At my son's elementary school, the question is on everyone’s lips these days: What are you getting the kids for the holidays?

My answer: Nothing.

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He's totally psyched just to light the candles... why throw presents into the mix before we have to?

The gift list for my two boys is still empty. It’s not that I don’t have any ideas on what to get them. I know that my 4–year-old would love a Buzz Lightyear toy, and that the little one could use a new puzzle or two. My list is non-existent for another reason: We are skipping the gifts this year.

Don’t get me wrong, we have nothing against gifts. They get birthday gifts, simple “I love you” gifts and little trinkets my husband brings back from business trips. We live in the UK, separated from both our families by a lot of water, and there is always a little something arriving in the mail from the boys’ grandmas and grandpas, not to mention suitcases full of boxes to unwrap when they come to visit. These kids are hardly hurting for presents.

This is probably the first year that my eldest is old enough to really understand and remember for next year that the winter holidays and presents go hand and hand. While he has learned all about Hanukkah in school, he has yet to ask what he's getting. He comes home singing song after song, excitedly tells me about the menorah they are making in class and even gives me a brief outline of the Hanukkah story. He asks me each night, "How many more sleeps before we can light the candles and sing together?"

For him, that’s what the holiday is about. Not eight nights of presents, or comparing his take vs. his friends’. For a precious few years before he grows up and learns better, the holiday is a true holiday, a time to celebrate together, bond over latkes and pig out on jelly donuts.

My husband and I ask ourselves how many more years we have left until he catches on to what some of his friends have doubtless discovered. The answer is probably not many. But while it lasts, we want to preserve his innocence and let him enjoy the holiday as it was meant to be celebrated.

Rachel Elbaum is a London-based writer who secretly stocks up on gifts months before her kids' birthdays.

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Oops. You’re out shopping and accidentally wandered past the toy section with the kids. Now, their “gimmees” are drowning out the festive holiday music, and your efforts to celebrate the holidays without spoiling your children are flying out the window.

You’re not the only one. TODAY Moms and Parenting.com surveyed 6,000 moms online and found that 76 percent admit that it’s a season of spoiling for their kids—with the average parental spending on gifts  a whopping $271 per child. One in 25 would do whatever it takes, from waiting in lines outside at 4 a.m. to wrestling other bleary eyed parents out of the way, for the chance to wrap up the “hot” items for their kids.

Read the full results of our 'Spoiled by the Holidays' survey

Related: Parents share their kids' worst spoiled-brat moments
Related: Parents on how they try to raise grateful kids
More on the spoiling survey from Parenting.com

But we do require something in return: 57 percent of us use Santa to help make our kids behave, and 98 percent will take action if a child pitches a fit instead of thanking Grandma for the fluffy orange socks.

In short, we all want our children to have a fun and happy holiday—but deep down, we know that we’re spoiling them with every latest gadget and gizmo in the toy catalog.  There’s hope: you can create a merrier balance between presents and the deeper meaning of the holidays with the ideas below.

Read Amy McCready's Q&A session on the TODAY Moms Facebook page.

1. Give Santa a backseat
Yes, ‘tis the season for presents, but it’s also a prime time for teaching our kids that what we give to others is every bit as important as the boxes under the tree for us. Yet one in five parents says they don’t volunteer or make charitable donations to demonstrate the joy of giving back. Take the first step and spread holiday cheer by finding a family to sponsor, and then let your children help choose the gifts for the family. Or, encourage them to donate their time to make holiday cards, help relatives around the house or serve hot meals to those in need.

We can also use the season to teach our children about the reason for the festivities.  What does the holiday celebrate, what does it mean to your faith, and where do gifts fit in? While the latest popular toy – the robot puppy that doubles as a kid’s digital camera – is pretty cool, how does it mesh with your family’s faith and values?

2. Govern the gift list – without being a Scrooge.
No matter how much you focus on giving gifts this year, your kids are still busy scribbling their own never-ending wish list. And our TODAY Moms/Parenting.com survey shows that 76 percent of parents feel guilty for saying no to something on the list. Put an end to out-of-control requests, and the guilt, by asking kids to force rank the gifts they’d like most.  Then set appropriate limits for dollar amounts or the number of gifts your child will receive (for Hanukkah, for instance, allow one gift per night).  Be sure to involve the rest of the family with your plan.  While it might be tricky convincing Grandma and Grandpa not to go overboard again this year, if the whole family is in on it, they might be more likely to follow suit. Remember that the more gifts your kids receive, the less special each one becomes.

3. Turn on holiday lights, turn off the TV
It’s no coincidence that the TV advertisements for the new “top-secret spy toy car” start up during your kids’ favorite after-school show—and it’s something we can’t control. But we can manage how much time our kids spend watching those ads, and in so doing, keep the focus on celebrating the holiday’s meaning and giving to others.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) suggests a few tips to limit exposure to TV commercials, especially for younger kids: stick with public television stations, tape their favorite programs without the commercials, and buy or rent children’s movies or DVDs.

4. Give thanks—and thank-you notes
Ever pay top dollar for a gift, only to have your generosity forgotten as fast as the wrapping paper is removed? It might be time to work on encouraging gratitude. One in every four parents don’t require their kids to send a thank-you note.—and even face to face, kids may need help learning how to express their thanks. Take time before the holidays to role play how to graciously receive a present or act of kindness, and focus on the thought or effort behind the gift. For instance, your daughter might say, “That was so nice of you to give me a purple scarf, since it’s my favorite color!”

5. Unspoil throughout the year
Limiting the presents and “freebies” received throughout the year will also help cut back on a sense of entitlement and inspire gratitude, as kids who have everything don’t appreciate gifts as much. A good rule of thumb is stick to gift giving only on holidays and birthdays, and then implement an allowance after age 4 to let your children buy their own toys (or designer jeans) and help teach financial responsibility.

By focusing on the holiday, managing gift expectations, controlling advertising and generating gratitude with our kids, we teach our children the real reason for the celebrations and about the joy of giving.  And that’s bound to keep your holiday happy, and your new year merry and bright!

Amy McCready is the founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and the author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time…The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling. For easy to implement strategies for happier families and well-behaved kids, follow Positive Parenting Solutions on Facebook.

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Most parents are torn between two conflicting impulses during the holidays. We want to make the holidays magical for our children and give them everything their little hearts desire.

But, we don’t want them to get spoiled.

It’s a tough line, and in the safety of an anonymous survey, most of us admit we go overboard. Our TODAY Moms and Parenting.com online survey of 6,000 parents found that three-quarters of us think our children are a little or a lot spoiled. Almost 60 percent of us think our children are more spoiled than we were as kids. (“When I was your age, I would get socks for Christmas, and I liked it! Then I would walk to school uphill both ways in the snow.”)

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Better not pout... or glare at your parents with homicidal rage because they got the wrong Barbie Dream House. Are your kids spoiled by the holidays?

Who’s to blame? Sometimes we can point the finger at grandparents and other relatives who turn every holiday into a spending spree.

More from Parenting.com: Are your children spoiled?

But more often, we know exactly who the spoiler is – us.  Moms reported they plan to spend an average of $271 per child this holiday, with one in 10 saying they’ll shell out upwards of $500 on gifts for each child. Despite the struggling economy, only 1 in 4 moms say they plan to spend less on presents this year.

“I have spoiled my children. I have always been under the belief that if I don’t give them everything, no one will,” one mom confessed in our survey. But, she’s trying to fix things: “I have started to change that mentality. I have asked them to start working for their gifts. The funny thing is, they don’t mind at all.”

Click here to read more spoiled-kid confessions from our survey

Of course, parents are caught in a guilt trap. If they give their children too much, they feel bad for spoiling them. But if, like many families this year, they can't afford to buy what they want for your kids -- well, that feels even worse. Three-quarters of moms say they feel guilty saying no to things on their children's wish lists.

"I am a single mom who just tells my son I will do what I can, and if I can get what he wants then I try my best," one mom wrote. "But he knows the true meaning of Christmas, and being with family is the most important thing to us.' 

Even parents who can't afford it will often try to splurge at the holidays. One mom wrote of a disastrous Christmas: “I spent about $1,000 on two kids and wasn’t working at the time. On Christmas morning they opened them as fast as possible. They had at least 20 items apiece and they actually said, ‘Is that all?’ I was hurt and actually cried and cut back the next year (some).”

As for teaching the true holiday spirit, 70 percent say they donate to charity – but 20 percent say they don’t do much of anything to teach kids to give back. And one-quarter of moms say they never make their kids write thank-you notes.

We do have some standards, though. If a kid pitches a fit when Grandma gives him socks instead of a Wii, 98 percent of parents say they’ll take some corrective action, whether it’s making the child apologize (68 percent), reprimanding the child (19 percent), or giving them a talking-to later (8 percent).

When it comes to keeping kids in line, the best strategy, of course, is to model gratitude and good manners. But if that fails, there’s always the good old “Santa’s watching” threat – 57 percent of parents say they use this one.

How do you raise grateful kids? And if you fear your kids are already spoiled, how to you reverse the damage? Join TODAY Moms contributor and parenting expert Amy McCready, author of “If I Have To Tell You One More Time…,” for a chat on the TODAY Moms Facebook page at 1 p.m. ET on Tuesday.

Let us spoil you with more great stories from TODAY Moms:
Your cute kids: Scared silly by Santa
The most popular baby names of 2011
How to teach smart money habits over the holidays

Full Survey Results: TODAY Moms and Parenting.com's online, non-scientific survey of 6,000 moms

Do you think your kids are spoiled during the holidays? 
Yes. Our gift-giving has gotten out of control.   19.9%
A little.  We could definitely cut back.   56.2%
No. We set limits and stick to them.   23.9%

Do you ever feel guilty for saying no to something on your child’s wish list?     
Never. We’re the parents spending the  money, and they need to accept that.   24.1%
A little, but we openly discuss why some gifts aren’t possible.   57.7%
Yes. As parents we want to be able to give them everything.   18.2%

Compare how spoiled your kids are to how spoiled you were at their age.  Are they:    
More spoiled   59.0%
Less spoiled   10.8%
About the same   30.2%

What do you do to teach kids the importance of giving back during the holiday season?             
Volunteer as a family   16.3%
Donate gifts and/or money to those less fortunate   70.2%
Other   16.5%
Not much   21.2%

Do you require your kids to send thank-you notes?       
Always   30.7%
Sometimes   41.7%
Never   27.6%

Your child pitches a fit when Grandma gives him an unwanted gift. How do you handle this situation?                
Immediately apologize on your child’s behalf    3.5%
Make your child apologize for his behavior       67.8%
Reprimand/discipline the child   19.2%
Nothing in the moment, but we’ll sure be talking about it later   7.6%
Laugh it off…kids will be kids   1.8%

Do you bribe kids into good behavior with the “Santa’s watching…” threat?     
Yes         57.1%
No          32.5%
Not applicable  10.3%

Do your kids spend their own money on gifts?
Yes         36.3%
No          22.5%
No, but only because they’re too young to have their own money.         41.2%

Your child is begging you for this year’s “must-have” (but impossible to get) gift.  What is the most extreme measure you’ll take in order to get it?     
Stop by the store a few times and hope it’s in stock   43.9%
Visit multiple stores until I track it down   27.9%
Wrestle it away from another parent in the toy aisle   0.5%
Wait on abnormally long lines   12.6%
Research online until I find it     50.0%
Pay a premium to get it   7.2%
All of the above - whatever it takes   3.8%
None of the above   17.7%

How do you keep holiday spending under control?        
Setting and sticking to a strict budget    38.6%
Bargain shopping at outlet stores, using coupons, etc.   49.7%
Only buying gifts for the kids     28.5%
Gift exchanges like Yankee Swaps  and Secret Santa       7.7%
Set strict limits on the number of gifts given per person, regardless of age   16.2%
We don’t! This isn’t the time of year to hold back.   11.2%

Do you feel pressure to keep up with other families this time of year?                
Absolutely          7.9%
Sometimes         38.7%
Never   53.4%

Approximately how much will you spend per child this year?   
Under $25           1.3%
$25 to 50              4.2%
$51 to $100         13.4%
$101 to $200       26.7%
$201 to $300       24.2%
$301 to $400       12.4%
$401 to  $500      7.8%
$501 to $1,000   7.2%
More than $1,000    2.6%

Mean:   $271

How will your holiday spending compare to last year’s?              
We’ll spend less.    25.9%
We’ll spend about the same.   66.1%
We’ll spend more.  8.0%

Do you have a friend or family member who spoils your kid too much?
Yes      49.8%
No       50.2%

Have you ever asked anyone to scale back the number of gifts given to your kid?
Yes     54.8%
No      45.2

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Courtesy Julia Sommerfeld

Jude (then 1) says: Get me outta here!

There are certain times being a parent can be so...entertaining. Taking the kiddos to take a picture with Santa, for example. We all assume it will be a meeting resulting in wide eyes, hugs, and super-hero admiration. But in so many cases, it's just not.

Take dapper little Jude (son of TODAY.com editor Julia Sommerfeld), shown above. His "get-me-outta-here" expression seems to confound even Santa. We asked for your best "Scared of Santa" photos and were inundated with great pictures. Here's our first sampling. Thanks for sharing and expect to see more in the coming weeks before Christmas. Like TODAY Moms on Facebook to join in our photo fun! 

Courtesy Maria Walp

Adam, 7, and Sarah, 3. Hmmm, Santa, who is naughty and who is nice?

Courtesy April James

Shiloh Rose's holiday horror

Courtesy Jennifer Culp

Avery, right, is a little less happy about meeting Santa than brother Tucker is.

Courtesy Erika McGovern

Santa did not make a good impression on Emily, 10 months

Courtesy Melissa Gard

Kennedy, 11 months, says: Make him go away!

Courtesy Maria Carter

Allison, 2, says: Get me off this FatMan''s Lap!

Courtesy Amanda Selke

Brooke tries to make a fast break...

Courtesy Tara Delgado

Mia, 2, says: Help!

Courtesy Sarah Morrisseau

Ashby, 2, wants to go far away...

Courtesy Brooke Stanchey

10-month-old Kate is "scared stiff"

Courtesy Dominique Love

Big sister Jackie (on left) to little sister Jillian: Atleast someone's been good!

Courtesy Christine Shultz

Santa's got a handful with Ryan, 3, and Ellie Grace, 1.

Courtesy Amy Van Brocklin

An unhappy then-16-month old Alison...mom says: Six years later we can all laugh about this.

Courtesy Britany Ek

Twins Ethan and Jacob, 10 months, are split on whether Santa's a nice guy.

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We spotted the below clip on Gawker.TV and our hearts duly melted. Witness one father’s holiday tradition of filming his kids coming down the stairs on Christmas morning for the past 25 years. Coupled with the timeless strains of Vince Guaraldi's score to "A Charlie Brown Christmas," it's enough to get us weeping all over our keyboards and rushing out to buy video cameras. 

What holiday traditions do you maintain in your home? How are you preserving the memories? Share your stories in the comment section.

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By Alex Smith

I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was a disquietingly candid 11-year-old at my cousins’ home in New Jersey for Christmas dinner. Still buzzing from the present-opening festivities of that morning, I was positively vibrating in anticipation of my next, richly undeserved gift. Just before our sumptuous turkey dinner, my Aunt Lesea gathered my sister and myself into her living room and handed a garishly wrapped box to each of us. True to form, I wasted little time in opening mine in a frenzied blur of shredded wrapping paper to reveal a brand-new, lovably menacing Baron Karza  figure, the scourge of the Micronauts (essentially a Darth Vader rip-off made out of black plastic and magnets … identical to the one I’d been given that very morning by my parents). “I already have this,” I announced in a needlessly high-volume fashion. Adding insult to injury, I ran outside to the backseat of our car to get my first Baron Karza to show Aunt Lesea … like she needed the confirmation. It was not a moment that my mother remembers fondly.

Let’s face it, in the festive frenzy of holiday gift exchanging, certain kids can sometimes get caught up in the excitement and forget their manners (witness the now-legendary viral video clip of the little lad whose parents had the audacity to give him a book for Christmas). That’s not an excuse, but simply a fact. Whenever I see Aunt Lesea now, I still feel compelled to apologize for my behavior that Christmas… and I’m now 43.

I ended up keeping my second Baron Karza, as it turned out. Given that his limbs were held together with magnets, having two meant I could build all sorts of freakish, mutated incarnations of the evil space lord with which to torment the insufferably goody-goody Micronauts. But nine times out of 10, the type of scenario detailed above ends up with someone having to return their gift, which is not always an easy affair, even in the age of digital convenience. For exhausted and frazzled parents who are now grappling with that very task, click here for some handy tips and things to remember when you’re planning on returning some presents.

Parents, do you have any gift mishap or present-returning horror stories to tell? Share your stories in the comment section.

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Now that we’re deep in the throes of the holiday season, the atmosphere hangs heavy with expectation. But for what is conventionally considered a season of good cheer, the holidays can wreak havoc. This time of year can be a major source of stress and depression. Whether it’s because of the pressure to replicate the magic of the holiday traditions of your youth or because it’s a time when families gather (and subsequently bicker), not everyone is necessarily going to feel good will toward man during these blustery days.

Parents, how are you managing the holidays in your home? Are you unnerved by the stress levels? Are your expectations too high? What’s the mood in your household right now? What are your secrets to a sane and collectively happy holiday? Watch the video and share your stories in the comment section.

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Thanksgiving checklist:

Defrosting turkey? Check.

Got the nice tablecloth out? Check.

Mentally prepared yourself for the psychological minefield that is your family Thanksgiving? Uh-oh... 

We love our families. We're thankful for them. But boy, do they know how to push our buttons. And even though we have kids of our own now, all it takes it one pointed comment from a relative to spark a full-on regression to age 13. Psychiatrist Gail Saltz visited TODAY recently to offer some advice on keeping your sanity during the holidays. Her top tips:

-Prepare some cool one-liners.
"You know your sister is coming and she's going to say, Gee you look like you gained a little weight this year,' Dr. Saltz told TODAY's Tamron Hall. "Come up with some lines that you can have that don't strike back, are not attacking, but where you set a limit. 'You know what, I don't really want to talk about that right now, but let's set the table.'

(This is akin to the "pass the bean dip" line of defense, which goes like this: Relative makes rude/unsolicited/inappropriate comment about your child-raising practices; you smile and say "Hmmm, that's interesting. Please pass the bean dip.")

-Don't take on too much. (Even if you're the only one who does it "right" -- delegate and let go of perfection.)
-Don't put yourself last -- get enough sleep and eat healthy when you can.
-Hotel reservations! Encourage would-be houseguests to make them. 
-Don't idealize past holidays. As Tamron Hall put it, "Think Chevy Chase holidays, not the Waltons."

What are your best family holiday survival tips? Share in the comments!

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