand-made ornaments hung unevenly around the bottom, and that annoying, messy tinsel strewn everywhere. A yard filled with an inflatable Frosty, an army of nutcrackers, and Santa and all eight reindeer (plus Rudolph!) on the roof. Sugar cookies with heaps of frosting and way too many sprinkles.
Exhibit B: A tree with white lights, glass ornaments hung in perfect symmetry, and not a sliver of tinsel…anywhere. A house trimmed in pristine white, and no inflatable in sight. Perfectly-iced gingerbread men.
So which one are you?
I admit, I’m an exhibit B. (Some would argue B for bossy. Or bullheaded.) I honestly never wanted to be that way. When I first had kids, I assumed I’d be A for amusing. I love the holidays! Of course I’d be fun and carefree.
With a summer baby, the first Christmas was no big deal. She was a few months old so the holiday decorating was mine, all mine. I trimmed the tree in sparkling, white lights, gorgeous, breakable balls, and perfect plaid bows. Oh, it was spectacular, and I swear my 4-month-old baby girl was smiling approvingly from her bouncy seat.
The next year she was 16 months old, walking, talking and wanting to help. So I put the tree up when she was asleep. Two years later her baby brother came along, wanting to help, too.
My concession: I would “prep” the tree (with lights, bows, glass ornaments) and they could “add” the cutesy homemade ornaments they made at school.
I was no less of a dictator outdoors. The trees and house were always trimmed in white. When the kids asked, “Mommy, why can’t we have colored lights?” I’d say, “Colored lights are tacky.” One year I was thrilled to find gorgeous, resin luminaries to line our yard. My husband had a day off and was to install them. I drove home from work, excited to see them, and gasped when I pulled into the driveway. For there, along with the luminaries, was a giant, inflatable Santa waving at me. The kids had huge smiles on their faces. “Mom! Dad got it on sale at Home Depot!”
Initially I didn’t react well (think horror and rage), but Santa eventually found a home on our balcony porch. I think that was the year I finally, sort of, mellowed out.
Live Poll
Do you strive for holiday decoration perfection?
So what is it about the need for decoration perfection that so messes with our mommy psyche? Why do some of us feel the necessity of a no-hair-out-of-place holiday? You can blame what blogger Christy Miles calls the Martha Stewart/Pottery Barn effect. Flawless, staged holiday scenes from TV and catalogues have warped our expectations.
Miles says her mom played a role in expecting perfection.
Writes Miles:
My mother spent days arranging decorations in the house; she was Martha Stewart before anyone had heard of Martha Stewart.
I was never permitted to touch the “good” tree upstairs, but I was allowed to decorate the “other” tree in the basement. I call it the consolation tree. (Usually my mother would come down later and rearrange all the ornaments again anyway.) Secretly I fear I’ll never be good enough to put together the good tree.
Come to find out, Martha Stewart herself was pretty un-kid-friendly when it came to holidays, according to daughter Alexis, who recently wrote a tell-all book “Whateverland,” about her no-fun childhood and how Martha made her wrap her own presents at Christmas. (Now, for me, that wouldn’t work. Not if you want the gifts to look just…so.)
Miles found a solution: she let her kids take over the tree-trimming and has made it a hot-cocoa-sipping, super-fun tradition, regardless of what the end result is.
My tree looks disheveled and a little tipsy, kind of like me after the neighborhood holiday party–OK, all of the neighborhood parties–and the complete opposite of any tree ever featured in Pottery Barn. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
As my kids (and I) get older, my quest for holiday perfection has lessened, too.
Our house and tree, which we will put up this weekend, are still illuminated in all-white lights. But the kids, ages 9 and 12, hang all the trimmings (OK, I still give some direction). The handmade ornaments of yesteryear are a source of joy for all of us. What I would give, now, for a tree FULL of baby handprints and cotton snowmen and paper plate wreaths accented by bowtie pasta…Sigh.
The fancy luminaries and inflatable Santa will come out of storage and make an appearance on our lawn. This year we might even add a Frosty.
Are you a perfectionist when it comes to holiday decorating?
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Nope, not anymore. Grew up with a perfectionist mom. Holidays were awful due to everything having to look like a Better Homes and Garden magazine spread--including us kids. Ditched that unrealistic line of thinking and behavior once I had kids. Best tree the kiddos (3 of them) and I ever did was the tumbleweed one. ANY way one of those is decorated improves it greatly, and we all had a blast wandering the field looking for just the PERFECT one. Years later, they still talk about that "tree". :) I am definitely NOT the must-be-perfect type anymore. LOTS more fun being laid back.
There are EIGHT reindeer, plus Rudolf. Your Exhibit A rooftop was way off. :)
I had one too..........the perfectionist Mom...........not rude about it, but very determined. I think the Fifties were full of them! I finally got big enough to help trim the tree, I thought..........but when I'd hang something, she'd wait til I left the room and move it. When caught, she'd say "well I thought it would just look better over here". thats ok, my Mom always had a spectacular Christmas tree. she only had one child.....me. I had EIGHT kids and various pets and learned early on, that it didn't matter where something hung on the tree! The kids had fun and the animals stayed outside or in the other room!
I let the kids decorate -- do i like it no -- but Christmas is for them
The homemade Christmas is just fine........except for one thing........I am in horror too at inflatable decorations.......their too big, their noisy, they use a lot of energy with that blower...and they're just plain DISGUSTING to look at. They take the calm, peaceful serenity (that glowing lights provide) OUT of Christmas....they're so "in your face" you can't see the beautiful lights........just more Chinese imported crap.......Please no inflatables.......unless you're so lazy and unimaginative that's all you can come up with !!!
To Missy: Those inflatables are what the KIDS like to see so there is no reason to get so nasty about what other 'good' mothers & fathers do to make their children happy on Christmas! It isn't YOUR electric bill so don't you worry about the costs either!
Also, while I am picking on YOU, I will also pick on your grammar:
The PROPER way to write that would be "they are" or "they're". Before you go making numerous negative comments about the way people choose to decorate their homes and yards, make sure there is nothing that makes you look like an idiot in your post!
My my someone has a stick in their behind.
The look of the inflatables is OK with me, not my style, but fine if you want them. What I hate is the noise the motor makes. All night - ARGGHH
To: SuzeeQ,
O.K. the grammar was incorrect, I should have used they are or the contraction they're.
Still stand by everything else: they're noisy and waste energy (maybe not my energy, but the earth's energy) Why are you taking my post so personally, I don't even know you, you're as scary as one of those "in your face" inflatables.
Sometimes the spontaneous, improvised Christmases are the most memorable and happy ones....At 40, I went to back college - at the same time as my daughter, who was 18. My son was 15, and in high school. The three of us (I was a divorced mom)lived in university housing, which was "duplex-style", and each side had a tiny fenced in back yard. In our little yard was a HUGE pine tree which took up most of the space. Our first Christmas there was sort of bleak, because I had no car at the time, and couldn't drive anywhere to find a tree. Also we were on a very tight budget, even with scholarships. My daughter and I kept eyeing that big pine tree...hmmmmm....and about a week before Christmas, we grabbed the biggest knife we could find in the kitchen, and sort of "pruned" the pine, cutting off about 4 big branches around 4 ft long. We took them into the house, tied them together with thin wire, and MADE our Christmas tree from the branches. I bought a plastic bucket, put a big rock in the bottom for weight, filled it with water, and wrapped the outside of the bucket with a small red blanket I had. Stood our "tree" up in it, and made all of our hanging decorations out of tin foil, yarn, holly berries (from a little bush in the corner of the yard) etc. Our neighbor in the other side of our duplex donated a string of lights - and it was the most beautiful Christmas tree I can remember, ever!! Holidays may not always be perfectly put together... but family and love make them wonderful.
Unfortunately I am in the desert. Nearest pine tree is 350 miles one way, so for me and my bunch, it was time to decorate the biggest tumbleweed that we would find that would fit through our door. Popcorn strings, hand colored paper ornaments, a donated string of lights, tinfoil star. We had the best time with that "tree." Know what you mean about going to school, divorced, with kids, and minimal bucks.
My mother was not a perfectionist, not with seven kids, no way! However, when it came to the Christmas tree...well, that was her splendor and it was always incredibly beautiful! Each strand of silvery tinsel was individually hung and the result was dramatic. That was the only thing she was ever a perfectionist about, ever. She was a terrible cook so no baked goods growing up and because there were seven of us kids presents were never wrapped. There would be seven piles of gifts with on note on each one from Santa who the pile belonged to.
I admit that I also had two trees: one that I decorated with my collection of glass ornaments that I'd collected throughout the years and the second for my kids to decorate with their handmade ornaments and left over decorations I'd discarded. I always had to have white lights too but the kids (I have 2 that are now 29 & 20) could use the multi-colored lights. They could also decorate their rooms any way they liked with whatever they found. I did (and still do) put out the little gifts that they made in school. I will forever treasure those gifts...even though it embarrasses them now. Every year I would try to get a picture of them in front of the tree to put inside the Christmas cards I sent. I would put the tree up on Black Friday rather than going shopping...Thanksgiving was to be spent with family, NOT gobs of strangers being rude and grabbing & pushing!
Now I have 2 grandsons to watch the wonder of the holidays through their eyes! THAT is what Christmas is about.
I admit that I also had two trees: one that I decorated with my collection of glass ornaments that I'd collected throughout the years and the second for my kids to decorate with their handmade ornaments and left over decorations I'd discarded. I always had to have white lights too but the kids (I have 2 that are now 29 & 20) could use the multi-colored lights. They could also decorate their rooms any way they liked with whatever they found. I did (and still do) put out the little gifts that they made in school. I will forever treasure those gifts...even though it embarrasses them now. Every year I would try to get a picture of them in front of the tree to put inside the Christmas cards I sent. I would put the tree up on Black Friday rather than going shopping...Thanksgiving was to be spent with family, NOT gobs of strangers being rude and grabbing & pushing!
Now I have 2 grandsons to watch the wonder of the holidays through their eyes! THAT is what Christmas is about.
Merry Christmas Missy and SuzeeQ, Hey, have a glass of egg nog, and just chill out ladies.....goodwill to men (and women). Live and let live. Everybody just do your own thing and stop judging others. Love and Happy Holidays to you and your families!
Right on Linda!
My wife is a B. Kills the holidays because she's so damn anal.....By the way we've been married 50 years.......
Every decoration in my house is just so, but I certainly don't stress about it. There is nothing wrong with having a different style than someone else. I enjoy how my house looks with it's bows, garland and lights and I also enjoy my neighbors house which looks a little like the house in Christmas Vacation.
There is nothing wrong with either decorating style.
Nope, not a perfectionist:) We decorated our tree with stuffed animals one year...I had three little ones at the time, and knew they would want to play with whatever was on the tree. We used beanie babies and anything else small enough to tuck in the branches:) My kids still talk about that tree! It's the FUN and memories that count, not the picture-perfect tree with a stressed-out mom:)
I'm in my 30's and have lost both of my parents (my Dad this year). ANY family tradition is a good one, no matter the results. I also let the kids decorate the tree, though the cats will have soccer matches with the balls they get down, so we "challenge" them to get the ones on top. We bake a lot for gifts, and it seems more than ever homemade food is greatly appreciated, it doesn't have to be pretty. Perfection is overrated; the memories of your childhood are usually the things that got messed up and laughed about.
I am the ex-husband of one of these psycho nut jobs that has to have everything just so. It would take her 2-3 hours to put lights on a pre-lit fake tree. Everything had to be just so. Decorations, lights, ornaments, ribbons AND bows. Made me want to puke.
On top of that, she's Italian. Been divorced almost 4 1/2 years. Ahhh...
Merry Christmas to all...
What has 'she's Italian' got to do with anything? Racist!
Both my mother and I are type A. Some of my fondest memories were of cutting open walnuts, taking out the nuts, glueing the shells back together with a string inserted, painting them and hanging them on the tree. To my eyes, it was much more beautiful that the 'perfect' tree my aunt had. It is odd, though, to think that not ONE of my aunt's decorations survive, yet those walnuts, as cheap as they were, are now the treasured heirlooms.
HEY! Christmas is for ME too! The kids decorate their tree any way they want, and I decorate mine MY way! They think mine is too "perfect" and I think theirs is too messy....to each his/her own...we are all happy.
It's all about the kids...
When we do for them we get to relive the magic that made it so special for us.
Oh those years (when the kids were little) we produced some awesome Christmas trees--each one of us decorating the level we could reach! We mixed the white lights (which I liked) with the bright colored ones they preferred--and daddy would always put on the tree topper when everything else was done. I miss the popcorn garlands mixed with my little crystal ornaments, the construction paper creations next to my breakable heirloom balls, etc. Those were the days! We'd take out the lighted houses and put them on fake the snow, music boxes, you name it. In March I'd still find tinsel!
Now my little boys are grown men, living far away, the daddy is no longer living at all, and the boxes of Christmas memories were mistakenly thrown in the dumpster when I had to move. My tree is now pre-lit (white!) and is decorated with pine cones--but when I turn it on the combination of awesome memories and crummy eyesight makes it easy to see it the way it was. Best thing is: there's a baby grandson in the picture now--and in Christmases to come I expect some colored lights and giant santas to return! Life is good--enjoy the moments :)
Colored lights ARE tacky. But I loved them as a kid. My Grandma still puts them on her tree, I think because I loved them so much. But I use white lights on my tree and leave the colors for the ornaments. Every year we add a special ornament. Our first was a photo frame with our first family picture (me, my husband, our daughter), the second was a handblown glass star I picked up in Sundance, UT. I feel like maybe we didn't get one last year, but I'm not sure. I think this year I'd like to make little plaster handprints for each of our kids. I make our tree look as nice and balanced as possible, but with curious little ones the bottom is always ruined. Oh well.
As far as cookies go, yes, mine are perfect. I love baking and love any excuse to make delicious treats. I take my baking very seriously. My husband is in charge of the exterior decorations so we come up with a plan together. And then I pretty much have to like whatever he does because I'm not getting up on the roof myself!