• Does having kids make you happier? Only if you're over 40

    By Linda Carroll

    Ubiquitous images of beaming young mothers bouncing babies on their knees would suggest you can boost your happiness by having children. But a new study suggests otherwise, particularly when new parents are young.

    The study found that parents under 30 were less happy than couples with no children, according to a report published in the March issue of Population and Development Review. And the more children a young family had, the less happy the parents were.

    Other studies have shown that having kids doesn’t necessarily lead to happiness. What’s interesting in this study is the change that occurs after age 30. The negative impact of kids diminished as parents got older. And the trend completely turned around for parents in their 40s and beyond. These older parents’ happiness grew with the increasing size of their broods.

    “It may be that younger parents have a lot going on in their lives,” said Rachel Margolis, a study co-author and a demographer who is working on her Ph.D. at the University of Pennsylvania. “They may be be less happy because they are over-tired and have less money.”

    The new findings are based on surveys of more than 200,000 people aged 15 and older from 86 countries. All were asked to rate their happiness and asked the number of children in their families.

    One thing the researchers can’t know is whether the older parents were happy because they were done, or close to done, with child rearing – the “whew, I just managed to raise four kids and they turned out OK” effect – or whether the older parents were happy because they raised a family later in life, after they’d accomplished many of their other goals.

    “We don’t have information on the age at which people became parents,” Margolis says. “That’s a subject for future research.”

    Also, says Margolis,  the younger people in the study had fewer peers doing the parenting thing. Older parents are surrounded by people who have made the same choice.

    What do you think? Do kids make you happier as you get older?

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  • 'I love my children. I hate my life.' Do you agree?

    In the recent New York Magazine cover story "I Love My Children. I Hate My Life," writer Jennifer Senior tackles the tough topic of parental happiness.

    She writes that while many parents say raising a child is a privilege that adds meaning to their lives, research shows parents are often more depressed and less happy than nonparents.

    Her article set off a firestorm in online message boards in and blogs, with many critical of those who felt dissatisfaction with raising a child.

    "Parenting is a selfless and lifelong vocation, and you must recognize that fact before you commit to becoming a parent," "judithod" commented on the article on nymag.com.

    Others tried to figure out the root of the unhappiness.

    The Motherlode's Lisa Belkin argues it may be connected it to the "helicopter parenting" phenomenon.

    "Now that parenting has become a verb — an active, measurable, competitive thing — it brings with it an infinitely expanding job description. We create one for ourselves, different from our neighbors’, or even our partners’, but always broader than the ones our parents used decades ago. We recognize it as helicoptering when we see others do it, but from the inside it feels like what a good parent does." she writes. "And it is, in part, what is making us overwhelmed and unhappy.

    Stephanie Wilder-Taylor suggested unhappiness could stem from unreasonable expectations. "I think the problem is how you go into parenting with these high expectations. It's supposed to be fun every minute of the day and it's such a rude awakening," she said. "Getting those kids dressed in the morning can sometimes be an extremely tedious experience. Unlike other jobs, you don't ever really punch out."

    Click here for the TODAY video where Senior and psychotherapist Gail Saltz discuss the controversial article.

    What do you think? Did having a child make you unhappy? Vote below and then comment about the debate.

    Results with 275 short comments
    Total of 13,906 votes - click on the "Display Comments" bar below to sort comments

    35.9%
    Yes. I do love my children, but I can't say I'm happier than I was before having them.
    4,997 votes
    31.9%
    No. Having kids is hard, but the joy they bring is immeasurable.
    4,434 votes
    32.2%
    Most of the time. I tell people that being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have, but it's also the most rewarding.
    4,475 votes
    Display Comments:
    Yes. I do love my children, but I can't say I'm happier than I was before having them.

    I luv my kids, but would luv 4 my hubby 2 keep them and let me go live my life! I feel as if I am missing out on life b/c of them.

    • 5 votes
    #1
     - talldrinkofwatr
     - 9:24 am EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
    Most of the time. I tell people that being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have, but it's also the most rewarding.

    I think the women in this segment should get over themselves and grow up! Being a parent is a time in your life when it is NOT about you!

    • 8 votes
    #2
     - Sara-2011703
     - 9:27 am EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
    No. Having kids is hard, but the joy they bring is immeasurable.

    Parenting is not a job to me it was a choice. I was a stay at home mom and loved every minute of it. You give your life to your kids.

    • 6 votes
    #3
     - Jana-2011717
     - 9:29 am EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
    Most of the time. I tell people that being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have, but it's also the most rewarding.

    As a mother of four very different children, each child has been a unique experience. One of my children has autism which has been hard.

    • 3 votes
    #4
     - jennifer-1465422
     - 9:47 am EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
    Most of the time. I tell people that being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have, but it's also the most rewarding.

    I feel complete disrespect for the writer of this article. Having children is a gift. There is not enough space for my feelings about this.

    • 2 votes
    #5
     - Jenny-2011941
     - 10:15 am EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
    Most of the time. I tell people that being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have, but it's also the most rewarding.

    Parenting has become WAY easier as I've gotten older - even with more kids. I'm more mature, but I'd never have admitted that years ago.

    • 1 vote
    #6
     - Texan Mama
     - 11:23 am EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
    Yes. I do love my children, but I can't say I'm happier than I was before having them.

    My son is 23 yrs old and bi-polar. He is an only child. Some days I wished I had more children, others... less

    • 2 votes
    #7
     - My Observation
     - 11:30 am EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
    Yes. I do love my children, but I can't say I'm happier than I was before having them.

    if i had to do it all over again I would have had an abortion. My life has been put on hold for 10 years now. Kids are not a gift

    • 5 votes
    #8
     - Cool in Scottsdale
     - 11:47 am EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
    Yes. I do love my children, but I can't say I'm happier than I was before having them.

    Much much pressure. Would not do it again.

    • 3 votes
    #9
     - Kitty L
     - 11:49 am EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
    No. Having kids is hard, but the joy they bring is immeasurable.

    To the ones who picked "yes" ..What did you think parenting would be like, taking care of a pet? They are yours for life!!

    • 4 votes
    #10
     - Rudeboyjr
     - 11:53 am EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
    No. Having kids is hard, but the joy they bring is immeasurable.

    The comments from the those that said yes are so sad! No surprise considering the how self centered our population has become - agin SO SA

    • 3 votes
    #11
     - mycupoftea
     - 11:54 am EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
    No. Having kids is hard, but the joy they bring is immeasurable.

    Children are a blessing from God. The joy and funny moments they bring are completely worth the moments of worry and heartache u feel 4 the

    • 3 votes
    #12
     - workingmomof3-2012592
     - 11:55 am EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
    No. Having kids is hard, but the joy they bring is immeasurable.

    It took us so long to get pregnant. I really got to think of what becoming a parent meant. It means giving and being happy only giving. I a

      #13
       - grubbslmb
       - 11:59 am EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
      Yes. I do love my children, but I can't say I'm happier than I was before having them.

      People who have children must go into it realizing that the job never really ends. At times it is overwhelming and draining. Sad by true

      • 5 votes
      #14
       - Leigh-120255
       - 12:00 pm EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
      Most of the time. I tell people that being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have, but it's also the most rewarding.

      UR missing the point. Kids R amazing & life changing. The stress/unhappiness is in worry while you mold them into fullfilled adults.

      • 3 votes
      #15
       - Momof3-2012641
       - 12:01 pm EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
      No. Having kids is hard, but the joy they bring is immeasurable.

      This is astounding to me, but it truly hits home. My wife of 17 years abandoned my children and myself for her first love of 15! now 46!

      • 2 votes
      #16
       - rgworkdad
       - 12:02 pm EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
      Yes. I do love my children, but I can't say I'm happier than I was before having them.

      My son was a sourse of great stress for me, and my daughter was the oppisite. Now grown, not a lot has changed.

        #17
         - Cynthia-2012648
         - 12:02 pm EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
        Yes. I do love my children, but I can't say I'm happier than I was before having them.

        I care for my kid but we do not have time at all to enjoy life as before. We feel tired and always doing things fast to avoid more stress.

        • 3 votes
        #18
         - pacaer
         - 12:03 pm EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
        Yes. I do love my children, but I can't say I'm happier than I was before having them.

        maybe one of you " kids are a gift from god" people would like to take mine...hate being a mom..hate it more than anything

        • 6 votes
        #19
         - Cool in Scottsdale
         - 12:07 pm EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
        Yes. I do love my children, but I can't say I'm happier than I was before having them.

        Children are a gift yes but lets not forget the extreme dependence which honestly is draining. Wish someone would have been honest with me.

        • 5 votes
        #20
         - DaisyMae-2012698
         - 12:09 pm EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
        Most of the time. I tell people that being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have, but it's also the most rewarding.

        Parenting is hard for responsible parents - it's not a blast or a breeze. You have to sacrifice and put lots on hold but you get loved

        • 6 votes
        #21
         - yelena68
         - 12:10 pm EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
        Yes. I do love my children, but I can't say I'm happier than I was before having them.

        I think it's unfair to criticize a mom for having unrealistic expectations when everyone's always telling her how rewarding it will be.

        • 9 votes
        #22
         - Motherof2-2012704
         - 12:12 pm EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
        No. Having kids is hard, but the joy they bring is immeasurable.

        I can't believe what some of you are saying. YOU brought these kids into the world, they didn't ask to be there!!! My happiness is my kids

        • 7 votes
        #23
         - proudmommaof4...
         - 12:12 pm EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
        Most of the time. I tell people that being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have, but it's also the most rewarding.

        My children and grandchildren have been my life and I loved ever minute of it. I guess I raising children is my talent & I love it

        • 2 votes
        #24
         - Madee
         - 12:12 pm EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010
        Most of the time. I tell people that being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have, but it's also the most rewarding.

        all people are different - some are not born to be parents and then they pack their kids in a van and drown them...

        • 3 votes
        #25
         - yelena68
         - 12:12 pm EDT on Thu Jul 15, 2010

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      • Can we have it all and be happy at the same time?

        It's a universal reality that women feel stressed even when things are going well. And even when so many things are going right, one imperfection can spoil it all. So it is really possible to have it all and still be happy?

        Results with 3 short comments
        Total of 16 votes - click on the "Display Comments" bar below to sort comments

        37.5%
        Yes. It's a challenge to juggle it all, but you can do it and still find happiness.
        6 votes
        62.5%
        No. "Having it all" is an impossible goal and the quest for it usually hinders happiness.
        10 votes
        Display Comments:
        Yes. It's a challenge to juggle it all, but you can do it and still find happiness.

        Yes we can!! It just depends on what your definition of 'having it all' means to you!! If your happy with your life, then you have it all

          #26
           - Working4aliven
           - 2:19 pm EST on Tue Mar 2, 2010
          Yes. It's a challenge to juggle it all, but you can do it and still find happiness.

          Happiness is what we make it and there is should always be room for change if we are not happy.

            #27
             - jamib
             - 8:59 am EST on Wed Mar 3, 2010
            Yes. It's a challenge to juggle it all, but you can do it and still find happiness.

            Women have proven themselves at this, such MSNBC Morning Joe's own Mika B. and those we read about at www.womencanhaveitallatonce.com

              #28
               - Vanessa-M
               - 3:58 pm EST on Wed Mar 3, 2010

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            • What do you think it takes to attain genuine family happiness?

              Leo Tolstoy wrote, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." If happy families actually are alike, what is it that they're doing right? Have you personally found ways to achieve real family happiness and steer clear of chronic problems and negativity?

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            • How did having children affect your happiness?

              Recent data shows that women's happiness is declining relative to where it was 30 years ago, and statistics also show that having children makes women less happy. For most parents, kids bring joy -- but also inevitable stresses. What is true for you?

              Results with 22 short comments
              Total of 450 votes - click on the "Display Comments" bar below to sort comments

              56.4%
              Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.
              254 votes
              21.1%
              My total happiness declined after having children.
              95 votes
              22.4%
              I don't have kids yet.
              101 votes
              Display Comments:
              Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

              It took some time to accept but it changed my life for the better. Less about "me" and more about someone else, my community, the world.

                #29
                 - kim carney
                 - 11:40 am EDT on Mon Oct 19, 2009
                Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                Being a parent has taught me the art of patience and allowed me to put life into perspective. Knowing what is important makes me happier.

                  #30
                   - Buffy-851618
                   - 12:48 pm EDT on Mon Oct 19, 2009
                  Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                  Exponentially!!

                    #31
                     - patsmom
                     - 12:48 pm EDT on Mon Oct 19, 2009
                    Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                    I feel that parenthood is the single greatest thing I have done in my life and I love it which has made me a very happy person!

                      #32
                       - Sandy-22
                       - 12:51 pm EDT on Mon Oct 19, 2009
                      Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                      kids make us busier and poorer but you never hear of people going to their grave wishing they hadn't had them.I am much happier w /them.

                        #33
                         - Melodie
                         - 1:18 pm EDT on Mon Oct 19, 2009
                        Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                        I love having kids.

                          #34
                           - mark
                           - 2:50 pm EDT on Mon Oct 19, 2009
                          Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                          very happy.

                            #35
                             - mark
                             - 2:52 pm EDT on Mon Oct 19, 2009
                            I don't have kids yet.

                            no kids yet.

                              #36
                               - mark-1420300
                               - 2:54 pm EDT on Mon Oct 19, 2009
                              Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                              Happy wife leads to happy mommy.The hubs & I nuture our relationship w/datenights.Our happiness is appended by our kids. Happy & grateful!!

                                #37
                                 - GourmetChick
                                 - 3:50 pm EDT on Mon Oct 19, 2009
                                I don't have kids yet.

                                I am a chinese,in our country,We regard the kids as a very important part of our life,In their parents' eyes,they can make families happy.

                                  #38
                                   - sun chuan bin
                                   - 9:30 am EDT on Tue Oct 20, 2009
                                  I don't have kids yet.

                                  I am a chinese,in our country,We regard the kids as a very important part of our life,In their parents' eyes,they can make families happy.

                                    #39
                                     - sun chuan bin
                                     - 9:31 am EDT on Tue Oct 20, 2009
                                    Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                                    After losing my Mom I became lonely and very depressed. As if a miracle I became pregnate and had my beautiful daughter, Carly. Thank God

                                    • 1 vote
                                    #40
                                     - Diane, Mass
                                     - 9:50 am EDT on Tue Oct 20, 2009
                                    Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                                    I was such a lonely and unhappy person until I was blessed with my daughter Carly. She has made me a stronger person and a much happier one

                                      #41
                                       - Diane, Mass
                                       - 10:13 am EDT on Tue Oct 20, 2009
                                      Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                                      Having kids made me realize happiness isn't about material things, but the people you love. Makes one less selfish

                                        #42
                                         - Renee-1422448
                                         - 10:31 am EDT on Tue Oct 20, 2009
                                        Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                                        Be interesting to see the study because 30 yrs ago most women could afford to stay @ home & didn't have to work outside the home unlike 2da

                                          #43
                                           - Yang Mommy
                                           - 2:34 pm EDT on Tue Oct 20, 2009
                                          Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                                          I gave birth to 3 of my best friends. The twit I married has caused more unhappiness than anyone in my life.

                                            #44
                                             - concerned mother-1373936
                                             - 12:42 pm EDT on Wed Oct 21, 2009
                                            My total happiness declined after having children.

                                            Instead of one kid to take care of (my husband), I now have 2. I get no help and I'm exhausted and depressed.

                                              #45
                                               - sciencetech
                                               - 1:20 pm EDT on Wed Oct 21, 2009
                                              Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                                              We have seven, never been happier!

                                                #46
                                                 - stormrider2364-910373
                                                 - 2:06 pm EDT on Wed Oct 21, 2009
                                                My total happiness declined after having children.

                                                My former wife put our child, her dog, her family and her friends ahead of me. I was happier when it was just the two of us.

                                                  #47
                                                   - mocker
                                                   - 3:20 pm EDT on Wed Oct 21, 2009
                                                  Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                                                  He is a blessing.

                                                    #48
                                                     - Melissa in NorCal
                                                     - 4:17 pm EDT on Wed Oct 21, 2009
                                                    Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                                                    Children should be seen, not heard and should only speak when spoken to. Some learned; the others were a great source of fish-bait.

                                                      #49
                                                       - Mephisto-1201858
                                                       - 4:25 pm EDT on Wed Oct 21, 2009
                                                      Overall, parenthood made me a much happier person.

                                                      Having my daughter Carly was the best day of my life. I was empty inside and she filled me with such joy. Thank you my daughter love you

                                                      • 1 vote
                                                      #50
                                                       - Diane, Mass
                                                       - 9:16 am EDT on Thu Oct 22, 2009

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