thank you Meg from a mom who has a daughter with one arm. I find I spend a lot of time explaining to children why my 4 year old looks different. I would like to know how to deal with adults who are less curious and more critical.

As a teacher, I teach my kids that everyone has a story, some are visible and some aren't... and it is okay to ask someone about their "story" of life, as long as both are comfortable with the conversation.

Thanks for your message Meg!

thank you so much. I have a child who was born with extra digits on both his hands and feet. I did have them removed only because I didn't want my child treated any different. My son is now 7 and diagnosed with mild autism and overweight for his age. I still get the stares, but it is more from adults. My son is very special to me. He has taught me the true meaning of unconditional love and patience. There is just more of him for me to love.

Hi such a good story i was born with just 1 finger on my right hand and i get those same questions like what happened to your hand ?. My father was in the military so living on bases was tuff for me as well, my parents get out there and do stuff they said. i quickly had to adjust to doing everything a normal person would do i had no choice but to learn to take criticism,stares,comments etc. As i got older i didn't handle it to well kids can be cruel i was in many fights almost 1 every other week but it also let people know not to mess with me i wouldn't put up with it. I regret a lot of the attention i was getting due to my attitude i wasn't in a good place. I've since grown up have a family of my own currently unemployed but i was a Gm for an auto parts store wrongfully terminated another story but i wish as a kid someone would have told me the same i might have turned out to be a much better person. I wish you and your family well. And happy new yr

Hi Meg! Let me start off by saying thank you! I spent the last four years under constant doctors care while they tried to fix a deformity to my left foot due to a car accident. I am very lucky to have survived, but with two crushed ankles I have spent lots of time confined to a wheelchair. Both right after the accident, and then after each surgery I had to try and correct the problems. I will always have problems with my foot and a deformity of it I will never walk "normal" again. Let me tell you that if I have to choose between looks and stares, or someone coming up to me and asking me what happened I will always take giving the explanation over the awkward situation that turning away in embarrassment causes both the person curious about it and me. I kind of feel like a side show or oddity when people react that way to me. I understand that might not be the thought going on in that persons head, but I have insecurity issues with myself due to my appearance from my medical problems. It somehow just makes me feel better that people have enough of a genuine concern to take the time to ask me what happened instead of a look of curiosity like I am so much different then them. I am after four years of fighting finally coming into my own with it and learning to be more comfortable and accepting of myself. I think that's the big point to me. Each time someone feels okay enough to ask me what happened, or if I am okay, it brings me a bit closer to really being okay with me. I am not sure if this makes sense to anyone else, and I realize each person and situation is different. I do think though at heart and in life we are all somewhat similar. All of us are just trying to enjoy life and make it the best we can with our situations. Thank you again for giving a voice for people who would much rather be stared at then turned away from in shame.

my 8 month old was born with polydactyly on just his left hand there is a group on facebook called CHILD or children having infant limb deficiency its a great group and they have helped anwser alot of my questions

Years ago my 3-year-old son and I were in a very busy store. The checker was obviously unhappy and was taking her frustration out on customers by glaring at them and rudely tossing their purchases into bags. When we got to the head of the line, my son stared at the checker and asked, "Are you a man or a woman?"

She responded, "I'm a woman. Why are you a brat?"

My son replied, "I'm not a brat, and if you're a woman, why are you growing a mustache?" I paid for the purchases and quickly exited the store to the sound of roaring laughter and a few applauding customers. To this day I don't know how I could have handled that situation, and still feel embarassment when I think of it!

Thank you, Meg! I am a young single mom with an aggressive form of Relapsing-Remitting Multiple Sclerosis, and need to use a quad cane, or the scooters in stores to get around. I will frequently get curious looks and comments from children: "mommy, what's wrong with her?" or "why does she walk so funny?" I have seen how uncomfortable these innocent remarks have made the grown-ups, and I try my best to ease the tension with a kind smile and wink at the adult while I tell the child, "my legs don't work so well, but that's okay. This ______— (scooter, cane, etc.) helps me get around." Much like you, I try to make these teachable moments. It didn't always come this easy, and I still have my moments where my "pride" gets in the way. That "I used to be" language which keeps playing over & over in my head... but, one day at a time. Thank you for giving this topic, such a powerful voice.

Thank you sooooo much for speaking out on this subject!!!! As a person who has a progressive genetic disorder that can cause cosmetic "differences", I can tell you that this is long long over due!!! I worry for my children and what they may have to face one day. You have completely inspired me today!!! I really feel God uses us and our differences to inspire others to live a better life. I can see you are an angel!!! Thank you for taking the brave step of speaking out on behalf of all people with differences and disabilities. I know that taking that step can be difficult and I have long been thinking about ways to speak out myself about my own disorder.

Thank you for your article, I have always wondered if I was doing right. I have a 5yr old daughter who is always asking questions! Yes I do feel embarrassed at first, only because I don't have ALL the answers, but that's when I will walk over to the person she has questions about and I'll if its ok if my daughter can ask them what happened, if she is scared I'll ask the questions she asked me, when she sees the person is not scary that's when she will engage questions. So far I've never had a problem with anyone being rude or thinking I was rude, they are very thankful that I'm teaching my daughter that everyone is different and its ok to ask questions. My daughter knows God creates everyone differently and when someone is different that it's just a way of them being special! After she is done talking to the person, she is excited that she talked to them and learned something new! I think more parents should encourage their kids to learn more about others instead of being scared of them!

I've known Meg for a very long time. And let me say that she has always been a person of strength. What you saw on the show was just the tip of the iceberg. You havent changed a bit Meg. Still have that bright smile.

I'm a mom of a limb different six-year-old and we live a very open life. We don't look for stares but we encourage questions if a child feels the need to stare. If a child blurts out something like "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ARM?" we use it as a chance to explain this is how Jordan was born... and we talk about things she can do (which is everything). Adults are often the ones who can't move past the staring and ask questions.

The funny thing is, I still need to teach my daughter and my son to be respectful about differences... that's because she doesn't consider herself different. She isn't self-conscious about her limb difference. She's much more self-conscious about an outfit she's wearing or her hair style. So we also work hard on asking questions instead of staring... But I think we're lucky because sometimes we get to be the teachers and other times we're the students.

Thank you Meg although it is not only children I am 49 and have gone from wheelchair to walker in 6 years and have alot of adults staring. I had a virus that basically left me having to relearn everything. I get angry when people stare and cutoff disabled people.

From the time I was a child, my mother felt bothered by my extra thumb-almost feels like a "crab claw"-dear Alyssa Adam-the sad part is having them removed was probably the best thing to do in our cruel society; nevertheless, the removal of the extra digits says in itself, "hey something is wrong here"-although I don't know whether he had bones in his extra digits-my mother was told l she should wait until I was an adult because the scar tissue may hinder full usage of my hand. I have even had friends'parents offer to take me and have the procedure completed. Now almost 35, with four children (none having an extra digit), I have found myself married and accepted by some, but realize there would be a scar there and on another body part to get the skin-it would never be gone all together anyways. I have learned to embrace it, as I tell inquisitive children, "Be Careful What you wish for"-I wished for this when I was three, and I woke up the day after my third birthday with a third thumb." The ironic part was that many who were cruel were bad math students, as where I did rather well in that area-I think they could have used an extra digit to count. I love the idea the teacher has which is so true, and dear Meg, your idea is great, but some people with handicaps are not comfortable-as I cared for my grandmother in the past, who had a few strokes, last one help put her in a wheelchair, but she went from being a workaholic caregiver to all to a retired RN supervisor who spent her life devoted to others, but was very self concious about her condition and felt her mouth was slurred, although therapy had helped correct the condition. I heard a long time ago, you draw the line making fun of somebody when they can not help it themselves. The people who gawk, point, and make sny remarks have flaws also-it is internal as a major character flaw, which says a lot more about a person. And, dear Meg-I think it is great you are speaking out because many people do not have that confidence-you have apparently succeeded in all areas of your life-and you are very beautiful and so is your family. Before my grandmother's stroke, one day it was very bitter and very cold, icy and snowing-many local places actually closing. There was a restaurant (FIVE GUYS'BURGER, with a ramp just filling with a downpouring of snow & ice. There was a man with some condition-his pants sewn together like a mermaid, using only one foot and two crutches. Grandma, my uncle, and myself were waiting for something, when the man slid down the ramp, but up he would go again, and again-my uncle looks at us and says "man, that guy must really want a cheeseburger"-he keeps trying to get up that slippy ramp-which was in no condition for somebody with two able feet to climb. My grandma smacks her son who was sitting in the passenger seat-"Get out and help that man!", which should have been no major incident seeing that both of them had worked at a state hospital turned Veteran's home over the years-"Mom-a man that determined is not going to accept or want any help from anybody". My grandma said she did not care-she said the man needed help up the ramp whether he wanted it or not. My uncle got out and walked across the streets that were dividing our vehicle from the man taking on a slippy ramp in blizzard conditions-he refused and insisted on getting up the ramp on his own. The point is, not everybody with insecurities feels comfortable being approached. I think people need to learn respect for others and think of how they might feel if somebody was staring or whispering about them. People need to take the time to find out about the person internally and usually will find that external differences will usually not even show or will tend to "fade" when one takes the time to listen-unfortunately, we live in a society where people are ultimately judged by their initial appearance-I have noticed this wearing black yoga pants and a ponytail versus the nice dress with my hair down, etc..-I feel totally embracing comments from children can be overboard-a nice acknowledgement to the insulted-luckily, four children later heading into teen years, they have been pretty good about how they treat those who are different. I try to use the television for the teachable moment-not in front of the person who is different. For example, Oprah had a few women with severe burns-anytime something like this comes up, I try to explain what and why it happened-also, you never know if that would happen in their lifetime because life can change in an instant-I think it is a fine line of learning, understanding, morals, and just simple manners.

Well, I could go on all day-but it is time to be productive today. Good Luck and Best wishes to Meg and family and all others that experience life and try to make the best of it! Think positive and the energy will be brilliant :)! Take Care!

Dear Mrs. Meg Zucker,

I love that wrap dress by the way!

Great article Meg!

Often children ask those intrusive questions because they want to know "will it happen to me?, will my fingers fall off? will my legs not work?" etc. I always believe answering children's question as truthfully as their age will accept is the best answer.

I have always admired how my aunt & uncle raised their daughter. She has disabilities, but they always treated it as no big deal, were very casual and joked with her about it. She grew up totally accepting her problems and is completely well-adjusted. So very different, from a friend, whose mother had to continually announce her diabetes to everyone. She grew up thinking having diabetes was something to be ashamed of.

That reminds me of a few months ago when my 5-year-old daughter saw an obese woman at the grocery store. I had always told my daughter that eating pizza and candy would make her get fat so that she would control herself or better yet, steer clear of junk food, so once she eyed this woman, she loudly said "wow mama, I think that woman ate too much pizza and sweets cause she is veerry fat". I am not sure if the woman heard (she had a scowl the whole time she was in the grocery store so it was hard to tell), but I wouldn't know how to turn this embarrassing moment into something positive, had the woman heard my daughter! It's one thing to ask questions, another is to insult. Obviously, I told my daughter that was very rude and mean and that the lady could have a medical condition and never to make such comments again, but I am not sure if she will control herself in the future and if she doesn't, how to practice some damage control.

The first time my son saw a black child, he looked at me and said "Mommy, why is he so dirty? doesn't his mommy give him baths?" I wanted the earth to swallow me right then and there but I told him "he isn't dirty. That's the color of his skin, its just darker than yours." He has asked an elderly lady why she used a cane, and she told him. I hope I can keep my composure in a situation like this.

One of my friends lost his arm and leg in a motorcycle accident. I keep waiting for my kids to ask about him so I can explain differences and a safety lesson at the same time.

So far they don't even seem to have noticed.