It's a rule at my childrens' school. Send invites for the entire class or send none at all.

we live by the "invite who YOU want" rule ... we also keep parties at a respectable # so rarely do we have 15 or 20 kids at a party! i do not think the school has any right to get involved ... we had a principal once who wanted to ban birthday invitations at school ... i strongly believe that kids need to learn they dont get invited to everything and this is a perfect learning opportunity! i have kids at both end of the spectrum - one who gets invited to lots and one who doesnt - thats life! i also curb the # of parties kids get to go to as it gets costly and i have better things to spend my $ on that a kid my child has never played with but suddenly is on their birthday list!

At my older son's elementary school, the rule was that if you were distributing invitations at school you had to invite the whole class or all boys/all girls. I think that worked well because if you invited all the boys (in our case) it was about 10-12 kids, some can't come due to other commitments always, so it was a reasonable number. It also avoided hurt feelings of not getting an invitation at school. And honestly, I got to know a lot of parents I might not have met thru those various parties so it was good in that regard as well. We've moved and at my younger son's school, I don't think they have a policy. He just had a party and we invited a smaller number of kids because a. he has some social/sensory issues that make a big party a bad idea and b. he wanted to invite former classmates who are not in his class this year. I mailed the invitations to the students' homes rather than distribute them at school though. I also reminded my son that people's feelings can be hurt by not being invited and to be sensitive to that (he's 9 now so understands). I have no problem with people inviting a smaller number of people, but if you are going to do it, you shouldn't send the invites to school.

It is a rule at our school to invite the entire class or all boys/all girls if you want to send the invites out AT school. Although I do know many kids (even with teacher knowledge) very discreetly will pass out invites while at their lockers.

Nobody has a right to tell me I have to invite 26 kids to my child's birthday on top of ALL the kids we are actually friends with outside of the class. My son had 19 kids at his last party (a week ago) and only 5 of those were from his class. Kids now days have entire sports teams, hobby groups and neighbor kids to consider too. Where do we draw the line. Yes, there was one boy who wasn't invited because I drew the line at 20 kids to this party. And yes, my son felt bad and so did I. And my son went to school and told that child that he was allowed to only invite a certain amount and that we would like to have a playdate with him just to play sometime (not a gift giving birthday date). That child was over joyed!

And when we get invited to a party by a classmate that my son does not play with then we honestly politely decline. As a society we are going overboard! Birthdays are to celebrate the child with friends... it is not the social event of the decade! I do ask my son to not discuss his birthday before or after it while at school. I explain feelings can be hurt and he is very aware of that.

Not everyone can be invited to everything.

I have four kids. When they were younger, K, 1st and 2nd grades we invited the whole class or just the boys or just the girls in the class. As they got older and developed their core group of friends that they played with outside of school we only invited those children.

When you have a child with Autism not getting an invite becomes the norm. To me what is worse is inviting them (cause the parents made the child invite everyone) and then having the other kids tease or not want to play with the kid with Autism because they are "weird". This hurts more.
Autistic children aren't dumb or deaf. They can hear your children teasing them and calling them names. Do you think by forcing your child to invite them to their party that this makes up for it? I'd rather you not invite my kid at all (and teach your child manners).

I happen to appreciate the forcing of all or nothing invitations. A teacher's job is to teach, not coordinate everyone else's social calendars. My thought is if you want to be exclusive, do it on your own time and on your dime.

I am glad to hear this topic out in the open as it has always made me a bit uneasy. Both my children are very young (under age 4) so this has yet to become an issue. I feel this may be a case by case basis. I think in the younger years we will be "invite the whole class" types. I just can't stand the thought of not including everyone. That said, I value my more private friendships the most so I have to say-I'm torn.

When the party is at my home or if there is not a limit to the number of guests dictated by the party location , I would invite the whole class. This year since my son's party venue caps the number of guests and counts adults as guests i have had to make some choices. Criteria #1 was if we have been invited to that child's birthday, they are invited to mine. Criteria #2 If I have invited a child for 3 years running and they have not RSVP'd /not showed up - they are off my list. Criteria #3 - if I know for a fact that a child had a party and mine was not invited, even if it was an all girl party - that makes my decision easy breazy( see criteria #1).

Instead of delving into complicated explanations of why and why not with a 5 year old, I just reinforce the notion that we will have cupcakes in his classroom on his actual birthday so that he can celebrate with all his classmates.

It's such a tough call-- it makes sense to think that it's better to "invite all" in the younger years because they "don't understand" at that age if they don't get invited, yet as they get older, it hurts much worse. Now having finally left the elementary school years (my girls are now 13 and 17) I look back and think it should be based on budget, space and behavior. If you can afford it and have the space (and patience) to deal with the whole class, invite them all. If you don't, you just have to be selective. If there are kids that are always disruptive or mean to your child or others in the class, or, in the case of girls, someone who always creates drama, don't invite them. It can definitely be a life-changing lesson for those not invited. (I know from personal experience! It made me make some positive changes and be a better person, thanks to my Mom sitting me down to have a talk!!) Sometimes, if you're having the party somewhere like Build-A-Bear or "Gymboree" or simply going out to a special restaurant, you just can't invite everyone and kids can usually understand that... and if they're not invited due to space, often they'll still invite your child to their own party. I try to make it clear to my kids to not talk about their party at school if they're not inviting everyone (I do like the "no invitations at school" rule that our school had) and to tell their invited guests not to talk about it, but that's not always a guarantee, of course! As they get older, social media makes it even harder to keep things on the down low, as kids share photos of all their fun outings and parties and kids are constantly finding out when they've been excluded. Maybe it gives them a tougher skin...but hopefully they've already had opportunities to develop that. We need to help our kids deal with disappointment, not shield them, when they're in elementary school so that they can be ready for the real Mean Girls years-- so not inviting every child to your party really is okay, just like every kid shouldn't always get a "participation trophy" every time they play sports. At any rate, also keep in mind that kids don't have to have a party every year. We have a long-standing rule, "Party every other year, dinner out with one special friend on the off year" and that has worked well.

I think that when they are really little it is nice to invite everyone (daycare, preschool, Kindergarten, even 1st grade) as you get to know the parents and the child gets to expand their circle of friends. As they get older it gets a little harder especially if their classroom make-up changes every year. Their best friends may be spread out across 3 classrooms--do they not get invited but the kid you don't really interact with in your classroom does get invited? The reality is that not everyone is friends and as they get older, they seem to understand that. As parents, I think we can help them make kind choices--ie--"you talk about so-and-so and that you like playing with her, but you didn't list her for your party...don't you think it would be nice to invite her?" Usually its just a "Oh yeah, I forgot" and they are happy to invite that person. If my child has limited to no interactions with another child, I really don't push for them to invite that child. I also like the idea of doing something small with your close friends and then maybe bringing goody bags (no food) to your classroom for everyone or asking the teacher if there is something that you can do in honor of your child's birthday. That way everyone gets to enjoy it.

If parents are going to invite the whole class anyway, please be inclusive of special needs kids. My son is assigned to a mainstream class but he also spends time in a special needs class room. He's been excluded a lot. One year, his brithday wasn't mentioned in his homeroom newsletter (while all other kids were mentioned) and that bothered me. I think parents forget sometimes but its not intentional.

When my second-grader learned he was one of only two boys not invited to a classmate's party, he was bewildered and thought the invitation must have been lost. The party took place at a large venue, all the kids were talking about it, and his friends had asked why he didn't go. The problem is he was humiliated by this. My son was fond of the birthday boy and considered him a friend. There was no apparent reason for the snub. Small parties with best friends are understandable. But don't exclude one or two children from a large party in the early grades. Adults who do this are being either insensitive or judgmental.

We invited the entire class in preschool, because the rule for handing out invitations at school was "all or nothing". Now in elementary school, you can't hand out invitations at all. If you want to invite classmates, you have to get their addresses out of the school directory (assuming the parents put their names in there).

For my daughter who is turning 6, we didn't invite anyone from school. Instead we're inviting the people she actually plays with on a regular basis outside of school. She also knows full well that she's not allowed to speak about her birthday party at school, because we want no hurt feelings. I'll bring in cupcakes on her birthday, and that will suffice.

It is very sad to be the one left out, I remember in the 6th grade it happened to me. Although my 14yo doesn't want to invite all the girls in her class I make sure she does not talk about it in front of others. When in grade school we invited her friends but did not hand out invites at school. I would make sure she knew not to talk about it cause she knew how it felt to be left out. Not everyone is going to be friends with everyone else, so they need to learn how to keep their mouths shut, unfortunately, some kids even brag and I have seen a total lack of sensitivity from mothers who even flaunt it in the faces of the other kids...

To curb my "invite everybody" wish, my parents used to bring cake, ice cream and goodies to school. Back then, our home wasn't big enough to hold my sometimes 50+ classmates... I guess it was like "If the Mohammed can't go to the mountain, the mountain would go to Mohammed."

When my friend's daughter has a birthday party, they invite all the kids from her class and girl scout troop and her cousins.

It should be ok to invite a select few friends and the invitations sent by mail. What is really wrong is when you invite a whole class except for ONE child in that class. This is what happened to my 10 yr old daughter (who is not a bully and is a very well behaved student) and it was very hurtful to her. To top it all off the parent that did this was completely ok with this, and the invitations were handed out at school. The mother even came up to my daughter at school and told her to stop talking about the party. I guess they thought no one would find out-please! Then on top of it the girl who had the party turned things around and called my daughter rude in front of other students, just because she asked some friends if they were invited to this party. We found out later the reason they did not invite my daughter was due to jealousy as told to us by a mutual friend. Parents need to set good examples for their children not show them how to be mean and to others.

This is beyond ridiculous! I was often not invited to parties as a kid (I was raised in a very religious area and my family was not the "right" religion) and I am not emotionally scarred by this. In fact I think my experiences (this and so many others) have made my the strong person that I am. Kids are resilient and this is a trait the parents of the uninvited should nuture not a sense of entitlement (purple participation ribbons for everyone!).
While parents need to provide love and support to their children we should not protect them from life. What happens when they go to High School and you have no influence over the party invites?
Moreover as a single mother I don't have the time, energy, or money to invite 25-30 kids in an average elementary school class to a party. Pressure from other parents won't influence that. My son will have limits when it comes time to plan his birthday party.

I was poor and frequently uninvited to parties as a child. It hurt, badly. It didn't make me a better person or toughen me up - but it did give me a real determination to raise my children better. We live in a rude and contentious society, where people are so misguided that that actually promote their social agenda through their kids.

So - when I had kids in my late 30's, I had a lot of disposable income, an awesome kid friendly estate with acres to play on, and a determination to help level the playing field.

My kids are about 5 weeks apart in birth dates, so we had joint parties with themes. There were no gifts, only food and money for charity.

We invited absolutely anyone that wanted to come. All the kids in both the kids classes, teachers, neighbors. A group of use would scout the discount stores, and every year we would make over 100 tie-dye shirts. Every kid got one! We raised lots of money for our food bank and taught our kids a valuable lesson. Giving is important. People are more important than things. No one is better than anyone else. Fairness is more important than popularity.

We aren't church goers, but I've had so many people tell me how remarkable my kids are. They are kind, sensitive and caring human beings, who don't give a hoot how much money people have or what clothes they wear. They choose their friends based on the content of their character.

BTW, the first year we did this a few of the "A" list snobs didn't come - however, after learning that they had missed the party of the year and having to listen to all the kids and Moms rave about our "birthdays for charity", they came every year after.

The kids asked for one regular party, after hearing the snobs rave on and on about their very fabulous gifts. They were bored out of their minds and regretted their choice - but they had to see for themselves.

I can't tell you how many kids and families thanked me over and over for including them. Poor kids like I was, kids with mental and physical issues, kids from other countries that were regularly omitted from get togethers. At our parties, they were just another kid - and it felt great.

It was a lot of work for me. I was very ill and walked with a cane many of those years, but I was determined to make a point.

After 15 years, we recently moved to another state for a new job - but when I visit in the summers and go to the outside concerts, I still see dozens of those tie-dye shirts made so many years ago on a new generation of children - and it makes me smile.