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Elena Elisseeva / Elenathewise / FeaturePics.com
Teens able to hold their own in discussions with mom are better at resisting peer pressure to use drugs and alcohol, a new study finds.
If your teen keeps arguing with you, don’t worry – it may do her good in the long run.
Researchers found adolescents who can hold their own in a dispute with mom – rather than quickly caving -- are less likely to be pressured by friends into drinking and doing drugs, according to a new report in the journal Child Development.
While it can be challenging to calmly discuss sensitive subjects, a measured give-and-take can provide teens with the tools they need to bat away peer pressure, said study co-author Joanna Chango, a graduate student at the University of Virginia.
Chango and her colleagues followed 157 13-year-olds and their parents for three years. At the beginning of the study the researchers ran two experiments with the teens and their moms.
In the first, while being videotaped in a room alone together with their moms, the teens were told to try to bring up a topic that the pair had been arguing about. Later on, the researchers graded the way that the teens and their moms interacted.
The pairs got good grades if the conversation was calm and civil and went on for the allotted 8 minutes. If the teen rapidly gave up, the grade was low.
“If the mother and teen are arguing and the teen backs down and gives in easily it’s a sign of a teen not able to assert autonomy,” Chango explained. “The point is for each to feel that they are being heard and they are using arguments and reasoning to have a calm back and forth.”
In the second experiment, the teens were told to bring up a topic that they needed help with. “Those conversations ran the gamut from problems in school to trouble with a friend,” Chango said.
The idea in this second experiment was to see whether the moms were supportive.
When the kids turned 15, the researchers returned and asked the teens to fill out drug and alcohol use questionnaires. A year later, the kids filled out the questionnaires once again.
As it turns out, the teens who were able to hold their own in discussions with their moms were better able to fend off peer pressures to use drugs and alcohol. Those who seemed best protected were the ones who were able to argue well about touchy topics such as grades, household rules, friends and money.
Another big factor was having a supportive mom, the researchers found. The researchers didn’t study dads, but expect to see the same effect.
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I suppose this is to make us moms feel better....hahaha...My teens should be extremely well prepared then...they certainly argued enough LOL....lots and lots of practice .... actually they are pretty awesome and they did speak their mind in a very respectful manner
Also, when teens know they have a good support system at home, including being listened to and heard, and supported and helped when they encounter a problem...then they do not have to buckle under to their peers in order to keep relationships that have become their "support system"...even when not healthy or destructive in some way.
Jo-I was thinking the same things. This didnt exactly make me feel better LOL. My daughter has this down to a science, and for the most part does it respectfully. I say for the most part because that eye rolling thing kills me! At only 8 mins these moms got off easy...no you cant wear that is good for at least a 15 min discussion!
YES!! I knew there had to be something good come out of the last three years of head-butting!
More feminista propaganda. How can one gender possibly spend so much time admiring themselves and continue to find a scintilla of fascination after so much pathetic self admiration 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year? Take a day off, we deserve it. Fathers do more to prepare teens for real life than women ever thought of doing.
gee: someones got ISSUES..just a wee bit bitter after that divorce are we?
Teens arguing with their moms is a very normal part of their path to independence. It makes sense that if they have been raised with respect for their views and are confident in their ability to speak their views in a respectful (and to be completely accurate, sometimes not even so respectfully) discussion with their parents , those same skills will help them to also stand up for their own values and go against the group when they feel it is necessary with their peers. Although the many "discussions" and arguments with teens over rules and decisions can be exhausting, I always say it is all in God's plan...if we had to send our children off to college/out on their own while feeling the protection we feel for our sweet little toddlers, our hearts could not bear it. As it is, after several years of the "teenager" in your house...well, sometimes we just can't wait for them to launch out on their own and enjoy the new found peace that settles back on the house.
Leave so I can make a comment. "No." (The 14 year old lurking over my shoulder.) "I think people figured that out...Lady."
Leave so I can make a comment. "No."
If you leave, I'll be done sooner, and you'll be able to get on the computer sooner. "No! You're getting off now!"
"How come you're not in quotes?"
"I should have my own computer...that I already own and you've had for 2 years!" (He got grounded from it. Now the laptop's too old anyway.)
"Then it doesn't matter! Just give me my crap! You've been on the computer for 2 hours! Just because I asked you to turn it on for me!" (Multiple passwords.)
You're not making this go any faster.
Anyway, I've apparently produced a drug proof kid. Lucky me. "I've already mastered telling people to GTFO."
"You're done!"
Ah, the new parenting is going so well. Talk back to my mom and you got your butt kicked by her; then the real correction by my father. Today, it's no driving your new car until tomorrow morning.
This is so true. I could talk to my mom about anything, and I mean anything and my daughter can do the same. Nothing is off limits and she knows that I am hear for her whenever she needs to talk. We still argue at times and have disagreements but the goal is to allow the child to have an opinion even if it is different from your own. I feel bad for the kids who can't talk to their parents either because they are too embarrassed or the parent just isn't supportive emotionally and is never around, those are the kids that usually end up in trouble.