• More adoptive moms learn to breast-feed their babies

    By Kristin Kalning

    After years of hoping, planning and waiting, Anne Schaeffer finally held her adopted son in her arms – and breast-fed him.

    Courtesy Anne Schaeffer

    Anne Schaeffer with her son Robbie, who she adopted, and breast-fed, as an infant.

    Once upon a time, adoptive breast-feeding, or induced lactation, was rare. And while it’s still not the norm, a growing number of adoptive mothers are nursing their young babies. They do it for the health benefits of breast milk for babies, but also for the emotional benefits for both mother and child.

    “It’s impossible for me to know what our bond would be like if I hadn’t done it, but I could not feel closer to my son,” said Schaeffer, whose son is now 11 months. “He’s got a really wonderful, very secure attachment to me. I don’t know how much (breast-feeding) played into it, but it sure didn’t hurt.”

    It wasn’t easy. Schaeffer and her husband were pretty beaten up, mentally and physically, after four in-vitro fertilization cycles and four miscarriages. Shortly after they decided to adopt, Schaeffer’s mother told her about an NPR segment she’d heard about induced lactation.  

    “It was such a relief, such a consolation that I would be able to have some sort of physical bonding,” said Schaeffer.

    Live Poll

    What do you think of adoptive breast-feeding?

    View Results
    • 168871
      It's great!
      79%
    • 168872
      It's a little crazy.
      21%

    VoteTotal Votes: 3580

    She contacted Julie Bouchet-Horwitz, an Irvington, N.Y.-based nurse practitioner and lactation consultant who breast-fed her adopted daughter 16 years ago. She coached Schaeffer throughout the process, using the Newman-Goldfarb Protocols for Induced Lactation, a guide developed in 1999 by a Canadian pediatrician and a woman becoming a mom through gestational surrogacy.

    To make breast milk, women take birth control pills continuously for several months, tricking the body into thinking it’s pregnant. The guide also suggests domperidone, a gastrointestinal drug with a side effect of milk secretion – even in men.

    Domperidone isn’t FDA-approved, and Reglan, a similar drug available in the U.S., has been shown to cause depression. There are also herbs that can help with milk production, but most women who go the medication route take domperidone; Schaeffer ordered hers from a pharmacy in New Zealand.   

    As the adoption day nears, adoptive moms come off the birth control pill and continue domperidone to produce milk. Nipple stimulation – the kind that comes from a baby nursing, or a breast pump – triggers oxytocin, the hormone that causes the milk “let-down” effect.

    Courtesy Jane Anne Wilder

    Jane Anne Wilder, breast-feeding her adopted newborn.

    It’s even possible for women to produce milk without drugs. Jane Anne Wilder, an actress from the Seattle area, adopted 17 years ago. Her doctor told her she could go on hormones to prepare for breast-feeding, but she was leery. “If the adoption had fallen through, I was going to be devastated enough. So I wanted to start when the adoption was solid.”

    Wilder was at the hospital when her baby was born. She used a supplemental nursing system, a device used by both adoptive and biological moms. Formula or breast milk goes in a little bottle, which is fed to the baby through tiny tubes taped to the mother’s nipple. Baby doesn’t know the difference, and the sucking causes mom to make more milk.

    Within three days, Wilder was “honest to God lactating,” although she never made enough milk to breast-feed without supplementing. Few adoptive moms, whether they take drugs or not, will make enough milk to breast-feed exclusively. But Wilder kept at it for the bonding.

    “This wasn’t my biological child, so I wanted to take every opportunity to bond with this baby that I could possibly get,” said Wilder. Plus, she added, “I had cleavage for the first time.”

    More great stories from TODAY Moms:

    20 kids and counting! Michelle Duggar is pregnant again
    Sure, turn off ESPN. But you still have to talk about the Penn State scandal.
    Breast milk shortage hits milk banks

     

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  • Should birth parents track down their adopted children?

    Fascinating story this morning about birth parents contacting the children they gave up for adoption through Facebook -- sometimes before contacting their adoptive parents, sometimes even before the children know they've been adopted.

    Story: Birth moms track down adopted kids on Facebook

    Tracking down and contacting adopted children used to be a long, slow process controlled mainly by the adoptive parents, but not anymore. As The New York Times reports, all it takes for a potentially life-changing reunion is "a computer, Wi-Fi and some luck."

    This has got to change the conversation about how and when you tell children they've been adopted.

    "Any parent who's not telling her kid that she's adopted is taking a huge risk of the kid finding out that she was lied to every day," says Adam Pertman, executive director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute and author of "Adoption Nation."

    What do you think?

    Should birth parents track down the children they gave up for adoption?

    Results
    Total of 915 votes

    29.7%
    Yes, they should feel free to reach out to them.
    272 votes
    70.3%
    No, they should wait for the children to make contact, if they want.
    643 votes

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  • What do you think of celebrities adopting internationally?

    How do regular parents of adopted children feel when they read about the latest celebrity adopting from overseas?

    Writer Jillian Lauren, who adopted a son from Africa, shares her mom's-eye view in a TODAY Moms post. She writes:

    The most common jibe seems to be that these adoptions are self-serving publicity ploys. I have no idea what kind of mothers Madonna and Angelina Jolie are, or what their motives were in creating their families. And neither do you, probably, unless you happen to be close friends with them (in which case, hook me up with a play date). But I do know that as adoptive parents they've dealt with maddening bureaucracy, an intrusive vetting process and a heart-wrenching wait for their children. The problem I have with celebrity adoption isn't the motives of the celebrities, it's the attention span of the reading public. Celebrity adoption is presented in the same way as celebrity parenting, celebrity beauty secrets, celebrity divorce and celebrity addiction: a narrative that's easy to digest in the time it takes to get a pedicure. The focus winds up on cute babies riding slim, designer-jean-clad hips. Adoption seems slick and easy.

    Click here for the full post.

    What do you think of celebrity adoptions?

    Results with 5 short comments
    Total of 2,345 votes - click on the "Display Comments" bar below to sort comments

    47.3%
    I think it's great! Good for them
    1,110 votes
    52.7%
    I think it's just a trend; they do it for publicity
    1,235 votes
    Display Comments:
    I think it's just a trend; they do it for publicity

    There are plenty of children in the US that need a family as well.... : \

      #1
       - MellieGoo
       - 12:27 pm EST on Fri Mar 11, 2011
      I think it's just a trend; they do it for publicity

      I think it is wonderful that children are adopted I just wonder why more dont adopt children from the USA?

        #2
         - momx3
         - 1:13 pm EST on Fri Mar 11, 2011
        I think it's just a trend; they do it for publicity

        I think it is wonderful that children are adopted I just wonder why more dont adopt children from the USA?

          #3
           - momx3
           - 1:13 pm EST on Fri Mar 11, 2011
          I think it's great! Good for them

          If all a celeb wants is headlines they can hang with Charlie Sheen. I don't think it is JUST for the news.

            #4
             - Angela-2702161
             - 3:44 pm EST on Fri Mar 11, 2011
            I think it's great! Good for them

            I really wish they'd adopt poor American babies. We need to care for our own first.

              #5
               - lexiwords-1
               - 4:34 pm EDT on Mon Apr 4, 2011

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            • Why adopt children from abroad rather than the U.S.?

              From TODAY columnist Kitty Schindler

              Earlier this month I saw Leigh Anne Tuohy, the woman played by Sandra Bullock in the film “The Blind Side,” interviewed on TODAY (watch video here). In case you haven’t seen the movie, it’s the story of how Tuohy and her husband adopted Michael Oher, who rose from poverty and homelessness to become one of the hottest prospects in college football.

              I found Tuohy gracious and inspiring, and she said something that stirred me: “We should step up to wipe out foster care and adoption issues in this country.”

              Mind you, I have not personally experienced foster care or adoption. But Tuohy’s remark, particularly in the wake of seeing all the children orphaned in the Haiti earthquake, made me start thinking about the people I know who have adopted children from foreign countries. A close friend of my older son adopted three Korean children (boys) who are now educated and in the work force. A niece of my husband adopted three Russian boys with her husband. A friend of my younger son has a son adopted from Guatemala; another friend and her husband who have their own two daughters and a son have applied to adopt a boy from Korea. And a single woman I know adopted two Chinese girls. Even the sitcom “Modern Family” has two dads with an infant daughter adopted from Vietnam.

              All of which made me wonder: Why did all these good people adopt a child from abroad instead of right here? Was it a desire to mix cultures? Is it noble and altruistic, or merely trendy? Or is it simply easier to adopt from other countries?

              Since I have more questions than answers, I thought I’d throw it out to TODAYMoms readers: What are your experiences with foreign adoptions versus domestic ones?

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            • What happened to Haitian orphans Lovely and Charly?

              The desperate situations of Haitian orphans — and the travails of U.S. parents trying to adopt them — have been covered extensively on msnbc.com and TODAYshow.com in the wake of Haiti’s devastating earthquake. Here are updates on two Haitian children we’ve profiled: Charly Schumacher, 11, and Lovely Benedict, 2.

              Charly’s story
              Charly is now safe in his new home in Wilmington, Ohio, with his adoptive parents, Jan and Paul Schumacher. The Schumachers had been trying to adopt Charly since 2005, when he was 6. Charly had lived with them for a year when he came to the United States at age 5 for treatment after being burned in a kerosene-lamp fire. He returned to Haiti when his medical visa expired.

              Image: Charly Schumacher

              “That was a nightmare sending him back,” Jan Schumacher recalled. “He was screaming and clinging and didn’t want to leave with the Haitian stewardess.”

              Since that time, Jan Schumacher has visited Charly at his orphanage in Haiti and has struggled with red tape and obstacles to his adoption. When the earthquake hit, she panicked; she had no idea whether he was alive or dead. It turns out that Charly survived but was injured in the earthquake, so he was cleared to travel to the U.S. for necessary medical treatment.

              Jan Schumacher traveled to Miami to pick Charly up. After yet more delays, she sent this update via e-mail:

              “I was finally able to clear the FBI and get Charly out of ... Florida on Thursday a.m., Jan. 28. What a prickly time it was down there, I got to see Charly for about an hour a day and beg for them to keep checking on my status. I had to give them copies of all of our adoption papers, financial disclosure info, get several notarized and get fingerprinted, which is what we waited on all week.

              “But we're home now!!!!! Charly is standing here bugging me as I write this ... it is so nice! ;)”

              Lovely’s story
              As of this writing, the story of little Lovely has no such happy ending. Her adoptive parents, Janelle and Bryan Benedict of Torrance, Calif., had completed the entire adoption process before the earthquake struck. They had just been waiting on the Haitian government to issue a passport for Lovely, who is developmentally delayed because of the effects of malnutrition and parasites.

              “I’ve gone and spent a week with her (in Haiti) three times,” Janelle Benedict said. “She is just the sweetest little thing. She’s beautiful. She cuddles. And when you play music she likes to dance, which is so cute. ...

              “She’s 2, but she’s just recently started crawling and barely started standing and taking a few steps. ... She only weighs 15 pounds because of malnutrition. But I think she will grow quickly once she gets home and gets proper food and medical attention.”

              Since the earthquake, the Benedicts have been struggling frantically to bring Lovely home. They came close late last week, when officials almost put Lovely on a flight to Salt Lake City with other orphans. Janelle Benedict sent this update:

              “We went to Salt Lake City to meet Lovely coming home on a plane that had taken humanitarian aid to Haiti. After the pilot refused to leave with the children and a big stand-off at the airport and negotiations directly with (Haiti’s) Prime Minister, 50 or so children were able to leave to Miami, but not to Utah. However, because USCIS (U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services) or the Port-au-Prince Embassy made a mistake with our updated fingerprints, Lovely and 13 other children were not allowed to board.

              “Now, the process nearly starts over for her. She still is waiting for humanitarian parole, and then (we) hope the Prime Minister will sign her file. All the while, things are becoming very political and our team fears that they may close the door to children leaving to join the families at any moment. It’s all unbearable. We continue to wait.”

              The Benedicts’ efforts to bring Lovely to the United States are chronicled in a BBC video. To watch the video, click here.

              Related links:

              Painful limbo for parents adopting Haitian kids

              Reunited: Desperate dad goes to Haiti to rescue kids

              Americans rush to adopt orphaned Haitian children

              Home at last: 7 Haitian orphans arrive in U.S.

              Haiti judge questions jailed Americans

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            • Share stories, advice for parents of adopted children in Haiti

              With paperwork, communication and all else disrupted by Tuesday's magnitude-7 earthquake in Haiti, would-be parents of children still on the island are facing new roadblocks to finalizing adoptions.

              Take Washington couple Kendra and Brett Schlenbaker, who began their quest to adopt two Haitian siblings in December 2006. The adoption paperwork needed just two more signatures before the Schlenbakers could bring Dejennika and Djouvensky -- who are safe in Haiti after the quake -- home. But the couple are nearly certain that in the aftermath of the disaster, the Haitian government will not have the infrastructure to sign off or even find their papers.

              They are now working with U.S. Rep. Rick Larsen, D-Wash., and an aide to push for emergency visas and passports that would allow the children to leave the country immediately. “I just want the government to give me my kids,” she said. (More on this story here.)

              On community site MomLogic.com, another mom posted about her 4-year-old son who is "trapped in Haiti." "Right now, my feelings as Isaac's mom are that my husband needs to go over there and bring him home," she writes. "He is our son, and he belongs with his mother and father. Especially now."

              Do you have a child you’re waiting to adopt in Haiti, or do you know someone who does? If you have adopted internationally, can you offer advice or resources for parents trying to finalize adoptions in Haiti? Share your thoughts here.

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            • Natalie Morales: All parents have faced those humbling moments

              From Natalie Morales, TODAY host and national correspondent

              On Thursday we talked to Anita Tedaldi, a woman who adopted a child and then gave him up 18 months later. As horrible as that headline sounds, you realize how just complicated the situation was and how agonizing the decision to give up little “D.” was when you read Anita’s own account. It’s a piece that will bring you to tears.

              When that essay was first published in the New York Time’s Motherlode blog, many people accused Anita of being irresponsible for taking on more than she could handle, for not trying hard enough to make her adoption work (even though she writes about trying everything from months of therapy to bonding sessions with a psychologist, etc.). Several others, however, applauded Anita for her courage and the strength she showed in making what she felt was ultimately the best decision for the child.

              No matter how you feel about Anita's decision to terminate her adoption, her story is one almost every mother can relate to on some level. That’s because this is not necessarily about terminating an adoption as it is a story of a woman coming to terms with her emotions and accepting the fact she couldn't be the kind of mom she thought she would be to her adopted child. As much as we all like to think we can do it all, we’ve all had that humbling moment – or many humbling moments -- when we must recognize our own limitations. When was the last time you felt like you weren't a good enough parent? How often have you asked if you are doing the right thing, whether in loving or disciplining your child?

              In her essay, Anita describes struggling to bond with D. the way she bonded with her five biological children. I know many women who have experienced that with their own flesh and blood. Upon becoming a parent we are often told that you will experience a love like no other. All this is very true, but some mothers don’t have that instant bond the second this brand new life is placed into their arms. It doesn't mean they don't become amazing supermoms and love their children more than anything, but we all love differently and some need time to forge that bond.

              So perhaps some of you will still find fault with Anita; others might sympathize with her situation a little more when considering her story through the lens of a parent with their own limitations and shortcomings. We can all, I think, agree Anita did not fail in giving D. a better life in the end. Where might little D be now? Perhaps still in an orphanage in a third world country with a variety of health issues. I asked Anita if she felt she saved little D when he needed saving, and to that she responded with a resounding "yes."

              I hope you read Anita's essay with an open mind and an open heart -- it will make you think, it will make you cry, it will make you question what it means to love as a parent.

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