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Subscribe to RSSLet me start by saying I wanted to hate “Bringing up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting” by Pamela Druckerman (UK title: "French Children Don't Throw Food"). I was already there with the publication of “French Women Don’t Get Fat” by Mireille Guiliano.
The flagrant arrogance of one culture to claim they do anything better than another is so irritating to me (ironic, coming from an American, right?). And now I’m supposed to embrace that the French are not only skinnier and better dressed - but that they are also better parents?! Excuse moi?? Next, the French are going to say they are better at sex! Oh wait…
The Penguin Press
But to my surprise, Ms. Druckerman gives an enjoyable and thoughtful read that researches and explains thoroughly why she believes the French have something valuable to say about parenting. And I kind of buy it. Unlike many of the other parenting books I’ve read, Ms. Druckerman explores and questions French parenting techniques with the same journalistic professionalism and thoroughness she brings to all of her work.
The main point of the book is that French parents adhere to an unspoken “code.” Druckerman refers to a parenting strategy she calls “La Pause.” “La Pause” is the time French parents take (perhaps to take a sip of wine?) before responding to crying babies, screaming children, or the demands of tiny Napoleons.
Ms. Druckerman suggests that because French parents don’t respond immediately to their children, they learn more autonomy.
French mothers don’t hover at playdates; they don’t pack their children’s schedules with activities; and they don’t let their children be deluded into believing that they’re the center of the universe. The result is independent children who see their parents as individuals who deserve respect and privacy. How can any mother (American, Irish, Chinese, whatever…) fight with that?
The British cover of "Bringing Up Bebe" promises that French children don't throw food. Ooh la la!
Of course, not all French parenting ways are so digestible. For example. the French take a negative view of breastfeeding and mothers are encouraged, and even pressured, to lose their baby weight immediately. I personally don’t care who gives their babies formula, or has a perpetual pooch, but I am of the mind that we need to get off each other’s backs.
Like Druckerman – and this is probably the reason she won me over so quickly – I have an older singleton and twins. Every day I am amazed at how different they are. Each one has their own quirks, challenges and strengths. One is a picky eater, one never listens unless my vocal chords are visible through my open mouth, and one gladly gives the best foot massages EVER! I didn’t foster any of this (other than perhaps the foot rubs…). It was totally out of my hands.
We are all looking for answers -- confirmation that how we are raising our children will result in success. But maybe the answer lies in a question – “How do you define success?” Do you want your child to be free-spirited? Creative? Driven? A leader? Family oriented?
Then there’s the question of “What kind of child do you have?” Sensitive? Focused? Outspoken? If I ever pulled a “Tiger Mom” on my older daughter, she’d be in an institution before she was 20. That’s not success to me.
With so many variables, how can any parenting method take credit for being the best?
I believe we can learn something about parenting from every culture. But I don’t believe there is a “recipe” for raising the perfect child.
Some kids need a bit of “this” and a heavy dose of “that.” Some need a dash of “that” and a sprinkling of “this.” But in the end, the only time-tested ingredient you can add is a heapin’ helpin’ of love, then sit back and hope your child will rise.
Are you the next Tiger Mom? Read on for more:
The tiger mother and harsh parenting
Your teen is no teacup: If you want to hold on, let go
True strength isn't the Tiger Mom, it's the Dragon Mom
Sarah Maizes is the founder of www.MommyLITEonline.com, a parenting humor site, and the author of “Got Milf? The Modern Mom’s Guide to Feeling Fabulous, Looking Great and Rocking a Minivan”. She is a freelance writer, speaker, comedian and mother of three. In her spare time she… wait… she has no spare time.
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I might take her more seriously if she wasn't wearing that pretentious beret. Who is she trying to kid (no pun intended)?
I agree. I noticed that in the whole story, the only person wearing a beret was the American mom.
I think what this story demonstrates how we often downplay our own culture while idolizing cultures. There are plenty of American parents who understand the importance of providing structure and guidance for their children while also supporting them as individuals. There are also plenty of parents who shouldn't have any part in raising kids but I'm sure that can be said about people in every country.
Plus, aren't the French known for being especially rude?
I would immediately dismiss the premise of this book based simply on the assertion that "French take a negative view of breastfeeding." If a new mother is physically able to breastfeed, then nature says that this is the best food we can provide for our babies.
Breastfeeding also helps new mothers lose that extra baby-weight and ensures the baby gets safe, inexpensive nutrition that boosts their immune system.
Tiger Moms vs. Cheese Moms. Deathmatch!
Parisians are. Most people like to generalize the French as being mean, but everyone that I've met has been really nice. But if you go to Paris, you had better expect them to be dicks. They really do think they're the proverbial "sh!t."
Or is it that the French just don't like arrogant Americans?
MSNBC writer Sarah Maizes needs to learn a little French--- the correct phrase is: "EXCUSEZ-MOI"!
^^^same thing as new york. the bigger the city, the more likely you'll run into "rude" people. i put rude in quotes cause alot of the time it isn't rudeness it's lack of time to deal with you and whatever you want with them.
The only thing the French learned how to do well was surrender.
I was on holiday in the Dominican Republic and many people at our resort were European and Spanish. One of the first things I noted was how well behaved the children were both at meals and in the pool/play area's.
Kicked Englands rump in 1066, and Engand has been ruled by foreigners ever since. They did a fine job of surrendering Joan of arc to the English, and have perfected surrendering since then.
If people think the french are arrogant and rude they haven't gotten out enough and take general opinion as fact...I've travelled the world and lived in all the big cities meant nice and rude people. Just trying to speak another countries language can go a long way when in a restaurant for example. You have to have an open mind. This is just a book...you can take it with a grain of salt or you can take it as gospel depending how you want to spend/waste your time.
I'm sick of hearing this "American Obsession" portraying the French as cowards. Nothing could be further from the truth. The French army was over-run by the blitzkreig of the German army-air force and even 300,000+ British forces were forced to retreat at Dunkirk. I guarantee you that if the US were located where France is they too would have been over-run. The French resistance fought valiantly against German occupiers sometimes losing entire village populaces to German revenge. The "Free French" fought with allied forces retaking their homeland. Seems France got the short end of the stick from the US by NOT joining in the unpopular Iraq war but their troops have fought with allied forces in Afghanistan and lost troops too.
I am not French by get extremely irritated by this constant "French bashing" by ignoramus's.
Ummm, Excuse - moi is correct. The French language has formal/informal parts. She is correct in her usage as long as she considers everyone who reads the post to be her friend.
Okay. Was going to post it here as part of discussion on Comment 1, but read ahead and the discussion is ongoing so I'm back here.
Americans are known all over the world for being rude and fat (and therefore probably lazy).
That's it, folks. Sorry. I am American. Go USA!
No,
the French are cowards and couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag.
They were weak in WWI and especially in WWII. The only time the French were a
formidable fighting force was when Napoleon led their army. I don't think you
can guarantee the Germans would have done the same to the Americans if they
were located in France. The Marines took it to the Germans in the battle of
Belleau Wood in WWI. That's when they got the nickname "devil dogs".
The US wasn't even the number one fighting force until the end of WWII and we
still had the enemy shaking in their boots. Plus our citizens have the right to
bear arms. It would have been a totally different outcome.
French salute--------->********hands in the air***********. Does this mean we are going to teach our children that they don't have to bathe? Just raise your children as Americans and they will be fine.
Merci beaucoup for making the correction in the title of the article from "Exucse-moi" to the correct "Excusez-moi"! The "vous" formal form is the appropriate one in this circumstance!
Can you imagine, the first comment is about fashion--no wonder we have screwed up kids here, especially the ones brought up by those 83 % not breastfeeding here: teachers and other psychology professions, who somehow think their kids are like a cell phone, where you can just constantly install an app and then the kid will be fine (or constantly scolding them so theydo what you say)----most of those kids are not making and finishing college, since they are constantly programmed on TV by image(culture) from corporate US, and they are not learning to be independent and thinking independently, which means they will be just ordinary even with high IQ.
Yes it is wrong not to breast feed if you do not want breast cancer, but they do breast feed a lot more in France than here--(at least twice as much as here), because the 8 million Muslims almost 100 % natural.--I have been to all the "milk factories" I test for all the items in the milk--they are still working on antibodies, and regulating the amounts--you think that is safe?
As far as the fat book, well well we are fat here compared to say French whites and all in say Denmark, nocomparison since everyone here sits down at the fast food and soda fountain(diet or regular) as well as beer fountain every day instead of a limited glass of wine--much better for your body. Instead of all the CO2.
Before you start dishing, just know that I have been to at least 2600 food plants for people and animals/genetics as well as over 177 universities dealing directly with the composition of everything at molecular level.--and it aint prettry!!! that is here in the USA!!
As far as the kids, we are about 30-40 years behind northern EU in outside the home child care-virtually no one had it here when I was asked to come 40 years ago, compared to almost 85 % in Denmark at that time.--after just 2 weeks old.--I do not actually agree with that myself, even with breast pumping, but I have visited big universities where they years ago weretrying to get baby incubators to work ( I did all the instruments for testing girly liquids around the baby), so the woman would be completely free of all parenting!--but so far it is too expensive, compared tothe benefit of having a woman work unrestricted all her life.
I have met well-behaved kids of every socio-economic background, culture, race and religion. I have met horridly behaved kids of every socio-economic background, culture, race and religion. Parents who put in the hard work to "parent" their children, starting young but continuing through every age and stage, will for the most part have well-behaved children. It takes time, it takes effort, as you are putting in that time and effort you will probably run into a lot of unnecessary judgement (especially if you have a naturally fiesty child) but haters gonna hate, and judgers gonna judge.
Maybe the secret to the French society's version of parenting is more that they are concentrated (in terms of the child's behaviour) on their child and that situation rather than on the judgement of those around them. If you don't care what "society" thinks of your tantruming toddler, so will let them tantrum rather than cave over giving in, then you will have a toddler than doesn't learn to throw a tantrum to get their own way. Of course there are venues a tantrum shouldn't be tolerated - like a restaurant - so that is why you then leave with the child (as soon as possible). But for the most part, I find parents will be embarrassed and will cave. I don't. I won't. I apologize for the 5 times my toddler tantrummed and the public had to witness it. I am sure that is more than made up for by the 100's of times she HASN'T tantrumed when I say no. But it takes a few tries, and ability to ignore judgement, to learn :) (and for the haters - it was in VERY public places aka there were just as many loud/obnoxious/etc. adults. ;)
They are better at parenting if you want a nation full of cowards.
Many of the parenting techniques discussed are universal and not just new parenting discoveries by the French. Hmm kids aren't the center of the universe???!!!! Really? So none of us (Americans) heard that while we were growing up? Give me a break.
Having spent years since my early twenties focusing on learning the french language on again and off again, I've become fairly proficient at it and thus have been able to break the cultural barrier a bit when we visit in being able to communicate with them in their own language within the borders of their own country. I have come to the theory that there is a conception that Americans dislike the French and the French dislike the Americans for one very clear reason: The Americans and the French are VERY similar to one another like it or not. Both countries are very proud of their culture and their heritage and language. Neither country wants to be told what or how to do things and perhaps both countries think "their" way is preferable. Neither side may want to hear it but its a bit like looking in a mirror where the writing is seen backwards yet its truely one and the same thing. I've met wonderful French people over the years and have encountered rude ones. Just as I know wonderful Americans and others I'd prefer never to have come in contact with. We're not better than they are...they're not better than we are. I find the things we can learn from one another to be great and better cooperation and understanding would be terrific rather than competition and disdain towards one another. It has been helpful when visiting within the borders of their country (particularly in rural areas) to be able to communicate with the people in their own language. They are nearly universally very polite and delighted to find someone intersted enough in their culture to learn their language and ask questions about it in French. Just as I would hope we would be delighted to meet a French person in a rural area who spoke our language and was interested in our culture. I'm sure we both have our ups and downs as parents and we could learn from one another about the pluses and pitfalls in that department.
I moved to Salt Lake City, Utah, when I was pregnant with my first child (and so, for the first time really paying attention to parenting and kids). And let me tell you: if you want to see polite, helpful, well-behaved children at every age: this is the place.
I can't speak for the rest of the country from such close personal experience. But I'd put Utah kids against any anywhere in the world. The French have nothing on us. Nothing.
Rien.
I don't know how good they are raising children but they make good pastries!
oh please livia do people really have to "have something" on each other? And do you really want to put Utah kids "against" others? Thats just ridiculous. I don't think thats the point at all. We all have things we can learn from one another...learn from the good and discard the bad.
I'm completely offended by this segment. As an AMERICAN mother who's 3 children under the age of 6 always say "please" and "thank you," shake hands with people that they meet, eat what I make for dinner - salmon, broccoli, filet - and adhere to a strict bedtime routine, how dare NBC promote that the French "do it better." While I would agree that there are many parents throughout the world that do not set boundaries for their children, how about highlighting those Americans that do things right, rather than lumping everyone together. What a waste of airtime, but then again lately much of it is garbage.
I think the article and the book is meant to be "in general", there are probably French parents that suck, as American parents that are great. Not need to get offended.
How is then that most of the French folks I've met are arrogant and self centered? There are individuals, such as Linda, who actually do it right and individuals, such as the French, who end up arrogant and self center enough to believe that they are always right.
Meh,
I was raised with a French grandmother, and a French-Italian mother and a English Father. To be quite honest, I learned from the French side of my family at a very early age was this:
Society WILL judge you. It doesn't mean it's right nor fair, but you will be judged, constantly. Therefore, it is best to do things to be judged in a positive light. To help your family, to help yourself, and to help others around you.
In America, telling a child this might put the parent up for some lawsuit, I'm sure... but it's a very honest viewpoint. I wish more kids understood that the way they behave reflects on themselves and their parents.
I hate it when some child who has done wrong, and gets called out on it says "I don't care what you think!"
linda, i guess you don't get the joke that americans are constantly saying the same thing, we do it best no matter what it is.
skup, there are tons of arrogant americans. for proof simply look at some comments on stories on msnbc and other forums. oh and "the french" aren't "individuals" and your blanket staement about them being arrogant as a whole is no better than the article's blanket statement that the french are better parents.
oh how i wish i could be as perfect as LInda fromPA... to dream the impossible dream...
Amazing how any mention of France and its people always sets off a firestorm of rage and sulkiness. ("Nuh-uh! America, No. 1!")
Romilio is right. Of course there are lousy French parents (the French are, after all, human), but French culture is very privacy-driven, and there's a basic assumption that your kid does not have a God-given right to scream endlessly or behave like a rabid raccoon.
Of course there are well-behaved American children with thoughtful parents, but as one brief trip to the market will tell you, we could use a few more.
@Linda....
I didn't get the impression that the article was saying "the french do it better". If you read the entire article, it really emphasizes the individuality that is needed for each different child. Did you even get to the last few paragraphs????......
"With so many variables, how can any parenting method take credit for being the best? I believe we can learn something about parenting from every culture. But I don't believe there is a "recipe" for raising the perfect child.
Some kids need a bit of "this" and a heavy dose of "that." Some need a dash of "that" and a sprinkling of "this." But in the end, the only time-tested ingredient you can add is a heapin' helpin' of love, then sit back and hope your child will rise."
Linda;
Don't take it too seriously. The French parenting style being critiqued by a Brit, A European view with the usual European bias. After all, the information they get about America and Americans is through the very bias lens of the European media. Our media is bad enough, but, theirs has made a concerted effort to demonize all things American in the last 15-20 years. It could be said the French have lost the ability to self govern, they elected Sarkosy, He isn't even French. So don't let it get to you. Just consider the source. For all their self proclamation, Europe and Europeans aren't perfect either. Do what is best for the children and teach them to be caring, polite and intelligent people and they will turn out fine. After all, some of the rudest people I have ever met were in Paris.
llrain, lol. Me, too. We should feel honored to have such perfect people all over the Vine.
I think it is more to emphasize that the French culture as a whole supports better behaved children not to down every American parent. We as Americans need to realize that we can learn from other cultures.
Seriously, then why are the French the rudist people on the planet?
I bet they say that same thing about Americans. I've been to Paris, and they were perfectly friendly and amusing to me. Meanwhile I saw so many of my countrymen over there looking like slobs, being loud and obnoxious, complaining, and insisting everyone speak English. So I guess it's all a matter of perspective. Most people think their country / ways / religion / whatever is the best / right way.
they aren't. We are.
Actually Americans are BY FAR the rudest (learn to spell) people on the planet. As an American, when I travel I am always ashamed by the boorish, illiterate, completely disgusting behavior of most Americans....which is why I travel solo, and most of the time say I'm Canadian
goggie7201 and you probably haven't been outside your village.
I travel all over the world on business and vacation. By far, the rudest, loudest and most obnoxious people I encounter anywhere ALWAYS turn out to be my fellow citizens from the good old USA. When you travel, at least try to be an ambassador for the USA and represent our country well. Don't be the same a-hole that you normally are in every day life. Just saying......................
That is not my experience at all. That sentiment seems to come from people who 1) have never been to France, or 2) only went to Paris and/or 3) complain that in France, everything is in French!
Try being a librarian (even in the adult section) for a day before getting so offended by this article. The acting-out is frustrating librarians as it has frustrated teachers for years. Why are so many teachers leaving the profession in America? The children are very different in France.
I've been to France many times and can categorically assert that Americans not the French are the rude ones.
French are very lovely people if you go to France and try to partake on their culture. Even learning a few simple phrases will go a long way.
On the other hand, if the first thing you or your kids do as soon as you land in Paris is ask for McDonald's then don't complain when they ask you "why did you come to France?"
We are no different, lots of places in this nation want to pass English as the official language and many Americans live on McDonald's food. Not picking on Mickey D's or saying that is necessarily bad just saying don't throw rocks when you live in a glass house.
As Americans we are one of the most arrogant cultures since we tend to think I'm entitled to have it my way because I'm American and I'm free to do whatever I want. Guess what, when in Rome, do as the Romans do (and you will have no problems).
Next time you go to France, learn to say Bonjour, be polite, eat their food, don't be a loud screaming lout and you will have a great time. After all, aren't you going there to see their culture? Otherwise, go to another lovely place: the Grand Canyon.
Maybe if you tried to know a French person or attempt to learn a little of the language, you might find this is just a stereotype. It's amazing what can happen when you try to meet people halfway. The world isn't just one big theme park for Americans. If you travel and expect Disney World every where you go, I would suggest staying home.
Some of my closest friends are French. They keep to themselves until they know and trust you. This seems closer to "common sense" than to "rude."
If you need everyone in the world to want to take interest in your very special feelings, tolerate the spectacle of you dressed like a walking laundry basket with big fat sneakers, or endlessly tell you to Have a Nice Day... stay home.
Just to agree with everyone else, Americans are far more rude.
It's been my experience that the French people as a whole are very nice, it just seems that Parisians are awful. I have visited France 3 times over the past 20 years and only the Parisians were rude, the rest of the country has as many warm hearted, wonderful people as anywhere else in the world.
Diana-417166;
That sounds like a comment form one who has never been to Europe. I have family in the U.K and Europe. IN the last 10 years, these younger family members have openly engaged in America bashing and become more distant and hostile. In the last twenty years Europeans have become increasingly hostile to Americans. America bashing has always existed on the fridges of European society. Now, it's quite open and main stream. Insult the Chinese at a dinner party and you won't be invited back to another, however, Insult America or Americans and it will instantly be added to and escalated. It's all quite fashionable now. The French have a long and illustrious history of America bashing, the exception are the people in the coastal areas of Normandy, etc. I remember well when America propped up the Franc when it was on the verge of collapse and rebuilt Frances railways and other infrastructure in the 50's, Our thanks was to be insulted and swindled on the streets of Paris. Travel to Europe my opinionated friend, France, Germany, Greece, Italy, pick a country and when you are put upon simply for being American and having the effrontery to dare be American and come to THEIR country, perhaps, just perhaps, you'll see it differently.
I have been to France and people were friendly. As soon as they saw me speaking French, they spoke to me in English. They said they were glad to practice their English with someone, and I was glad to be able to practice my French with them.
Most of my friends, who could not speak a word of French, carried a dictionary to help them with French; as soon as the French would see someone struggling to speak their language, they spoke to them in English. They appreciated the fact that they TRIED to speak their language, rather than imposing their own language.
Americans are the same, they hate it when a foreigner comes here to speak to them in Spanish without trying to learn English, so would you say that Americans are rude as well?
I never leave comments, but this segment was ridiculous. Doesn't it boil down to good parenting... My kids eat their veggies because I tell them to, and they like them. They use their manners because that's what their taught. That woman was a joke w/ her silly hat. Anyone who buys into her crap has to be a yuppee (sp?) with no common sense of her own.
I think this is intended to be a bit tongue in cheek, but GENERALLY speaking, the French have a different parenting style than Americans. GENERALLY speaking, the French don't make their children the center of the universe and organize their weekends around their sporting activities. In fact, as parents, the French expect the children to organize their lives around the parents.
How many of us here are offended by the article, but are the first to claim that we're raising a generation of out-of-touch, spoiled children with entitlement issues? The "French way" is the solution to our new generation of self centered children.
My wife is French and I am American. She won't let our kids run around at the restaraunt. They are to stay seated, be polite and eat (with utensils, ALL food). This is typical French parenting behavior and has sadly become the exception, not the norm, in the US.
We were at a restaraunt two days ago where a French man was married to an American woman. The mother (to the father's annoyance) allowed the 4yr old child to run around the restaraunt disturbing others. It's so commonplace here in the US, most of us don't see it anymore. Do this in Paris and you will be called out by the other parents.
Heather, this is EXACTLY what the last few paragraphs clearly state. Did you even finish the article???? Mister Mo is correct..if you had read the entire article you would notice that she isd categorically saying "WHAT??" as in the title of article "Excuse moi?" I also believe the hat is aimed at the "tongue in cheek" tone of the article. GET IT?
Mistermo...I am not offended by the article at all...I think it is a humorous poke at parenting skills, no matter who or what the parent is. And btw..I was an American mother who did not allow my children to run around the restaurant. They said please and thank you, just as my grandchildren now do (who are also being raised by American mothers). Very seldom do I find myself in a restaurant where the American parents are allowing their children to run around the restaurant. Are you by chance dining at McDonald's where the kids are encouraged to play? ;) BTW..that french father you mention needs to step up to the plate and discipline that child himself instead of depending on the mother do it; in my estimation....BOTH parents were allowing it not just the American mother.
The
French people are the same to me as being parents.. It's mainly the laziness on the parents behalf. Everything she stated was things I have placed in my kids life was dicipline...atleast my kids and others i know slept through the night within the first few month from birth...My thoughts exactly Joezg.
As I watch the interview this morning I have to laugh at Ann's comment about quoting Mick Jagger. I have been doing that to my kids forever. But seriously, the author says that she would expect her kids to interrupt her until she moved to France. Really? What difference does it make what country you are in? I have ALWAYS taught my kids not to interrupt people, me or any body else. She also says kids in France don't whine, I think they wait to grow up and do that.
I have a 7month old baby boy and that's how we raise him. I'm European (Portugal) and the only one who came to america. My Aunts, Uncles and cousins are all French (about 30 members) and some would call it strict but I was raised that way and do the same for my son. He slept the night from the 1st week he came home. He would wake up, I would listen for a while, and then he would go back to sleep. He wakes up on his own, doesn't cry, and plays in his crib, giggling and kicking until I come in. There are certain boundaries we give him and better now than later. We are NOT going to be that family at Macy's, w/ the kid throwin a tantrum and parents just looking on in despair. By the way, single father...
Good for you. I will be having my first in April. I am aiming to be this type of parent. :) Best of luck to us both!
You can't and should not even attempt to get a two-week-old infant to sleep through the night. New babies grow rapidly in the first several months of life, yet their stomachs can only hold small quantities of breast milk or formula. In order to give enough nourishment to allow for proper growth, babies need to be fed about every two to four hours, day and night, at least for the first six to eight weeks.
Just to add - if your infant eats well during the day and sleep thru the night, of course, there is no need to wake him up to feed him. But if your infant under six weeks cries for food in the middle of the nigh, he needs to eat.
And I shouldn´t say you can´t make infant under six weeks sleep thru the night. If you ignore his cries, you probably will.
I am not French, and my kids aren't perfect, but all 3 of mine were sleeping through the night by 2 months old. My feeling was that they should not be sleeping with the parents so I had them in a bassinet at the side of the bed for the first 2 weeks, then after that to the crib in their own room. I never even had to go through "letting them cry it out". I think that if you start from the beginning they will be comfortable and learn that they can sleep on their own. If a babysitter even tried to rock one of them to sleep they would just cry and not be able to sleep. They just wanted to lay down. I had so many sitters say, "you mean I just put her (or him) in bed at 8pm and that's it??" And I am not a strict parent or anything like that, but I thought that was a very important skill to learn.
I find this blanket statement that French children are more well-behaved than American children absurd and insulting. My children are extremely well-behaved, polite, respectful, great eaters (yes, my kids eat broccoli, salad, etc., and yes, they'll eat expensive cheeses and other gourmet foods with no complaint if given the opportunity) AND shock of shocks, my children can sit through a meal in a restaurant without throwing a temper tantrum having had that ability since they were small. What a tremendously disappointing over-generalization this author makes.
I too found this segment insulting and a slap in the face to Americans. Yes, it's true, overall, we have fewer parents that are up to par where they should be, broken homes, and kids that are not getting the upbringing and learning the values and manners they should. But I'm sure all the French don't have it lined out either. I have 3 kids that are raised in a Christian Home, with Morals, Values, are polite and respectful. I have never has a incident where my kids have been out of control in a resturant or were disturbing others. I thinks this segments script was just poorly worded for her and how it was presented.
Just another way to try to sell books. Lots of American parents raise kids the same way. This isn't any new info.
You people are way too sensitive or too arrogant to see you can learn something from other people and other people can be good or better at something, it seems to me you are whining like a French.
This happens all over the world, it's not really a "nationality" thing, to me, it's more of a parent's form of discipline (or lack thereof). I have encountered both European AND American kids who tell their parents what they will eat, rather than the other way around. And guess what? The parents give in. These are spoiled kids raised on pizza and chicken nuggets, and sometimes, it will continue into adulthood (I met a girl who would only eat chicken nuggets for dinner, no matter what restaurant you took her to, and she was 27). The key is setting the rules and letting the child know you're the one in control and making the rules by saying "you either eat what I cooked or you go to bed hungry". Trust me, they will learn quickly to change their tune and eat whatever is presented to them. My daughter eats everything from octopus and eel to salad, seaweed salad, and cuisines from around the world, and she has genuinely learned to enjoy them.
When the French develop adults who become as successful as Asian (reference is to Tiger Mom) and American parents produce I will consider the advice.
so....a few hundred years ago? if you seriously think that only asian and americans produce successful children then i feel very sorry for anyone who has to deal with you on a daily basis.
without even looking at the list you'll probably recognize a few designer brand names like Chanel, Louis Vuitton, or Yves Saint-Laurent. i'd say that multi billion dollar corporations like those make you successful in most eyes.
http://daytranslations.com/Famous_french_people.aspx
I find this blanket statement that French children are more well-behaved than American children absurd and insulting. My children are extremely well-behaved, polite, respectful, great eaters (yes, my kids eat broccoli, salad, etc., and yes, they'll eat expensive cheeses and other gourmet foods with no complaint if given the opportunity) AND shock of shocks, my children can sit through a meal in a restaurant without throwing a temper tantrum having had that ability since they were small. What a tremendously disappointing over-generalization this author makes.
I believe your children are exactly as they say. So many good parents get overlooked by American news, though, wouldn't you agree? Too many stories on the kids who aren't behaving. My sister's children are also like yours, but when in public, she brings a backpack full of non-noisy things to keep them busy.
I'm an American living in Belgium and as a generalization, I find the Belgian children much better behaved in public, especially at restaurants. As far as Belgium goes, meals with family tend to last a few hours. Restaurants are very accommodating and many of them have a large playground in view of the outdoor tables for the children to play at. The children take full advantage of the play area. Parents check on their kids and can usually see them from the tables anyhow. The parents don't hover. The kids rarely fight.
For school trips, kids go to other countries. Of course Belgium is tiny so it's basically like going to another city. But the kids stay with host families. The Belgian parents (whether Flemish or Francophone) do not have issues with this. Guess who has the most issues with this arrangment? American parents. The children do just fine.
I would point out that child throwing a tantrum is not an indicator on anyone´s parenting. How do you handle the tantrum is. Tantrums are normal part of child´s development. Some kids have more than others. Even well raised child can have a meltdown in public place. Again, it is how you handle your child tantrum. Kids will test the limits. That´s where the consistency comes to place :) Also remeber, it is hard to judge other person´s parenting based on what you see. Each child is different. My youngest son is autistic and I am trying to raise him in a manner that will enable him to function in the society. With my two older children, simply leaving the restaurant did the trick. Not so with the youngest - with him I have actually tried to work on teaching him how to calm himself down. Would I subject others to his screaming and screaming and screaming.. - no. But I would not just get up and leave immediately as I did with my two older kids. I bet people looked at me and thought " what a bad permissive parent ". Guess what, he is 7 now (his siblings are 11 and 9), I can take him to the restaurant - or anywhere else - and he is doing great:) He handles long waits great also !!!!!! And again, I would never just let him sit anywhere and scream and scream and scream while others are trying to eat. If I saw I would not be able to help him calm down after few moments, we would leave. I don´t think having him sit in the restaurant screaming for an hour would help him in any way at all.
Looks like a great book but I'm sad that many American moms didn't already know these techniques and suggestions. I think that perhaps there are more moms in America who are utilizing these techniques but it takes a look at another culture to find any kind of credibility.
My mother was French, the important issue instilled into us growing up was "manners". Saying Please and Thank you, sending a Thank you note right away if we recieved a gift or card in the mail. Being 51 years old, I am amazed about how unmannered some adults and chilren are in our society.
my mother is American and I, too, was raised with "manners", saying please and thank you and writing thank you notes. As have my own children. I know not *all* Americans are raised with those values, but I am offended when so many people think it's a foreign concept. It isn't, and I daresay it's more common than many, who seem to disdain everything American, want to believe.
yomomma-5166672 well, the French Normand brought manners into those Anglo-Saxons back in 1066, so at least some of those manners are shared today by both, which is a good thing and the French should get credit for.
This isn't a French parenting skill; it's just good parenting. That's how I was raised, and how I raised my family. Before leaving for a restaurant, my expectations were given as to proper behavior. I NEVER had an issue in a restaurant. Why do the kids today run around in a restaurant?? My daughter was eating steamed clams at 2!! I didn't even like them until I was 27. Sleeping with us (my husband and I) was allowed during a storm, or when one of us was away on business. It was a treat; not an every night occurrence. We all need our rest. Well behaved children should be complimented at times to let them know that their good behavior has been noticed (this is usually for the very young). One thing this author didn't mention, and it may be in her book, is how to teach children not to interrupt during a conversation. Simply teach them to touch your arm, say "Excuse me", and wait. Again, good parenting techniques aren't something only the French know. In fact, the most rude people I ever met were the French when we visited Paris. I guess they forgot what their parents taught them.
Just curious, when you went to Paris, did you speak French? English is spoken everywhere and we are lucky that others take the time to speak to us in our native language when we visit, and (being prideful of their culture) it can also be frustrating to have a tourist in town expecting to be catered to in their own customs. When in Paris, it is respectful to accommodate oneself to the native customs and act as such. You may have been rude to them and not have even realized your offense to their culture.
I have traveled to many countries on many continents and find Americans to, generally, be rather egocentric and/or complacent towards others, many times coming off quite rude. This is my experiential knowledge.
Also, this article is a generalization and no way accounts for ever scenario; your personal account of manners and parenting do no justice in disproving some of the viewpoints portrayed in this article. Try not to take personal offense to it and realize that outside of this country, just as from within, it is easy to gather a notion based on the customs surrounding you. This should serve to be trivial at least, maybe even enlightening at best. Read it through to the end.
The news story glitziness, the book selling, and the silly beret aside--good stuff here. I'm always looking in new places for new ways to illustrate concepts of parenting to the families that I work with in therapy. I know that there have been a myriad of "The French Are Better" type of stories going back decades, but if we take this as a chance to look at some useful elements--rather than an entire culture--then we get past the "French are Better" signpost. That's not the point. Our parenting culture has shifted gradually but significantly over the past few decades going back to the sixties, and there are a lot of good resources that can help steer parents in good directions if they want it. This author is not even claiming to be writing pop psychology--much less psychology--so we shouldn't even dignify it as such with our defensiveness or harsh criticism. She's no expert, but she is writing from her experience, and some parents will respond to this type of person--a "parent like me" type of thing. Especially if it's helpful.
You have got to be kidding me! I hate to break it to you but the French have nothing on the was Americans were brought up in the 50's. It's just that when Baby Boomers became parents (and I know this because I watched so many of my friends and contemporaries do this) they decided to give their children all the "freedom" they felt they never had. My friend's children never understood when I mentioned getting "the Look" from my mother! That look spoke volumes and kept the 6 of us kids in good behavior when out of the house. I have nor read the book "Brining up Bebe" and likely will not, but for watching the interview on Today I would recommend the author speak to her grandmother about her revelations. As kids we understood that if the grown ups were talking we should just walk into the room and wait for them to ask us what we wanted. At the next break in the conversation someone would talk to us. It taught us to have patience and respect the conversations of others, and that we were not the center of the universe. When my friend's daughter was in kindergarden she got off the school bus and ran into the kitchen when her grandmother was in mid-sentence as we all shared a cup of tea. I put my arm around her and asked her to wait a second while Nana finished what she was saying and six words later she had out complete attention! She was crushed and felt the room in tears. She was never taught to wait. I can't tell you how many unfinished important conversations went unfinished in that house!! She's a mom now and has raised her kids the same way..then she wonders why they think they can have everything the moment they demand it!!! The Father-Knows-Best generation had many flaws, but we leaned at an early age how to respect others and ourselves. We just let the techniques go instead of softening them a bit!
Oh, please...these are not French parenting techniques, most of them are common sense (which I believe is becoming less and less common) techniques that have been promoted by parenting specialists from Spock to Coloroso to Brazelton. You will notice in the piece that the family is actually sitting down together at the dinner table instead of grabbing fast food on the way to an unending list of activities. I would think that this has more to do with the children eating a variety of food than being in France. As well, since when did any parent think it was OK for their children to interrupt anytime they wanted as if these children had no self control. Parents need to come up with the rules, let the children know what they are then stick to it! There are no "magic wand and fairy dust" when it comes to raising children....it takes TIME spent together and modeling for the others in our family how we need to treat each other. Sounds sort of like "the Golden Rule" which has been around for years and as far as I know doesn't require you to shell out your hard earned cash for but another Parenting Book that we won't have time to read.
As a little background, I worked as an Early Childhood Interventionist in Fredericton, NB Canada for 12 wonderful years and had the honor to be taught many valuable lessons from Parents and preschoolers.
Anne Lawson-Darrah
all this women did was prove how ignorant she is. it's not a french thing, it's a rational parent thing! americans think that kids should be allowed to do what they want in the name of confidence and self-esteem and then they reap what they sow. i was born here but always viewed my children as my children, not my friends. they have slept through the night since 3 months, potty trained at 1 or so, and have NEVER had problems at restaurants or eating a variety of foods. you set certain expectations and stick to them. she didn't have to go all the way france to find that out.
this segment was one of the silliest ever shown. the woman with the beret actually says that the french realize that children are human beings that need to be taught. really? only the french are capable of knowing that children need to be taught and given rules to follow? my wonderful adult children grew up knowing what was expected of them and what was unacceptable behavior. i think those values are instilled in the home, no matter what country that home is in. too bad those great french children turn into such annoying adults.
Is wearing that stupid beret part of your "better way to parent" Anything the french can do we have done better! She is raising little people who will never fight or back up anyone.
I just finished watching the segment with Ann and the "bebe" author....how foolish is it that she has written a book on how to be a parent and credit the French. She basically just wrote a book about how parenting used to be done and has seemed to of faded away over the years with each generation of new parent!
I ditto most all the comments left already. This is not some visionary from France with new ideas, around here these ideas have been ingrained for generations (of Americans). You teach your children to say please and thank you and to say hello and goodbye, and some of us have even taught our kids they should say "I'm sorry" when they should. About the trying new things, that has been going on for generations also. Kids have to eat a "little bit" of something a few times, and then if they really don't like it, they don't have to eat it at my house. I don't eat anything I don't really like. Nothing new here, but I didn't expect there would be, and I must say, I am a little disappointed that the Today show keeps filling time with this drivel.
This was the single most absurd segment I've ever seen on the Today show. This has nothing to do with being French, or the French being better. Children who are well behaved, and try new things simply have parents who are consistent and firm with the limitations. My children are 11, 9, and 7 as well as a 4 month old. All three of our older children are consistently complimented on their manners and their behavior. Why? Because we've taught them not only please, and thank you, but May I please, Yes Sir, No Sir, Yes Ma'am, No Ma'am. They not only sit, while out to dinner at have nice conversations, they also order their own food, and they are much more likely to order a pasta dish with veggies in it, then chicken nuggets. Guess what? We're not FRENCH! We simply have expectations that are clearly laid out and consistently enforced. Do we see ill behaved children? Of course we do, and we often challenge our children to point out what could be done differently - we encourage them to learn from not only their own mistakes, but the mistakes of others. This has nothing to do with your nationality, it's common sense, and consistency. Good parenting has nothing to do with your geographic location and the absurd notion that it does is offensive to those of us who take the time, make the effort and raise well behaved, well rounded children.
Very well said, Dayna.
How sad that we need a book about good parenting. I've raised triplet boys who are now 15 years old. My boys always try new foods and eat a very varied diet. They eat their vegetables( sometimes with a little complaint), are good sleepers, and know good manners. They are not perfect by any means but parenting is a job you work at all day, everyday. The problem with parents today is that they think their children are their friends, are entitled to the same things adults are and they just don't know how to say NO. When my boys were little if we decided to go out to a restaurant we always had certain rules: Go early because as it gets later kids get tired and if anyone acted out(and they were warned before going in) we would immediately remove them from the restaurant so as not to disturb other people.
Kids need rules and structure. Each time I talk to a new parent they tell me their babies eat and sleep when they want, there are no schedules. Hence here is the problem, the inmates are running the asylum!!!!
I agree with you to the point. I have tried to settle all of my three kids into a schedule from the day one, but if they neeeded to eat, they were fed. Infants under six weeks old usually need to eat during the night. They are not trying to manipulate you. They are growing at amazing rate. Their stomach holds small amount of milk at the time so they eat more often. It changes as they get older. You won´t spoil a newborn, or an infant. That happens later on. If I am not mistaking, babies lear to "manipulate" by crying at 4 months - meaning, they figure out, hey, I cry, they come and they start actively to use and test this "skill".
Today show, this segment, by far, was the most inane segment you have produced. The blanket statement that french parent better is ridiculous. Good parents come from all races and countries, it is the basic parenting skills that should be addressed here. Teaching children to say: please, thank you, addressing adults as Mr/Mrs. Aunt Mary, Uncle Joe. Training babies how to sleep independently is done by many good parents. Eating habits start with the parents. If you want obese kids let them eat fatty foods. A good diet is nutritious but dictated by good decisions. Be patient, kids will eat veggies and cheese.